Ep.35 Introvert, Extrovert, Social anxiety. [self awareness]

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Hello,

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and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm your host

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Aurora. And I'm very happy to be spending some time with you

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today. I hope you're doing well. I just came home from a long

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winter walk. Still very cold here in Canada. So my nose is a

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little stuffed up. But I think it will clear as soon as I talk

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myself warm here. Yeah, today I want to talk about introverts

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extra words, social anxiety alone time. I feel there's a

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couple people out there who call themselves introverts. And their

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nature is not really introverted. They're just

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extroverts who went through some stuff and feel heard and shame

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and resentment towards people. And they're kind of hiding,

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avoiding and social situations they're trying to, yeah, control

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the situation and

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be?

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Yeah,

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how do I put it into words? Be very short. So I know I've been

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socially anxious for many, many years. And I always like after

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two hours. I always need a break from people and needed to be by

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myself again. And sometimes also didn't really feel comfortable

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in a group setting for me, a one on ones were always best. And I

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listened to that podcast at some point where she says, You don't

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really need alone time, you don't need much time with

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yourself to recharge your batteries. There's a certain

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amount of time that is good and healthy. But if you go over that

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time, it's really a sign that you're not comfortable, being

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authentic with people. And just think about it, if you could go

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out there and be the person you are. When you are with yourself,

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you wouldn't need much time off from people, you could be around

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people all the time. Because you could be yourself. What is so

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extremely exhausting, as to having to put a mask on is to

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having to listen or endure situations when we could simply

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set boundaries and be very clear with how we want to be

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communicated with. And it was such an eye opening moment for

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me. That's why I want to share it with you. When she said that

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because up until then I thought yeah, I was pretty extroverted

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as a child, and then I became more introverted, I had my

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experiences, and they kind of shaped me so intensely, that I'm

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an introverted personal and I will be for the rest of my life.

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So see what I was doing there. I was letting my ego my monkey

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mind rule my world, and define my behavior, my social behavior,

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and let it shape me. And when I listened to that podcast, all of

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a sudden, I realized, Oh, my God, this is exactly what I'm

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doing. I go and meet up with friends, or I'm open to meet new

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people, but only under very certain conditions. And

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afterwards, I'm always so exhausted and annoyed and

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resentful that I need like a three week holiday afterwards.

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And then I started to notice Okay, what is it that I'm doing

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that exhausts myself? That makes me feel Yeah, bad after

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socializing. And I observed myself more and more and was

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realizing Okay, yeah, sometimes when people over explain or

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story toppings, you know, when you explain something to

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someone, give them a situation and then they come with a

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similar situation, and it's twice the length of your story

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and you feel like okay, well, did you really listen to my

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story? Or were you just waiting Your turn? And so I learn slowly

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but surely to. Yeah, see these things, observe these things.

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And I'm still at the point where I don't really know how to

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express myself and how to tell people okay, this is something

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I'm not really interested in listening. And can we talk about

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something else? Or can we go for a walk now, because sitting here

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and talking makes me feel kind of trapped or something. So I,

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for instance, feel trapped very easily. But I used to just

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relieve and find an excuse to make the conversation short, or

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the meetups short. And now I just tell people, hey, I need

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something else. Now, do you want to join me for bicycle ride? Or

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do you want to go swimming? So slowly, but surely, it makes me

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a way more social being, and it makes me feel very, very good,

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because I also feel that I can be authentic and really express

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myself. And the beauty of that is that people also get to know

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me and know, our Aurora is not avoiding us. Aurora doesn't want

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to keep us on a distance.

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She just needs. Yeah, a little bit of diversity, maybe a little

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bit of ADHD going on there, which is beautiful. We all need

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like stimulation. And yeah, things that bring us joy, expand

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our soul. And it is beautiful to see that in the other person.

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And to know that the other person wants us to be part of

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it. I think a lot of times, my friends felt I didn't want to

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spend as much time with them. I was very secretive. And I was

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and it was not that I didn't like my girlfriends, it was that

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I needed a different stimulation. So if you observe

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that in yourself, maybe you call yourself an introvert and maybe

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I was able now to make you realize that maybe you're a

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little more extroverted. And maybe you're very good with

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people, yet, you are not very honest with yourself and with

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them. And that's something you can learn. You can learn to be

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more expressive again, and more authentic. And you will see that

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it will save you so much energy and make you feel so good. A

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very good friend of mine, for instance, when she invites

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people to her house, she always has coffee and cake and is like

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the super host. And I don't know if like I know, I don't do that.

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And I couldn't do it. My friends don't expect that from me. And

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that some at some point, sorry. She said, Yeah, I wanted to

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invite my girlfriend. And then I told her, you bring your own

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cake today. And we can only make tea and it maybe came across a

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little rough. But I was so proud of her, at the same time that

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she was able to set that boundary and that she

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communicated to her friend, hey, I want to connect with you. I

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want to see you. But I want to keep it simple. And I don't want

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all that fuss around it because I'm exhausted. So can we please

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keep it low key and then everything is fine. The most

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important thing is that we let people know that we want to

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connect with them and want to be in touch with them. And then

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they should be pretty cool and lean back with whatever you got

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to offer. And everybody is happy. So yeah, reflect about

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this a little bit about your introverted ness, extroverted

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ness and your social anxiety. Social Anxiety is a major

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complex topic. I can only say that the more you know that

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you're good with yourself, you know yourself and you express

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yourself honestly, the better you feel, and the more you will

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attract people into your life that are good for you and who

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understand you. Thank you so much for listening to the

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Borealis experience today. I'm your host Aurora. And yeah, I'm

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just incredibly grateful. ought to be out here serving you,

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giving you peace, maybe some joy, and maybe help you to get

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to know yourself better and to be a happier person out there.