Ep.35 Experiencing unconditional love. [dating,love,life]

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Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your host Aurora, and I'm very happy to be

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spending some time with you today. I hope you're doing well.

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Today's episode is inspired by a dear listener of mine, hand in

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hand, unconditional love.

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I think unconditional love is what we all crave. We want to

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feel accepted, we want to feel

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as if we can expand and change whenever we feel like it. We are

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free to decide in which direction our life goes, we are

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afraid to express ourselves, our center authentically

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is that the case in your relationship

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in your romantic relationship.

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Or maybe you are single at the moment, and you wonder how it

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was in the past and how it's going to be in the future. To

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experience unconditional love.

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I say it was cetera soothing and warm voice. And at the same

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time, I have to warn you that I believe unconditional love

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doesn't really exist in this Western world. Among lovers, and

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romantic relationships, I experience unconditional love

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with my friends. I do whatever I want. And they cheer for me. I

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date whoever I want. And they cheer for me. I make mistakes,

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and they call me out on my bullshit. I make decisions. And

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they listen. And yeah, are excited for me

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with a partner. So I feel it is very different. When there's

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strong feelings involved, when you're building something

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together, then you have to have a set of rules in place in order

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to function as a team.

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And it is not necessarily a bad thing. It's just a thing that

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you have to find a person who matches your needs, who matches

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your conditions.

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And that person has to be good. Okay, with your conditions you

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put in place.

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I feel a lot of times people think like, my relationship is

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so conditional. I feel so stuck. I feel so bored. If you're under

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stimulated, I feel joyful

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yet, are they living up to their highest potential?

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Do they maybe use their relationship and their partner

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to make excuses to not evolve and to have someone else to

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blame them. I feel that's the case at times.

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And a lot of times people are in relationships and are very fear

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driven. And those few driven people have even more conditions

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in place in order to be happy and feel satisfied. In a

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relationship. It is extremely tricky because those things

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don't really show up. Initially when you meet the person when

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you fall in love. They come up over time it is fears that we

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acquired maybe even as a child

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as a youngster. Maybe after our first heartbreak, we made

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certain conclusions about ourselves and the world. Because

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we promised ourselves to not go through such an amount of pain

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anymore.

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So what I want to challenge you to look at today is I you making

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excuses are you

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allowing people to put you in a box and just accept it and at

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the same time you're whining about it?

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What are the conditions that you put

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in place,

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what do you expect from your partner?

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Attention, loyalty, self care, health,

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a stable income.

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It can be whatever you can think of, what are the things that you

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imply that you have to see happening in your partner in

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order to feel safe and cared for and good.

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And then you can change that you can change the conditions that

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you put in place for your partner, and for your

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relationships.

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And maybe you want to change those conditions, maybe you want

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to be a little more easygoing, maybe you healed from past

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trauma, maybe you totally trust your partner. And

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in the past, you didn't like him or her to go on vacation on

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their own. And now you feel like you want it for yourself. So you

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want to allow this for your partner as well. It is really

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tricky for me to see in which kind of scenario you live in

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right now on how restricted you feel. Because it is crazy

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extremes out there. And I don't want to be starting talking

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about how people even survive in certain conditions and certain

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relationship conditions. The most important thing that I want

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to remind you of is that self acceptance, self care, self

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respect, is so incredibly important in a relationship, and

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that is something you can work on that is something where you

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can evolve and grow. And it will change and affect your

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relationship. At the same time.

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Have a look at your relationship right now. Do you feel like you

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can evolve and expand? Or do you feel like you will have to deal

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with nagging and weird comments and criticism. And you have to

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be okay, whenever you change whenever you try to, yeah,

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influence yourself, for the better. You will meet negativity

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and the outside and it will spark it will tickle it will

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trigger your self doubt and you will maybe be discouraged then

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to not do what you wanted to do to not change and to stay the

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same person.

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I think what I want to emphasize in this episode is that Yeah,

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all too often we look outside and we see all like

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unconditional love, we don't feel unconditionally accepted by

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a partner. But if you can start and see that your partner will

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always be a mirror of your self image.

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Then you will see how much power you have over your own self

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acceptance and happiness. And it will put you in a place of

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self respect and risk being responsible for yourself and

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feeling empowered, you will start and go and do those things

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for yourself that you expect your partner to do for you.

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And it is so much easier to change your behavior, your view

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on the world. Instead of trying to change the other person, the

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other person will adapt or fall of the horse fall of the

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relationship. But it is okay. It is necessary sometimes, in order

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for you to find yourself and to find true happiness.

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A very important thing now is that you do it from

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your heart and not from your ego, not from your mind that you

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don't do it in order to teach another person a lesson or to be

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extra hard on yourself or to

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heal. Yeah, in a weird way, something that has happened to

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you in the past like overcompensating, it has to come

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from your intuition from your heart. And it has to be a true

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and honest action towards your heart.

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cannot be an external reason it has to be an internal reason.

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And unconditional love. This is what I want to say ultimately

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here starts with yourself. If you don't unconditionally love

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yourself, you will never really find it in the outside world as

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well. Because the outside world is just a reflection of what is

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happening inside of you. You might be unaware of this, and in

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abling other people to restrict you and to hold you like all

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tangled up and unhappy in a position. But others you who

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allows this, and enables this,

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it is a part in yourself, who still believes that you don't

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deserve unconditional love.

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So that will show up in your life in your external life. In

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your reality.

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How do we learn to unconditionally love ourselves?

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What is very easy to see the things that we like about

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ourselves, for some people, for other people, it is very easy to

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see all the flaws and all the problems and all the things that

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we don't have in our life already.

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And this is where you can put your focus on your work into

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stop trying to change the world around you stop trying to

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influence the people around you, and getting upset on how they

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treat you. Start looking at yourself and how you feel with

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your own thoughts when you allow silence.

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And this is what brings me back to meditation. Meditation is

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where you take time for yourself, where you observe your

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thoughts where you tune into your breath. And you acknowledge

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all your feelings that are present. Are you scared? Are you

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sad? Did you feel lost?

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Do you feel happy and content and fulfilled?

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Are your thoughts racing are your thoughts very destructive

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and negative?

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Those are signs that you can put a little more work on self care,

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a little more emphasis on self respect, and how you look at

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yourself and see the world.

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Unconditional Love starts with you. If there's still parts in

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you that you reject, maybe from your past stuff that you can't

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make sense of why you've done it, why you've acted that way,

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why your behavior was such as shots.

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You have to learn to forgive and to move on. And you have to be

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able to look into the mirror with the most kindest smile,

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softest gaze. Because if you cannot do this, you cannot

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expect any other person in the outside world to do it for you.

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The way the people around you treat you

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is again, a reflection of how you see yourself. A person on

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the outside has a hard time to love you more than you love

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yourself. Because there will be a system inside of yourself in

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place that will not allow this love to touch your heart. And

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you have to let down your guard, break down your walls and do the

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work to start fully accepting yourself now in order to

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experience great love with your partner with your family, with

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your friends.

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Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I will be out

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there very soon again. If you haven't already, make sure to

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subscribe. And if you like my show, please give me a five star

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rating and a review on Apple podcast. In one way it means the

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world to me.

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Have a good rest of your day. Bye bye