Ep.3 Intl. Men's day / healing our community [awareness]

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Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your host Aurora, licensed life coach and

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companion on this beautiful journey called life. I hope you

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feel good. I hope you feel supported and safe, full of

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energy inspired, motivated. And if you do not feel 100% yourself

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right now, I hope that my podcast can bring you value can

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bring you back to yourself, remind you of who you are and

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what you're made of. You are precious, you are unique, you

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are needed. In this world, we need you to step out there and

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to be your most authentic self. Today I want to talk about

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International Men's Day and men's mental health. Maybe some

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of you know that November 19, is International Men's Day. I

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looked it up a couple years ago, because I noticed realize that

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International Women's Day, I think it's much aid is being

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celebrated more and more. And I was wondering what about

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International Men's Day and who celebrates International Men's

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Day. I felt pretty alone this year, I must say, with my posts.

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I got a lot of great feedback. But I didn't see anybody else

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posting anything about a men's Appreciation Day. And yeah, long

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story short, I feel this is where our healing as a society

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for humanity has to start. If we want to become more resilient in

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the future. If we want to enjoy solid, nurturing relationships

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with each other, we have to learn how to celebrate one

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another. We have to celebrate ourselves. And we have to get to

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a place of healing where we celebrate others. And if we

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still have a hard time celebrating men, there is a deep

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issue because ah, I don't know how and where to begin. But if

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we are still resentful if we are still hurting because of past

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pain, disappointment, trauma? How can we move on as a whole

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and build a future that is resilient to stress resilient to

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environmental changes? I don't think it's possible. If we don't

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do the basic work, or feeling and learning to understand each

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other. What are we actually doing? Like why do we still get

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married? Why do we still get engaged? Why do we put babies

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and children through the stress of two people being together but

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actually not really understanding each other and

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resenting each other? Why do we think that this is a good path

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to be on and we keep going even though we see lots of sickness,

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lots of suicide, lots of depression. And this is where I

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want to step in and start creating a space where we can

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have conversations that reveal the trauma that put everything

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on the table so that we cannot live in denial anymore. We live

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with our spouse or partner without even really knowing

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them. We see that they conform they adapt, they sacrifice. But

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do we know what's going on deep within our spa? As a partner of

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friends, if we are single, you don't have to be in a

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relationship to to notice this. It is how you relate to the

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people around you. And what you feel triggered by that I could

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be very easily pointing out where you still need healing and

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growing. Right, if people feel that International Men's Day is

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not a good day to celebrate the men in our lives, what, what are

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we trying to do here? Like, it is as if you were trying to not

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see 50% of our population. I don't know if there's exactly

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50% of men and women out there in our society making 100%. But

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I think you know what I mean. And in the future, I want to

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also refrain from talking about masculine toxicity and feminine

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toxicity, let's just call it full on toxic behavior, and

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shit, attitudes. But let's not attach it to a gender anymore.

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Because there's so many men out there who also suffered from the

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patriarchy and from, from toxic leadership. That if we talk

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about toxic masculinity, I don't know I feel it's not timely

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anymore. Same goes for toxic femininity. It has nothing to do

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with being a female, when you manipulate people when you try

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to hurt people. You know how to say how you say that in English

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through the backdoor? No, you don't say that in English, but

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in subtle ways, right? passive aggression. Controlling the

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other and whatever else we come up with to hurt people in in

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very subtle ways. We have to put everything on the table, and

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look at it and sort through it and be more honest with each

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other and tell each other. What's okay, what's not okay.

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And we have to, in order to become aware of that, know

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ourselves better. And this is another very big heavy thing

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that I'm so persistent about the more you know, yourself, and

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your body and your sensations within your body, the more you

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can tell if something is right for you, or something is off. I

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had a suggestion here recently where a friend of mine was,

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weirdly inappropriately touched by a member of our community.

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And instead of her saying something to his face, she just

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like squirmed away and walked away. And I saw it from afar,

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and I could see that she felt so uncomfortable. And I could see

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that he was so frickin unaware of what he had just done. And

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that's just a small instance, where it doesn't matter which

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gender is, you know, being addressed here. But she decided

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not to say anything and to just move away. And t just wondered,

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oh, why is she moving away and then they started talking about

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something else as a group.

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And those are just these little things that I noticed that I

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feel fac we have to start talking about this without

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blaming but with the intention to raise awareness. If that

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woman was fully aware that this man was making her feel

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uncomfortable making her A cringe inside. And she was just

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to say, hey, you make me feel uncomfortable. This guy could be

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made aware of it, and would not do this anymore in the future to

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her or to other people. Right. It's not about shaming and

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blaming an individual because we want to think the best of a

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person and think that they just don't have the awareness. But we

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need to become aware, and honor how we feel first. And you can

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just do that. If you know yourself, if you listen to

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yourself. And in order to do this, you need to make space and

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time you need to sit and silence at times and observe yourself,

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observe your thoughts. Observe your body, and how you feel. You

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need to tune into your body because your body is like an

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antenna that absorbs stuff from the environment and processes

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it. And then thoughts and feelings come up that then

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influence how you behave, how you think. And if you use your

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body wisely as a tool, and learn to express how you feel. I

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promise you, you will have the honour to enjoy a more authentic

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life tuned to your purpose, and to what you're meant to do here.

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In life, a lot of people right now feel lost, especially after

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COVID After being forced to sit down and to be isolated from

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others from from distractions. Of course, we learn to distract

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ourselves in different ways when we were locked down. But we were

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forced to think about our next steps. Are we in alignment with

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our job with our relationships? Are we on a good path. And a lot

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of people realized, fuck, I'm not on a good path. I'm engaging

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in this work for the wrong reasons. I'm not living up to my

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potential. And I want to live up to my potential. But I don't

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know how it just feels wrong where I'm at right now. And I

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don't know how to make changes. But I know I need to make

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changes. And where you can start if you're in that space right

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now is to start connecting back to your body. And to sense when

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something that you do feels off. And when something that you do

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feels super awesome. And then follow that feeling. And notice

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how your life can change. At the same time, I want to say if we

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always follow the feel good path, the path of least

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resistance, it is not necessarily going to get us

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where we want to end up because we're little animals, creatures

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of habits. And we're sometimes very lazy and sometimes very

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indulgent, and just want to have the candy and the couch and the

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Netflix. And that feels awfully good. But it's not going to get

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you anywhere. Sometimes, you will have to step into

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discomfort in order to live a life true to yourself. And this

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is also where coaching can step in and help you see what is the

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discomfort that is good for you that you're meant to embrace.

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And what is the discomfort you're meant to avoid and clear

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out of your life. But you seem to be clear with yourself to

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know what you need and want in order to live a life. Very

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authentic to your self. You need to start with you. And going

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back to men's mental health and International Men's Day. We need

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to embrace our feminine side and our masculine side. We We have

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to make peace with the men in our life, with the caregivers,

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with the people that we look up to the people we look up to

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sorry. In order to move on, we have to let go of resentment, we

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have to embrace healing and uncomfortable conversations. If

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we want to move on in society and become stronger, as an

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individual, but also, as a community, you have both inside

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of you. And if you learn to embrace your masculine side and

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your feminine side, you're very driven side, assertive side, but

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also your loving, nurturing side, your protective side, when

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you reconnect these both energies inside of you again,

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then you will be able to make peace with the people around

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you, you will be more forgiving, more loving. But until then we

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have to look at ourselves. And we cannot point the fingers to

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other people who are not ready yet to do the healing. But we

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can notice in our own behavior and our thought patterns, where

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we are at what triggers you, when I say, I want to see men

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being praised, I want to see men being acknowledged, I want to

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see men being put on a pedestal for a little bit, if it's just

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one day, and to see all the good that they're doing in this

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world. And the others are gonna fade away the other people that

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are in leadership positions right now, and not good doing a

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good job. We're just not getting to give them any more attention.

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But we're going to put the attention on the men that are

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hard driven, that are that did the work of healing. And that

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are very good role models there for future generations. All

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right, I hope this was not too messy. I feel I was all over the

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place today. But this message comes from the heart, from a

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deep desire to bring healing to this world to bring comfort and

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purpose and love. I'm always grateful to receive feedback if

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you resonate with what I say here or if it helps you, please

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leave a review or rating a five star rating as always awesome.

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And share this episode with people that you care about. All

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right, and I'll leave you with that next