Ep.19 Where do your thoughts come from ? [self-awareness]

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Hello, hello and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your host Aurora, life coach and companion

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on this beautiful journey called life. I hope you feel safe. I

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hope you feel good about yourself. I hope you feel

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supported, empowered, inspired, I hope you feel yourself is not

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the most important thing. To feel that we are living our

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truth expressing our truth. I believe that is so, so

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incredibly important. What I'm here to do with my podcast is to

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create a space for you where you can recharge your batteries,

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reflect at rest. And make sure that you are on the right path

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for yourself. Learn to set boundaries, learn to understand

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who you are, and make the decisions that are best for you.

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And the better you feel about yourself, the better person you

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can be out there for other people as well. It is incredible

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how when we try to be supportive of others and understanding

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others. And if we don't feel good about ourselves, it is

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extremely exhausting draining. Sometimes we even lack empathy.

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And as soon as we start taking care of ourselves first, and

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then once our batteries are fully charged, go out there to

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help others support others inspire others. It is a way

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different dynamic and it is way more sustainable. Make sure to

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check out Aurora Eggert coaching, where you can find out

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more about my coaching and how I could help you to become your

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best version of yourself. And if you want to send a token of

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appreciation, if you want to make sure that this podcast is

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sustainable and keeps going, send me a coffee through buy me

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a coffee, I have the link in the show notes. And I would so

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appreciate support from you. And feedback. If you want to give me

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a feedback, send me a review on Apple podcast. That's also

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incredibly valuable for me to know what I can do differently

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or what you especially value. In my show. I deeply appreciate you

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and I'm so proud of you. For choosing this path of self

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discovery. It is not always easy it is in fact very tough at

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times. So if you're listening, I know that you are a strong

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personality. I know you have a growth mindset because if you

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didn't have those, then you wouldn't be listening. Alright,

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let's dive into today's episode. I promised you guys on Facebook.

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By the way, join me there Aurora Eggert coaching or just Aurora

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Eggert, my profile, I'm always happy to connect with you and I

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gladly take in Episode requests. This episode was kind of

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requested by a listener and very dear listener. John, if you're

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listening, thank you so much for being here. He didn't directly

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requested but we had a discussion after last episode.

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And this is why I decided to talk about our thoughts and

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feelings and how they influence our life. What comes first?

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Where do thoughts and feelings come for from? And how can we

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influence them. It is so important to understand your own

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mind. Because if you can use your mind to your advantage. You

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can tap into your true potential you can be your true self and

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you can make decisions that are incredible and valuable, not

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only for you, but they're going to impact the people around you

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as well. So where do thoughts and feelings come from? I want

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to go back to when you were born. Imagine yourself

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struggling your way out of the womb into this world. And just

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imagine what happens in that instance doesn't matter if you

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came out as a C section baby or natural through the natural way.

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You were very well protected. You didn't have to ask for

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anything. Everything was provided your In this beautiful

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one womb that protects you and nurtures you, 24/7. And all of a

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sudden, you are thrown into this world, you land on planet Earth,

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hopefully smoothly, hopefully, without any big drama. It's very

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interesting, a lot of therapy starts, like goes all the way

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back to your birth. Because if you struggled throughout your

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birth, the birth process, it deeply affects how you perceive

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the world. So if, for instance, the umbilical cord was strangled

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around your neck, and you were half dead when you came out,

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right, because you didn't have enough oxygen, that's a pretty

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rough start. And these people usually are the most crazy

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goodest warriors out there, because they had to go through

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so much struggle in the first couple hours on planet Earth

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already, maybe you had a very smooth burst. Fact is that from

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then on, from the moment on you were born, you had to start

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communicating, your mom is not given a manual. And so as not

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your dad, they both do their best, what they've learned from

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their parents from society from I don't know how you call these

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classes where you go, like prenatal classes, I think he

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called them and they do their best and you do your best to

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communicate what you need. Now, it is very important for you to

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have your needs met, for you to have clothing shelter, for you

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to have it warm enough, but not too warm for you to have water

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and food, and sleep. So if you parents do a good job and jump

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whenever you need food, or milk or water, then that's awesome.

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But if your parents were busy with something else, maybe with

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other siblings, maybe with trying to have enough money to

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raise you guys to raise you, then it can happen that people

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are distracted, and they can't jump whenever you need

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something. And the point why I'm going all the way back is that

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it is from an infant age, that you experience your environment

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and you make certain conclusions about yourself first. Whenever

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you're not being fed on time, your baby brain makes the

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conclusion I am not important. I'm being neglected. Other

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people are more important than me. And my needs don't matter.

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Up until the age of seven, your consciousness, your brain,

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everything you take in. You can imagine your brain, like a

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little sponge like you suck everything in. And you make

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conclusions about yourself. It is only later that you won't

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make conclusions about other people, when they disappoint you

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when they don't show up when they hurt you when they

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manipulate you, then you will start making conclusions about

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others. Sometimes it's as late as in your teenage years or 20s.

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So we make certain conclusions about ourselves. And those are

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beliefs, thoughts that we have about ourselves. Now they can be

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very positive or very, very negative as you can imagine.

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Also, the way your family raises you, your family has certain

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belief systems, they might be a religious, they might be

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attached to a status in society. It is very diverse. Whatever

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your family values are and what your family believes in, you

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will most likely copy and paste. And so it starts that our little

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brain our mind is being conditioned to think a certain

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way. It is incredibly important to go all the way back and to

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explore the conditions and the thoughts the beliefs that were

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planted into your brain and to when you are at this point where

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you're at right now where he listened to this episode and are

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very curious about what are thoughts and feelings come from?

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That you ask yourself? If you were to imagine the beliefs and

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conditions from your family as a little backpack? How heavy of a

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backpack are you carrying? And is this backpack and everything

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it has inside of it, serving you. Or can you start

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questioning the thoughts and belief system that you have

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about yourself and other people, society life in general the

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world in general, because they're not serving you anymore.

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So whenever something happens, we will have a belief system in

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place, if you are a person who was a little bit neglected in

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their younger years, and you felt that your needs didn't

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matter. And later on you meet friends, you meet a partner, who

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is just a little bit, you know, out there, extroverted, busy

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with their own life, but super loving and kind, you will feel

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abandoned or neglected once again, because you have

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downloaded onto your little baby brain, that people that are

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close to you, the first ones were your parents, your

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caregivers, and now it's your friends and your lovers or

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lover, that they will disappoint you and hurt you at some point.

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And through coaching, we go back in time and we find out which

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believe you have downloaded back then, which you are trying to

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find a match to in your adult years. So in this case, we have

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downloaded or needs don't matter, we've been neglected. So

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this is going to happen in our relationships as well. And now

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turns out that when you are in relationships, when you start a

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friendship or with your long term friendships, you are fairly

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insecure. And maybe even avoidant. Maybe you are

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aggressively clingy. But it is because you went through that

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pain in your early stages of life. So your thoughts are very,

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very much attached to your conditioning by society, family,

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friends, your environment. And it is possible to reframe, and

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to override or change the belief system that you downloaded back

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then in order to change your thoughts. But it is very hard to

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change your thoughts and not change what you have downloaded.

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In early years, it's kind of if you see your brain as a

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computer, there's a hardware, the software, and we have to go

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down to the hardware and reframe how you started seeing the world

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back then in order for you to enjoy beautiful, nurturing

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relationships in your adult life for you to see situations as

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what they are instead of having preconceived thoughts about how

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a love story is going to go down.

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So your thoughts are so deeply attached to your body and to

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your emotions. I talk about this in my first two seasons. And by

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the way, my podcast is a progression. It's growth, it's a

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progress. So if you're just jumping in today with this

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episode, awesome, I'm so happy to have you. And if you get want

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to get the most out of my podcast here, go back to season

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one and start from there because you're gonna go through an

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incredible journey of growth and getting to know yourself if you

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do that, but they're in season one and two, I talk about how

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your body is going to try to signal you in very subtle ways

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that it needs something from you and if we keep ignoring that

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with thirsty that with Chai or that we're hungry, that we're

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feeding our food, our body with food that is not really

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nurturing but just filling. Your body will come up with

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sensations with pain with illnesses with discomfort and

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that will affect your thoughts. It is coming out now through

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intense scientific read research that your physical well being is

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deeply affecting your mental health, your emotions and In

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turn your thought process, the better your body feels, the

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healthier you are, the more positive your thoughts can be

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about yourself and other people. So I want to describe it as a

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triangle. So at the tip of the triangle, you have the thoughts.

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And then on the right corner of the triangle, you have emotions.

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And then you have your body on the bottom left tip of the

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triangle, and they communicate constantly. What I asked my

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clients first in the first session is how good their sleep

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is, your sleep is going to affect your mental health, but

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intensely your physical health to an extent that is so

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incredibly fascinating. It's, it's just so crazy good. If you

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don't get enough sleep, your thoughts, the way you view the

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world, the filter of the lens through which you see other

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people and the world is going to be so dark and distorted. If you

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don't get enough sleep, that some people really have a change

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of character happening. If their sleep starts to suffer. And

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again, go back to the triangle, your sleep usually suffers

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because you are going through something your mind is racing,

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your thoughts are trying to problem solve, and you're trying

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to get some sleep at night, but you just are not tired enough to

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sleep. And it's a total mess, and shitshow and vicious cycle

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because if your mind is not at peace, your body will also not

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want to rest because it's just not possible. And that triangle,

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we want to keep in check in balance at all times. Because as

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soon as the body doesn't get what it needs, it's going to

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mess up with the mind. And the thoughts in doing so and the

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emotions. And if you feel weird, emotionally, right now I'm going

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through a situation where my father lost his best friend, and

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my father is suffering intensely. And I'm so far away

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from him, and I don't know how to support him. So intense pain,

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because of loss and grieving of another person.

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Trigger intense emotions of sadness, and powerlessness. And

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that, in turn, affects my sleep affects the way I think. When

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you go to your thoughts, we have preconceived thoughts, as I said

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earlier, because we are conditioned by our society and

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by our family, and this is why it is so incredibly important to

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get out there and to travel. And if COVID doesn't allow it, to

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meet people online or to watch documentaries, from cultures

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from different backgrounds, because you need to keep an open

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mind, in order to have a healthy mind, you need to understand

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that every person has a different map of the world. And

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if you want to deeply connect with a person, you need to

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understand how they view the world. And when somebody

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understands the way you sync, the way you make conclusions, it

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is incredibly refreshing and you feel understood and loved,

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right? So if you can do that for another person, it's incredibly

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valuable in order to build healthy relationships. Now, all

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this to say, relationships are our life. We're constantly in

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relationship we are in relationship to ourselves, to

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our body, to our environment, to nature, and to the people around

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us. And the people around us are going to trigger thoughts inside

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of us because we have maybe a painful memory to something that

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they are doing right now. And it reminds us of something that

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happened back then. And your relationship to time is also so

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incredibly interesting to look at because your mind can travel

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back in time and can also go into the future. Right when you

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are anxious. What if what is going to happen? Uncertainty,

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blah, blah, blah. You think about the future when you get

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depressed and regretful you think about the past Do you

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think about stuff that you have done or that has been done to

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you. So your mind and your relationship to time is also

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incredibly important to look at. Because you can travel in time,

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you're not only in calendar time, we call it where you look

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at your calendar, and it is June 28 4pm. Tomorrow is June 29

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Aurorus. Birthday. And she's very excited to celebrate her

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birthday, on a sunny day at the lake. So yeah, the calendar

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time, that is the now and you have the mind time. That is,

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wherever your mind chooses to travel to. And usually it

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travels back in time, memory, disappointments, pain. And if

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you know that your mind will always try to protect you at all

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cost. It will cling to negative feelings and experiences you had

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in the past, and will try to protect you from having to go

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through that pain again. And sometimes your mind is trying to

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protect you from stuff that happened in the past, to not get

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hurt and the future to a point that it cripples you that it

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doesn't allow you to be yourself anymore, that it is overly

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protective. And that is another thing that we address through

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coaching to see. Where are you at now? And where does your mind

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spend most of its time?

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Is it anxiously in the future or depressed in the past, and how

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can we get you to enjoy the present moment and to see what

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is in front of you and not some weird distorted version through

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a filter. Another concept that is super interesting is your

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mind location. You can also travel location wise, maybe

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throughout COVID, you really didn't like where you were at.

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And at night or even during the day you were daydreaming of

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being in another place. Or you were traveling back in time to a

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specific place. And whenever you drive through a place that is

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similar, or reminds you of that place that you visited in the

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past and something bad happened. Again, your mind is going to

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come up with its protective system, and will try to protect

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you at all cost and is going to have all the alarm clocks going

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off. Because it doesn't want you to go through pain again. And

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this is how we can explain anxiety. Anxiety is supposed to

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protect you it's a good thing. But sometimes it's trying to

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protect you from something that is long gone, that is in the

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past. And of course you're not going to go through that pain

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again because now you've learned from your experiences. So

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sometimes your mind is hooked into a loop of negative thinking

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and experiences and emotional pain because with negative

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thinking, negative emotions will come up which affect your body

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think of the triangle again. And to get out of the loop. You need

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to do one degree changes, not 10, not 20, not 100%. But one

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degree changes to slowly get yourself out of this negative,

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anxious or depressed thinking pattern and to steer your system

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your life into a direction that is true to yourself and not to

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the version that is struggling and feels threatened and is in

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survival mode. You are in a safe place you are in a good place

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and you are about to break through. Because if you're

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listening to this, if you're visiting Aurora Eggert coaching

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and find out okay, there's a match there's something I want

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to go deeper and with Aurora then we can get you onto a path

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that is right for you away from those thoughts that are holding

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you back and making you play small. All right, this was a big

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episode. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope I was able to bring you

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value and joy and inspiration and empowerment. You are so

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incredibly precious and unique. And I'm always excited to

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connect with you guys over Facebook, reach out to me, and

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make sure to subscribe to my podcast here. Thank you so much

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for being here. I'll be out there very soon again for you