Episode 40
Ep.40 Being adopted and the search for identity interview w/ Robin Parenteau-Walker
Hello there,
I felt pretty happy to have Robin on a call for this interview today.
Being adopted is a very individual/subjective experience.
Sometimes reconnection happens like in Robin's case.
In other situations you never reconnect with your biological family..
either way..
how can you find peace?
how can you be at peace with your past ?
how do you find out who you are ?
This is the intro episode around this sensitive topic
Know that you matter
Know that you have a precious place here on planet earth and we need you to shine your light
you are loved ..
enjoy this very touching episode
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A.
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Transcript
Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis
Unknown:experience. I'm your host Aurora, and I'm very happy and
Unknown:excited to have Robin Ryan Walker with me today, we will be
Unknown:talking about a very sensitive topic, a topic of adoption and
Unknown:how being adopted is. Yeah, very, very tough for some people
Unknown:easier for others. But the search for identity is what
Unknown:unites pretty much every person on this planet who has been
Unknown:adopted. And yeah, I'm very happy that Robin is here with
Unknown:me. He will be walking in the coolies in Lethbridge, and I
Unknown:have a beautiful view of Mother Nature. They're awesome. And
Unknown:yeah, he will be talking about his experiences and what he has
Unknown:to share with us about this beautiful topic. Thank you so
Unknown:much for making the time and for taking us on a walk with you
Unknown:today, Robin.
Unknown:Absolutely. And thank you for inviting me here. I'm happy to
Unknown:be here. And as I mentioned earlier, this would be my first
Unknown:podcast that I do speaking on. So maybe not as polished as I
Unknown:could be.
Unknown:Yeah, we're not going for polished here. We're going for
Unknown:raw and honest. So I'm very happy that you're here and I
Unknown:know you will be shining brightly. I would love to share
Unknown:with with our listeners hear a little bit about your
Unknown:background. And as you might know, can imagine, the more you
Unknown:go into detail, the better it is for people to being able to
Unknown:relate to you and feel less lonely with their experience.
Unknown:Absolutely. Okay, well, I'm, I go by Robin. I was I was born
Unknown:and named Robin in my birth actually. You know, I didn't
Unknown:really find anything out about that part of my story in detail
Unknown:until just a couple years ago. Most of my life, you know, I
Unknown:knew I was born in foothills Hospital in Calgary. 1979. I
Unknown:knew that I was adopted, I knew that. My parents were still
Unknown:children, really, they were 15 and 16 when I was born. So they
Unknown:both were 15 when I was conceived. And, you know, the
Unknown:world was different than my mom didn't have a lot of support.
Unknown:And back then, having children that young and out of wedlock,
Unknown:you know, was frowned upon. So the decision to put me up for
Unknown:adoption, like made a lot of sense. You know, my adoptive
Unknown:parents told me when I was young that I was adopted and what they
Unknown:knew of the circumstances around that. And it all made sense to
Unknown:me and I didn't consciously feel slighted or unwanted or
Unknown:anything, you know, I had a pretty normal upbringing for the
Unknown:time. I've lived in Lethbridge since kindergarten age. Maybe
Unknown:the year before that. See, you know, my experience that way was
Unknown:was pretty normal. And it never even really occurred to me, like
Unknown:to look for my birth parents. Until I found out I was going to
Unknown:be a father. You know, and that didn't happen until I was 30. So
Unknown:at that point, I applied You know, one of the provincial
Unknown:buildings here in the city, photos and paperwork and you
Unknown:know, while later I got a, an envelope in the mail with some
Unknown:mostly redacted documents, that didn't really tell me much more
Unknown:than I already knew at that time. And sometime after that, I
Unknown:think it was maybe a few years after that, the laws in Alberta
Unknown:changed to the to for adopted for a season. And parents have
Unknown:adopted children, where they could apply for information and
Unknown:there would be more available to them without the consent of the
Unknown:other party. So at that time, you know, I reapplied and, and
Unknown:I, I got some more documents, less redaction, so I can't
Unknown:remember exactly, but I think I found out my mom's name at that
Unknown:point. And actually I did. And you know, this was around 20.
Unknown:Around 2012, I think 13. And so I looked in the Calgary
Unknown:phonebook. So I found that my last name, or her last name is
Unknown:pronto. And although I didn't know how to pronounce it at that
Unknown:time, because I just read it. And I looked in the Calgary
Unknown:phonebook and there was like, three pages worth of Toronto's.
Unknown:So I wasn't about to start calling them, you know, it just
Unknown:seemed like No, I mean, for what, what possibly could have
Unknown:been nothing. And I believe I looked on Facebook, and I didn't
Unknown:find anything, and you know, maybe just did a Google search
Unknown:or whatever. And, and that was that and kind of left it alone.
Unknown:Shortly around that time, I had my second child, and then a year
Unknown:and a half after that, my, my third and last child. And again,
Unknown:it was, you know, it was nice to know the information I had, and
Unknown:I didn't really think too much of it. And then early 2019, I
Unknown:was recently separated, and I got laid off and, and I decided
Unknown:to take the month of February off. And I considered you know
Unknown:what something I put off for a while and so, so one of the
Unknown:things associated with my birth, I guess is that I was my mother
Unknown:is matey. And when I was younger, I had matey status, and
Unknown:I, I use that to gain some to access some funding for college.
Unknown:And back in about 2004 2005. And then sometime after that, I'm
Unknown:not sure if it was the provincial government or if it
Unknown:was the matey nation, or who but they
Unknown:updated the requirements to obtain matey status in Alberta.
Unknown:And part of the requirements now included genome genealogical
Unknown:information, which again in my situation I didn't have. And so
Unknown:for a while there, I lost that status. And so, in February, I
Unknown:decided, well, that's maybe something I'll look into, like
Unknown:see if I can find things out there. So I went down to the
Unknown:local matey office in Lethbridge, you know, told the
Unknown:lady my situation and she instructed me to come back the
Unknown:next day that there'd be a woman there that we could go through
Unknown:some genealogical records and see what we could find. And so
Unknown:the next morning, I was as I was sitting, having breakfast, and I
Unknown:had my snack, or my two folders anyway, and I was leafing
Unknown:through my documents. And you came across the document with my
Unknown:mother's name on it, and had my phone there. So I opened up
Unknown:Facebook, you don't type your name in, and this time she was
Unknown:there. And I clicked her profile a little bit just to confirm
Unknown:before I reached out to her and then as I was looking at her
Unknown:profile, I saw there was a woman listed as one of her sisters.
Unknown:And so I decided to reach out to her instead. And I can't
Unknown:remember exactly what I told her I still have the message on my
Unknown:phone though if I want it to go back to it. And her initial
Unknown:response to me it wasn't like a you know, what are you talking
Unknown:about or whatever so I knew that I was on the right track there.
Unknown:And so she got in touch with my mom who was at work and then she
Unknown:got back to me and and you know, my mom and I started texting
Unknown:through Facebook messenger from there. And later on that week,
Unknown:we talked on the phone and then made arrangements to meet in
Unknown:person so I I found out that she was living in wood Duke and I
Unknown:had two younger sisters. And one of them two nephews, and a whole
Unknown:bunch of cousins. You know, five aunts two uncles, one who passed
Unknown:a couple years prior. And yeah, so in mid February, I took my
Unknown:oldest son up to Edmonton to West them into mall and we did
Unknown:the waterpark and a little bit of shopping and then then we
Unknown:went and met my mom and one of my sisters and my nephews for
Unknown:dinner that night. My youngest sister was living in Red Deer at
Unknown:the time and she couldn't make it up but we were able to
Unknown:connect with her on our way back to Lethbridge at the end of the
Unknown:weekend, so yeah, I guess you know, meeting her meeting my
Unknown:sisters. It was just It just felt really normal like it felt
Unknown:like home right like I just I connected with them pretty
Unknown:easily we we you know had things in common perspectives you know
Unknown:my one sister talking about like raising children and we had a
Unknown:lot of same ideas and and I brought up a bunch of childhood
Unknown:photos and stuff with me so we were all going through pictures
Unknown:and my mom and you know pulled out a bunch of pictures so you
Unknown:know a lot of the genetic resemblance was apparent right
Unknown:between like my children or me when I was young and and my
Unknown:sister's and nephews and aunts and uncles and all that so that
Unknown:was it was really positive experience for me and and then
Unknown:it opened up a lot for me that I've been carrying all that time
Unknown:that I didn't realize consciously right because
Unknown:there's a lot of stuff that gets in there unconsciously
Unknown:especially like I was adopted right from birth. So you know, I
Unknown:found out a lot of these a lot of these details obviously after
Unknown:meeting my mom, and so she she was living in BC when I was
Unknown:conceived and when she found out she was pregnant, she moved to
Unknown:Calgary and she was attended a school for unwed mothers which
Unknown:you know, again speaks to the time that we were in back then.
Unknown:And you know, she was in the hospital for some time after I
Unknown:was born because she was so young and she wasn't permitted
Unknown:to pull me or anything right like she she'd come she'd come
Unknown:to the nursery and look at me but other than she told me there
Unknown:was one time that nurses couldn't get me to stop crying
Unknown:and she was there and and they let her hold me for a little
Unknown:while and I stopped crying right of course but you know for for
Unknown:an infant you know to consider nine months and mom's belly you
Unknown:know I can hear her heart I can hear her voice I can hear the
Unknown:people that she's with
Unknown:and then you know the first day come out into this world and all
Unknown:that like she's just gone right like I there's no I mean again I
Unknown:don't know all the specifics but for me to think of my own
Unknown:children and and what I know from from raising them and and
Unknown:you are so so far successfully I think and you know I can't
Unknown:imagine what it must have been like for infant me to just she's
Unknown:not there right and sure you know my my basic needs were
Unknown:attended to buy nurses but it's it's not the same at all right
Unknown:so there was definitely stuff that I was carrying in my body
Unknown:you know trauma from that experience that I wasn't aware
Unknown:of. And even now I'm still processing
Unknown:Wow, thank you so much for for sharing this with us and
Unknown:especially the last part of what you said that so like I can
Unknown:imagine when you hear that story and I would say like physical
Unknown:touch is basic need that that you haven't received this in the
Unknown:first couple of weeks after you were born made you feel very
Unknown:like vulnerable but at the same time also maybe helped you to
Unknown:make sense of of how you feel and perceive life. I don't know
Unknown:now after you realized Okay, you were deprived of physical touch
Unknown:and closeness with your mom can you like see what it did you
Unknown:like when it comes to physical touch? Are you extremely needy
Unknown:now? Or? Or is physical touch something that is very difficult
Unknown:for you to receive? Like on that level of connecting with people
Unknown:do you notice that it did some damage to you?
Unknown:I mean now I'm in I'm in a pretty good space, you know,
Unknown:I've done I've done a lot of work, you know, as we call it,
Unknown:and I wouldn't say it's impacting me much in the
Unknown:present. But if I look at my younger years, especially like
Unknown:my young adult years, I you know, I was I related very
Unknown:superficially to people to women in particular. And I wouldn't I
Unknown:wouldn't say physical touch was like difficult or a problem or I
Unknown:don't know that I was necessarily needed, but
Unknown:definitely like a lot of very short superficial, primarily
Unknown:sexual relationships. As a young adult,
Unknown:yeah. And it can be connected to that. It doesn't have to be, but
Unknown:it certainly can. And how was it for you during your teenage
Unknown:years? And you you're your 20s? Did you have a longing, like a
Unknown:search for identity more than others? Because I know that a
Unknown:lot of people who are born in a family with their dad and their
Unknown:mom, they go through the same thing. They don't know who they
Unknown:are, they feel like they're very different to their siblings and
Unknown:parents, and they have to find themselves. Was it, like, more
Unknown:intense for you than for others knowing that you were adopted?
Unknown:Or was it not really a thing? conscious?
Unknown:Yeah, well, I mean, obviously, I can only speak to my experience,
Unknown:which makes it somewhat difficult to compare and
Unknown:contrast with what others experiences might have been.
Unknown:From what I can imagine, I don't for me, like I remember one time
Unknown:meeting, one of my dads I can't recall was a friend or an
Unknown:acquaintance or a business associate or what, but, you
Unknown:know, my adopted dad, and he said something like, you know, I
Unknown:mentioned that I was a son, and he's like, Oh, yeah, I can see
Unknown:the resemblance. And you know, and in my mind, I'm like, what,
Unknown:I don't know what you're seeing, but it's not fucking there, man.
Unknown:Yeah, there's no resemblance. There's nothing right. And
Unknown:that's just it. Right? So it's all my family, like there was.
Unknown:We didn't have a lot in common, right. Our interests are like,
Unknown:the things I was curious about. They didn't have those same,
Unknown:like my two older sisters that were both also adopted. And I
Unknown:knew that, you know, it was easy to understand that, yeah, we
Unknown:don't have these things in common because we aren't related
Unknown:in that way. Right now. It doesn't mean like, you know,
Unknown:it's not like we never did things together. We did you
Unknown:know, we play board games and, you know, have movie night and
Unknown:whatever, just like anybody else. But when it came to the
Unknown:things that I was really curious about, and I really liked
Unknown:spending my time with, like, I was inside of my family, I was
Unknown:mostly alone in that, and I was okay with it, too. Like, I I
Unknown:kept my own counsel, I, I was pretty okay with, like, a being
Unknown:by myself. Now. That's not to say that I spent all my time by
Unknown:myself, like I had friends growing up. And I, I certainly
Unknown:spent a lot of time you know, at the park and over a friend's
Unknown:places and all that sort of stuff. But again, a lot of those
Unknown:relationships were were fairly superficial, right? I never
Unknown:really got into the stuff that really mattered to me with
Unknown:anybody. You know, I never really like express things that
Unknown:upset me, or, you know, if I got bullied at school, I didn't
Unknown:bring that home. And maybe that's why, you know, maybe it's
Unknown:I just didn't want to bother my parents with it. Maybe it's, you
Unknown:know, who knows? For sure. But I can imagine that that had an
Unknown:impact instead of all of that, right, like just being left
Unknown:alone. So early. It just kind of carried through. And it was just
Unknown:normal for me to just think it out by myself, right?
Unknown:Yeah. Yeah. And to feel like yeah, you have to struggle
Unknown:through life when it gets difficult by yourself and you
Unknown:can't rely on other people or maybe other people are not
Unknown:really trustworthy. Yeah, it's, it's when I read your post, like
Unknown:a couple months ago, I felt so attached because yeah, you just
Unknown:picture that little baby that's crying for intimacy and for
Unknown:physical touch, or for whatever the mom could provide. And it is
Unknown:cut off of that source of love and holy shit like it's, it
Unknown:really gave me goosebumps, and I felt Yeah, it was so powerful of
Unknown:you to share this with the world with the Facebook world and, and
Unknown:that you made yourself so vulnerable. So I have so much
Unknown:respect for you. And I feel that it can help a lot of people out
Unknown:there to, to know that when you realize something like that when
Unknown:you hear news like this, and you share this with the world then
Unknown:people can connect with you on a deeper level. They can
Unknown:understand you and be closer to you. After you posted this post
Unknown:Did you have like lots of feedback from people
Unknown:Yeah, I mean, there was, there was public feedback on the post
Unknown:and, and some people did reach out to me and, and some, like,
Unknown:you know, after the fact just in conversation would mention what
Unknown:they got out of it or, you know, I'm discovering more and more
Unknown:people that I know that were adopted that I didn't know,
Unknown:right. And it's not necessarily something you go around asking
Unknown:people particularly as adults, right? Yeah.
Unknown:Yeah. If you were to speak to someone who still hasn't found
Unknown:their parents, and they feel that longing for yet to know who
Unknown:they are that search for identity, did you come up with
Unknown:tools over the years, like before you met your, your
Unknown:family, your biological family that helped you out that made
Unknown:you feel safe and understood? I know last time we talked and
Unknown:walked around, we talked about astrology. Is there is there
Unknown:other sources that you like, Did you go to counseling or any,
Unknown:like anything, you can think of books or whatever you could
Unknown:recommend to somebody who is still feeling like something is
Unknown:missing in their life, because they're not connected to their
Unknown:biological family?
Unknown:If I look back on my life, you know, I kind of fumbled through
Unknown:it all really. And I see the first, like, major work that
Unknown:well, I guess, one turning point for me would have been right
Unknown:around young adulthood, right, somewhere like 1718. You know,
Unknown:as a teenager, I lead I read a lot of fantasy I read some like
Unknown:David eddings, Robert Jordan, Terry was, you know, like,
Unknown:dragons and sorcery and, and, you know, fantasy type novels
Unknown:and a bit of sci fi as well. And, and then when I was around
Unknown:1718, I can't remember the exact circumstances around it. But I
Unknown:came across this book, I think it might have been one chapters
Unknown:open the left bridge, I'm not sure. Anyways, it was called
Unknown:seven life lessons of chaos. And I think, around the same time, I
Unknown:kind of come across chaos theory and like the idea of fractals
Unknown:and the Mandelbrot set, and I was fascinated by it. And so I
Unknown:read the book, I didn't memorize the seven life lessons, so I can
Unknown:wrap them off. One of them was about like butterfly power. And
Unknown:you know, the idea that if a butterfly flaps its wings on one
Unknown:side of the world does it cause a tornado on the other side of
Unknown:the world, and so just the idea of like, all these independent,
Unknown:you know, kind of feedback loops that can build into something
Unknown:greater, even though they're not specifically organized to do
Unknown:that. And also the different ways that we kind of reinforce
Unknown:like, the status quo, through all of our little, you know,
Unknown:individual, and yet collective actions of, you know, putting
Unknown:the open sign in the window, and, and, you know, wanting to
Unknown:work and all that. So, so that was interesting. And from that
Unknown:book forward, I, like kind of stopped with fiction, I found
Unknown:reading about the real world to be far more interesting, because
Unknown:it was, it mattered. It seemed like to me, whereas stories were
Unknown:fun, but I had a good one, while I didn't even really watch much
Unknown:TV. Other than, like, documentaries and stuff, so I
Unknown:did a lot of just like, learning about the world, worrying about
Unknown:how my mind works, learning about how my body works,
Unknown:learning about how society works, and psychology and
Unknown:different cultures. And, you know, I was raised Roman
Unknown:Catholic. So, you know, religion was something that I was curious
Unknown:about, and, you know, so being raised Roman Catholic, I was
Unknown:presented with that. And then in the making sense of it, you
Unknown:know, I wanted to look at Well, what do other people believe,
Unknown:right? What do other religions teach and, and then looking at,
Unknown:like the commonalities To me, that's where we could find
Unknown:truth, right? Like if there's, if all of these different
Unknown:religions that, that were developed in all these different
Unknown:areas of the world, all speak about certain things in common,
Unknown:like, that's what matters all the rest of it's just, you know,
Unknown:bullshit that this or that leader put in there to control
Unknown:or whatever it might be. And I've since come to apply that
Unknown:same sort of idea to the kind of other things I've been studying.
Unknown:But so I guess, you know, just kind of went off on a tangent as
Unknown:far as your question goes, but I think for any individual and
Unknown:their search for you know who they are, I guess, you know,
Unknown:part of that might involve and external, like, find out what
Unknown:you're interested in right? Find what you're passionate about
Unknown:find out what really kind of pulls you forward. And then from
Unknown:there, maybe you can reflect and take it in, right and look
Unknown:inside. So, so that would have been the first thing that kind
Unknown:of got me going. But really through my 20s, I was a heavy
Unknown:drinker and, you know, partied a lot and didn't really do much
Unknown:for my future during that time other than to experience things.
Unknown:And my my oldest son, Steven, so his mom, my relationship with
Unknown:her was really quick all around. I was 28, when we met, I didn't
Unknown:know she was 18. I thought she was like, early 20s, she didn't
Unknown:realize I was so old either. So it wasn't until after we like
Unknown:started dating that we both found out we were 10 years
Unknown:apart. And you know, it wasn't long after that, that Steven was
Unknown:conceived and, and then he was born, and then we got married.
Unknown:And we made it just over a year. And then we separated and
Unknown:divorced. And, and that was not a great experience. But through
Unknown:it, I definitely like for me, it was like, Okay, well. Why did
Unknown:this happen? Right? What did I do wrong? What Why did I behave
Unknown:the way I did you know, if that's not wasn't my intention,
Unknown:or what I was committed to. And
Unknown:I had the luck or, you know, if you want to call it that of
Unknown:meeting, a gentleman that introduced me to, ultimately the
Unknown:work of Werner erhard landmark worldwide. And so, over the
Unknown:course of that, the following year, I did a bunch of personal
Unknown:development programs offered through landmark and developed a
Unknown:greater I don't wanna say understanding, but that's all
Unknown:it's coming to me this time, but, you know, understanding of
Unknown:kind of how we perceive and see and interact with the world,
Unknown:through like, filters that have been put in place over time,
Unknown:based on stories that we tell ourselves, because of the
Unknown:experiences we've had, you know, so for, like, one story that I
Unknown:might have had, since infancy would have been something like
Unknown:that I don't matter or that I'm alone, or, you know, something
Unknown:of the abandonment sort of flavor. One, so, yeah, so doing
Unknown:that work, you know, enable me to, to be able to examine my,
Unknown:well, first of all, to be aware of my filters, and then to be
Unknown:able to examine them and eliminate them really, right.
Unknown:Because once once you're aware, it's easier for stuff like that
Unknown:to be disappeared. Whereas a lot of people aren't aware that
Unknown:they're operating with these filters in place. And so
Unknown:therefore, they, they think and act like they're perceiving
Unknown:reality directly, and that they're dealing with reality as
Unknown:it is objectively, when really, it's, you know, highly
Unknown:subjective and, and that's why of course, they can't understand
Unknown:why that person thinks this and this person thinks that and so
Unknown:on and so forth. Whereas when you can see your filters and are
Unknown:able to dismantle them, then you can also see, you know, be aware
Unknown:of the filters that other people are operating with, and not that
Unknown:it's my place to do anything about those, but just to be
Unknown:aware that they're there and that, you know, I can maybe be
Unknown:patient and, and compassionate understanding with these people
Unknown:and, and in my dealings with them. And so yeah, so that, you
Unknown:know, highly recommend landmarks work, it's great, it's not a
Unknown:call. That's all I'm gonna say about it. But there's definitely
Unknown:other all sorts of other work out there. I did do some I think
Unknown:it's a lot like EMDR therapy at one point. I'm not really sure
Unknown:how effective that was because I I got booked in for it before I
Unknown:did the landmark programs, but I actually did it after so I feel
Unknown:like the program is moved a lot of stuff in the in the in
Unknown:between time that when I was doing a therapy, the therapist
Unknown:even noted like, you know, you don't really seem to need this.
Unknown:So that was kind of interesting to me. And then after that, more
Unknown:recently, so when I separated my littles Mom, I would have been
Unknown:early 2019 late that year. You know, the works definitely not
Unknown:logical, like smaller stuff that I've read and understood
Unknown:So, Robin one second. Connection is not on the mic is not really
Unknown:good anymore.
Unknown:Okay, I think the winds picking up here. Yeah, now it's okay.
Unknown:Yeah, there's, there's like a breeze pick it up. So maybe
Unknown:I'll, I'll stick around here.
Unknown:Yeah, this is perfect. Thank you.
Unknown:Okay, sorry, sorry. Yeah, no, no, no, that's, that's all
Unknown:right, the better better than me to go on at length and, and all
Unknown:you hear is the wind so but yeah, the work we did, like I
Unknown:said it's just, I don't want to get into trying to explain it
Unknown:too much because even now I don't really understand but I
Unknown:but I do understand enough to know that like, there's a lot
Unknown:going on in our bodies that, you know, Western science still
Unknown:can't explain. And we know this. And you know, we hold just like
Unknown:emotion and things that we haven't processed somewhere
Unknown:somehow, you know, in our bodies and different organs. And it's,
Unknown:it's not all mental stuff, like, a lot of people think, and, and
Unknown:sometimes even just like, kind of playing out a scene. And like
Unknown:witnessing and seeing and hearing things can shift a lot
Unknown:of stuff, even though it's not actually like real, right? Like,
Unknown:I don't have to necessarily sit down and have this heart to
Unknown:heart with my birth mom or dad or whoever. But you can almost
Unknown:fake it. So that the body is like, then able to release
Unknown:whatever it's been holding on to.
Unknown:Yes, yes. Ah, this is such a precious work. Also, when you
Unknown:think about breakups and finding closure. A lot of people feel
Unknown:like they can't find closure if they don't talk to the person
Unknown:anymore, or finding closure with somebody who passed or something
Unknown:like that. So it's very precious work. Wow. And how's it called
Unknown:again?
Unknown:Absolutely. I'm not really sure. I think I think it's worth
Unknown:doing.
Unknown:Yeah, it wasn't really, my introduction to it. Everything
Unknown:wasn't really that formal. I just saw she was posting some
Unknown:interesting stuff on Facebook and, and started hanging out.
Unknown:Yeah. Very, very cool. Thank you so much for sharing. Man, we're
Unknown:coming to an end here already. We have a couple minutes left, I
Unknown:would like to ask you one last question. What was the the first
Unknown:like question that you had for your mom that really helped you
Unknown:to connect with her? When you met when you reconnected with
Unknown:her? Do you remember?
Unknown:I don't know if there was like a specific, you know, q&a, it was
Unknown:just kind of a we met for dinner and had a conversation and, and
Unknown:inside of that, all of that. I guess just to add, it's like he
Unknown:just thinking about, like, how it was for her. And like, being
Unknown:that baby and being born and stuff, like it's still triggers
Unknown:emotion for me. Which tells me I'm still processing right and,
Unknown:and so sometimes they'll sit in a little bit and then you know,
Unknown:it can be uncomfortable. And I'll leave it alone for a while.
Unknown:But it's there. And anyway, so. So yeah, like really hearing
Unknown:like her story of, of all of that, right? Like how it was for
Unknown:her when she was pregnant. And just to just to think about
Unknown:like, the decisions the choices she was faced with. And how
Unknown:difficult that must have been. Yeah, and like, you know, what
Unknown:she wanted for, for me and and for herself. And and she
Unknown:couldn't see like that she could do it. And so she did what she
Unknown:felt was best for me and and it was, yeah, and it was best for
Unknown:her and you know, my sisters and everything. But because of the
Unknown:way like our system deals with these things, that's really
Unknown:where the trauma came in. Like I think that we could do adoption
Unknown:in a way where you know, these babies aren't left with this
Unknown:traumatic experience, but i don't know i mean that it takes
Unknown:a lot more compassion than what the system offers today.
Unknown:Oh my god. Yes, yes. This is like so touching. I wish I could
Unknown:give you a hug right now and say nothing but we're just meeting
Unknown:over zoom. So I hope you can feel a virtual hug and and I
Unknown:appreciate your soul. Deeply your story is heard and you
Unknown:matter. So much like your story and to share this the way you
Unknown:did is so precious. And to see and feel how much compassion you
Unknown:have for your mother really shows that you are living from
Unknown:the heart, you know, you don't live and walk around like a
Unknown:victim and make excuses. You face reality. And you face the
Unknown:situation with grace. And you have so much compassion for her
Unknown:situation for for another human being out there. And yeah, I
Unknown:have so much respect for you. And thank you so much for making
Unknown:the time and walking with us in the coolies. I deeply like
Unknown:appreciate all of this. Thank you so much.
Unknown:You're welcome, Aurora. And thanks again for having me. It
Unknown:was my pleasure.
Unknown:Thank you so much for listening to the conversation I had with
Unknown:Robin. And yeah, if you have any questions and want to reach out
Unknown:to him, I have his link to his Facebook Messenger here in the
Unknown:show notes. I hope we brought a lot of value into your life. And
Unknown:yeah, if you haven't subscribed to this podcast yet, please
Unknown:subscribe. And if you want to leave us a review, share your
Unknown:thoughts with us. Thank you so much and I will be out there
Unknown:very soon again. Bye bye.