Ep.36 The most powerful person in the room. [social life]

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Hello, hello,

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and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm your host

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Aurora. And I'm so happy to be spending some time with you

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today. I hope you're doing well. It is Friday, March 12, starting

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to be spring out here in Canada, and I'm very excited to be

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spending more time outdoors. Alright, today I want to talk

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about the most powerful person in the room, I feel that there's

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a huge shift going on in the world, when it comes to role

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models and power. And what we look up to used to be different.

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And side of me how I perceived powerful people, I thought

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powerful people are loud and aggressive, and dominant. Even,

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yeah, uncomfortable to be around, let's say. And now I

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traveled I met people, I worked in all different kinds of jobs.

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I lived in different countries. And what I observed is that the

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most powerful person in the room has the most calm and steady

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heartbeat. The powerful person that I look up to is a listener,

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instead of a talker, they lead people talk, they make people

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feel good. And they know exactly where they stand, they don't

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have to prove anything. They are very secure. And they make

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people feel secure and good about themselves too. So if you

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imagine a chain with all kinds of elements, like links,

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wherever you say that in English, their leader that I was

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describing here, is kind of pulling that chain. And the

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people are like magnets and want to follow that person. And the

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leader who is pushy and controlling and aggressive and

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loud, will try to push that chain in this metaphor into a

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direction and is trying to push people into certain directions.

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But do you see what happens when you push a chain along the table

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instead of pulling it along the table? So the one person who's

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calm and quiet and confident will people get to follow them.

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And really, ultimately get them to do what they want and what

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the leader wants. And the person who pushes people to do things.

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He will deal with people who have fearful and resentful maybe

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even and are kind of Yeah, the sheep kind of purple of people

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who follow orders without even really questioning and without

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having a spine you know, without having a backbone. So, maybe you

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can observe in your surroundings now was COVID confinements

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lifting up being more? How do you say with everything being

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more relaxed again and us being able to socialize a little more?

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Have a look at the people that you perceive as being leaders

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and how do they behave? Are they very excited and as I said loud

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and controlling and manipulative or, or they're very calm with

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themselves and that piece, and people want to open up to them.

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They don't really have to ask much from people. More people

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want to serve them. I think it's a very, very interesting

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observation to make. Because that would also teach you that

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you don't have to prove anything to anybody, you just go at your

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pace, and you do your thing, and you're proud of yourself. And

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then you will have people who will encourage you and inspire

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you and want to help you if you need that help. It's kind of a

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magnet, people magnet when you are at peace with yourself, and

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don't make people feel competitive and insecure. For

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the longest time, I think, and there's still people in power,

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who are intimidating and aggressive, and very, yeah,

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weird to be around, because they will always find something that

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you don't know. And that they know. So that feeling of

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superiority and inferiority is in the room when you are in

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their presence. So if you want to observe that, and people and

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know that, yeah, you can give that person power, and you can

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follow them and probably learn lots from them. But there will

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not make you feel good if you stay around these people for too

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long. And then the leaders who are more quiet and operate from

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a deep source of calmness, they usually overseen by those other

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people that are loud and aggressive, and maybe even seen

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as weak if you put one next to the other. But really, those are

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the people that are gonna inspire you, and make you feel

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strong, and make you come out of your shell and discover new

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things about yourself that you didn't even know about yourself.

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So I don't know how you grew up, if you grew up with your

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parents, how your primary caregivers behaved around you,

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and what they taught you, and how your teachers treated you if

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you are good with authority, or if you are a little rebel

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inside. But I think it's definitely worth looking at

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yourself and who you admire. Who do you look up to? And what does

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it tell you about yourself. I gave you the example of the

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aggressive leader, and the more confident and very quiet and

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calm leader. And, yeah, maybe you observe already that you are

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following the aggressive leader and think that that is power.

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And this is how you can manipulate people into what you

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want to do and what you want to achieve, then I invite you to

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look at the other leader and how they get people to do what they

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want and inspire people and are very, very good at what they're

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doing without wasting any energy or risking heart attacks. Also,

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in a group of people, it's very interesting to observe how

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people behave. A lot of people feel inferior when there's

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someone happy and proud and talkative. And see it kind of as

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a negative, that the person is talking and happy for

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themselves. And some people are very quiet and observant and

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kind and really good listeners. And then there's others who are

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very loud and aggressive and always want to

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dominate the conversation and never really let anybody talk.

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And that's also a sign of huge insecurity. But those power or

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those people are given so much power and attention most of the

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time and they can be very destructive. very destructive.

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And yeah, as I said earlier, building resentment in others.

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So yeah, do this little social experiment and look at who you

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are looking up to and maybe look what's going on in your family

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or in your close friend circle. Thank you so much for listening

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to the Borealis experience. I'm your host Aurora and I will be

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back tomorrow again.