Ep. 40 Your Nervous system, how much say does it have in your life?

Unknown: 00:00:07

Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

Unknown: 00:00:10

experience. I'm your host Aurora, life coach and companion

Unknown: 00:00:14

on this beautiful journey called life. Today I'm recreating in

Unknown: 00:00:20

the outdoors, you might hear the snow melt in the background

Unknown: 00:00:25

and lots of dripping. Yeah, funny enough, I chose to speak

Unknown: 00:00:33

about your nervous system today. And how we need to learn to be

Unknown: 00:00:40

patient with our nervous system, when we introduce change into

Unknown: 00:00:45

allies, or when change is, so to say, happening upon us from the

Unknown: 00:00:50

outside. And just now when I wanted to record this episode,

Unknown: 00:00:57

my computer decided to mouth down. So to say, I'm not gonna

Unknown: 00:01:03

go into further details. But I had a choice, I had a choice to

Unknown: 00:01:09

meltdown myself and to just throw my precious laptop out the

Unknown: 00:01:15

window. Or I could listen to my dad's latest video from

Unknown: 00:01:23

Barcelona. He had visited Barcelona a couple of days ago

Unknown: 00:01:29

and decided to go to a Spanish guitar concert. So instead of

Unknown: 00:01:37

losing my shit, I had to decided to listen to that beautiful

Unknown: 00:01:41

music, Spanish guitar and kept my cool. downloaded a new

Unknown: 00:01:49

software onto my computer. And now everything is running

Unknown: 00:01:54

smoothly, again, very excited. But yeah, I was really given a

Unknown: 00:02:02

choice here. And in my younger days, I probably would have lost

Unknown: 00:02:07

my mind. So your nervous system. I want to start with an example.

Unknown: 00:02:18

Let's pretend that you grew up in a household where dispute

Unknown: 00:02:25

Express expressing anger was something totally normal. In

Unknown: 00:02:30

fact, the way you guys decided to express your emotions was

Unknown: 00:02:35

always related to arguments and anger. Yeah, you would laugh at

Unknown: 00:02:40

times when you watched a comedy or when something happened. And

Unknown: 00:02:47

you could laugh at the other person at your relatives. But

Unknown: 00:02:52

it's mainly anger that you were surrounded with this Prime's

Unknown: 00:03:00

your nervous system. So no matter what you experienced at

Unknown: 00:03:04

home, I'm just picking anger now because it's very easy to relate

Unknown: 00:03:08

to anger, at least for me. And you were exposed to a lot of

Unknown: 00:03:15

anger can be depression. If you grew up with a parent that was

Unknown: 00:03:20

depressed it can be. Yeah, ambiguity or unpredictability.

Unknown: 00:03:31

Your nervous system would always be on guard would always be

Unknown: 00:03:34

ready for Worst case scenario. But when it comes to anger,

Unknown: 00:03:39

let's say your nervous system is getting used to stress and your

Unknown: 00:03:45

whole body, your whole being is getting used to that

Unknown: 00:03:50

environment. And it is a way for us to survive. It is a way for

Unknown: 00:03:56

us to feel that we belong which in many, many episodes I

Unknown: 00:04:03

mentioned, because it is our strongest desire and a big need

Unknown: 00:04:11

that we feel that we belong. So no matter which environment you

Unknown: 00:04:17

grew up in, you adjust it, you compromised. You adapt it. Now

Unknown: 00:04:28

with the example of anger, you adapted to anger and expressing

Unknown: 00:04:32

anger is very natural for you. You're allowed. You express it.

Unknown: 00:04:40

You let it all out. It feels like when you suppress it when

Unknown: 00:04:45

you don't let it out you feel constipated, so to say on a soul

Unknown: 00:04:49

level. Maybe even on a physical level. You don't feel okay when

Unknown: 00:04:53

you're not allowed to express anger. Because this is what you

Unknown: 00:04:57

learned

Unknown: 00:04:59

is normal Fast forward into your adulthood, let's say you are in

Unknown: 00:05:05

your 30s and your 40s.

Unknown: 00:05:08

Maybe you're not married, maybe you are. But maybe you're

Unknown: 00:05:14

dating. And you happen to be with a personnel who's very

Unknown: 00:05:18

calm. And when they get upset when something is not going

Unknown: 00:05:24

their way, they choose words. They stay calm. And they express

Unknown: 00:05:34

themselves in a very different ways and what you are used to.

Unknown: 00:05:40

Now, this can either highly irritate you, or stimulate you.

Unknown: 00:05:47

Or you would want to reject that person, because you feel that

Unknown: 00:05:53

you cannot be yourself. You cannot express yourself, you

Unknown: 00:06:00

feel restricted. And the funny thing is that, yes, you feel

Unknown: 00:06:06

restricted in the way that you used to communicate. But there's

Unknown: 00:06:10

so many other ways that you can express yourself, but maybe you

Unknown: 00:06:15

haven't learned that yet. It is very interesting to observe

Unknown: 00:06:23

couples, young couples, or people that are just starting

Unknown: 00:06:28

out to date, they usually no put forward they're nice, nice

Unknown: 00:06:35

behavior, the good side, they never fight. They're always

Unknown: 00:06:39

joyous. They're excited to see each other. But come the one

Unknown: 00:06:45

year or sometimes two year benchmark. Chances are that you

Unknown: 00:06:52

went through a couple disagreements, a couple

Unknown: 00:06:57

discomforts. And it is there that you can see how different

Unknown: 00:07:06

we all grow up. We manage to approach conflicts differently.

Unknown: 00:07:15

Some are very energetic and very impulsive, very emotional about

Unknown: 00:07:20

conflict. And some people withdraw or become avoidant or,

Unknown: 00:07:26

yeah, totally shut down. When it comes to healing. The

Unknown: 00:07:33

interesting part about you know, being in an abusive

Unknown: 00:07:37

relationship, or growing up in an abusive household, is that

Unknown: 00:07:42

once you meet a partner, that is good for you, there will be

Unknown: 00:07:48

parts that feel wrong to your nervous system. Because they

Unknown: 00:07:54

don't stimulate you, like the people that you grew up with the

Unknown: 00:07:59

people that you experienced love with. And this is not meant in

Unknown: 00:08:05

any weird way. But it is through your mom, to your dad through

Unknown: 00:08:11

your siblings. Or if you grew up in a different environment, your

Unknown: 00:08:17

primary caretakers that you learn what love is, they prime

Unknown: 00:08:22

you so to say, but it is not necessarily the best version of

Unknown: 00:08:28

love for you. There's many different ways of experiencing

Unknown: 00:08:32

and living in love. And sometimes when we grow out of

Unknown: 00:08:41

Yeah, not so good pattern, when we hear we will encounter people

Unknown: 00:08:47

that set us off or trigger us or either under stimulate us or

Unknown: 00:08:55

over stimulate us, depending what we were used to. But this

Unknown: 00:09:00

is what I want to emphasize today is that sometimes the very

Unknown: 00:09:05

best thing for you the very best person for you the very best

Unknown: 00:09:10

decision for you and your future, your Higher Self your

Unknown: 00:09:16

best self feels awkward fields wrong to some degree fields

Unknown: 00:09:26

uncomfortable. And it is very important to keep in mind that

Unknown: 00:09:33

your nervous system has to slowly adjust. You cannot force

Unknown: 00:09:38

change upon you and nobody else outside of you can do it.

Unknown: 00:09:44

Although sometimes people think they can. But you can learn to

Unknown: 00:09:51

feel with your heart and with your mind that something

Unknown: 00:09:57

somebody who's standing in front of you might be damn right for

Unknown: 00:10:01

you. Yet your nervous system is still limping behind. It wants

Unknown: 00:10:11

you to be in the known. Right our mind always wants to be

Unknown: 00:10:18

knowing everything is always drawn to what we know best. But

Unknown: 00:10:24

it is not necessarily what is best for us. Sometimes it is so

Unknown: 00:10:31

worth it to choose discomfort. For some people, you know, that

Unknown: 00:10:38

are very active with online dating. They've been single for

Unknown: 00:10:43

a long time, and they just are becoming restless, they want to

Unknown: 00:10:48

be in a relationship, they want to have kids, they want to all

Unknown: 00:10:52

that jazz. And they did somebody that is their best match. But

Unknown: 00:11:01

they are bored. That oh my god, this is this is so quiet, this

Unknown: 00:11:06

is so calm. And even though their heart feels at ease with

Unknown: 00:11:13

them, the nervous system rejects them. Because it's not ready

Unknown: 00:11:19

yet. But you can train your nervous system. And you can

Unknown: 00:11:28

become aware that your nervous system is still a little bit

Unknown: 00:11:34

behind. But what you have sitting in front of you is

Unknown: 00:11:36

right. And so worth fighting for. That's why the path of

Unknown: 00:11:44

pleasure and desire. Fun is not always the right path for you.

Unknown: 00:11:58

I've learned that like two and a half years ago when I met my

Unknown: 00:12:02

partner, and my best friend by then said, Hey, you keep picking

Unknown: 00:12:10

the cherry and the whipped cream, go for the salary. And

Unknown: 00:12:15

what he meant by that is that I kept chasing people that were

Unknown: 00:12:19

unavailable. Sweet, exciting. And whenever I met somebody who

Unknown: 00:12:26

was calm and loving and opening up to me, I thought, Oh no, this

Unknown: 00:12:33

is not what I can handle. I'm not there yet.

Unknown: 00:12:44

was Alex my current partner I wanted to give myself a fair

Unknown: 00:12:49

chance I wanted to explore beyond that little boredom what

Unknown: 00:12:55

I felt and I feel so bad, so horrible when I say boredom, but

Unknown: 00:12:58

that's how I felt. I felt totally under stimulated yet my

Unknown: 00:13:02

heart was telling me this guy is good for your soul.

Unknown: 00:13:13

And I learned

Unknown: 00:13:13

that this overly stimulation outside of me was just a

Unknown: 00:13:19

reflection from my inside. I was so disturbed, so confused, so

Unknown: 00:13:24

lost inside that. Yeah, stimulation was keeping me in

Unknown: 00:13:29

check and calmness faced or mirrored the BS that was going

Unknown: 00:13:42

on inside of my head and my heart. And I wanted to run away

Unknown: 00:13:48

from it. But for some reason with this person, I decided to

Unknown: 00:13:53

stand still for a moment and to breathe through it and to see

Unknown: 00:13:57

what it has in stock for me. Instead of escaping, I decided

Unknown: 00:14:05

to dig deeper. And it served me very well. And this is why I'm

Unknown: 00:14:11

so passionate. I'm so yeah, I feel a deep urgency to share

Unknown: 00:14:16

this with you. Because when I've learned that my nervous system

Unknown: 00:14:22

was primed to something that is not serving me anymore, that is

Unknown: 00:14:27

actually not good for me. I was able to distinguish what is good

Unknown: 00:14:32

for me and what not. And remember my coaching. My

Unknown: 00:14:37

podcasting here is all about supporting you on your journey

Unknown: 00:14:43

to get to know yourself better. If you feel called to get

Unknown: 00:14:49

yourself to get to know yourself better. If you feel inspired

Unknown: 00:14:54

what I say I would love to hear from you. I would love to

Unknown: 00:14:58

connect with you maybe for a first free coach call or you

Unknown: 00:15:05

just leave me a comment or a review of what you think. If

Unknown: 00:15:10

what I do here is of any value for you if I was able to Yeah,

Unknown: 00:15:15

make you feel a little bit better and power you inspire

Unknown: 00:15:19

you. Please don't hold back from reaching out. Or maybe you want

Unknown: 00:15:24

to share this episode with friends or loved ones, our

Unknown: 00:15:28

family. take really good care of yourself and I will be out there

Unknown: 00:15:34

very soon again.