Ep. 6 Emotional toughness

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Hello, and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm

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your host Aurora. And I'm so very happy to be spending some

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time with you today. I hope you're doing well, I hope you

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feel safe and full of power, zero self doubt, zero obstacles

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in your way. That would be quite nice, right? Well, some of us

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have reached that point already and are thriving, and some of us

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are still figuring out what makes us tick, what makes us

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function very well what fields like the real flow for us? What

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is our purpose? What are the people that we want to surround

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ourselves with? That is just such big questions that are so

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worth it to address. Because if you become your best version,

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then you have to make sure that you know yourself best, the

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better you know yourself, the better decisions you're going to

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make in the future. And those decisions are not only going to

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impact you, but they're going to impact the whole world around

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you, your whole ecosystem that is around you. And that in turn

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will affect you right back. Today I want to talk about

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emotional toughness. The other day I heard that a client, a

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coaching client wanted to be and feel invincible, to his

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emotions. He is sick and tired to be nervous to feel like a

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wreck, to be uncertain to have self doubt. He just wants to be

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successful and not feel these feelings of anxiety anymore. He

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gets really frustrated and angry about this. And that, of course

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doesn't make it better. Well, what can I recommend here? When

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it comes to emotional toughness? The thing that I have learned is

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that if you learn to see your emotions as an ally, more than

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an enemy, or if you don't want to see them as an ally, but an

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opponent, so to say, then we can start a conversation about okay,

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what are emotions? How come that emotions are running your life?

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Why are your emotions at the steering wheel? And why is it

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not your rational self? What can we do to eliminate these

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emotions to have them gone once and for all. So the thing that

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I've learned is that the more you push back, the more you

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don't want certain emotions in your life, the stronger they're

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going to come back. It is a vicious cycle. You can't

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suppress strong emotions. It is how you learned to cope with

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situations that is how you learn to react and respond in certain

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situations or to life in general. What we can change is

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your attitudes and your view on life. The way you see people the

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thoughts that you have around life in general, the wounds that

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you can still heal from the past, because you might still

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cling to survival mechanisms that involve strong emotions,

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strong emotions were there and the past for you to feel

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protected and safe. But maybe you're not exposed to intense

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threat anymore. Or maybe you just want to address stressful

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situations, challenges, obstacles, opportunities with a

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new and fresh mind. And this is where coaching comes into play.

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Because it is during your coaching sessions that you will

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uncover reveal what is deep inside of you and what needs to

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come out in order to have

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Halsey responses, in order to have a more detached approach to

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things. And the balance here, the art here is to not become

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too detached and to have everything in your life not, you

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know, touching you anymore. Because that would mean that

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your heart is closed, you got sick walls around you. And you

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would have very, very hard time to connect with people because

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you need to be emotional, and emotionally flexible, you need

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to have empathy with people. So all those feelings are good,

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they make you connect with people, but I get it when it is

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just too much. When the cat down the road passed away. And after

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three weeks, you're still sad because of this. Not to diminish

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our relationship to our dear pets and animals in general. But

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maybe you you're getting my point here, there is situations

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where we deeply want to grieve, where we just have to go through

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the pain, and be patient with ourselves and sit with it, and

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not wanting it to go away. But let's take public speaking, for

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instance, I totally get it that after a while of trying to

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publicly speak in front of people and you still get

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nervous, you'd still get the jitters. You're just getting

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exhausted and tired and frustrated with yourself, you

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just want to be confident once and for all. And you want people

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to see you for the person you are. Well the thing is that with

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coaching, we will change the way you approach public speaking for

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instance, or if you have any other fear or any other

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situation in your life where you become very emotional. It can be

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anger, it can be anxiety, nervousness, whatever it is, we

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will go behind the scenes and find out what are the thoughts

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that trigger these emotions, because I'm a strong believer.

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And I've done that work on myself. And I'm still doing

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that, that I observe my thoughts that trigger these strong

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emotions, I observe my beliefs that I have that trigger the

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strong emotions. And then what I do is I question them. Really,

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are you really nervous, because you want to please everybody,

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every single person out of the 10,000 people that are listening

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to you? Well, darling, this is never gonna be the case, there

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will always be people who don't agree with you who don't want to

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listen to what you have to say. And you got to suck it up. You

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got to toughen up in that area that you want to please and feel

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adored by everybody. Because that is not the case. What I

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want to encourage you to do when it is about public speaking is

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that you when you train every 10 seconds, every minute, once you

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train for a little while that you remind yourself from the

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inside out, what is your mission and your vision here? What is it

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that you're coming here to do? And to talk about? Is it to be

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famous? Is it to draw attention to you? Or is it to serve

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people, to help people out educate people to inspire and

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motivate and empower people? See those are two very different

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things. And if I can get behind your multiviewer intention and

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talk with you about it, then we can slowly boil the emotions

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down. Because we'd heard if you have the right intentions, then

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there is nothing to be nervous about. And then people will

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embrace and listen to you and there will still be some people

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that are not willing to listen to you. And that is okay. We're

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going to learn to be more okay with not seeking out approval

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with not needing approval from other people. When you know

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exactly what your mission is and your intentions are

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to serve people. So, when it comes to other situation when it

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comes to talking to a date, talking to the opposite sex

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talking to people at your workplace, we can also get

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behind the strong emotions, the strong feelings of nervousness

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and find out what are the thoughts that are triggering

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your machine? And how can we tell your subconscious that you

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are safe today that you have the tools that you need, in order to

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function? Well, just like you want it, you are resourceful,

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you are full of ideas and inspiration and people feel

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drawn to you. And you can let go of that nervousness that used to

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protect you maybe we don't know, we would find out in a couple of

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conversations. So emotional toughness is such an incredible

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juicy and good topic to talk about because it is not about

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suffocating, and punishing the feelings that come up, but to

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deeply make sense of them, to put them all out on the lawn, or

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on the table and weed through them and see what is valid of or

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worthy of our attention. What can we draw up? And how can we

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help you to move on more empowered? How can we befriend

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you with your emotions, so that you can use your emotions to

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your advantage so that they don't hold you back anymore and

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cripple you, where you can maybe even speak out about the

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emotions that you feel, you know, when you are in a

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conversation, and all of a sudden, a person makes you

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nervous or you get angry, then you can tell them, hey, this

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actually hurts me when you say this. I don't know why. But this

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is how I feel right now. And maybe we can work through this

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or who I'm getting really nervous here. Maybe it is

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because I want to, you know, be the best version of myself. And

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I feel that you are an awesome person. And I don't want to

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disappoint you, you know how absolutely sexy and beautiful it

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is when a person can be open about how they feel. Because

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trust me, that other person feels your nervousness feels

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your frustration, people feel that you're suppressing

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something. And if you can be open about it, you take that

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energy, that pressure outside of you, you put it on the table,

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and between you and the audience or you and the other person. And

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then you can deal with it. And it dissolves most of the time.

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That's the beautiful thing about emotions, as soon as you express

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them authentically, honestly, not lying to yourself. And

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others, you can see wonders unfold. And know that your

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emotions are good and healthy and they make you you. But if

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you're still for some reason struggling with, you know, some

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past issues with you have beliefs that are not serving you

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and keeping you small, then address it. And it doesn't have

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to be me it can be any coach out there that you come across. But

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I want you to engage in that journey if you keep being

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frustrated about the strong emotions that you have. Alright,

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I'm leaving you on this note. I'm sending my love out to you.

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Thank you so much for being here. I feel so honored to

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connecting with you and to be serving you. I deeply care about

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you and your mental health. I want you to be your best

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version. I want you to know yourself. And then make the

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decisions that make you happy. Set the boundaries that make you

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feel great. And love the people have the people clothes that

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inspire you and make you feel good and all that jazz. Alright,

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lots of love. Until next time. Bye bye