EP. 5 Your Pain- Identity [self-awareness]

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Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your host, Aurora, licensed life coach and

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companion on this beautiful journey called life. I hope you

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feel good, I hope you feel supported, safe, loved, I hope

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you have everything going for you. And if not, I hope I can be

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a value support you to bring you back to center to help you

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ground and find space, to take really good care of yourself and

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to find out how you can be and show up as the best version of

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yourself. Today I want to talk about pain, and especially about

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identifying with your pain. Let me explain a little further

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here. Sometimes we go through difficult situations. Sometimes

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we remember difficult situations from back in the day when we

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were children. And in one way or another, we now have identified

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through our pain. What do I mean by that? Let me give you some

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examples. Let's say you grew up with an absent father. And this

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affected you so much influenced you so much on how you perceive

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the world that you didn't notice that over time. Now that you are

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an adult, it still holds you back from living a fulfilled

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life. Because you don't feel deserving of attention and love.

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Because your dad attention and love of your parent back then

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was missing you, on a subconscious level still believe

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that this is normal, and has to be carried out in not allowing

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people to come close to you because you don't feel

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deserving. A rape victim for instance, can never get over the

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pain of being raped, and totally identify as a victim and take

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that into adulthood into old age. And by not healing that

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wound by not taking in that pain as your full on identity. You

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could be living a life that is more fulfilled. Yes, you went

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through pain and trauma in the past. But we can learn to heal

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from that. And to let go from a victim identity. And at first,

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it sounds like an attack to your sense of self, to your whole

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being because for so many years, you have carried that pain

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around and it became normal to identify through that pain. But

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what I want to talk about today is Does that still serve you?

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And if it doesn't serve you can we learn to let go of it. A lot

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of you people know that my dog went missing two weeks ago now.

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And I had a very hard time to stay aware of that feeling of

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wanting to drift into a very painful state of mind and

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emotional state of being because the pain was so intense. The

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grieving was so yeah, so much that I thought this is it. This

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is part of my personality. Now when people will get to know me.

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I will tell them first thing. I miss my dog. I'm in pain because

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my dog is not around anymore. And maybe you can see through

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that examples. that, if I was going to do that for decades, I

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would hold back from living a fulfilled life, I would keep

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myself stuck in an identity that doesn't serve anybody,

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especially not my dog, but also not me. Maybe you are a widow,

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maybe you have lost a loved one, maybe you went through a

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heartbreak, recently through divorce. Maybe you had a car

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accident a decade ago, and you're still limping. Because

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that's how you learn to cope. But if we were to look at your

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body, and if we were to train, and heal certain parts of your

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body, we might find out that you don't need to limp anymore. But

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you are limping, because you had that accident. So long ago, you

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are shutting yourself out from community and socializing,

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because you went through emotional pain of divorce and

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heartbreak. And all the other intense pains that there is out

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there that a human being can suffer through, goes through. So

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I want to invite you to look at yourself, and to maybe write

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down what you think you are made of? And from what you're writing

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down? How much of it is past pain that you still identify

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with? Or do you identify with the location you were born in?

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The job you're working? The role you're playing in your community

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or your family? How do you what do you identify with? It is

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very, very important question to ask yourself, because this is

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how you perceive yourself. This is how you're going to show up

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in the world. And if you are not aware of what your system, so to

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say is running on, right? If you were to look at your brain, your

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emotions as a computer system? What is your hardware made off?

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What's the software made of what are you downloading on a

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constant? What can we fixed? What can we let go off? What are

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some new stuff you want to download in order to live a

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content life, a fulfilled life? What is it that you identify

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with? That you really don't need to identify with any more,

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because it belongs to the past, you have done some healing on

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it. And now you can move on from that level of pain into a level

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of growth. This is what I want to talk about in the next couple

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of episodes is post traumatic growth. We all too often talk

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about the post traumatic stress and know that it is deeply

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affecting us on a mental and emotional, sometimes even

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physical level. But what we also need to talk about is that

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stress and trauma is not always crippling us. It is always

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painful. It is always uncomfortable, because it means

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change. But sometimes the exact trauma that we went through is

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what makes us more resilient, more compassionate in the

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present. And we need to recognize this more and more. We

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need to make people aware of that it is a possibility. Not

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everybody who went through trauma is now going to be

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growing from it and become a superhuman human. But it is

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possible. You can become a very valuable, heart driven leader.

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This is what I believe at least, if you have gone through intense

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pain and trauma, and have healed from it, because you know what

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it means like to go through pain, you know what it takes to

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heal and to move on. And you can inspire others to heal and grow.

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But you can only do that if you are willing to not fully

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identify with this past pain anymore. But to identify as a

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person who is able to let go, reflect, and then expand and

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grow and share with others. And I really hope that all this pain

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I had to go through right now is, is going to help me serve

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you guys and girls out there better in the future. I have to

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do something with that pain. And I really want this to transform

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me for the better because I know, a couple of days ago, I

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was feeling like balancing on a thin chord where I could fall

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into deep bitterness and depression or into a direction

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of acceptance and healing and growth. So this is what I'm

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working on right now. This is what I would love you to reflect

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on for now. I will be out there very soon. Again, thank you

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endlessly for being here. I hope I was able to bring you value

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and bring you closer to yourself. If you like my

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content, my podcast please consider making little comment a

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review. And yeah, that would help me a lot. All right. take

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really good care of yourself. Until next time, bye bye