Ep.7 Knowing yourself and taking 100% ownership. [self-awareness]

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Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your host Aurora, and I'm very happy to be

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spending some time with you today. Thank you so much for

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being here and choosing my podcast, I hope I can bring you

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value, calmness, peace, hope, and love. Yesterday, I was live

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on my Facebook channel, so to say, and I talked about self

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awareness. And I really want to make sure that my dear podcast

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listeners who might not be connected with me on Facebook

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yet will not miss out on this topic that is really dear to my

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heart. I raised a question on my Facebook timeline. And a couple

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of people answered on what relationship if there was one

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relationship they could better improve in their life? Which one

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would it be? And a lot of people answered that it would be their

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relationship with themselves. And of course, I have to jump on

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this topic right away. Because, as you know, as a longtime

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listener, and as you will find out as a new listener, I'm all

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about sharing the tools that helped me along the way and

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getting to know myself better the better you know yourself,

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the better decisions you're going to make. That will have a

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deep impact on your health and your well being, but also on the

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people around you. So, self awareness, how do we become more

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self aware? How do we see our blind spots? While we can read

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self help books, we can watch documentaries about the

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subconscious mind and the conscious mind. Or we can engage

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in a journey with a coach. Here a little disclaimer, I'm not a

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mental health counselor, I'm not a psychotherapist. I share my

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passion to help other people and the tools that helped me back

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then when I was Yeah, feeling lost and uncomfortable in my

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skin. So if you're struggling with depression, if you are

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struggling intensely then please don't hesitate to reach out to a

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mental health practitioner or to your family doctor even.

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Alright, let's let's dive into today's topic. Self awareness is

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so incredibly interesting, let's say it is very revealing. And we

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will sometimes be very proud of what we see and discover in

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ourselves. But we will sometimes also feel repulsed and wanting

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to reject what we find out about ourselves because we all have a

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certain image. And we want to live up to that image. It could

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be I'm of service, I'm a good person. I am liked by other

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people, I am funny, I make people laugh. And everybody

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who's around me feels good and joyous. And we try to live by

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this image and everything that could disturb this image is

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going to be Yeah, the enemy for a short amount of time. You can

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see when when you make something you know when something comes to

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the surface, I mean, during the work with a coach or when you

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work on yourself, you will see stuff that you thought you

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didn't have inside of you. Right we all have hidden treasures and

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also little demons that we don't necessarily want to see and it

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is about shining some light onto these demons. In my video, I

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talked about how, for instance, our way of relating to other

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people is heavily influenced by our childhood. So the way your

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primary caregivers took care of you,

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the way you felt about the world back then, is kind of the

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blueprint of who you are nowadays in a relationship. Does

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that mean that it is kind of a stamp that you have on your

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forehand or on your DNA, and you cannot change it. And no, this

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is not what it means, thank God because we are also deeply

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shaped by our conclusions that we make with our mind, our brain

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and our environment. And it is very likely that nowadays, you

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live a very different life than you had when you were a child.

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But sometimes your mind your subconscious, your blueprint, so

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to speak, so to say is still stuck in the past. So you might

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have been a people pleaser, you might have grown up with people

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that were always busy and maybe a little bit impatient,

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sometimes maybe you look aggressive. So as a child, you

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want it to fit in, you want it to please it was your survival

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mechanism. Because if you don't belong to your family, if they

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kind of Yeah, shut you out of the system, then your survival

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is at risk. So you become a people pleaser, and learn how to

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relate to people through pleasing. You do that in your

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adulthood, and you keep getting one door shot in front of you,

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after the other you are disappointed, you're always the

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giver and don't get anything back and return. While maybe you

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are a people pleaser, you are over giving. And people are just

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totally overwhelmed with that. So there's this book called your

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attachments, I will put it in the show notes where they

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explain very specifically how you fall into certain categories

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after taking a load test or after reading longer and finding

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out who you are. And then you will find out what kind of ways

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you choose to relate to people and what it might trigger and

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other people and how you can become aware of this pattern

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because people are usually only reacting to what they receive

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from you, you know, we tend to blame people. But a lot of the

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times it is asked just not being aware of blind spots. Another

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thing when we do this work of self awareness is that if we get

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behind the scenes and find out that your household you grew up

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in your parents back then didn't do you know the perfect job,

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then you cannot slip into Ultra victim mentality and blame your

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parents for your misfortune nowadays, because you have to

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take ownership, you have to be 100% accountable for what's

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happening today in your life. blaming your parents is totally

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lame is not going to get you anywhere. And chances are that

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you're going to destroy the relationship that you have built

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ever since the stuff happened in the childhood and what for

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instead focus on what you can repair. I don't want to say

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necessarily a repair because you're not broken. But what you

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want to change in order to live a more fulfilled and self aware

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life. So you see already that I'm only going to touch on the

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surface here I can only go very into depth with that topic when

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I have a client sitting in front of me and opening up to me about

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specifics. But as a general rule, I want to say that it is

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very, very important for you to look inside and to find the

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areas where you have conflict where you have resistance where

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you have pain, where you have repetitive disappointment, and

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find out what it is inside of you that you can adjust, change,

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throw overboard and to not blame others for discomfort. Because

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that doesn't help you can't change other people. You can't

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undo your past. All you can do is be in the present, rest and

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reflect and learn and then let that shit go. You have to learn

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to let go then. Because what do you want to focus on as the

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lesson In the learning and how you can apply the learned the

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new pattern

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without falling back into into habits that you feel comfortable

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from back then, or even from now, but didn't get to anywhere.

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So whenever a person tells me they want to become self aware,

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I'm just getting so extremely excited because that's the first

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biggest step into a direction of more healthy living and genuine,

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sexy relationships and out of victim mentality, we don't want

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to be in that place of blaming others, I know that it is very

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easy to go and connect with other people. Oh, yeah, your

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parents have fucked up in the past as well. Mine too. Okay, so

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now we're the broken ones. And we kind of allow ourselves to be

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couch bumps or whatever you choose to do to avoid

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accountability and ownership. You have to have the balls to

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look into the mirror and to know that you might be still stuck in

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victim mentality and survival mode and that you want to get

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out of it, that you want have tools provided that can help you

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to dig yourself out of it. And to then test and see how your

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relationships change, but most importantly, how that

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relationship to yourself will change. So all this to say, self

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awareness is the biggest and most beautiful journey you can

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be on to find out where your boundaries are to find out what

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you like to find out what you don't like, to be able to say

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no, to situations to be able to do less, but to have more and to

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be more. Right. It's better to have less contacts, but more

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intense contacts, you want to go into depth. Also the way you

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consume information, the people that you follow on Twitter, on

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Facebook, on Instagram, if I would just look at the list of

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the people that you follow, I could give you a big clue on

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what your goals are in life and how you probably feel about

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yourself on a daily basis. Chances are if you are, you

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know, following a lot of people who trigger jealousy, who

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trigger judgment, you will feel not as clear not as good about

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yourself. If you follow accounts that are deeply inspiring and

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motivating you, then you'll feel very different. And we can all

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not underestimate the power of Twitter, Instagram, and

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Facebook, because we're all hooked to it. And we are all

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influenced by it. So we have to learn on how it impacts us. And

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we have to learn to be very specific about what we consume

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there. All right, I'm not going to overwhelm you in any way. I

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hope. I'm going to leave you with this. If there's any

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questions, any comments, please never hold back and message me

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on Facebook. And if you have any requests on topic, future topics

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here. Also shoot me a message. Thank you so much for being

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here. If you want to send me a token of appreciation, you can

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buy me a coffee. There's a link in the show notes. And yeah,

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take really good care of yourself. I'll be out there very