Ep.37 Talking vs Expressing yourself [ communication 101]

Unknown: 00:00:07

Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

Unknown: 00:00:09

experience. I'm your host Aurora, and I'm very happy to be

Unknown: 00:00:13

spending some time with you today. I have the window open,

Unknown: 00:00:18

and it's very windy outside. So if you hear the wind, know that

Unknown: 00:00:24

it's helping to melt the snow, and I'm very, very happy about

Unknown: 00:00:29

it. Today I want to talk about expressing yourself versus

Unknown: 00:00:38

talking. I don't know if you really pay attention to people

Unknown: 00:00:46

when they talk to you. And if you can feel and see the

Unknown: 00:00:52

difference when they express themselves. I didn't look up any

Unknown: 00:00:57

definitions now. But I know for me, it's a huge difference. When

Unknown: 00:01:03

a person talks, it can be either entertaining, or boring, self

Unknown: 00:01:11

centered, opinionated, judgmental. When a person

Unknown: 00:01:19

expresses him or herself, it comes from the heart. It comes

Unknown: 00:01:26

from a deeper place. And usually people listen more to people who

Unknown: 00:01:34

express themselves than people who just talk. You see, a person

Unknown: 00:01:41

who talks can have Valley very sorry, valuable information for

Unknown: 00:01:47

you to learn about new things that you can discover, like on

Unknown: 00:01:54

an intellectual level. But when it comes to a feeling level, and

Unknown: 00:01:59

I think I repeat myself often enough, we're all animals. And

Unknown: 00:02:03

we all care crazily much about how we feel in a sentence

Unknown: 00:02:09

situation. When someone expresses true interest, when

Unknown: 00:02:15

someone expresses true feelings, that is when they touch your

Unknown: 00:02:21

heart. That is when you know, they want you over as a

Unknown: 00:02:27

listener. So I'm going to give you a little example here. Let's

Unknown: 00:02:34

say I talked to you about the weather. weather. It's pretty

Unknown: 00:02:41

nice today. It's been snowing, now it's sunny. And I'm going to

Unknown: 00:02:46

go for a walk today. And then afterwards. Yeah, cook a meal.

Unknown: 00:02:53

Maybe watch a movie, read a book. And that's it. That's my

Unknown: 00:02:58

day. So give you a bunch of facts, so to say about myself

Unknown: 00:03:05

things that I'm going to do things that I'm observing, and

Unknown: 00:03:08

maybe you're interested in that, but maybe at the same time you

Unknown: 00:03:11

thought that's when I asked you how your day is going? How you

Unknown: 00:03:18

are. That's not really the response that I wanted. But you

Unknown: 00:03:23

see, oftentimes we give people that response. Instead of

Unknown: 00:03:30

saying, Oh, yeah, we're fine, which is the ultimate slap in

Unknown: 00:03:33

the face as an answer. We give them a little rundown of what

Unknown: 00:03:39

we've done, we're gonna do in the day. And it's maybe

Unknown: 00:03:45

interesting to some degree, but not really doesn't create

Unknown: 00:03:49

connection doesn't create any depth. And it sure doesn't let

Unknown: 00:03:53

the person know how you feel in the moment doesn't always have

Unknown: 00:03:57

to be about them. Right? You don't have to completely open up

Unknown: 00:04:02

and tell them how much Yeah, they mean to you and everything.

Unknown: 00:04:07

But when you are in a race relationship, or it's a

Unknown: 00:04:12

friendship or acquaintance or just someone who's genuinely

Unknown: 00:04:15

interested in you, watch what you're doing. Are you talking or

Unknown: 00:04:21

are you expressing yourself? If you want to keep that person at

Unknown: 00:04:25

a distance, keep talking honey, because that's for sure how

Unknown: 00:04:31

you're going to keep them on a distance. If you go deeper and

Unknown: 00:04:37

share how you feel. How you Yeah,

Unknown: 00:04:44

the phone is ringing but I'm gonna ignore it. How the things

Unknown: 00:04:51

that you've experienced today, made you feel you know, I am

Unknown: 00:04:56

repeating myself a lot here, but I will keep doing it. Then

Unknown: 00:05:01

people will feel like you want to connect with them. You want

Unknown: 00:05:06

to be vulnerable with them, you share something with them, that

Unknown: 00:05:10

you wouldn't share with a complete stranger. And this is

Unknown: 00:05:15

what creates depth. This is what creates genuine relationships.

Unknown: 00:05:22

So next time you talk, observe yourself if you're just talking,

Unknown: 00:05:28

expressing yourself instead. And you will see it makes a huge

Unknown: 00:05:34

difference in your relationships, be it with your

Unknown: 00:05:37

siblings, your parents, your friends. And even with a

Unknown: 00:05:41

stranger, sometimes when you tell a stranger, instead of just

Unknown: 00:05:48

saying fine. Hey, no, I had a tough day, I'm going through a

Unknown: 00:05:53

divorce. No, I'm actually really hungry right now. And I don't

Unknown: 00:05:57

feel well, they will show compassion, they will, like be

Unknown: 00:06:02

curious about you, if they are open to it, if they don't have

Unknown: 00:06:07

too much on their own plate. But usually when you are open and

Unknown: 00:06:12

vulnerable, and express yourself authentically, you create

Unknown: 00:06:16

something and the other person you want to be as honest as

Unknown: 00:06:24

possible, as authentic as possible. And it will open up

Unknown: 00:06:29

doors and other people, it will make them see you, it will make

Unknown: 00:06:34

them feel compassion, and empathy. And they will be able

Unknown: 00:06:42

to relate to you. Talking can go deep to when you tell a story

Unknown: 00:06:49

about your painful past or something. But there again, when

Unknown: 00:06:54

you go into details and how you felt in a situation, it will

Unknown: 00:07:00

touch the person way more than if you just throw a story to

Unknown: 00:07:07

their feet. So to say. So this is just a short little episode

Unknown: 00:07:13

for you. I feel I could say much more about this topic expressing

Unknown: 00:07:19

versus talking. But I will leave it at that short and sweet

Unknown: 00:07:25

because now it is up to you to observe yourself on how shallow

Unknown: 00:07:30

you are, or on how deep you are. It is very scary to go deep at

Unknown: 00:07:35

times. But the fruits that you will reap from that behavior are

Unknown: 00:07:42

incredibly precious. You not only create a relationship with

Unknown: 00:07:48

another person, but you also feel yourself on a deeper level.

Unknown: 00:07:53

And this is what the Borealis bot podcast is all about. I want

Unknown: 00:07:59

to connect you back to yourself. Know yourself. And I know you

Unknown: 00:08:04

can be such a strong and beautiful person out there in

Unknown: 00:08:08

the community in life and enrich people and enrich yourself.

Unknown: 00:08:14

express yourself. Never hold back on how you feel. And I will

Unknown: 00:08:20

leave you with that. I will be out there tomorrow. Again. Thank

Unknown: 00:08:24

you so much for listening to the Borealis experience.