Ep. 4 The Madness of Grief [ radical self-care]

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Hello, hello and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your host Aurora, licensed life coach and

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companion on this beautiful journey called life. I hope you

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feel good, I hope you feel safe and supported, loved, maybe even

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excited ambitious.

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Ah, I needed to pause for a second it's it's been quite a

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while since I posted an episode and I'm very happy to be back

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and to connect with you. Not going to bore you with any

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details. If you have questions about what happened in my life,

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feel free to reach out and message me at Aurora Eggert on

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Facebook.

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Today I want to talk about grieving madness. Ah, when we

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experience loss of a loved one. And I'm pretty sure we all have

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experienced that, at some point in our life.

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We lost a partner, we lost a relationship we lost grip

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on to our sanity, we lost a job we lost an opportunity whatever

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it is what we lost. It leaves a void. It leaves us feeling

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powerless, helpless,

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desperate. And what I realize now is that even if two people

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are grieving over the same loss it is a very different

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experience for each individual involved. There's some people

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who jump into action and to the to dues and to how to organize

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and manage and find relief in action to the point that you can

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become very restless and then there's people who fall into

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deep hole into darkness close to say paralysis many depression

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are full on depression a state where it is hard to get up in

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the morning. It is hard to take care of yourself. It is hard to

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cook food get the garbage out and meet your basic needs. And

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the very juicy interesting part is if two people or more people

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involved are trying to cope at the same time with the same loss

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but have very different tools available and very different.

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Like default states so to say. This is drama, madness, Insanity

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brewing up when people with different approaches live

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together or are really in relationship with each other. It

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is very important to find your own way to cope with grief. You

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take your time you have your default state you know Do what's

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best for you. And it is very important to at the same time,

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not abandon yourself. So what I was able to do not every day,

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but most of the days was to focus on the very basics.

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shower, brush your hair, for the people out there who have long

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hair. Maybe you experienced this before that when you feel sad,

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depressed, anxious, desperate, you stop taking care of your

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hair, you wash it, you brush it, you groom when you feel great,

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and as soon as you don't feel good, you start neglecting your

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long hair.

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You eat poorly, you only snack you let your household kind of

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go. You don't engage in the basic cleaning and getting the

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garbage out anymore. Everything is hard, everything feels like

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a huge drain. So I was paying attention to that whenever I had

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thoughts coming up. Now I don't feel like dressing up properly.

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Like it's it was minus 20 degrees here at times and I just

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said, Fuck it. Let's be cold. I'm just gonna go out and my

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night dress and a little jacket. I was able to rein myself in and

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to get dressed properly. Just a side example. Same goes for your

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dishes, your laundry there was a voice and energy coming up

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whispering in my ear. Come on, you can let this go. You don't

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have to do laundry now. You don't have to put the dishes

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away. And I was able to tell myself No, this is going to make

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it even worse if my space is dirty and not orderly. Another

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attend cleansed leanness freak and orderliness freak or however

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you say that but there is some kind of orderliness and my

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household. If I let that go, it's going to make me feel even

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worse. And then there's people that reach out and want to

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support you. And some people are very supportive, and check in on

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you and share words of comfort with you. And then there's

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people who approach you and say things that are very

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insensitive, and make it even worse because you think, oh,

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okay, I'm gonna open up to that personnel and then they open

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their mouth and you feel even worse afterwards. And to find

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out okay, what what feels good right now? And what are you not

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ready to hear right now. Then there's people that you think

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you can count on for support, and they are dealing with their

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own life with their own stuff, and they cannot be there for you

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and to not, again, abandon yourself and think that those

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are bad people, selfish people. Write to to go even deeper into

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victim mentality. Because of other people's behavior, is also

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a very easy thing to do and to refrain from that takes

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awareness.

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And then there's people out there who out of nowhere offer

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you the greatest support and time and energy and

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you feel resistant to accepting it because you don't know if you

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can give back and to keep your heart open and to receive that

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support. can feel very counterintuitive at times but it

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It's very worth it to accept it and to keep your heart open. And

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then there's people who offer support where you think, but I

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don't need that kind of support. But to know that we're all

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together in this and to see that this is a person offering

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support from their map of the world, they want to connect,

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they want to be supportive, even though it's not really something

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that you need at this point, but it

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feels good. Be open to receive it. Be open to see that there's

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so many people out there who love you and want to support you

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and feel your pain.

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I just want to feel into this a little. And find out if there's

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more I want to share. Yeah, I think what I want to share is

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that we're all going through loss at some point in our lives,

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and you cannot be prepared for it. Because most of the time it

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takes you off guard, it surprises you and then to take

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the days, hour by hour, and to not abandon yourself. And to

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know that you don't need to move on, but just get through it was

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one of the biggest advice that I received during those last 10

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days. I'm going to leave you with that. And want to express

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how grateful I am to have you listening on the other side. And

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to get to know you better through every conversation we

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have, and to let you know that you're not alone in this. I'm

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also sharing that about a year, a couple of weeks ago, and we're

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finishing up to get it ready. In the month of November, I'm

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certainly going to host events and hold space for people who

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want to sit in silence and process loss and allow

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themselves to grieve. And during the other month, I will come up

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with a theme for each month. And very excited to show up in this

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world. And that way to have you out in my space and to connect

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with you to see you grow and heal and most importantly to

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offer a space for you where you can totally be yourself and

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reconnect to your true nature. But you'll hear more about this.

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In the future. You can always ask questions or make requests.

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If there's a group of friends of people of family out there who

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want to connect through a topic in my space out here, just let

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me know. All right. I'll be out there very soon again. Until

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then, take good care of yourself. Bye bye