Episode 4
Ep.4 Not proud of our behaviour part 3 w/Sean Dustin
Hey there,
In this interview with Sean Dustin, Annette Taylor is joining us.
Enjoy this conversation where we discuss the origin of abusive behaviour and how to heal and evolve into a person who is aware of his/her behavior
“Penny” (aka Cave Girl Claire) is a mom, wife and fan of Evolutionary Psychology. She has a B.A. in Psychology and a M.A. in Educational Psychology. (She is also is a recovering Supernatural-aholic.)
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Aurora
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Transcript
Hello, and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm
Unknown:your host Aurora, and I'm very excited to be posting that
Unknown:interview for you. It is among the we are not proud of our
Unknown:behavior series, episode number three with Sean Dustin. And
Unknown:oday we have a guest with us nd net. She has a Bachelor's in
Unknown:sychology, and a master's in ducational psychology and as a
Unknown:uge fan of evolutionary sychology. So enjoy this
Unknown:onversation we had with her the ther day.
Unknown:Hey everybody, this is Sean ustin and Aurora Eggert from
Unknown:he Borealis experience. And I'm bviously from the nowhere to
Unknown:o but up podcast. Today we ha e a guest with us. This is ou
Unknown:third episode that we've be n doing this, if you want to kn
Unknown:w a little bit more in ormation, and you don't know qu
Unknown:te what we do here, go into th description and there will be
Unknown:an explanation as to what th s is and why we're doing it. We
Unknown:have a net, also known as ca e girl, Claire, or you can fi
Unknown:d her at cave dweller club. An Zakho eco echo something I do
Unknown:'t know. Anyways, so I'm go ng to go ahead and share th
Unknown:s. And I'm going to share th s to auroras timeline. While I'
Unknown:doing that, go ahead and ta e over Aurora, and this is yo
Unknown:r first time meeting and that so get acquainted.
Unknown:Yay. Well, thank you so much for making the time and for being
Unknown:here with us. I read that you got curious about our little
Unknown:mission here because Shawn is so open minded. And by the way, he
Unknown:received a huge Award as Best mental health podcast. So
Unknown:applause to him. And you got curious about me because I'm
Unknown:ready to take accountability for some behavior that Yeah, we as
Unknown:women exhibit, and I feel the need to talk about it. And you
Unknown:obviously liked it. And you have lots of stuff to share with us
Unknown:here today. So I'm excited to get to know you and learn from
Unknown:you. And yeah, gone and introduce yourself to our lovely
Unknown:listeners here.
Unknown:I'm excited to be here. Yeah, I was very encouraged by your
Unknown:guys take on human behavior. A d there were just a couple of t
Unknown:ings that really jumped out at m and made me think that maybe s
Unknown:me of what I've learned about s ecifically evolutionary p
Unknown:ychology and human behavior m ght be fun to kind of just k
Unknown:ck around, you know, not like, a Sean says, This isn't gonna b
Unknown:like a, you know, a course, a he calls it. But just some i
Unknown:eas to kind of take the p essure off you guys a little b
Unknown:t. Not not in a way that would e cuse your behavior, but maybe e
Unknown:plain it in a way that I don't k ow is a little more forgiving. D
Unknown:es that make sense?
Unknown:Yes. Okay, yeah. That's so beautiful. Did we seem like we
Unknown:were really hard on ourselves?
Unknown:No, it's just some of the things. It's hard to explain.
Unknown:Because some of the things, they make perfect sense and you're
Unknown:being completely open. And it was encouraging to hear but I
Unknown:think people in general are hard on themselves, because they
Unknown:don't understand where where our psychology is kind of developed
Unknown:in a way and that that's kind of what I wanted to try and talk
Unknown:about. Okay, so cool.
Unknown:In your in your background, did you as I was doing that, I'm
Unknown:sorry, I was trying to share this to different groups. Did
Unknown:you did you explain a little bit about your background already?
Unknown:No. Um, so I have a master's degree in educational
Unknown:psychology, which I got about 30 years ago. But about 30 years
Unknown:ago, there was this other kind of pocket of psychology called
Unknown:evolutionary psychology and I couldn't really study it because
Unknown:it wasn't, you know, it didn't have a bunch of research behind
Unknown:it, it was just kind of a couple of researchers that I've since
Unknown:met, and kind of kicked around some ideas with. And so, you
Unknown:know, 30 years later, I had an experience where I couldn't
Unknown:explain my behavior. And it really kind of bothered me. And
Unknown:when I went back, my jam is like, research. So when I have
Unknown:an issue or problem, that's just kind of where I go, I start
Unknown:looking at research. And that's just, it makes me feel better, I
Unknown:guess. So I did that. And I kind of rediscovered this little
Unknown:pocket of psychology and it started not justifying my
Unknown:behavior, but it was kind of explaining it in a way that was
Unknown:like, oh, okay, it doesn't mean it doesn't make me sound so
Unknown:crazy, you know, like, almost like a rationalization, but not
Unknown:quite. And so when I started kind of looking at the world,
Unknown:from this perspective, this evolutionary perspective, other
Unknown:things that didn't make sense to me started making sense. And I
Unknown:was like, oh, maybe there's something to this, like, cuz I'm
Unknown:pretty suspicious by nature. That's why, you know, I poke at
Unknown:things and make sure that, you know, I believe them. So. And
Unknown:this kind of explained a few things. So. So I have a master's
Unknown:in psychology, but it's not evolutionary psychology. That's
Unknown:my long answer.
Unknown:Well, I'm, I'm fascinated to know, I mean, we had a short
Unknown:conversation, when I was in the airport, going to, I think it
Unknown:was on my way to Florida. And we talked a little bit about what
Unknown:you were talking about. But I'm still, like you said I was,
Unknown:there's so much going on, it's many distractions. I definitely
Unknown:would like to hear more about it. And, you know, I'm always
Unknown:interested in finding out why I do some of the some of the FDIC
Unknown:things that I do, or have done in my life, and you know, what
Unknown:it is, what it's attributed to, and, like, I have my own
Unknown:suspicions and my own ideas. But I mean, I know that there's a
Unknown:lot that, you know, evolution plays in how we do things, DNA
Unknown:genetics, you know, even even into the kind of gene, what do
Unknown:they call that they call that generational? No Gen. Is
Unknown:epigenetics a generational trauma? Yeah. Okay. So, shoot,
Unknown:go for it.
Unknown:I think it's so big. I feel like I don't know where to start. I
Unknown:guess I'll start with how I feel like, I know a little bit more
Unknown:about cave dwellers, as I call them, then the average person,
Unknown:how about that is that seemed like it might move us forward.
Unknown:But not too fast. Like,
Unknown:cave dwellers, meaning meaning like us as a species? Yeah,
Unknown:yeah. So I think we were hunter gatherers at one point, right.
Unknown:And then something happened. And we were all forced to go into,
Unknown:into cave dwelling, right? Something like that.
Unknown:The cave dwelling time happened at the same time as hunter
Unknown:gatherer time. And the main difference between us as modern
Unknown:people and people that lived that were hunter gatherers is
Unknown:they were nomadic. They moved around, that's how they got
Unknown:their food. They followed herds, they followed seasons, that's
Unknown:how they stayed alive. They didn't stay in one place for
Unknown:very long. So the the main, and there are hunter gatherer
Unknown:societies still on the planet. Not everyone lives, like what I
Unknown:call a modern person, but there are modern day hunter gatherers.
Unknown:I just want to clarify that. So if we're talking about people
Unknown:who are no longer nomadic, that's like a big chunk of the
Unknown:world now. And that that shift has affected our psychologies, a
Unknown:little more than I think modern people think about and that's
Unknown:just something that I think
Unknown:so. As we've as we've kind of evolved, right, and we've we've
Unknown:gone into being more of a modern society. I think some of the
Unknown:things that we don't experience anymore, are our dangers, right,
Unknown:the kind of dangers that we used to experience all the time and
Unknown:Like, you know, we're not, we don't have to worry about
Unknown:walking around and getting eaten by a lion, or we don't have to
Unknown:worry about, you know, going looking for food hunting and
Unknown:another tribe attacking attacking us, right. And so all
Unknown:of those things sort of, you know, kind of, were built into
Unknown:who we were and how we, we perceived the things around us
Unknown:and lived our lives. Now, we don't have that. I mean, there
Unknown:there, there are some dangers. I mean, you know, obviously, you
Unknown:know, don't go to the ghetto in the middle of the night, you
Unknown:know, or, you know, I won't even say ghetto, let's just say to
Unknown:the, to the bad parts of, you know, maybe a city or a town or,
Unknown:you know, whatever it is, you want to call, we don't go there.
Unknown:And then in the night, because it's dangerous. So unfamiliar.
Unknown:That's what's scary about it. Yeah. Okay. So now, how does
Unknown:that play into, like, you know, Aurora and my ourselves, we
Unknown:were, you know, abusive people, we, you know, treated people in
Unknown:a way that, you know, is probably not looked at looked at
Unknown:very kindly, you know, if you were to, if you were to just,
Unknown:you know, come out and say, Well, this is what I did. And we
Unknown:actually we've done that we've, we've said that we've talked
Unknown:about how we were, and that's not the norm. Now, what is he
Unknown:talking about? It's not the norm, we're talking about, it's
Unknown:not the norm, but actually acting that way, I don't think
Unknown:is the norm as well, unless it happens way more than we think.
Unknown:I think it does, um, what you guys talk about is kind of, I
Unknown:don't want to say extreme versions of it, but I think at
Unknown:some level, okay, so let me try it from this angle. Um, when we
Unknown:were in tribes, we knew every person we lived with very, very
Unknown:well. They were the only people let's call it 100 people, they
Unknown:were the only people we ever knew, basically, living day to
Unknown:day, maybe we would come across another tribe. And when most
Unknown:people talk about tribal behavior, that first thing that
Unknown:pops into their head is tribe versus tribe, right? Like a
Unknown:tribal behavior is fighting for resources or something like
Unknown:that. But in my head, what's more interesting to me is what
Unknown:went on between tribe members. So that's kind of how I look at
Unknown:interpersonal relationships. Now, I imagine what would it
Unknown:have been like, back then when we only had 100 people to deal
Unknown:with and to know. And so that's a little bit different than even
Unknown:the general study of evolutionary psychology, it's
Unknown:kind of a more of a big picture. And I think it's more
Unknown:interesting to talk about the psychology part of evolutionary
Unknown:psychology. Like thinking about how life would have been, I
Unknown:mean, imagine only knowing 100 people your whole life. That
Unknown:would be pretty cool if you were a cave dweller, because, like
Unknown:you said, life, when you're a cave dweller is super scary.
Unknown:You're part of the food chain, it gets dark, there's very
Unknown:little time to like, just chill, right? You're just constantly
Unknown:scared. It's like a state, you're in almost all the time,
Unknown:except when you're with your tribe. So I think we have
Unknown:remnants of this. This assumption, or this belief, as
Unknown:modern people that the people immediately around us should be
Unknown:on our team on our side, and in some ways, literally thinking
Unknown:the way that we think. Because when we were trying, when we
Unknown:were living in a tribe, we had to basically think with one
Unknown:mind, we the only thing we did all day, every day was look for
Unknown:food, and share it. That's all we did. It's hard to imagine.
Unknown:But that's how I imagine our psychology, part of our
Unknown:psychologies were developed during this time. And so when
Unknown:you get an interpersonal relationship with someone, and
Unknown:at some level, we're not aware of this, because it's so old and
Unknown:ingrained in our minds. We expect the people immediately
Unknown:around us to be on our page on our exact page and on our
Unknown:wavelength and when they're not. I think there's this moment of
Unknown:fear, like, Oh, crap, this person is not in my head. And
Unknown:it's, it's a scary feeling. Mm hmm.
Unknown:I have a question for you. Yes. So would you say that abusive
Unknown:behavior stems from a wound that we have experienced in the past.
Unknown:And it's our way to protect ourselves now. Like when we
Unknown:aggress someone else, we protect ourselves, which doesn't really
Unknown:make sense, because then the whole mess starts. But that's
Unknown:just how our system was wired to react when something scares us.
Unknown:Yes, mostly.
Unknown:Short answer, yes. But what I'd like to talk, it's a fear
Unknown:response. You're totally right, like, but it's just an instant,
Unknown:like, Oh, this person doesn't know what I'm thinking, there's
Unknown:something amiss. Like, can I trust this person? Now, it's
Unknown:this, every living thing in my head is on a continuum between
Unknown:trust and fear. So any point of any day, you're going about your
Unknown:day, you're somewhere on this continuum. And when you get
Unknown:bumped into fear, without your conscious knowing about it, then
Unknown:you do things like lash out. It is, it's a fear thing. And as
Unknown:cave dwellers, if we were scared of something, it was either
Unknown:fight, flight or freeze. But as modern people, we have this
Unknown:extra special thing that we can do, which is control. So we try
Unknown:to control the thing that scares us. Hmm.
Unknown:I agree with that. And I think the analogy is, and I've done
Unknown:I've done this before, and I'll explain. So when I've been in,
Unknown:let's say, let's say I've, I've pushed my significant other to
Unknown:the point where they now want to leave the fear start setting in
Unknown:Oh, my God, what am I gonna do? I don't gonna be able to survive
Unknown:on my own, am I gonna be able to do this? Am I gonna be able to
Unknown:do that? How am I ever going to find somebody else? Who am I
Unknown:going to have sex with, you know, all these things start
Unknown:coming into into play. And instead of doing the thing that
Unknown:I know, would probably salvage the, the maybe salvage the
Unknown:relationship, maybe, you know, show some remorse or remorse or
Unknown:something, you know, other than trying to control the situation,
Unknown:what ends up what ended up happening is, is that I do I do
Unknown:the behaviors that will produce the exact thing that I don't
Unknown:want to have happen even more. And so I'm scared, or it's in an
Unknown:effort to control it, but the fear is what kicked it off. And
Unknown:so instead of, you know, okay, well, let me try to bully them
Unknown:into, you know, doing what I want them to do, or scare them
Unknown:into staying, or, you know, saying things like, oh, you'll
Unknown:never find anybody better than me, or you all these things,
Unknown:these these tactics that come out, you know, to manipulate to,
Unknown:you know, try to control it's all it's all an effort of trying
Unknown:to control the situation and control what they do.
Unknown:And people aren't part of the environment. Like, I think it's
Unknown:hard for us to differentiate sometimes.
Unknown:Different differentiate like other What do you mean, the
Unknown:other people aren't part of the environment. So like, since
Unknown:we're not in a, in a, in a village setting where everything
Unknown:is open, and that behavior, like we're behind closed doors more
Unknown:than we are out in the open? So is that what you mean?
Unknown:Um, it's more like. It's, as modern people, we feel like we
Unknown:have control over a lot of things. We can control light, we
Unknown:can control temperature, I think we have this kind of almost a
Unknown:belief that we can control everything around us. And when
Unknown:there's something in the environment, we can't control,
Unknown:then we kick into fear. And we're like, oh, we can't control
Unknown:this. And it's like another person is different than a lamp.
Unknown:But I think sometimes we have as modern people have this aura,
Unknown:this kind of magical belief that we we could control this other
Unknown:person and it doesn't fit with our current environment, like
Unknown:our in our old environment, what we could trust in our
Unknown:environment as like hunter gatherers was other people. Like
Unknown:we because we were thinking with one mind, we were all doing the
Unknown:same thing. All Every day and everything else outside the
Unknown:tribe was the thing that was scary and other people made us
Unknown:feel safe. Other people were our protection, our predictability
Unknown:our. And so now we're in a modern world and at some level,
Unknown:we're still thinking that these people are especially the people
Unknown:in our immediate environment are our significant others to be on
Unknown:our page. And then when they're not. What do you think?
Unknown:I think I totally understand a net angle. But I know from my
Unknown:story from myself that it was not that the people were not on
Unknown:my page, it was that I was scared of an outcome that would
Unknown:hurt me and I wanted to anticipate, and sometimes in
Unknown:picking a fight, and you know, the other person a little bit,
Unknown:you know, how they're gonna react, instead of living in
Unknown:harmony is strange. For me, it's not familiar, because my life
Unknown:was not always harmonious. So I am more an expectant of
Unknown:something that is gonna disturb, so I should disturb. And then
Unknown:this is familiar, even though it's uncomfortable. But I don't
Unknown:I have a hard time to understand that not being on the same page,
Unknown:because I see the enemy and the other. Because I feel they have
Unknown:control over my well being. Mm hmm.
Unknown:Yeah. I see what you're saying. And see this. This is. This is
Unknown:hard for me to talk about. But um, we were always cave
Unknown:dwellers. There was a time when we were tree dwellers to like.
Unknown:And so let me say it this way, there was a time when we
Unknown:couldn't talk to each other. And we were dependent on things like
Unknown:hierarchies. To get through our day, when we couldn't talk to
Unknown:each other, and we had to do something together, there was a
Unknown:boss, you know, the head honcho, and then everyone else falls
Unknown:into a hierarchy. So everyone has a role, a controlling role
Unknown:or a following role. And it's all organized, and it worked.
Unknown:And till we could talk to each other, and then that kind of
Unknown:mess things up a little bit. So in my head, there was a time
Unknown:when we couldn't talk to each other. And we were depending on
Unknown:the hierarchies, and I call this the win lose. Era, where someone
Unknown:was winning, and someone was losing. There was someone in
Unknown:control, and there were people that were following. That's kind
Unknown:of what I'm hearing from you like in your growing up when you
Unknown:were a kid? There was there was a winner and a loser. Yes,
Unknown:powerlessness. You felt powerless. And you you were
Unknown:either going to be powerful, or power lead. Exactly. That is.
Unknown:It's more cut and dry. And as we evolved and got other tools and
Unknown:can talk to each other, we moved into a time when we were more
Unknown:Win, win, not win lose. Like if you're in a group and everyone
Unknown:benefits if everyone cooperates. That's a different, like tool
Unknown:that we have in our psyches. So you're talking about the psyche
Unknown:that we had, even before we have recovered dwellers, it's the
Unknown:time when we couldn't talk and everything was win lose, as
Unknown:opposed to win win. So I think that's why like humans are so
Unknown:confusing and get confused is we have so many sets of tools that
Unknown:we can use to communicate with each other. And we're not aware
Unknown:that we have these separate like modes. And when you get kicked
Unknown:into fear, you're like, win lose. That's your mode. I'm
Unknown:either winning or losing. Yeah, that make any sense? Oh,
Unknown:totally.
Unknown:there's a there's a good question here Roman Jones chimes
Unknown:in with is that maybe because everyone isn't working towards a
Unknown:common goal of what's best for the group, but instead everyone
Unknown:is working towards individual goals. Totally. Great question.
Unknown:Roman. Thank you. Excellent. Now and also to it wasn't there like
Unknown:the human brain is only capable of recognizing so many people in
Unknown:it right? Like You're memorizing, memorizing like,
Unknown:like you have a catalogue of people that are in your head.
Unknown:And it only goes up to a certain amount of people. And then after
Unknown:that you don't, you don't recognize them anymore.
Unknown:It's harder to we start compartmentalizing. So let's say
Unknown:you see an African American face, they all look the same,
Unknown:because maybe you don't have a lot of experience with that kind
Unknown:of face. So yes, and no, there's this number called Dunbar's
Unknown:number, which is extraordinary. Yeah, okay, so you knew you
Unknown:knew? Yeah, it's a it's technically 147.3, which is
Unknown:stupid. But what's point three of a person, you know, because
Unknown:they made a chart, you know, the baby, addicted to their chart.
Unknown:But in real life, whatever. So it Dunbar's number is, he
Unknown:himself is still alive. He is one of the few ideas in
Unknown:evolutionary psychology that almost every researcher agrees
Unknown:on. It's the number which systems start breaking down.
Unknown:Like if you have more than 150 people, things get confusing.
Unknown:And most people who study evolutionary psychology agree
Unknown:that that is because we probably didn't go larger than 150 people
Unknown:in a tribe. So you're right, there is a limit to what we can
Unknown:kind of take in.
Unknown:City feel that that since society has become so large, and
Unknown:we have so many, so many folks in it, and that we are No, I
Unknown:mean, we're in a tribal mentality, a lot of times it
Unknown:things sort of shift there when certain things happen. But I
Unknown:mean, as far as, I mean, I've lived in plenty of places where
Unknown:I have no idea what my neighbors who my neighbor was, I lived in
Unknown:an apartment complex and didn't know who was to the left to
Unknown:right above or below me. And it seems like a like, it's been
Unknown:normalized to not, not like know, your neighbors, when those
Unknown:are the people that like, if, if the proverbial shit was to hit
Unknown:the fan, the people in your neighborhoods are the ones that
Unknown:are closest to you, and that you would need to count on to go to
Unknown:help for if you needed it. Right. Right. And I think it's a
Unknown:very unnatural way to live.
Unknown:Yeah, it is. It is stressful. And I don't know we live more
Unknown:isolated now than we used to, or we are wired to write. Totally,
Unknown:yeah.
Unknown:Now as it pertains to like behavioral so evolutionary
Unknown:psychology is that have anything to do like Graham Hancock, do
Unknown:you know that name? He was somebody that did talked about
Unknown:the, the, the dry the the dryer? Yeah, the younger era. And you
Unknown:know, when we have the great flood, and all the other stuff
Unknown:that went along with that, I can't remember what it is. I
Unknown:shouldn't open my mouth unless I knew exactly what I was talking
Unknown:about. You never know. bits and pieces of Rogan information Joe
Unknown:Rogan podcast and the people that he has on there, stuck in
Unknown:my head. Researchers I know on Well, I love researchers,
Unknown:because I'm not one. And like, I'm ADHD and like to sit there
Unknown:and do that is like really difficult for me. I mean, even
Unknown:just to sit here in my in my in my area and try to do things.
Unknown:It's hard, because it's like, if I got a bunch of windows open,
Unknown:it's like, oh, I gotta go over here. All the way to me, I'm
Unknown:damn, what were you doing? Go back to what you were doing.
Unknown:Yeah, I get sidetracked really easy. But I mean, as this
Unknown:pertains to, you know, our abusive behaviors and the things
Unknown:that were learned, because I think a lot of what I did, was
Unknown:learned over a long period of time, you know, like, we're
Unknown:talking 40 years of bad behavior that kind of has been ingrained
Unknown:through you know, I would I think a lot of this is his
Unknown:successes, you know, the win lose thing, right? You know, if
Unknown:I kept doing a lot of these things, because I kept winning,
Unknown:it kept working. And so if it was working, like manipulating
Unknown:women and using women to, you know, as a, as a means to still
Unknown:finding support, like financial support, you know, when I didn't
Unknown:have a job Oh, let's go hook up. What's his shack up with a
Unknown:chick? We usually the opposite is, you know, women find it a
Unknown:lot easier to play that card, you know, for safety, you know,
Unknown:in finding safety and a man. Right.
Unknown:But you just said the same thing about a woman. I mean, I think
Unknown:we all just go through life, sir to survive. Yeah.
Unknown:Yeah, that's I mean, we mean what I just explained, but I did
Unknown:it. And I, you know, women do that as well, I guess. I guess
Unknown:we all do it to a certain extent,
Unknown:people. I get annoying because I don't like categorizing things.
Unknown:No, no, no, that's okay. I mean, it's just this is a conversation
Unknown:in a in a collaboration of ideas. And, you know, all ideas
Unknown:are good until they're not right.
Unknown:Well, that's what I really am impressed with you guys. Because
Unknown:I have this like theory that people walk around with a set of
Unknown:beliefs, just to get them through life, because there is
Unknown:too much information coming at us, our psychologies kind of
Unknown:have to cook part mentalize, or rationalize to have things kind
Unknown:of make sense to us. And some people are in a soap bubble. So
Unknown:their beliefs are kind of kind of fragile. And if you get near
Unknown:them, they get nervous. But you guys have had enough experiences
Unknown:to where we you your belief system in my head is more like a
Unknown:balloon. So if you have a balloon, and it's not totally
Unknown:full, you can add air, you can squish it a little bit. And you
Unknown:can decide if you want to have that in your balloon, or if you
Unknown:don't want to have that in your balloon. So that's what another
Unknown:reason I reached out I was like, they can handle like, a kind of
Unknown:strange idea and decide if they like it or not, they're gonna
Unknown:not gonna freak out just because I have a different perspective,
Unknown:you know?
Unknown:No, that's true. When it comes to that phase in your life,
Unknown:where you realize that you have been the abusive person, when
Unknown:you kind of come out of the victim mentality that are
Unknown:everybody leaves me, nobody loves me. When you realize oh,
Unknown:shit, like, actually, I did stuff to repel people to scare
Unknown:people of what would you say? neck? How can the journey be
Unknown:sustainable? How can we learn to not fall back into these
Unknown:patterns? Because it is so incredibly easy, right? We don't
Unknown:know if I can speak for Shawn too. But we both learned that it
Unknown:works. We just realized, okay, it's maybe not awesome. But how
Unknown:can we like neuroplasticity? Let's talk about
Unknown:neuroplasticity? How can we really learn new pathways? Is it
Unknown:in being in a relationship? Or can we also do it outside of a
Unknown:relationship? Do you know what I mean? Like some, I tell you,
Unknown:some of the things we can only learn as a team, or when we're
Unknown:exposed to situations. And some things we can learn by
Unknown:ourselves.
Unknown:I totally get what you're saying. And it totally fits with
Unknown:the continuum of trust and fear. If you can kind of learn to
Unknown:identify when you're behaving in a fearful way. It's it becomes
Unknown:easier to kind of Whoa, not stop yourself. But as you're doing it
Unknown:or maybe after you do it. If you take responsibility for your for
Unknown:being afraid. I was afraid just then. Let me try that again. And
Unknown:if you can just kind of make it a habit of knowing where you are
Unknown:on the continuum. Like, you feel yourself going win lose, be
Unknown:like, okay, you want to move yourself toward trust. And I
Unknown:think that takes being with other people like your question
Unknown:about because you have to practice it. You can't just like
Unknown:it's easy by when you're by yourself to be in trust, because
Unknown:you have no one to worry about. Right? Yeah. Yeah. You got
Unknown:nobody called? Yeah, you can't overreact. And that's, that's
Unknown:the tricky part. Because if you're I think we're all kind of
Unknown:primed as modern people to have a fear response because we're
Unknown:not living the way our brains kind of are used to. And it
Unknown:seems odd to think of the brain as still thinking that the way
Unknown:it did 10,000 years ago before we started farming, but but when
Unknown:I Look process human behavior with that assumption. So many
Unknown:things make so much more sense.
Unknown:I don't know, it's just, it's fascinating me
Unknown:I have this strange this strange idea of like, because we have,
Unknown:we essentially have two different brains in our body, we
Unknown:have this one right here. And then we have the gut biome,
Unknown:which is full of bacterias, and other things that make different
Unknown:chemicals and, and, you know, cause different reactions and
Unknown:our emotions and our things. I you know, I honestly think that
Unknown:the, you know, when we talk about aliens, right, I think the
Unknown:bacteria that are in our body are aliens, to be honest with
Unknown:you, and they have they have control of like, We're an
Unknown:avatar, right? Yeah, we're an avatar. And whatever's in our
Unknown:biome, you know, and making these these different chemicals,
Unknown:and, you know, the epinephrine, norepinephrine, all these
Unknown:different things, that kind of control, you know, whether we're
Unknown:hungry, whether we're angry, whether we're tired, whether
Unknown:we're all these things, it feels like, sometimes, you know, we're
Unknown:not even in control. We're just, you know, just meaning in an
Unknown:inner, let's call this, you know, just being played by
Unknown:something. And, I don't know, maybe I'm somewhat on, but I
Unknown:just, that's just kind of how it feels to me.
Unknown:Yeah, and I, I agree with you. I don't agree about the alien
Unknown:stuff. But I think that comes from our very distant past,
Unknown:like, our ancestral experiences. And, and, and I, and I don't
Unknown:think that we're not in control at all. It's just, um, we're not
Unknown:really in tune. Okay, so here's the thing. Just last week, I
Unknown:read about this researcher who she described how the brain
Unknown:can't see. But it's in charge of us. So imagine getting
Unknown:information from your biome, or your chemicals are, sound. But
Unknown:you can't see the actual environment, if you're trying to
Unknown:control this body. And all you're getting is images or
Unknown:information from inside the body. Like, it's this strange
Unknown:picture that popped in my head, it's like, our brains are blind.
Unknown:And depending on how much experience we have in life, like
Unknown:if you go through your life, and you have a very peaceful
Unknown:childhood, and then something bad happens, it's like, Whoa,
Unknown:that came out of nowhere. And then if you have like, a
Unknown:childhood, that's kind of Rocky, that's what you are used to your
Unknown:brain is like, Okay, this is life. This is I in and you can
Unknown:get through life with a little more up and down. Does that make
Unknown:sense? Yeah. certain extent. But sure, but, like, what Aurora was
Unknown:saying earlier, the familiarity of something, right. So the
Unknown:person that's had the Rocky is my I had a rocky, you know,
Unknown:upbringing, and, and a lot of chaos, a lot of, you know, stuff
Unknown:going on yelling and you know, to where I'm like really sensing
Unknown:like, if somebody starts yelling at me now, it's like,
Unknown:immediately, that's what flips me out. And also, too, if things
Unknown:are going too well, because I'm not used to smooth rides, right?
Unknown:I will do something to purposely knock the knock the train off
Unknown:the track and caused chaos, because that's where I'm
Unknown:familiar. I'm like, back home. I mean, I understand I understand
Unknown:this. Yeah. It's, and that's why people create patterns
Unknown:sometimes, like, you know, if your parents smokes, you'll
Unknown:smoke, most most likely, because that's what's familiar. And
Unknown:that's what's predictable. And we kind of recreate when I say
Unknown:things, things should be predictable. I just mean
Unknown:familiar. I don't mean like, everything's in place, and
Unknown:everything's perfect. But I don't know, like Aurora was
Unknown:saying, like, she doesn't want to be the loser. She wants to be
Unknown:the winner. But if she could become aware of when she's in
Unknown:fear, and when she's in trust, maybe there's the wind when
Unknown:there's the middle ground where you can like, okay, I was
Unknown:scared. I'm going to try and calm down. And look at this from
Unknown:another person's perspective. And don't kind of close up and
Unknown:think I'm all alone, I have to do something and panic. If you
Unknown:trust the other person, even just a little bit, you can like
Unknown:work your way toward. Okay, that worked. All right. Now let's try
Unknown:it with another person, you know, and you kind of like, make
Unknown:your in-group bigger and bigger. Yeah, sounds cheesy, but I don't
Unknown:know. That's just, that's what like, I wanted to tell you guys
Unknown:while I was listening to you talk to each other. Mm hmm. No,
Unknown:that's beautiful. It makes total sense.
Unknown:So Amanda Brooks chimes in with technology has evolved faster
Unknown:than our brains can assimilate it fully. That's That's true.
Unknown:totally true. And we're so reliant on technology now that
Unknown:it's all coming too fast. In my opinion, our brains are like,
Unknown:short circuiting a little bit.
Unknown:Oh, yeah. And then when it comes to online dating, I feel there's
Unknown:so many frustrated people out there. And I just think, man,
Unknown:we're not meant to meet like that, like, the nonverbal cues,
Unknown:you know, the scent. Like the subtle things that you see right
Unknown:away, when you see a person life, you don't on a profile
Unknown:picture, and people are not aware enough to put that into
Unknown:their little bio. So it's, it's very tough, and we have to be
Unknown:careful to learn how to use technology and to not forget
Unknown:that we're still animals. We still like we want to be primal,
Unknown:we want to be wild. And we're not robots yet.
Unknown:Not yet, but we better watch out. transhumanism is coming. I
Unknown:don't want it to. So on what you were saying that, you know, the
Unknown:scent. I think that's a huge one. Because what what were
Unknown:pheromones about? Right? Why do people have pheromones? And when
Unknown:when you wear cologne or perfume, you mask that and you
Unknown:can't smell that anymore. And so it's almost like when when the
Unknown:craziest thing I ever saw was was when my daughter and my ex
Unknown:when she was breastfeeding, when she would put her skin to skin
Unknown:and that chemical reaction that happened that caused her to
Unknown:start lactating? So I mean, if that if that's possible, right,
Unknown:that our chemicals are so are the cause reactions in our body,
Unknown:then there has to be something to the pheromone thing, because
Unknown:then you like when you know, it's almost like that, like an
Unknown:intuitive thing, right? And that's gone, that's gone.
Unknown:You don't have that. But then again, if you add Cologne, that
Unknown:masks Exactly. Right. So there's different ways to manip we don't
Unknown:even know or manipulating each other. It's just it's so
Unknown:interesting. But when you talk about online dating, I just want
Unknown:to say quickly, you're also dealing with an individual
Unknown:person, you don't know how many friends that person has. You
Unknown:don't know how they treat other people, and then you like,
Unknown:awkwardly go meet this person, and they could they could behave
Unknown:any way they want. And there's no friend there to call them on
Unknown:their shit, right? No, I think it's, I think for another
Unknown:reason, besides not being able to really get a sense of a
Unknown:person. I think it's more natural to like meet a friend of
Unknown:a friend because there's some accountability there. And, um,
Unknown:that's another thing we had when we were in tribes is
Unknown:accountability. Because you knew 100 people and that's all you
Unknown:knew there was no one that could pretend to be something they
Unknown:weren't. And that's pretty cool. Like, but our brains kind of
Unknown:like they're kind of stuck in that if this person's close to
Unknown:me, I should be able to trust them. And that's not always
Unknown:true.
Unknown:And there's history there too, though. Right? There's there's
Unknown:history of that person. So I mean, you can online dating was
Unknown:was great for me, because I could do you just go and you
Unknown:know, you pick out what you want your window shop and and you
Unknown:know you can the what when I first started online dating, I
Unknown:wasn't very honest about my intentions. And all I was
Unknown:looking forward to get laid. And you know, I would not
Unknown:necessarily represent myself like that. Like that's all I
Unknown:wanted. And, you know, I think that there's a lot of guys out
Unknown:there that Because guess what, there's that fear. If I tell you
Unknown:what I want, then you may not, then you may, that may not be
Unknown:what you want, and then you'll just leave. Right? And in that
Unknown:thing, which is also part of a tribe, so and so I'll lie to you
Unknown:and tell you what I think you want to get me what I want, and
Unknown:then just bounce later on. Yeah.
Unknown:Yeah, but technology is a tool. And tools are shortcuts. So that
Unknown:was a very efficient use of a tool for you.
Unknown:So Roman Jones chimed in again, she said is that maybe because
Unknown:we spend most of our time in our subconscious mind? I don't know
Unknown:what that is in that sentence. I think we've, yeah, we I think we
Unknown:went we've moved past that. And I missed Mr. Q to shoot it up
Unknown:there at the right time. Sometimes that happens, guys. So
Unknown:I apologize if I didn't I don't get to your question as as
Unknown:quickly as like, right when you're saying so if you want to
Unknown:chime back in and let me know, what is that referring to? And
Unknown:then we can answer that question, Jackie, with a bunch
Unknown:of numbers, almost like my driver's license number. Says,
Unknown:is the young teen generation in trouble because of lack of human
Unknown:contact? Hmm. I think a little bit.
Unknown:I mean, I know that the they call it Gen Z. They have already
Unknown:been labeled, stressed and depressed. I don't know if you
Unknown:guys have heard that. Okay, that's about it. Sorry. That's a
Unknown:harsh label to live, like, harsh. And that's my kids. So I
Unknown:have I have a soft spot for first labels. I don't really, I
Unknown:don't really like labels. But anyway. I think Yes, that's
Unknown:true. Because they don't like I'm an XOR. So I grew. I had
Unknown:like a childhood that was not, not online. And then there's
Unknown:this. There's this sub generation called the X
Unknown:xennials, which are between x and millennial. And they had
Unknown:analog childhoods, but online, young adulthood. And then the
Unknown:millennials, were pretty much online the whole time, right?
Unknown:And if anything, that is the label I will accept, because
Unknown:that's like, that's an experience you're having as a
Unknown:group of people. It's almost like,
Unknown:what's the word I want?
Unknown:I can't come up with it. Anyway, I don't like labeling people.
Unknown:But I don't mind labeling people as far as their generation,
Unknown:because that is what affects how you process. Does that make
Unknown:sense? Yeah, but I do have hope for the younger generation,
Unknown:because they seem to be less inclined to be like they're more
Unknown:inclusive. You know, they don't they don't see they don't see
Unknown:color. They don't see race, they don't see any of the type of
Unknown:things that our generation grew up with the boomers and their
Unknown:views towards, you know, let's say blacks or, you know, other
Unknown:races and stuff like that, or just being segregated or, or us
Unknown:versus them. They're way more inclusive. Work hard when when
Unknown:they are. Yeah. No, go ahead, and I cut you off. So
Unknown:it's awesome. But it's also difficult because they grew up
Unknown:in an environment where they feel a certain way, but the
Unknown:society is not reflecting what, like how they feel. The society
Unknown:reflecting exactly the opposite. Yeah. So it's hard, I imagine to
Unknown:express yourself and to feel okay with with what you feel is
Unknown:right and wrong. Probably totally stressed out and
Unknown:depressed. I can see that.
Unknown:Yeah, I think they're, they're not liking that hierarchy, that
Unknown:still part of society. And we do that out of desperation. Because
Unknown:there's so many of us, how else are we going to, you know,
Unknown:categorize ourselves are coordinated with each other,
Unknown:unless we do have these pockets of hierarchy. We have a
Unknown:president of a company we have available, but it's really just
Unknown:hearkened back to our time. When we couldn't talk to each other,
Unknown:it's just out of desperation that we are dependent on these
Unknown:hierarchies and categorization. And I think the younger
Unknown:generations are kind of like, Okay, this is a bunch of crap.
Unknown:Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, it's definitely a revelation. But
Unknown:it's tough, too
Unknown:tough to get out of that hierarchy. Because it's all that
Unknown:we're like, What? How else? Would we do it just be a big
Unknown:blob? I mean, it's too scary to trust everyone you need, right?
Unknown:You need to like decide.
Unknown:Oh, complicated? Yeah.
Unknown:This is where my conspiracy mind starts kicking in. Right? And so
Unknown:you have you have this generation that's not not really
Unknown:susceptible to the, to the divide and conquer sort of
Unknown:mentality that we see coming from mainstream media we see
Unknown:coming from the government we see coming from, and these are
Unknown:all tools of control. Right? If we could divide you and have you
Unknown:fighting amongst each other, then you're not paying attention
Unknown:to in talking about, you know, what we're doing to you,
Unknown:basically, right, is the big picture. Yeah. And so now, you
Unknown:know, the one thing is that, you know, with schools and all the
Unknown:different things that they've tried, they've done, like, I
Unknown:can't remember what the name of the, the type of school that
Unknown:they're in right now, or the curriculum that they're
Unknown:studying. But there's no, there's no critical thinking
Unknown:that's being taught in the younger generation. And then as
Unknown:they separate, they started taking everybody and putting
Unknown:them away, at home and doing the online education and causing
Unknown:more of that stress. And what did you call them stress and
Unknown:depression, within within those generations. So now, where they
Unknown:could have been, okay. They're, they're, they're, they're in
Unknown:line to take over in a way that wouldn't keep these particular
Unknown:folks in power anymore, if they were allowed to flourish, like,
Unknown:like they were going to be doing. So now something has been
Unknown:implemented to, you know, a, let's take away their critical
Unknown:thinking and be let's stress them and depress them, and keep
Unknown:them from from, you know, expressing themselves in a way
Unknown:that that could possibly, you know, take over in a positive
Unknown:way for humanity.
Unknown:Right, if the divide and conquer is pretty scary stuff. But I
Unknown:will say that my kids are learning critical thinking, I
Unknown:think there are pockets of critical thinking still out
Unknown:there. And I Roman says exactly. So I still have hope, though.
Unknown:Because in my head, there are groups of people that want to
Unknown:manipulate us, but in my head, they're my parent, my conspiracy
Unknown:mind is mostly focused on businesses, because they want to
Unknown:make money in my government. Their purpose isn't to make
Unknown:money. It's to, like you said control people, but I just don't
Unknown:have that kind of ominous feeling. For government, I think
Unknown:they mean, well, but it's hard to control. Such a large group
Unknown:of people and the tools that we use to do it, they don't really
Unknown:work. I mean, because there's too many people like our brains
Unknown:are used to under 150 people. And so they do their best and
Unknown:they kind of suck sometimes. But um, the automaton idea of like,
Unknown:kids isolated there, they're not going to school and groups is
Unknown:often that's kind of scary to me, because we need to, like
Unknown:have checks and balances and kind of if you're isolated, and
Unknown:you only learn what your family knows, then how are you going to
Unknown:get along with other people? And that kind of worries me a little
Unknown:bit. Mm
Unknown:hmm. Yeah, there's no socialization skills. Like you
Unknown:even have to socialize your animals. Like you have a dog.
Unknown:You take them to the dog park, so you socialize them and get
Unknown:them used to
Unknown:their animals, but maybe not their children just because it's
Unknown:not. I don't think they're being mean. I think it's that win lose
Unknown:thing. It's like why take the risk, and we have to take risks
Unknown:if we're going to get along, huh?
Unknown:Yeah, I think it's watching kids too. velop like I have an almost
Unknown:four year old and like, just seeing how her how she interacts
Unknown:with the world as she's learning different things and learning
Unknown:how to try to manipulate us. Right? in doing that whole?
Unknown:Well, let me see how far I can go with this. And, you know,
Unknown:it's like, that's ingrained. It's like, it's, it's like the
Unknown:same thing that like how ducks node to fly south for the
Unknown:winter, right? Like, how do you know that? It's just that that
Unknown:DNA thing, that genetic thing that that's in your DNA, that's
Unknown:a part of a part of the fabric of your life? Now, you just know
Unknown:it. skill. Yeah, it's awesome. You don't have kids yet, do you?
Unknown:know, I don't have kids. But I was a kid once. And it's, it's
Unknown:fascinating how, yeah, when you imagine the the fetus, the baby
Unknown:in the belly has nothing to worry about, they have the food,
Unknown:they have the shelter, you know, they just swim around, and then
Unknown:all of a sudden, you're being thrown into this world. And
Unknown:you're totally dependent. And you can't speak and you have to
Unknown:like, with your body, like, get the attention. And then of
Unknown:course, your brain learns that and know that, oh, when I do a
Unknown:certain thing, I get the attention. And then when you
Unknown:learn to speak, you will use your words to get what you need.
Unknown:And yeah, it's, it's, I can't imagine to having a small one
Unknown:and to, to see how they manipulate you and to see how
Unknown:you, you want to give them what they need. But at the same time
Unknown:you you're like, Oh, they get so much control over my, my sleep
Unknown:and my well being. It's, it's incredible. And that what you
Unknown:say about the new generation, I wanted to add that we see
Unknown:depression and aggression always as a very negative thing. And it
Unknown:is feelings and phases in our lives that are very difficult to
Unknown:go through. But it's also the phase where we learn most about
Unknown:ourselves and the people around us. And like I just saw, if that
Unknown:generation radio is going through anxiety and depression,
Unknown:they will be able to one day, maybe not right now, but to wake
Unknown:us up and show us okay, this is really sick, we have to do
Unknown:things differently. And you know, I'm trying to see the good
Unknown:thing and the bad there. I agree with you totally. Because
Unknown:depression gives you Sorry, I just want to finish no, yes,
Unknown:depression can give you so much depth and inside that you would
Unknown:otherwise if you just float around, like averagely happily
Unknown:never achieved. So I want to Yeah, I just wanted to say,
Unknown:well, that's exactly what I was gonna say. And so you said it
Unknown:way better than me. But you learn things when you're
Unknown:depressed. Yeah. And and I think that when people are worried
Unknown:that they feel depressed, sometimes you're supposed to be
Unknown:because you're figuring something out. Exactly. And if
Unknown:this generation is there slammed with all the information, you
Unknown:know, if you were an offline kid, you got the information
Unknown:that was spoon fed to you, as a kid online, you get slammed with
Unknown:everything. And maybe they're just processing it all. And
Unknown:they're gonna, like, come out as adults and have a lot more
Unknown:figured out than we do. Oh, yeah, I want to say at the same
Unknown:time, that doesn't mean we need to give up. No, no. But tired of
Unknown:people saying, oh, the next generation will fix it. It's
Unknown:like, we can do something to
Unknown:Yeah, no, they just show us how numbed up we are and how we have
Unknown:to be sensitive again and come back to the heart. Come back to
Unknown:community. They will teach us and we have to be actively
Unknown:listening. We can't make and quit. No. Yeah.
Unknown:And when we look back at the older generations, like like,
Unknown:your mom, your parents, your grandparents mind because we're
Unknown:kind of in the same, you know, Gen Gen X. I think I fall into
Unknown:the one where I know what it was like before the internet and you
Unknown:know, on it afterwards. And you know, I know what a rotary phone
Unknown:is and you know all those things and Our parents, they lived in a
Unknown:generation where expressing your feelings wasn't okay. Were you
Unknown:know, talking about, you know, your your losses wasn't allowed,
Unknown:you know, and it's a weakness, it's all yours Don't be
Unknown:vulnerable don't do any of the things that we need. Because
Unknown:Because all of the all of the magic is in the struggle, right?
Unknown:Everything that we need to, you know, fail forward is is in that
Unknown:struggle. And, you know, I think that people resonate more with
Unknown:your losses than they do with your wins, you know, in each
Unknown:other. Right. And that's, yeah, and I think that's what you
Unknown:know, like applications like clubhouse are so in popular
Unknown:right now is because people are getting have a way to connect
Unknown:with each other that isn't Instagram, that isn't all about
Unknown:the wins, that isn't all about, you know, hey, look at my
Unknown:highlights. A beautiful life, you know, reality probably not
Unknown:know, it's Yeah, you have a beautiful, you have a beautiful
Unknown:couple hours out of a week. But the rest of that week is full
Unknown:of, of, you know, self doubt. imposter syndrome. You know,
Unknown:somebody is cheating on me, or, or I have an opportunity to
Unknown:cheat on them or, you know, just all kinds of different things
Unknown:that, that come through in a regular week, right? the gamut
Unknown:of of, you know, difficulties and struggles and, you know,
Unknown:hey, am I gonna be able to pay the bills this week? Or, you
Unknown:know, I got anything, you know, it could be it's not just the
Unknown:winds are way less than than the losses? Yeah, fantasy sometimes.
Unknown:Roman growth happens during times of tribulation. When
Unknown:you're happy you're not really growing. Without one the other
Unknown:doesn't have any weight. It's about balance. Now that's that's
Unknown:true to what you come from Roman. Speaking all these
Unknown:truths? Are we friends, if not requests me?
Unknown:Because Yeah.
Unknown:So is there anything else that we want to touch on anybody else
Unknown:out there that's watching. We got about seven viewers right
Unknown:now, which is pretty good, man. Thank you for participating,
Unknown:everybody out there. If you have any more questions or anything
Unknown:you want to say, feel free to drop them in the chat. Oh, she
Unknown:said, just randomly stumbled across the live show. Well,
Unknown:thank you. I'm glad you you stumbled across. Yeah, sometimes
Unknown:things happen for a reason. That's so awesome. Very, very
Unknown:cool. Yeah. The universe always manages to put the right people
Unknown:together, right.
Unknown:Yeah, you just got to be Stay calm. Yes, that's the hard part.
Unknown:The really hard part, because we think we can control everything.
Unknown:Yeah, yeah.
Unknown:Yeah, the most the craziest concept for me to get ever when
Unknown:I was trying to get through my addiction and all the other
Unknown:stuff that I was going through was surrender to win. And as a
Unknown:team, sports person, that was such a weird concept, when we're
Unknown:always your I was ingrained, like to win to win to win, you
Unknown:don't give up, you know, the like, especially, you know, when
Unknown:I when I would think about, you know, times when I would be so,
Unknown:like, I didn't know what to do, and I would start thinking
Unknown:about, oh, well, you know, maybe exiting would be the right move,
Unknown:because then I wouldn't have to deal with all of this stuff that
Unknown:I created for myself. But then, you know, I was like, Oh, no, if
Unknown:you do that, you're going to lose, you know, you can't let
Unknown:things beat you. You can't let think you got to win at all
Unknown:costs. But when I got the concept of surrender to win,
Unknown:which was mean not giving up, but it meant, stop fighting
Unknown:everything. Stop trying to control everything. Just let
Unknown:things happen as they will and do the right thing, do the next
Unknown:right thing, keep doing the next right thing, and stop kind of
Unknown:control everything in your life. And things started to become a
Unknown:lot easier. I'm not saying they're perfect, but the self
Unknown:awareness.
Unknown:That's like the ebb and flow like if you're stuck in win
Unknown:lose, that can get really tiring and if you go to win win, like
Unknown:what say Again. But say that what oh surrender to win lender
Unknown:to win. That's very Win win. That's like, reach out, find out
Unknown:who you can relate to, and work with them. But that's risky if
Unknown:if you have the option of controlling. Mm hmm. Yeah, I do
Unknown:that in my relationship now. Great. Is there like,
Unknown:on a hormonal level, when it comes to like cortisol or
Unknown:dopamine? Like, is there a level that we might have gotten used
Unknown:to during our childhood, like a stress level, but then it's also
Unknown:our chemistry who adapted to that, that we are trying to
Unknown:recreate? I think familiar. Yeah. Again, the familiar. And
Unknown:but that can be changed, right? When you like with meditation,
Unknown:with with new approaches with new connections? That can that's
Unknown:not set in stone? That's my question.
Unknown:I don't think so. I mean, I'm, I'm not a medical person. But as
Unknown:long as the first step is becoming aware of when the fear
Unknown:kicks in, because that cortisol, the adrenaline, all that is
Unknown:automatic, it's possible that some people are a little more
Unknown:jumpy, if that's a word. But just just kind of knowing that
Unknown:you're that it's happening. Yeah, because when, you know,
Unknown:back in the day, that was a survival skill. That was really
Unknown:handy. And I think we we go there more often than we
Unknown:realize. It's just kind of a you can't control your reactions,
Unknown:but you can kind of own up. Yeah. Yeah, like, Okay, I'm
Unknown:gonna calm down. Just give me a minute. And then try again, like
Unknown:you said, the next best, the next best action that was said
Unknown:something like that. Yeah, very good. Something I heard
Unknown:somewhere. regurgitating, we just imitate, we're not that
Unknown:different from any other living thing.
Unknown:Yeah, and I'm not that smart either. So I mean, I take a lot
Unknown:of stuff that I hear in different places it sound
Unknown:really, really smart. And regurgitate them out. And you
Unknown:know, I try them too. And a lot of the times the things that
Unknown:work. I'll, I'll you know, I'll talk about right.
Unknown:Yeah, well, you're building a philosophy that's, then you're
Unknown:building your balloon. Yeah, we all need that. Right. Um,
Unknown:philosophical. I never thought about that. You got to put that
Unknown:on that somewhere. On your nowhere but up page. It's been
Unknown:classified on Spotify as philosophical. Oh,
Unknown:no, I didn't I didn't know. Oh, philosophy. That's right.
Unknown:That's, that's the that's a category. I mean, on my host.
Unknown:Yeah. On my hosting platform. Yes, Mark. I just wanted to hear
Unknown:you say that, that's all.
Unknown:You can hear that? I think you're smart. What do you need
Unknown:Aurora? What do you need? No. What do I need?
Unknown:I need I'm gonna read here, Robert page. nothing new under
Unknown:the sun. We take what we come across and as a life we're born.
Unknown:We're born philosophers. Yeah, we just gotta allow it. We just
Unknown:gotta let it all out. Right? And not be scared. Yep.
Unknown:Live in love and be scared. Live in trust. Trust. You can't tell
Unknown:you can't love unless you trust. Yeah, trust is first. I know.
Unknown:But try try trust. Yeah. That's that's a good. that's a that's a
Unknown:good thing. So next time. We'll see when we come back around for
Unknown:number four. Well, we'll see implementing trust in our life
Unknown:and and see if we can't, what we come up with for the next one.
Unknown:Yes. Oh, I have so much to two. Yeah, I think we can talk about
Unknown:what we discussed here. And then what happened in the last couple
Unknown:of weeks between episode two and three and yeah.
Unknown:Oh, yeah. Lots. Lots happened between two and three. Yes. Yes,
Unknown:I can't wait. And if and if any of you guys out there that are
Unknown:viewing right now, or watching this and you like a net, you
Unknown:know, you want to come on and you know, maybe you've
Unknown:experienced some sort of abusive behavior in your life, maybe you
Unknown:are an abuser or have been abused or you know, you're on
Unknown:that spectrum of just being touched by it. feel more than
Unknown:welcome to reach out to us like a net did, through the email,
Unknown:know where to go but up now@gmail.com or any of the
Unknown:other places like you can reach out to Aurora on her page, and
Unknown:I'll let her say where she's Sorry, I didn't get a chance to
Unknown:load up all of these things like I normally do on my show.
Unknown:Getting a little bit sick. So I've I was kind of a, I was
Unknown:laying down until about like, 20 minutes before this thing
Unknown:started. I got up and you know, try to get ready real quick.
Unknown:Full disclosure. So Alright, we got a couple more comments here.
Unknown:Um, cave dweller. Cave dweller club calm is where you can find
Unknown:a net. That's her website.
Unknown:Can I interject one quick thing. Um, so my website has a bunch of
Unknown:stories about cave girl, Claire. And that's the way I kind of
Unknown:introduce, you know, hunter gatherer ideas and how you can
Unknown:apply them to modern day. So it's kind of a tidal wave of
Unknown:information. So just as an example, I'm going to recommend
Unknown:that, Shawn, if you end up going to my website, look at my blog
Unknown:and read just two of the 28 blog posts, I'm going to recommend
Unknown:meet Claire. And two fan is human. And for Aurora, I'm going
Unknown:to recommend meet Claire and the world according to Claire. I
Unknown:will check it out. So he just kind of like a little
Unknown:introductory thing. So I'm writing it down. So me, Claire,
Unknown:and what was the second one neat, Claire. And the second one
Unknown:for you is to fan is human
Unknown:to fan? To follow to fan? Awesome. I'll take a look at it.
Unknown:Ruby. was so fun. You're welcome. Thank you for making.
Unknown:Let's we got one more question. And we'll cut out of here.
Unknown:Jackie, Jackie says does anxiety have a more negative spin on
Unknown:today's society versus it being a good trait when we were
Unknown:running from Tigers?
Unknown:Yes. But we can't just shut it off. But we if we're aware of it
Unknown:helps.
Unknown:All right. Well, there you go there, Jackie, hope that helped
Unknown:you. And I really appreciate everybody commenting in in
Unknown:participating that really makes these things a lot funner when
Unknown:you have audience participation, and it really just adds to the
Unknown:whole pizzazz and what we got going on here, right.
Unknown:Yeah.
Unknown:So Roy wants to go ahead and take us out. I think I've I
Unknown:think I've hugged up most of the time here on on this livestream.
Unknown:Thank you so much, john. Yeah, I think it was very insightful,
Unknown:like very good to hear a professional, someone who's
Unknown:like, very in depth, or very insightful about the human
Unknown:psyche, to talk about abuse and to have like, a different angle
Unknown:that abuse is very negative and very destructive. But it comes
Unknown:from a place of fear and distrust. And when we, Shawn and
Unknown:I, I'm going to put us together in a box here that will make us
Unknown:aware that we can learn to be more like trustworthy, but also
Unknown:to trust other people again, and we know maybe that we have a
Unknown:second chance that we're not like stuck in the abusive box,
Unknown:but can get out of there if we want to. And you make it very
Unknown:clear that we have a choice. That in the past, we maybe felt
Unknown:like we didn't have a choice. We were too scared and not
Unknown:reflected enough. But now you gave us a bunch of tools that we
Unknown:can work with and feel more empowered and more secure and
Unknown:Less abusive, or on the same boat? Yeah, yeah. No, that was
Unknown:wonderful. And if people want to reach out to us, you have
Unknown:Shawn's email. I'm on Facebook, Aurora Eggert, or the Borealis
Unknown:experience, podcast. And yeah, I'm very excited about our next
Unknown:episode.
Unknown:Yeah, I got to make sure not to take take so long in between.
Unknown:I've been super busy this last this last month. So yeah, we'll
Unknown:we'll try and get more on a schedule. And we'll, we'll
Unknown:revisit and talk when we get off of this thing. And we'll figure
Unknown:out a more of a schedule to be on for it. Like we were talking
Unknown:we were we were wanting to do every two weeks. Okay, so yeah,
Unknown:oh, well, well, we'll make that happen. We'll do this a little
Unknown:bit more often. And Robert says yes to all who made the stream
Unknown:happen. Well, you're welcome, Robert. Oh, thank you, Robert.
Unknown:Thank you for being here. All right. Well, I think that's it.
Unknown:Thanks, guys. You're welcome. Thank you. That's so nice.
Unknown:I will everybody have a great weekend a pleasant day and be
Unknown:nice to each other.
Unknown:Thank you so much for this entire conversation here. If you
Unknown:have any questions if you want to do on our show. please reach
Unknown:out to Shawn. word to me. On Facebook, Shawn, Dustin. And we
Unknown:be so happy to welcome you on to the show.
