Ep. 36 Lower your expectations and enjoy a higher quality of living [ self-reflection]

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Hello and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm

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your sorority, life coach and companion on this beautiful

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journey called life. First off, I want to thank my dear friend,

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my beloved friend from Lethbridge, for a very touching,

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uplifting, motivating, empowering review that she left

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me on Apple podcast, it was incredible to receive these very

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kind words and I felt so appreciated and loved and the

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timing was just perfect to I woke up that morning and just

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Yeah, took care of my household and everything and didn't think

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of anything special. And then I'll open up my, my internet, my

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phone and I see this beautiful message of hers jumping out of

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the screen and touching my heart so deeply. So yeah, thank you so

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so much for this special gift. I will leave the link in the show

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notes for you to leave a review if you haven't already. And you

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can also donate a cup of coffees if you enjoy what I share with

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you if you get value out of this, this is a free podcast

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want to buy me a cup of coffees and know that this money will be

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reinvested into my podcast, or and when invested into my

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someday soon, then it would be much, appreciate it. Alright,

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enough of my blah, blah here at the beginning of the episode,

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let's jump into the juicy parts of the conversation. Today I

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want to talk about expectations. Some of you know that I've gone

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through a couple of very rough weeks here. And what I learned

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is what I want to share with you here everything what I share

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here is my opinion, my view my experiences, my learnings, I'm

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not a doctor, I'm not a therapist. So if you feel you're

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struggling with mental health issues, then I would warmly

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encourage you to see a professional and if you don't

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know where to go, we can find out together where we can find a

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therapist for you. That is a good fit, get match. I'm not

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gonna let you down. But I want to add this little disclaimer

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that I'm not a therapist. expectations can be crippling,

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crippling for the person who has the expectations and crippling

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for the receiver for the person that we expect things from and

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what I've learned over the last couple of weeks and months when

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I was forced to look at essential to see what is really

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important in my life and to focus on these things on a daily

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level on a daily basis, and to just go from day to day and not

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plan too much ahead is that I dropped all kinds of

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expectations to awards myself and others. My heart was

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basically split open because I was in so much pain and so much

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worry but at the same time, so much love and forgiveness

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happened. It is not a secret that I had a very difficult

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relationship with my dad up until recent years and now that

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he's gone through a health scare, I was radically thrown

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into deep love and deep forgiveness. And I'm so so

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excited and grateful to be reunited with him. In the next

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couple of days when I fly over to Germany, and all the little

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expectations that I had towards myself all the To Do lists, all

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the stuff that I thought I needed to keep me going,

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suddenly were stripped apart from me or put it differently, I

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chose to not engage in these kinds of thought patterns

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anymore. And it was as if a big weight and huge tension was

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taken out of my system and being dissolved. And I think it's a

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very, very interesting phenomenon that we can observe

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that when something happens that I'm shifts our perspective that

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sucks us out of our daily routine, we get a different

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perspective on to our life. And we realize that we were kind of

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in an erratic in an autopilot mode, and didn't really pay

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attention to the essential things in life anymore. We get

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so caught up in the mundane and forget what it is to be loving,

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and vulnerable. And I know vulnerable. That term is being

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so overused in recent years, and oh, we need to be soft and kind

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and open. I think we got, we got that message all of us. But what

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I want to put an emphasis today is to be courageous, and to let

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go. And to open up again. And vulnerability will be a

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consequence, a natural consequence. Because when you

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realize that you have taken your partner, for instance, for

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granted for the last couple of years for the last couple of

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decades, or maybe you've only been together recently for a

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couple months. You are in a very humbling place. And I think what

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I want to get across today is that can we please not wait

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until our loved ones or different are involved into an

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accident or struggle with health issues? Like can we realize that

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before and without creating drama, take a break and reflect

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about everything we have with the other person, everything we

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share everything we cherish, and to then share these feelings and

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thoughts with our loved ones. I find it incredible how and I'm

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one of them to write that something very bad has to happen

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first before I forgive my dad fully. Something super dramatic

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has to happen to my boyfriend. Before I realize how good of a

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man he is to me and what special person he is to so many people

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in his life. And this is why in last episode, I wanted to

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emphasize on the importance of taking a break and sitting in

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silence and reflecting and thinking because thinking is not

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only gonna give you a huge advantage over your competitors,

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but it is also going to deepen your relationships with the

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people you deeply care about. Because he will sit there in

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silence and kind of a bubble, a vacuum that you create.

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And you will go over all your relationships and notice how

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present they are with you. Notice how they want to stay

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connected with you. Notice how While they engage in ads of

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services, to help you and to make you feel seen and heard and

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supported. And when we do that, I think we can also drastically

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reduce our sense of loneliness. And when we then go out there

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again and sent this loving kind message that comes out of the

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blue for the other person, we can create incredibly strong

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thoughts. So I invite you over the next couple of days, over

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the next week, to sit down once in a while, and to go through

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all the interactions that you enjoyed during the week, over

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the last couple of days. And to really soak in that beautiful

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connection, maybe it was just a little smile, where maybe it was

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somebody opening the door for you. Maybe it was somebody

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carrying a heavy bag, maybe it was somebody that you helped

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out, and they expressed gratitude. Maybe it was your

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partner, leaving a little note, maybe it was a friend who sent

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you a message to just check in. Maybe it was your mother Who

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baked you a cake. Maybe it was your dad, who helped you connect

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to a professional, that could then help you out with job

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stuff. To sit down and to reflect about positive

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interactions that you enjoyed over the last couple of days is

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totally hard filling. And to then go out and give back is

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gonna make you feel strongly connected. And we need that for

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our health, not only our mental and emotional health, but also

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our physical health.

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The biggest on scene, so to say transparent pandemic, that is

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rushing. How do you say that in English, that is, among us

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human beings right now is loneliness. And I want to do

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everything in my power to make you aware on where you allow

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loneliness to be a thing and where you could put in a little

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bit more focus and emphasis and effort, to feel less lonely, to

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sit alone and to reflect, to drop expectations towards

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yourself without losing ambition and focus and dreams. Right? But

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expectations are always I feel negative, aggressive. You make

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people feel. You put pressure onto people actually and you put

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pressure onto yourself. When you have attachments to a certain

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outcome and you don't allow magic to happen you don't trust.

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It doesn't mean that you can ask something from someone and ask

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something from yourself. But I hope I can get my point across

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you to have an expectation and to cling on to it with all you

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have, can sometimes make people crumble, run away, shut down.

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And same goes for yourself if your expectations are too

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unrealistic. You will punish yourself for the days that you

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didn't make steps towards your expectation or when things go

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differently, you will feel thrown off. So this is also an

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invitation for you you to stay open for magic and to trust and

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to know that if you stay focused, if you are consistent,

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things will fall into place. This is by the way, my, my

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ongoing mantra before I go to bed and when I get up in the

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morning, is the simple sentence, everything is going to fall into

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place. Everything is going to fall into place. And if you have

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this little mantra that you can repeat, that you can use to

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remind yourself that there is 1000 paths to get to your goal,

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not just that one that you're clinging on to, there's so many

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more paths to get to where you want to get. And if you shut

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yourself down to possibilities or opportunities, you might very

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well miss that goal. Because you're shutting yourself off and

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out to new paths. And sometimes when we invite people in when we

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share our ideas and dreams with people, we can even engage in

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little shortcuts. That's the beauty of connection that we

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don't have to do it alone, we can ask for help, we can engage

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in a couple of weeks of coaching to shift our perspective and to

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acquire tools that will get us to our goals with less effort.

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So over the next couple of days, reflect about all the little

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interactions that you enjoyed that were positive. And really

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recall that situation, have the person in front of you receive

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what they had to share with you. And after your level, break

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yours a little silent time your me time. Go out there and see

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how beautiful the world is and how loving and kind and giving

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you can be because now that you've reflected on how much you

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have received it is so much easier to give and to connect

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and to trust and to lower expectations and to know that

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your desires your wishes are being hurt yeah, I

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think that was it for today. I'm wishing you a good rest of your

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day. If there's any episode requests that you would like to

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send me out, please don't hold back and take really good care