Ep. 38 What men want. Is it really what we think it is? w/ Nick Gemmell

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Hello, and

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welcome to the Borealis experience today an interview

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for you with Nick, gamma, and myself. And the topic is what

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women want what guys want, from our perspective from our

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experiences? Yeah, I think it's very important to, to talk about

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it. And Nick kept posting things in that direction on Facebook.

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So we decided to make an episode about it and steer up some shed.

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or clear up some confusion because actually, there's lots

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of mixed messages out there. And it is just me and my perspective

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as a female. Of course, we're not generalizing, or Yes, we

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are. Because it's fun. And, but we are aware that not every

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female things like I do, and not every man, things like Nick

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does. But yeah, we thought it was a fun topic to talk about.

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And, yeah, let's, let's dive into this neck. You've been

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married? We know that from episode number one with you, and

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you maybe dated before you were married? Or maybe dating now. Is

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there like, Do you notice any changes in dating, when it came

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to your, let's say 20s or teens to now? What What would you say

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is the biggest difference?

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No, that's, that's very interesting. And thanks for

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having me on the show. Again, this is great. And I would I

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didn't date too much before I got married to be honest. So and

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what I had had for relationships before that, were very, yeah,

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one was very toxic. One was very toxic. And, and that would have

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been the longest, the longest term one and be almost two

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years, I think we were together. And, but that was very toxic.

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But the differences I would say now in dating, again, is it's

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just easy to throw away. Relationships now. And I say

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that in, in the meaning of with the swipe mentality, it's just

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easy to go on to the next. And in order to build a connection,

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we need time, and we need to be able to see each other. But when

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it's so easy that the next best thing comes across in your

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profile, that, that it's just so easy just to go on to the next

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one. And when something's not going our way, especially, you

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know, it was like it was definitely hard to begin with.

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And now with the COVID bullshit, where we're forced to be distant

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A lot of times, and so takes a lot of work. So much work. And

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with the swipe mentality, man, it's especially, you know, if

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your partner or someone you want to pursue is, you know, hundreds

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of kilometers away, well, it's not gonna work out very well,

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when you can swipe the next person that's 20 kilometers

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away. And you think that that's the next best thing. So I feel

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that's one of the harder things that's happening right now is

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just the swipe mentality is the left, right. It's not, it's not

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helping the situation at all.

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Yeah, and I feel even people who wouldn't have used Tinder or

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other apps before COVID. Now God may be curious or so frustrated

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that they got into that, like game or mentality too. And yeah,

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it is more and more people who, like the quick and fast and

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easy. And then but not so much depth. Is there and yeah, it's

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harming us both, like both sides, right?

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Absolutely. They instant gratification will say right,

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like where someone, you know, a little bit better looking that

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we think right comes across and we're like, yeah, this is great,

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where you actually had a connection with the other person

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and you totally discarded it for a physical attraction that you

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think in your mind is going to be able to be be your future

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partner, right? You haven't even sparked the conversation with

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him or her And, yeah, it's just amazing, but so hard.

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Yeah. So now if we look into what what people want, what

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would you think is the number one thing that women are

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communicating they want? And is there sometimes that situation

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where you feel confused where you feel like, well, she

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communicated this to me very clearly. And now all of a

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sudden, she wants something else. Like, do you know what I

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mean? Oh,

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I've had quite a few, quite a few that wanted, or that was

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open to being very honest. And my, my whole thing, and what I

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teach people, and especially men is to, say your feelings and,

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and be, but it can cause a lot of problems when, when people

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say they want that. That's, like when women say they want that,

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but then they don't know how to process it. They've never, you

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know, they haven't had a lot of men open up to them. And then

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they get frightened. When you're starting to tell them why, why

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something that that they did, you know, rather than just the

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typical anger, or the typical, you know, snarky comments, you

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know, that they would get from, from other men now, it's like,

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hey, that made me feel that that made me it's hard to process

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when you're not used to it. And so that was that I would say,

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that was a big thing. And dating now, when women say that they

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want a relationship, and it goes back to the swipe right, swipe

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left, you get into it, and they just wanted a good time. And

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it's just so easy, you know, so easy to move on. And no, that's

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so that's that's happened more than once more than once. So,

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it's very tough, but I've been guilty of it as well. Because

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that's just the mentality of it. And I'm not. I'm not holding any

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blame. But it is very hard when you when you get into something

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and you feel like yes, this could be a relationship. But

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then a week later, oh, I'm just not ready to be committed. I'm

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not ready to be in a committed relationship.

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Mm hmm.

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What? What this whole poly amorous? Yeah, that's what it's

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called. Right? The polyamorous thing like, you find out like

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two weeks into spending time with somebody that that's their

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thing of where did that come from? Like, is this a thing?

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Right? Yeah.

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Yeah. I think I have to withhold my opinion when it comes to poly

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polyamory, cuz I would upset too many people. But I like what I

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see or understand when you say this is that I like I don't know

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you well, but I saw you. Or I know your story a little bit

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that you rose, and are now a very clear, open hearted and

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minded person who communicates. And that's so freakin scary.

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When you meet someone who from the outside looks like she has

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it all together. But all of a sudden, like, you know, like, Oh

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my God, he's gonna cut through my bullshit. And I don't know if

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I'm ready for that. Of course, she's gonna pick the next best

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guy who she knows he's gonna fuck her brains out. Sorry to

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say that and not touch her in any way. So that's the only

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thing I want to add to what you just said it has nothing to do

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with you. Or Yes, it has something to do with you

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challenge people too much. And

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no, absolutely.

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And I feel I feel the women, the woman that is going to be able

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to, to communicate back and to be open with you is not going to

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be on Tinder because on Tinder. It's sorry to judge but it's

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mainly people who want to stay in their like little shell and

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not open up but still connect and still have the physicality

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and wow. And then I think like for you guys, it's so unfair,

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because now you think or feel like I'm open and communicative.

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And that's what a women what women want. And now women freak

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out and are like, Oh no, we're not ready. For this, so what?

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Yes, yeah, yeah. And so it's very,

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yeah, no, sorry.

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Oh, it's just very Yeah, that part of it is very hard. And so

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I'm very upfront personally with, you know, even starting a

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call when I start to converse with somebody, like, this is the

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way I am and. And it may be a problem. I'll just put it right

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out, right? Like this might be a problem for this reason. But I'd

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like to pursue and see, right, especially if I find so many

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people that are so many women that call themselves will say,

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for lack of better word woke, or aware. But then once you spend

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one on one time with them, it's a complete train wreck. Yeah,

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you know, not all of them. But it can be like, there's so many

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demons that people have nowadays. And that's cool,

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because they're actually aware of it. But they, it's not

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dealing with it in a positive way. A lot of ways and going

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back to calling out and in the bullshit. It's very hard, right?

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So when you're dating, how do you like, I don't want to coach

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anybody that's, and I'm not perfect by any means. I still

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fall into these patterns, habits, behaviors, but I catch

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myself, and I try to try to get out of it. But a lot of a lot of

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women, you know, call themself woke or, or awakened, will say,

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and, but they're, they're dealing with a lot of trauma, a

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lot of trauma, but just not in a positive mindset, where it's

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still a lot of a lot of past trauma is coming out. And, you

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know, and it just doesn't work for a relationship. So it's

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definitely a work in progress.

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Yeah, sure.

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Yeah. But it's very hard. You know, when people say that

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they're, they're ready. You know, they don't disclose that

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they're not ready to date. And, but then you get 234 weeks in,

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and then all of a sudden, you get that drop bomb dropped,

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gone? Oh, yeah. I'm just not ready to commit or I'm like, Oh,

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my God. Okay. Well, we thought we had this conversation

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earlier, but maybe we didn't.

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Yeah. Well, and what would you say is the number one thing that

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girls or women, like need to know about what men want? Is

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this something like, did you notice, like a red line? Where

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you thought, No, no, we actually want this but you girls think we

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don't want it? Or you guys think we want this? But we don't

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really want this? Is there something that you notice?

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Yeah, so there's a couple different ways to take that

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question. And after coaching men now for over a year, you see a

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lot of a lot of patterns, habits and behaviors that come out of

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these and a lot of discussions from those patterns, habits and

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behaviors. And a lot of it, I'm just gonna go back to the men

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again, like, and taking accountability is they don't

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know what the fuck they want. They don't. They don't even know

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they've never asked them the question like, what do I

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actually want? And a lot of times when you start doing that,

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you know, because we got guys that are going through divorces

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we got or potential divorces, we got guys that are going through

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midlife. Hey, do I actually want to be married to my wife deals,

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but they've never asked themselves these questions

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before. And now they get to. So then they can start asking

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better questions to their spouses. So this, if you ask me

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six months ago, I would have a different answer. But what I

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see, you know, from my development and the other men in

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the program's development, is they want a woman that, you

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know, they want a woman that a takes care of them. B is

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empowered for the family.

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And

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they want her to take care of him. So what does that look like

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in an empowered, you know, women's society, and you speak

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about a lot about that, where we were brought up in the

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homemaker, homemaker system, have the mom stay, or the wife

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stays at home and takes care of the kids. But I find like,

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that's what a lot of the men still want. Because that's what

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they know, they like especially, you know, anyone that's 40 and

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above? For sure. That's what you know. That's what you that's

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what a lot of us know. And, and I think inside like, that's what

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we're longing for. And that's all you want. But how do you get

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that when a woman is works 80 hours a week, when you still

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have two kids that are being raised by whoever. And you're

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gone working for weeks, months at a time? How do you get that?

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Like? So that is the definite struggle. And now when you're so

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that's if you're in a marriage, but now if you're dating? How do

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you communicate that? Yeah, to these. So for empowered women

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that are, that have a career that have their own their own

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ideas on what success looks like, when we're still part of

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the old system. Because that's what we know. And as hard as

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hard as you can try to, to dissect that and change that.

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It's still there,

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I feel Oh, totally, like that whole discussion about empowered

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women, I feel. The empowered woman that we see now is the

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woman that is still wounded. And that feels like she needs to be

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masked men, she has to be in a masculine role in order to

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survive and society. And those women are not, I'm very careful

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how I formulate that. But they're not capable to play the

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feminine role in our relationship. Yet they want the

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man who protects them. And who cares for them. In deep inside,

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they need that. But they don't want to show that because that

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would be weak. In my eyes, the true empowered woman is a hard

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working girl. She is there for her community, for her family,

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for her girlfriends, but she has that nurturing, that openness,

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that receiving energy, and not the, oh, I got tits in a vagina.

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But I can live like a man, I can work like a man because that

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woman might look very sexy. But internally, she is so at war

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with femininity, that when a guy comes in, and wants that role

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from her, she's gonna run away, she's gonna make you feel so

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weak and silly, because you challenge her again. And I find

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it so hard. Like, I had an interview with a girl. And I

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never posted it because she got so aggressive with me. Because

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she didn't understand that she she I was scared of her. Like,

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she said, okay, you're empowering men. So what about

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all these women who are still not getting an equal job and

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equal payment and stuff? And I said, Yeah, well, that's a

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different problem, though. And you're not going to solve it in,

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in becoming a man as a woman, and I see your guys struggle. So

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well. But I still have troubles to get through to women. Because

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they see me as the weak little feminine girl who is too lazy to

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get out into the corporate world or something, you know, they I

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irritate them so much. That's why I'm doing my work on the guy

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side now and want to tell you guys, hey, you're doing the

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right thing. And it is up to us women now to grow as well.

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Because we're falling behind. We lost our femininity, and it's

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sad for all people included. So we

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know and what do you see happen in those relationships when the

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women rise? And a lot of times and if you are if you are

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married, that where that happens, where the women starts

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rising starts being more powerful in the ways you just

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described. Now, the ad crumbles because he is not strong enough

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to be able to deal with what the hell is going on. And not having

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the tools to be able to discuss like, what is that war that's

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happening? Like and it is, it's a mess. war between the spouse

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the two spouses. Like, oh my god, like, Kay, you feel,

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especially nowadays when you know, especially if you have a

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man that is meant, or that's worked away all his life and

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worked out in the trenches and did all of that cool stuff, and

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now there is no work. And so he's at home. And now the woman

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is now working mate, bringing in the money, great. But that man

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feels totally beaten down. That man feels totally useless. And

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without being able to communicate that in a positive

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way, that breakdown of that marriage is going to happen so

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fast. And it might not it might take years, but it's the

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breakdown. It will happen fast. And it's so hard to do.

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Mm hmm. No, I see it. I can. I noticed that. And wow, like to

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have a discussion with a wounded woman is like, I don't know what

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it is. They're so quick with their words, they're so quick

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with their assumptions. And as a man, you can be put in a corner,

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like being a matul. Or being an all you want me to cook and, you

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know, massage your feet at night, but that's not who I am.

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They don't get the Yeah, it's hard to communicate to them. I

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totally understand you're suffering. And I'm still

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struggling with that. What is the solution to that? I think

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keep talking about it. Deep, keep disclosing it and point out

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situations like that. Because I can see how a man would totally

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feel like powerless, and D emasculated or castrated. And

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what is there left to do? Like, it's kind of a dead end. street

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or road? And

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yeah, yeah. No. And going back to the dating what you have now?

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See, I've seen there's lots where you have women that are

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divorced and have kids like there isn't too many women that

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are above 3035 that have no kids, but are single? Yeah,

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right. But they have kids, they're single, and they are in

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a place. So for their children, so for a man to step into that

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know you're carrying the woman is carrying such a high

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masculine energy to try to, to bring that to the kids, that

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you're fighting that, that, that dichotomy between what she wants

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to be what she feels she wants to be, but now she doesn't even

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realize that she is carrying that masculine energy, and now

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you're trying to break through that wall, to get to the

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femininity behind it. And it's there, it's it's so there, but

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we we have to put these masks on to be strong for our kids, you

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know, I'm talking for the women. And you are it it's just as a

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man coming into that is very hard. So, you know, as as loving

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and caring as you think you are. You have this wall that's been

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put up, and it's very hard to break down. And it's very hard

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to connect to somebody that's playing both roles. So I found

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that as a as another huge step in the dating game of single

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moms, for sure.

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Yeah, I could see that. And, like, in women's defense, it's

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so tough to switch roles. And it's so tough in our society,

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because femininity is not really praised. Like just as much as

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men. You really have to fight and to No, no, the way I feel is

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valuable. And I'm going to express myself. And it's good

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for us women. Yeah, we were trained now to to feel less and

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to work harder and to Yeah, become kind of that unisex human

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that takes out polarity. You know, sex is suffering. I don't

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want to talk about sex during COVID. But I feel it was before

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COVID already, that when you don't have that polarity, when

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you have two masculine energies. It's very tough to create

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sensuality. And now as a woman, it's so tough to Yeah, let down

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your guard sex. And to allow the man to be the man and to Yeah,

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it's okay that he holds the door or that he helps you into the

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jacket, no this little subtle things where you know, a woman

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doesn't feel threatened. A woman wants you to protect her and

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wants to feel safe. And yes, you can lift her weights in the gym,

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but she still wants the man to be the man. Right. And we have

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to bring that back into society. And I just don't know how it's a

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it's a huge money battle.

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Yeah, yeah, I agree. I agree. edits. Yeah, it's definitely

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hard. But I think just talking about it more, maybe somebody,

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somewhere can pick up. Pick up the idea that they can do both

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like, yeah. But you have to know how to shut it off, like you

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said, like, especially the woman or is carrying both both

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energies as well. Like, how do you shut it off? And how do you

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become aware? While I personally think it's like, meditation has

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helped me so much and be able to disconnect facts from the

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feelings that are around me. And that's just one way but like,

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being aware on a constant basis of how you are showing up? Yeah,

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is huge, is huge. Like, what, what are the words coming out of

Unknown: 00:26:39

your out of your mouth? Are they self defeating? Are they are

Unknown: 00:26:43

they demeaning? If somebody said that to you, do you? Would you

Unknown: 00:26:47

take that as demeaning, right, like, maybe don't come at

Unknown: 00:26:51

somebody that way, like your spouse, you know, or partner?

Unknown: 00:26:55

And, and just be aware of what's happening around you. Like, it's

Unknown: 00:27:01

so easy. And yeah, after 17 years of marriage came crashing

Unknown: 00:27:06

down, right? Like, man, there's so much that I'd like to do

Unknown: 00:27:11

differently. But that's I'm very excited about the next 40 some

Unknown: 00:27:17

years, right? Because you get to take all of these lessons and be

Unknown: 00:27:21

able to apply it.

Unknown: 00:27:23

Yeah. Yeah, no, that's gonna be a very exciting journey. And I

Unknown: 00:27:29

know you're gonna pick wisely. And, yeah, another thing I

Unknown: 00:27:37

wanted to talk about is, so in my family, I observed the guys

Unknown: 00:27:43

who are very aggressive and suppressed women. In return,

Unknown: 00:27:47

women were passive aggressive, and castrating them on

Unknown: 00:27:54

energetical levels, so to say, so when you make a man feel that

Unknown: 00:27:59

he has no use, he is not of any use to the family. It's what

Unknown: 00:28:07

I've learned the worst you can do to men in return. Now, when I

Unknown: 00:28:13

dated, and I was conscious about how I treated my boyfriend, if I

Unknown: 00:28:19

made him feel I need him, I want him. And those those, like that

Unknown: 00:28:28

kind of energy. It was like, holy, I'm going to do everything

Unknown: 00:28:33

for you. Because that's, that's how I want to feel that's the

Unknown: 00:28:37

person I want to be in a woman's life, right? Is there anything

Unknown: 00:28:42

about women that you noticed where they say or act as if they

Unknown: 00:28:49

are totally independent, but you can see that they want to feel

Unknown: 00:28:55

safe, they want to be feel protected? Have you been in

Unknown: 00:28:59

situations like that? Where the words were absolutely not

Unknown: 00:29:03

matching? What you like the body language, for instance?

Unknown: 00:29:08

Oh, yeah, huge, huge. And it usually shows up. I get lots of

Unknown: 00:29:14

messages where women are abused, or they want to leave a

Unknown: 00:29:20

relationship. So there's that as well. But that's what sparked me

Unknown: 00:29:26

of you were describing that before of being beat down. And

Unknown: 00:29:33

it's very, it's just so hard to see, like, but Oh, where was I

Unknown: 00:29:40

going with that? Yeah, that happened that. It just so I just

Unknown: 00:29:45

wanted to touch on that. Be because before you know, to fit

Unknown: 00:29:50

it in this show, because it really hurts me when women are

Unknown: 00:29:56

in those relationships. But then I see that Two months later,

Unknown: 00:30:01

they're still with that same person. where they've reached

Unknown: 00:30:06

out to me and asked me, Well, what do you think? Why do you?

Unknown: 00:30:09

Why does he do this? And why did why is this right? We all know.

Unknown: 00:30:14

But it's hard to process that we can't change the other person

Unknown: 00:30:18

for sure. And that does tie into what you were talking about,

Unknown: 00:30:24

where they say something that they want, but they totally

Unknown: 00:30:31

different. Like, the results are totally different. So they say

Unknown: 00:30:35

they don't want this abusive relationship, but then they

Unknown: 00:30:37

stay. And that's a whole there's a whole other can of worms. But

Unknown: 00:30:42

is it really though, because they say they want something

Unknown: 00:30:45

different? But then it's always the same thing? Well, he's going

Unknown: 00:30:50

to change he's going to do this. Well, what do you actually like

Unknown: 00:30:53

about him in the first place? They What was it that actually

Unknown: 00:30:58

right, like, Yeah, he bought you some flowers and made you smile?

Unknown: 00:31:01

And then you're now you're together for six months, and now

Unknown: 00:31:04

he beat the crap out of you? Well, if you actually looked at,

Unknown: 00:31:10

at the relationship, well, there is obviously signs that

Unknown: 00:31:15

something wasn't right. And there is something going on, and

Unknown: 00:31:19

now I'm not bulking everything into. And I'm not justifying it

Unknown: 00:31:24

by any means, where I want to talk. But I will, I would like

Unknown: 00:31:29

to address is, why is that? So why actually reach out to

Unknown: 00:31:33

someone and say you want something different? Then you

Unknown: 00:31:37

it's the Yeah, I don't see now see, or hear nothing for, you

Unknown: 00:31:42

know, two weeks or a month, and all of a sudden, it's a loving

Unknown: 00:31:46

post of, of this couple together.

Unknown: 00:31:50

Mm hmm.

Unknown: 00:31:51

It just, it hurts me so bad to see.

Unknown: 00:31:55

What I've observed. and learned is that when we pick up

Unknown: 00:32:01

partners, of course, you have the physical, the spiritual

Unknown: 00:32:06

finances, what not, you know. But then there's a whole deeper

Unknown: 00:32:15

level of like, the way you were raised your relation with your

Unknown: 00:32:22

opposite sex caregiver. So in your case, your mom and her

Unknown: 00:32:26

case, her dad, and if she is I don't know that person, but if

Unknown: 00:32:31

she is with a person who, deep deep down makes her feel like

Unknown: 00:32:36

she felt when she was five, and she had a good relationship with

Unknown: 00:32:40

her daddy, then this is so much stronger than if you beautiful

Unknown: 00:32:47

person come along. And like, basically live or with me, you'd

Unknown: 00:32:54

be safe, I would never treat you bad. We have money, we have fun,

Unknown: 00:32:58

blah, blah, blah. This is good for a couple of weeks. But then

Unknown: 00:33:03

again, her deep in rooted longing for her daddy, it felt

Unknown: 00:33:11

weird, is is going to come up again. And she's going to look

Unknown: 00:33:15

at you and see that you're weak. You're not you don't have that

Unknown: 00:33:19

aggression. And this is actually what reminds her of, you know,

Unknown: 00:33:24

feeling as the little girl back then. And that's what I've

Unknown: 00:33:30

learned. I don't say this is a fact. But that's way stronger

Unknown: 00:33:34

than what you got to offer. And it's can't overrule it, until

Unknown: 00:33:39

that person decides to do it. And I suggest to you to keep

Unknown: 00:33:46

distance to people who are in and out hot and cold. Because

Unknown: 00:33:50

they are not, like clear with themselves and they're gonna

Unknown: 00:33:55

drag you in. And you have such a big heart. You're so empathetic,

Unknown: 00:33:59

that it's totally gonna mess you up.

Unknown: 00:34:03

Huh? Oh, I personally Yeah, that's happened a few times.

Unknown: 00:34:08

Yeah, exactly. Where I've, I get sucked into that. That same I

Unknown: 00:34:14

want to help people as well. But I'm attracted to it be and it

Unknown: 00:34:19

goes. You said the little girl but that's my little boy doing

Unknown: 00:34:23

the same thing. And I'm like, so causing. And that's why I love

Unknown: 00:34:29

this. That's why I love talking about this. I love I love the

Unknown: 00:34:33

coaching that I do is because I'm learning just the same as

Unknown: 00:34:37

everybody else. And it tries to act like you're on a pedestal

Unknown: 00:34:41

doesn't happen with this guy anymore. There is no so I screw

Unknown: 00:34:45

up more often than not. Yeah, I'm able to be aware that this

Unknown: 00:34:50

stuff is happening. So yeah, because when you get especially

Unknown: 00:34:54

when you get messages of women that you know Because there is

Unknown: 00:35:00

something attractive about a man that's that, that speaks out the

Unknown: 00:35:04

way I do. And in some ways, and I'm finding I didn't know, but

Unknown: 00:35:10

apparently so I do get lots of fair bit of messages of women,

Unknown: 00:35:15

but then you'll get this. In that same conversation you'll

Unknown: 00:35:19

get Oh, I'm in this shitty relationship and blah, blah,

Unknown: 00:35:22

blah. I tried to be helpful, but then not be flirty. So is very

Unknown: 00:35:28

tough. Very tough. Yeah, a lot of Yeah, are very attractive,

Unknown: 00:35:34

right. And that's not what I want. So at all I wanted I'm

Unknown: 00:35:40

wanting to speak to so I wanted to speak to the guys so that

Unknown: 00:35:44

they messaged me, which does happen, but not as much as as

Unknown: 00:35:49

women when they want to reach out. So. So yeah, it's very,

Unknown: 00:35:54

yeah, there's a very fine line, and I'm learning to find those

Unknown: 00:35:57

boundaries. Because, yeah, I get I can get sucked in just like

Unknown: 00:36:04

anybody else. Like, this is Oh, man, she would be so much cool

Unknown: 00:36:08

to date. And know, like, let's just keep this professional for

Unknown: 00:36:13

sure. Yeah, and I'm not. And I'm not Yeah. But it's so tough. And

Unknown: 00:36:20

I'm not afraid to say it either. Right. I am human. And I am

Unknown: 00:36:25

attracted to women. That's just what it is. So,

Unknown: 00:36:29

yeah. And, like the awesome, like, thing that we can start

Unknown: 00:36:35

doing now as as very caring people, is that we observe Okay,

Unknown: 00:36:40

which part of me is attracted to that person now? Is it my

Unknown: 00:36:43

caregiver, my rescue personality? Or is it my uterus?

Unknown: 00:36:49

Yeah, as it My, my, my masculine and my feminine parts that are

Unknown: 00:36:54

really drawn to each other? And once you hack that, once, you

Unknown: 00:36:58

know, no, I'm not the caregiver. I'm not the rescue of my future

Unknown: 00:37:03

partner, I want my partner to be healthy, and empowered to know

Unknown: 00:37:08

how to, you know, heals patients, then you can be more

Unknown: 00:37:15

selective, I had to learn that because I was just like you, I

Unknown: 00:37:19

was like, Oh, my God, that guy needs me like, he's in a toxic

Unknown: 00:37:24

relationship, like I have to you the Savior, the angel, and it's,

Unknown: 00:37:31

it's not going to be good.

Unknown: 00:37:34

No,

Unknown: 00:37:36

not at all. Not at all. And it's an even when you do start into a

Unknown: 00:37:40

relationship. If you are for the people that are listening, like

Unknown: 00:37:44

a lot of them are coming aware of their actions and everything

Unknown: 00:37:48

else. But they fall, they might fall into the same patterns and

Unknown: 00:37:52

habits that we did, where you're you're not meant to coach or

Unknown: 00:37:57

help your partner like you, you do it by your actions, the more

Unknown: 00:38:02

action that you do, your partner will see those and maybe start

Unknown: 00:38:07

to implement some of them into your life. So if whether it's

Unknown: 00:38:11

journaling, whether it's meditation. Yeah, so many

Unknown: 00:38:19

different tools that you start using. If you're around your

Unknown: 00:38:23

partner long enough, and you just go ahead and do it. Like

Unknown: 00:38:26

don't my my advice is not to push it on them at all. At all.

Unknown: 00:38:33

Yeah, just do it. Just do the work that you've been doing

Unknown: 00:38:36

that's got you to the place where you feel good about

Unknown: 00:38:39

yourself. Yeah. And then partner might take it up themselves and

Unknown: 00:38:44

be able to have and then you can start having that conversation.

Unknown: 00:38:48

But I you know, this happens lots where we teach it we teach

Unknown: 00:38:53

the guys to yet be very, like I alluded to before was be very

Unknown: 00:39:00

honest with their partners. Well, it has to be read.

Unknown: 00:39:08

Meditate or journal, you telling them? Or Yeah, I'll go ahead and

Unknown: 00:39:13

say telling them, you telling them they should do something.

Unknown: 00:39:17

They're just they're gonna push away from it, and then they're

Unknown: 00:39:20

gonna make fun of you for doing it. It's just the way that it is

Unknown: 00:39:23

if they're not in that place. Yeah. So and then if we start

Unknown: 00:39:27

that whole cycle where we started this conversation, full

Unknown: 00:39:31

circle, where our, you know, getting getting beat down by our

Unknown: 00:39:36

partners, and that's it. We're not even realizing that we're

Unknown: 00:39:40

doing

Unknown: 00:39:42

it's so unconscious. Nick, we're coming to an end. Yeah, I feel

Unknown: 00:39:46

like we could talk about this for seven more hours. Is there

Unknown: 00:39:50

anything like a message that you would like to send out to women

Unknown: 00:39:55

when it comes to dating and finding a partner or like Having

Unknown: 00:40:00

a healthy relationship with a man?

Unknown: 00:40:05

Yeah, for women, I would suggest I would suggest thing, what it's

Unknown: 00:40:14

like to be needed again. I just see what that like, just sit and

Unknown: 00:40:22

feel what that would be even if you are the most powerful woman

Unknown: 00:40:25

on earth. And you know, you're a fortune 500 company CEO. Just

Unknown: 00:40:32

feel what it's like to be needed by someone, like when you were a

Unknown: 00:40:36

little girl like you described Aurora, like, feel what that is?

Unknown: 00:40:42

And how can you implement that into your relationship? And how

Unknown: 00:40:45

can you communicate that to your partner, because I feel that

Unknown: 00:40:49

would be massive, massive, oh, you can go and produce you can

Unknown: 00:40:54

go in, you can go and be a badass bitch. But like, feel

Unknown: 00:40:58

what it is to be wanted and communicate that to your

Unknown: 00:41:01

partner. Yeah, and on the men side, on the men side, feel what

Unknown: 00:41:06

it's like to be a fuckin animal again, like go and lift some

Unknown: 00:41:11

heavy shit or go and, and, and chop down a fucking tree and run

Unknown: 00:41:18

around in the bush naked and just feel what it's like to be a

Unknown: 00:41:21

man again, like, just primal. Just feel what that is and

Unknown: 00:41:26

communicate that feeling to your partner. And how you can get

Unknown: 00:41:31

that and how you can maybe incorporate that primal pneus

Unknown: 00:41:35

into your relationship, like two huge things that we need to be

Unknown: 00:41:41

wanted. And to feel like, we're a badass motherfucker. Like, and

Unknown: 00:41:47

that's different for everybody that that feeling is different

Unknown: 00:41:50

for everybody. Right? So take that for what it's worth, and

Unknown: 00:41:54

kind of manipulate that into what you need into your life.

Unknown: 00:41:59

And what fulfills you. But in a nutshell, like, that's what I

Unknown: 00:42:03

feel that we're missing is just, yeah, just want to produce and

Unknown: 00:42:08

just be badass.

Unknown: 00:42:10

Yeah, man, that was a beautiful, beautiful ending. You totally

Unknown: 00:42:16

nailed it. And

Unknown: 00:42:18

yeah,

Unknown: 00:42:18

I hope that message will be received. I know it will be

Unknown: 00:42:22

received and we will take care of Yeah, distributing and

Unknown: 00:42:26

sharing because that's exactly what we all need to hear. Yeah,

Unknown: 00:42:33

no, beautiful. Let's leave it at that.

Unknown: 00:42:37

Thank you so much. Time.

Unknown: 00:42:41

Yeah, no, thanks again for having me on. It was great. I

Unknown: 00:42:43

always love these combos.

Unknown: 00:42:46

Awesome.

Unknown: 00:42:48

Well, thank you so much for listening to this interview on

Unknown: 00:42:50

the Borealis experience podcast, make sure to check out Nick

Unknown: 00:42:54

gamow and his pipe dream solution podcast. And if you

Unknown: 00:43:00

have any questions, any comments, please feel free to

Unknown: 00:43:04

reach out to us on Facebook. Have a good rest of your day.

Unknown: 00:43:09

And yeah, we will be out there very soon again. Thank you.

Unknown: 00:43:14

Goodbye.