Ep.9 Masculinity and having to walk alone to heal

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And today with us, Colin, Big Bear Ross, we're

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going to discuss masculinity, femininity, colin is going to

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talk more about the masculine part. And I'm going to ask him

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questions about, yeah, femininity, what he thinks is

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feminine. And for our female listeners out there to, to be

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reminded that we can sometimes lean back a little bit more and

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relax and receive. And for the guys out there. Yeah,

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masculinity. It's a it's a huge topic, I fear out there in

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society, a lot of people are confused. There's a lot of mixed

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messages out there, of what is masculine, what is feminine.

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What would be your spontaneous take on that topic column?

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Well, yeah, you're absolutely right. So there are a lot of

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people out there that are so confused with the word feminine,

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or masculine, you know, and they make up their own actions in

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their head to what it means like, this guy's masculine, you

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know, like, maybe he's like an alpha or acting aggressively or

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something like that. Totally, what masculine is, or a

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masculine is like, the protector, you know, side of

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your of yourself, right? You have to think of like, even Yad

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almost right? You know, the symbol uni? Well, we both, we

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all have masculine, and we both have feminine, feminine energy

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within us, right. And it's about finding the balance in the

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middle, to truly start, you know, walking into that amazing

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power that you have. And some of us as men, we fall into this

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masculine Baskin on, label ourselves with this, like, I'm a

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big, tough, strong man, you know, you know, I don't need to

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talk about my feelings, or, you know, strong men even right,

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because that's the nurturing side, right? That's the side

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that you can be vulnerable. That's the side that can help

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you to really heal, right. So that's where it's important to

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have that balance that makes, if that makes sense.

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Totally, totally. But I would, what I would like to add to that

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is, I feel when you are living in a wounded masculine energy,

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let's say when you still think that aggression is the masculine

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way, you will also attract women that are also still wounded. So

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they think all aggression is so sexy and attractive. And that's

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when the whole mess starts. Because then you are kind of

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caught caught in that role. And there's not a nurturing,

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understanding, relationship, starting but a relationship

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based on sex and aggression. For instance. Have you like, Do you

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understand what I'm what I mean by the wounded masculine and the

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wounded? feminine? Like, have you observed that too?

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Oh, God, yeah. Like, there's so many of my friends, even myself

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have grown up in those toxic relationships where, you know,

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like, you'll see, or you'll see, like, you know, there's an

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abusive relationship, and you keep wondering why they keep

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coming back to each other, you're like, you just don't

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understand it. It's like, why are they with each other,

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they're so toxic for each other. But that, that comes down to a

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habit that comes down to past traumas, it could be due to lack

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of a father in the home, there's so many different things that

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could be triggering that, you know, because we because we all

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everything is our childhood, right? our childhood traumas,

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right? And bring that with through us as we grow older,

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right? So, you know, a girl, you know, who is used to being

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abuse, abusive, or having to be abused, you know, that could

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come from her father for all, you know, right. And that's

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something that she's, she's experienced growing up her whole

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life, so she doesn't know any other way. Right. And so it's in

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so she thinks, you know, she's in this healthy relationship,

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but really, it's it's a toxic relationship.

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Hmm. Yeah. And the steps out of it are usually very tough. Like

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to get out of an abusive relationship, a toxic

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relationship. And then afterwards, I feel sometimes

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it's ingrained so deeply that people who are used to abuse and

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toxicity are searching for that again, because that's home.

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That's what they used to be, you're

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falling back in old habits, right? Like, it's like, it's

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like, I'm gonna put it in, like a very easy way to understand,

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okay, so it's like, um, for 10 years of your life, you know,

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when you start drinking from whatever, however young you are,

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okay? So when you're happy, you have a beer, right? And when

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you're sad, you have a beer, like, that's the go to, and

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through 10 years, you create that habit. So every time you

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know, I'll tell it's not good for you, it's a depressant, you

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know what I mean? It's not gonna make you happy. It might for the

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moment, but the next day, you're going to be pissy, you're going

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to be, you know, Moody, because you're hung over and you, you

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know, you're basically putting poison in your body right? Now

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your body has to flesh it out. So, you know, you're, you're

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getting caught into that long term habit of once, you know,

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over 10 years. So, just just an easy way to put it.

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Yeah. Like, what would you say are the first steps to re frame

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relationships were to, to, yeah, reframe the idea of what is

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healthy, what is good or what not? It is probably awareness,

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but but to have that awareness? Where do we go from there?

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Well, if we're talking about somebody that does that, that

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this is all they know, they don't know anything else, except

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these toxic lifestyles and everything. You know, this is

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basically hitting rock bottom, and ree molding your entire

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life, you know. So this comes down to self love, this stuff

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comes down to being alone with your being able to be alone in

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loving yourself, and not for just a short period of time.

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Like, you need to do this for a long time. And you need to deal

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with those traumas, you need to start identifying all these

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unhealthy trades that you've been living, right. And then you

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know, and when you start to become healthy, and you will

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eventually once you start putting in the work, you know,

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you know, Mind, Body soul, you know, you start eating good, you

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start working out, you start spending time in nature, you

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start to look at the little things in life, right? Start to

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heal, right. And then once you start to really become healthy,

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that's when you can finally give back healthy. So first things

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first, when you're coming out of a relationship that's toxic,

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like this, is you need to be selfish, you need to think about

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yourself, your own well being your number one, self love, you

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know, you're able to look at yourself in the mirror. And if

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you can't do that, that's a self love fish issue.

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And it can be a very, very lonely path. You You said that

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earlier that you went through times of extreme loneliness when

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you started healing. And I feel for a lot of guys, sometimes

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it's it's tough to make sense of why a relationship like broke up

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ended. And I feel we as women, like we have an easier we can.

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We're quicker to blame and shame the others. And sometimes we're

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not aware that we as women can be very toxic as well. You don't

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have to talk about your personal experiences, but you can. Like

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Have you heard about women who have that behavior where as a

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guy you you feel so confused. You're like, well, she plays the

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victim but she is obviously not like she's manipulating the

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situation. But I don't know as a man how to react. Have you heard

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of a story like that? Or maybe experienced it? Oh,

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yeah, for sure. Like I've I've totally experienced it myself.

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You know, I was in a long term relationship with a girl for a

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long time. You know, she was deep in addiction. I was an

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addiction. You know what I mean? And, you know, I was trying to

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power both of us out of it, you know? And I always came off as

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Yes. All right, because I was like the hardliner, like, we

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need to get our shit together, we need to get, you know, going,

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and we need to get help kind of thing. You know, so she became a

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victim to me, right? Because, you know, I'm trying to, I'm

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trying to, like, enforce these things, right? And, you know, at

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first you enforce things gently, you know what I mean? And then

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by the end of the relationship, it's so broken, you're late,

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you're basically screaming at each other? No, so now they're a

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victim, you know what I mean? And they victimize themselves

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just because of the anger, that's, that's coming out

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between the two of you, right? So, you know, it's easy to do

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that, and then do the same thing. They victimize themselves

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as well, you know, and, and when you wake up and you realize, you

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know, I'm not a victim anymore, you know, that's when you really

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start to take back your power, right? Mm hmm. But, yeah, it's a

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very complicated situation to be in. It really is.

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Yeah, cuz it's so confusing. And you don't know if you are right,

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about the feelings you feel you feel angry, you feel maybe even

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depressed, and then the other person makes you feel worse and

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saying, Yeah, it's your fault. It is because of you. And you're

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like, Wait a second, like, what is what was her part? When? When

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was she accountable for anything that happened, and like, I feel

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that sometimes not often enough, like women don't see that they

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were part of the distraction as well. And guys have a tendency

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to react aggressively and to shut down. And that's scary. And

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that's something you can call somebody out on. But women do

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just as much destruction in being avoidant, or passive

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aggressive or withdrawing sex, or manipulating gaslighting, you

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know, and it's stuff that it's harder to put a finger on,

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though, it's more difficult to explain when you're not in that

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situation. And it's more difficult to call a person out

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on when it comes to that lonely path that you were on. When you

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realized, okay, you have to get better you we want to get out of

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that toxic circle of relationships. Were there any

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practices any, like, habits that you started doing on a regular

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that helped you to feel better?

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Yeah, 100%, like, literally, when I when I came out of that

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point in my life from that toxic relationship, I had to I had to

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remould my entire life, you know, um, you have to

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reconfigure all your habits, it comes down to habits and

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choices. Okay? So you have to stop the drugs, you have to stop

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the booze, you have to cut off the relationship. You know what

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I mean? You can't, you can't keep that that person in your

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life. You know, you you have to heal. So you have to walk your

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own path. And that means you have to walk alone, right?

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That's exactly what I did. And, you know, for a while, you know,

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I walked very lonely. You know, when, after the relationship

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ended, I was still drugged, I was still hiding my pain

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through, you know, not talking to anybody. Right. And it was

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very devastating time in my life. You know, but eventually,

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you wake up, and you start to speak your truth. Right? And we

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start to speak your truth and you realize that you're living a

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lie, you know, and, yeah, everything looks outside and

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you're smiling and everything, really, you're broken inside.

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You know, so that's when you really have to do that inner

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work. That's where the self love comes in handy. That's where you

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need to sit down with yourself and literally write down like,

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what's my goals? You know, what's not, what's serving me

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what's not serving me. And then you need to take what's not

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serving you and you need to throw it in the garbage and then

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you need to start writing down what's working for you. Okay? Is

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is going to For me working before me, you know is going to

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support groups, you know, are they working for me, going to

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the gym, that helps release all the negative energy throughout

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the body building that the gym is like, that is my go to.

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Because when you go to the gym, well, when you're going to the

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gym, how do you feel? How do you normally feel when you're gonna

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do something, if you feel like you have accomplished something,

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you feel good, you know, you want to drink good water, or you

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want to eat a healthy meal, you want to you don't want to go eat

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a cheeseburger after the gym or have a cigarette, you know, what

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I mean? is once you start putting in the work, your body

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naturally starts craving when it needs it. It's just, it's just

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following that intuition. To do those things, right. You're

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eating healthy, make sure you're drinking good water, you know,

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and, you know, in in, I took on a spiritual life. Yeah.

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No, your your story is extremely inspiring. And now you're a

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spiritual leader yourself. And you have a huge platform where

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you support other people. When it comes to men, would you say

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like, Is there any platform? Or maybe online groups that you can

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recommend when when somebody is struggling with shame,

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addiction? constantly failing relationships? Is there

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something you can recommend?

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Well, yeah, there's lots of there's lots of support groups

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out there, you just need to search for them. Honestly, it

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takes one second. Out Google, you know, support groups, they

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have one for da, that's cocaine anonymous, a alcohol anonymous.

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Na is not a Narcotics Anonymous. They have smart recovery. They

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have ones, you know, there, I'm sure there's ones for

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relationships, you know, everything. And, you know, if,

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if that's not the case, and you need, you can go buy a book,

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even, you know what I mean, there's so many different

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avenues that you can take. That's the The best thing about

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the smartphones is you can jump on YouTube, and you can start

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listening to people mentoring about relationships and whatnot,

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right? Like, there's endless information, right? And, you

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know, you can take the good from what you read and listen to

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there, and see if it works in your life, apply it. You can

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keep trying as many things, that's the best thing about

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life. You can try as many things as you want. And then

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eventually, you're gonna find out what works. It's like, man,

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I really like listening to this iPod. You know, this podcast,

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the sorority girl, you know, she really hits a lot of good

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points, right? You know, when people are when people are

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hurting, and they're trying to heal, they, they, they, their

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tendency is they do search. And sometimes we get caught so much

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in our emotions that we don't know what to do. And that's

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where you know, people like me and you come in handy. We can

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help point them in the right direction.

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Yeah, that's great. And that's what the big mare bear

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motivational movement is all about. Right? You have a huge

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platform where you inspire people not daily, but hourly I

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feel or 10 minute lead like you feel you're always there, and

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you're available and ready to talk to people and lift people

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up. And it's incredible how you were able to dig yourself up

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from a from a deep dark hole to now become this motivation for

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so many and leader and hard driven leader. That's why you

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are on my show, is that I know that you do it for the right

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reasons, you you pull your energy from the right source

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from your heart right

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in to take on adventure like I am having a worldwide support

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group is basically what it is, you know, you have to have the

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right intentions, you know, you have to lead from your heart.

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You know, it's it's, it's it's a lot to take on and yeah, I do

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make myself very available for people who actually want help.

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You know, there there's, there's some people who just think they

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can call me or message me and I'm just going to fix their

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problems for them, loan them money, but they got the wrong

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idea. You know, I'm here I'm, I'm here to help draw you a

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blueprint. When when you can draw on yourself, you know, on

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what kind of actions you can take to live a happier,

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prosperous life. You know, and I'm living proof, you know, and

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I was I was in the darkest of valleys, and I brought myself

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out of it. And, you know, and I stumble still sometimes. And

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that's because I'm a human. I'm not perfect. You know, I have my

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rainy days like everybody else. But it's, it's learning from

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those rainy days. Right? You got to learn from those. So then

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every time you do fall, a little bit more easier to get up.

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Yeah. Yeah, sure. A lot of times, it's also about not

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taking it personally, not saying, Oh, yeah, this is

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because life is so hard, or because I'm such an unlucky

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person. No, it is because it's part of life change as part of

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life. Suffering is part of life. You just got to see it, like you

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said correctly as a lesson and then hear from it. move on from

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it and try again. Don't give up. Right?

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Yeah. Yeah. Well, because people, you know, we are we like

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to be our own worst critics. Right? And we beat ourselves up.

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It's like, okay, I stayed sober for a year. And then all sudden,

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I drank one night, oh, my God, you know, I'm a, I'm a terrible

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person. No, you're not, you're not a terrible person. You're an

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amazing person. You know, what, he just had a little, he just

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had a little flaw one night, you know. And that's when it comes

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to, you know, acceptance, you know, I mean, accept what

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happened, and move on, because that was in the past. This is

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the moment, the moment right now, this is life. living in the

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moment, when you can truly live in the moment, without

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distraction of everything else, what's gone on in the past,

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what's going to happen in the future, and it's just mean you

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right here, you're living in that very moment. That is truly

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living life, you are walking in your power. And, and that is

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beautiful, because then you get to get to see all the beautiful

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things in life, you know, the wild flowers, you know, the

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fresh coffee in the morning? No, the nice, the nice cleansing

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showers, and, you know, the soaking up the sun, the working,

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work, work, work becomes it no longer becomes work, because

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you're enjoying what you're doing. I hope. Yeah. You know,

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and if not, you know, start to plan a goal. So you're doing

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something you do enjoy.

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Yeah, yeah. Colin, I respect you so incredibly much and, and what

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you say there is the absolute truth, that appreciation and

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living in the present, is an intention is going to make you

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live with more depth. And then if something is out of line, if

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something doesn't feel right, you can adjust and make changes.

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If we're not present with our life. Then, unconsciously, like

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things build up and we become unhappier, because we're not

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aware of our environment anymore.

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And you just did that huge step of leaving the town you were

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living in for so long. For for another town, I'm not dropping

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names here. How was that for you? Like, there must have been

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a build up of No, this is not good for me, I need something

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else. And then he took the huge jump, and left to find something

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new. How was that for you?

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You know, it was absolutely liberating. Um, the world is

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ours, you know, and when people say that it truly is. And, you

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know, where I was living was was not healthy. You know, I know

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everybody there, you know, there's, there's an excess

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amount of drug and alcohol abuse going on there. You know, and

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just the energy I was picking up there and running into people,

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you know, from my past and things like that. It just, it

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just wasn't serving me anymore. You know, as bad as I wanted to

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stay in that in Lethbridge and help people, you know, and do my

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work. I wasn't living healthy myself. So I needed to step out

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of there. I figured in my head, like, you know, I actually got

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on my knees, my knees. I prayed about it. I said, God, I said,

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No, please help me. Give me Give me a way out. You know, in When

Unknown: 00:25:00

I say praying, you know, some people will say, you ask the

Unknown: 00:25:04

universe for it, they'll come to you, you know, I mean, the law

Unknown: 00:25:08

of attraction, so you can look at it any way you want praying

Unknown: 00:25:11

or the, you know, the universe, whatever. I'm not here to preach

Unknown: 00:25:16

about religion or anything like that. But you know, I asked for

Unknown: 00:25:20

that, I set my intention that I needed out in to be in a healthy

Unknown: 00:25:25

place. And God brought me to where I am now. And he gave me a

Unknown: 00:25:29

job opportunity. He gave me a beautiful roof over my head, he

Unknown: 00:25:33

gave me beautiful nature, I get to wake up to in the morning,

Unknown: 00:25:37

like, these are the things that help you heal. Right. So I'm

Unknown: 00:25:41

surrounded by it right now. You know, and it's absolutely

Unknown: 00:25:47

amazing. I've only been on here, God, just a couple of weeks now.

Unknown: 00:25:51

And I can tell the difference, you know, I'm getting up, I'm

Unknown: 00:25:54

getting up at 630. You know, sometimes even 430 in the

Unknown: 00:25:58

morning, ready to go again, you know, I wasn't doing that back

Unknown: 00:26:02

home, I was I was laying in my bed, sometimes I won't even get

Unknown: 00:26:06

out of my bed, you know, and that, and that's, that's, that's

Unknown: 00:26:10

depression, you need to snack, you need to snap out of that.

Unknown: 00:26:14

And you need to acknowledge that quick, or else gonna get a lot

Unknown: 00:26:17

worse, real fast. And that could be back to relapse, drug

Unknown: 00:26:22

addiction again, and go down the whole rabbit hole again, and I

Unknown: 00:26:26

realized what things were happening, and I acted on it.

Unknown: 00:26:31

Yeah. And it also takes a lot of self worth to do that step.

Unknown: 00:26:41

Because a lot of times, we realize all that situation is

Unknown: 00:26:44

not good for me anymore. But I don't want to give up the other

Unknown: 00:26:48

people, I want to keep helping them and you know, you you tell

Unknown: 00:26:53

yourself lies to stay in that situation where you know, it's

Unknown: 00:26:57

not good for you. So it not only took you courage, but knowing

Unknown: 00:27:02

that know, your well being is so important. And you will not be a

Unknown: 00:27:08

service for any other person out there. If you're not taking care

Unknown: 00:27:13

of yourself, and you took that huge step. And I don't know if

Unknown: 00:27:17

you have a filter on here on zoom right now, but your

Unknown: 00:27:19

complexion, the glowing in your eyes is back. I can see fire.

Unknown: 00:27:26

And I know it's Mother Nature and you being happy and proud of

Unknown: 00:27:32

yourself. And we're all benefiting from it. Like it's so

Unknown: 00:27:37

cool. So cool. Oh, yes.

Unknown: 00:27:43

Yeah, I was gonna say, you know, I have I have a saying, heal

Unknown: 00:27:47

yourself and heal the world. Right? where I was, I wasn't

Unknown: 00:27:55

healing. You know. So even if I was trying to help other people,

Unknown: 00:28:00

I wasn't going to be good. I was just going to drain all my all

Unknown: 00:28:04

the energy I had left, you know, you can't pour from an empty

Unknown: 00:28:07

cup. Right? Yes. So that's why I've made the change. I've

Unknown: 00:28:14

decided I'm gonna fill empty my cup, right? Oh, fill it up. So

Unknown: 00:28:18

it's overflowing. So I can start my work again. And I can start

Unknown: 00:28:23

helping people. Again, you know what I mean? And I can start

Unknown: 00:28:27

moving in the direction I want to because these, these things

Unknown: 00:28:30

are going to happen to me, no matter where I go. Right. You

Unknown: 00:28:34

know, you have these ups and downs. But this was a good move.

Unknown: 00:28:38

Yeah, no, incredibly powerful. Call and we're coming to an end

Unknown: 00:28:43

here with our episode, it doesn't have to be our last we

Unknown: 00:28:46

can always make another one. What would be the number one or

Unknown: 00:28:52

maybe two, to advise us for guys, and maybe girls out there?

Unknown: 00:28:59

If they are feeling that a change needs to happen. They

Unknown: 00:29:07

want to take better care of themselves. What would be the

Unknown: 00:29:10

two first baby steps for them?

Unknown: 00:29:16

Okay, so let's, let's say you're, you're at rock bottom,

Unknown: 00:29:22

okay, and you don't know what to do. The first step that you're

Unknown: 00:29:28

going to need to do is to get sober, to get thinking with a

Unknown: 00:29:33

clear mind a healthy mind. And, you know, don't worry about all

Unknown: 00:29:38

the other stuff, because all the other stuff is irrelevant. If

Unknown: 00:29:43

you're living in this deep darkness. You need to get rid of

Unknown: 00:29:48

these demons out of your closet. So getting rid of the

Unknown: 00:29:51

addictions, the booze, and then you got to start cutting people

Unknown: 00:29:54

out of your life, the toxic people out of your life and you

Unknown: 00:29:59

know, and I call it walking alone. It was a stage in my,

Unknown: 00:30:05

I'll talk to you, I'll talk briefly about it, there was a

Unknown: 00:30:08

stage in my addiction where I called it walking lonely, you

Unknown: 00:30:12

know, I was a lot of soul just walking around, using drugs

Unknown: 00:30:16

working, living in this very low vibration, you know, and I was

Unknown: 00:30:22

just, I was lost, I was truly lost. And when I went through my

Unknown: 00:30:27

awakening, and I started to realize that I can take my power

Unknown: 00:30:33

back, and I'm going to take my power back, I walked alone, you

Unknown: 00:30:39

know, I did walk along, and I cut out all the bad people out

Unknown: 00:30:42

of my life, I changed my own numbers, I, you know, anything

Unknown: 00:30:48

that was, would trigger me in any way, shape, or shape or form

Unknown: 00:30:52

was gone. And then I had to learn how to love myself. And I

Unknown: 00:30:58

learned how to be alone, I had to cry a lot, you know, and then

Unknown: 00:31:03

I started reaching out for support, I started reaching out

Unknown: 00:31:07

for help, you know, and I started to support groups, I

Unknown: 00:31:13

started going to church, I even started going to Bible, you

Unknown: 00:31:16

know, groups working out, you know, all by myself, right? And,

Unknown: 00:31:23

you know, it's the consistency, right? You know, you know, you

Unknown: 00:31:27

have to be consistent every single day, you know, I wake up,

Unknown: 00:31:32

I put on positive music, I say my prayers, I have a shower, I

Unknown: 00:31:37

visualized, negative coming out of me through the water down the

Unknown: 00:31:43

drain, you know, I do do push ups, sit ups, you know, in my

Unknown: 00:31:48

room, whenever kickstart my day, go to the gym, and then I come

Unknown: 00:31:52

back home, and I write down my plan for the day, we need

Unknown: 00:31:56

structure, you need to start building structure. If you don't

Unknown: 00:32:00

have a plan to follow, you're just waking up and being bored

Unknown: 00:32:04

for the rest of the day. You know, you need to make a solid

Unknown: 00:32:08

plan, and then you need to follow through with it. So make

Unknown: 00:32:13

the goal, right. act on it. And then it becomes reality. Okay,

Unknown: 00:32:20

it's three very simple steps. Go put in the work. It becomes

Unknown: 00:32:28

reality. Your light is starting to work for you.

Unknown: 00:32:34

Yes. Ah, so beautiful. Thank you so much, Caitlyn, for, for

Unknown: 00:32:39

sharing all this. I know, we brought a lot of value to people

Unknown: 00:32:44

out there and insights about you, I will make sure that I put

Unknown: 00:32:48

your platform information into the show notes. And yeah, people

Unknown: 00:32:55

can contact you on Facebook very easily. Thank you so much.

Unknown: 00:33:01

Oh, yeah, I have. So I have big bear motivational, which is one

Unknown: 00:33:06

of my platforms. And then I also have the big bear movement,

Unknown: 00:33:09

which is like a support group there as well. And then I have

Unknown: 00:33:14

big bear movement.com. And that's where I sell all my I

Unknown: 00:33:19

have my own clothing line. Big Bear. You can see right here,

Unknown: 00:33:24

product line, and I even have a team of holistic online healers.

Unknown: 00:33:29

So you can you can talk to life coaches, energy healers, things

Unknown: 00:33:34

like that. It's a great place to get to start if you're looking

Unknown: 00:33:38

for some help, and some guidance. These women are very

Unknown: 00:33:41

professional. They're the best at what they do. And yeah, I

Unknown: 00:33:47

wouldn't have them there if they weren't. So,

Unknown: 00:33:50

yes, thank you so much cotton blessings. Yeah, thank you so

Unknown: 00:33:56

much for listening to this interview. I hope you feel

Unknown: 00:33:59

inspired. I hope you feel hopeful for the future. If

Unknown: 00:34:04

you're struggling right now. Know that there's always people

Unknown: 00:34:07

out there you can reach out to and if you are struggling to

Unknown: 00:34:13

find a purpose, then know that spending time with yourself and

Unknown: 00:34:18

reflecting about the decisions you want to make in the future

Unknown: 00:34:23

will shape your future. And if you are aware of yourself and

Unknown: 00:34:28

your surroundings, then you will be aware of the things that are

Unknown: 00:34:32

good for you now, or things that have to be addressed. I will be

Unknown: 00:34:38

here very soon again. In the meantime, you can reach me on

Unknown: 00:34:42

Facebook, Aurora Eggert. And yeah, leave us a review on Apple

Unknown: 00:34:48

podcast. And we will be out there very soon. All right.