Ep. 34 Peace, Patience, Intimacy are lost if we don't learn to manage stress [selfc-care]

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Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your host Aurora, life coach and companion

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on this beautiful journey called life. First and foremost, I want

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to thank my latest supporter here, he bought me 25 coffees,

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such a generous gesture. And I sure couldn't sleep last night

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because I had so many coffees, I had them all at once. I've had a

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extremely stressful week last week. And to wake up to this

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message that somebody had bought me coffees, and not only one or

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two, but 25. And the words that went with it. The words that

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email the message said Aurora, your voice is important. Thank

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you for all your work, keep up the good work was just so

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incredibly rewarding, and so well timed. So thank you. Thank

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you, thank you. I don't know, if you want me to mention your name

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here. I will keep you anonymous for now. Until I get a thumbs

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up. You're incredible. I'm grateful to have you here on

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this journey. With me. Today, I want to talk about how peace,

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patience and Tennessee, go out the window. Once we get stressed

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out. Sometimes it's just one of those three things that we

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decide to engage in, not engage in. And sometimes it's all of

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the above. And why is it important to talk about this?

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And why is it important to know about how we deal with stress

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how our environment, the people around us deal with stress. That

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is what I want to talk about today, if you are a new

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listener, or if you just started out listening to my podcast

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recently, please know that we are on say season seven. And

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this podcast is a build up. So to say it's a progress. So in

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season one, you get to know yourself and season two, it's

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still getting to know yourself, but also other people. And then

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throughout season three and five, I have interviews with

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very inspiring and empowering people who went through

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adversity. And if you start from the beginning and get to season

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seven till season 734. Now I know that you will go through

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change and progress and growth for the better. So I encourage

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you to go back if you haven't done that already. And maybe you

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want to do it over the winter months, when it's dark and cold.

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And you just want to spend time with me and reflect and connect

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with yourself and make better decisions in life. I feel if we

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were all to feel better in our skin. We would be better people.

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And not with big effort we'd be so awesome and inspiring others

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supporting others. And wouldn't then our society be more

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resilient to stress and more authentic. I strongly believe so

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that's why I'm here. That's why I'm building my business. I'm

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growing my business for you. Right now. I'm building retreats

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center, a location for you to come and connect with me in

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person. I'm going to host men's circle. I'm going to host human

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circle. If there is demand, I'm going to host women's circle.

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But the workshops that I'm creating and hosting are always

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going to be welcoming for everybody. Because I see no

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point in hosting women's circle where we talk about how awful

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men are. That's my experience so far. And I got out of this

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workshop feeling so weird and it's been three years ago COVID

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was in between but now I feel the urge to connect, and to

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create something where we could come together where we can learn

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to understand each other, where we can make sense of our anger

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or sadness, or depression, or frustration, and move forward as

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a whole as a team and not make it not separating men and women

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that makes absolutely no point for me. No sense to me because

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we're together in this and we have to grow strong together and

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not separately. Alright, I'm going to stop with my rant here.

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I have a beautiful juicy pineapple and papaya sitting in

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front of me that I'm going to indulge in after I recorded this

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podcast for you. So I'm unmotivated to get into today's

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episode. Patience, peace, intimacy, go out the window,

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when we get stressed out, at least this is how it is for me.

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Don't try to hug me or kiss me, or make love to me as my

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partner. If I'm stressed out, I don't want this. And in the

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past, I was the kind of person who actually needed intimacy and

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sex to get stress out of my system. But for some weird

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reason, the older I get, the different it becomes. And I can

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deeply relate to people nowadays who say, Well, when I'm stressed

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out, sex intimacy is the very last thing I want to think

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about. So if you are that kind of person, keep listening if you

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are the other kind of person, also keep listening because it

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might help you to understand your partner better. When it

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comes to patience, holy shit. Yeah, when should go sideways,

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when I have carefully prepared for something anticipated. And

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stuff goes different ways, especially not in desired

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directions. I become very short. I'm kind of like a highly

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explosive bomb, when things are not progressing. In a project.

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Or when people when I feel people are, you know, careless,

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not caring. When they don't have a sense of urgency for the

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matter, then impatience is a big thing. And of course, with

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impatience and intimacy going out the window. Peace is gone

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from the surface of auroras life, there is no peace, my

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brain is in constant problem solving mode. And unless you

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want to problem solve with me together, and get this project

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done, or address these issues right away, please stay out of

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my life. That's the way I'm wired. And I know it is not

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great. I will need in the future to keep my cool to communicate

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clearly. And also trust a little more. I also want to be more

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careful with who I ask for help or who I let get involved in my

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business. I have to be, you know, more specific and more

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careful in costing the people that I want on board, or the

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people that I do not want on board. So maybe you can relate

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to that maybe you are a business owner and entrepreneur, a farmer

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or rancher, a hairdresser. Maybe you sell goods, maybe you sell

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services, maybe you work in retail, maybe you are a parent,

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organizing your family. You're not only entertaining and making

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sure that everything is in place and clean. But you also have to

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work on logistics you also have to keep up with books. So

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wherever you come from, I feel there will be stressful

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situations where we need to remind ourselves on how

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important it is to keep our patients and check or our

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impatience how to protect our peace and to allow intimacy in a

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steady way. I used to think that it's way easier to go through

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stressful times by myself. So as a single, I always thought,

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yeah, I can totally abuse harass myself. Now through this

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situation, I don't have to be kind to anybody close by because

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I'm single. I don't need to be intimidate, intimate with myself

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that can wait. And I'm just going to push through this, I'm

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going to basically bully myself through this stressful

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situation. But it's not okay to do that to ourselves. It's

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especially not okay to to that to other people. But it is also

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not okay to deprive yourself of peace and intimacy, when you are

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a singer. And maybe you can relate to that. Maybe I am onto

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something right now, if you are a single, I want to ask you, how

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intimate are you with yourself? And how abusive do you get with

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yourself when life gets stressful, and especially if

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you're the kind of single who's kind of sad and frustrated to be

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single, you'd love to be in a relationship. But it's somehow

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not working out, you're not meeting people, the people you

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meet are boring, or not a good match. I want to tell you

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something, if you keep abusing yourself like this, and if you

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don't allow time for relaxation and intimacy with yourself. And

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it doesn't mean masturbation. Yeah. Sometimes it's quite the

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opposite. Sometimes we masturbate in a way that is very

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destructive, and just, you know, a full on release, but it's it

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has nothing to do with intimacy. You will not make space for a

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person in your life. Right, you will overwork yourself, you will

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be stressed out, you will be not you will be starved of intimacy.

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And then once you meet a person, you're kind of totally burned

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out, even though you put on makeup, or you put on your

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nicest clothes and drive your best car or your best

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motorcycle. But you will be so starved on an intimate level

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that you can actually really intimidate other people by that.

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And they will not want to connect with you on a deeper

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level. Because they feel overwhelmed. And also, they feel

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you would never make time for them because you're so extremely

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busy. So what I always advise my single people out there who come

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to my one on one coaching is that you have to start

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pretending that there is a person in your life already. And

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this person is you. And to not go over your limits and abuse

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yourself all the time. But to take breaks to make a beautiful

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meal at the end of the night or for lunch, to have a clean bed

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to have a clean house and to do it for yourself. Because all

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those excuses that we make that. Yeah, once I have a partner, I

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am going to be intimate. Once I have a partner, I'm gonna work

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less. But don't you see that you put a lot of pressure on their

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partner that is supposed to come into your life and are you not

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worthy enough to live a good life already without a partner?

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I'm just asking you this and I want you to be radically honest,

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if you burn yourself out now. If you are starved of intimacy,

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it's going to be tough to invite a new person into your life

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because you may underwhelm them or overwhelm them with your

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needs if you don't meet them before you meet this person. Now

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how can we make sure to stay patient to keep and protect our

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peace and to be intimate with ourselves? No matter if we have

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a partner or not. There is beautiful meditation practices.

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There is beautiful bath soaps, right a relaxation bath is

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wonderful to treat you Self to relaxation massage is wonderful

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to massage yourself with a lotion or oil. It's incredibly

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healing, and soothing. And you for you guys out there who roll

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your eyes, be it girls or guys, try it out, make it a little

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ritual after going into the shower to put some oil onto your

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skin and see what happens. Because our body is being abused

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most of the time at work. We're doing movements, we sit in

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positions that are not awesome. And yeah, we go exercise and

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move. But is it in a loving and caring way? And can you give

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that to yourself first and then invite other people to add to

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this so that you're not completely starved out when you

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meet your next partner. And also for you, as a partner, if you

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have a spouse, if you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, can

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you still take care of your physical needs first. And then

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once you want to connect on a deeper level with your partner,

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to invite them in and communicate with them what what

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is it is that you like instead of having them doing all the

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work and cleaning after your non commitment to self care, so to

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say. So as a single right now, you could start already and

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massage your feet, massage your legs, massage your arms. And if

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you have the extra money, instead of spending spending it

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on expensive TV, Netflix, Amazon, whatever is out there

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for entertainment, maybe try it out for six months or so to

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shift the money spending more into self care and helping your

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nervous system to cool down. It will not only relax you from the

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stress that you have right now, but it will also make you more

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resilient for the future. And that's when you're not going to

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need to lose your shit over stuff that goes sideways.

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Because you will know okay, and habits. And I will catch myself

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and I will communicate clearly to others and everything will

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fall into place. So your investment in yourself in your

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stress management through a coach and it doesn't have to be

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me if there is a coach out there that you feel drawn to and know

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that they could really help you then please reach out to them,

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contact them and ask them for help. Because what a coach can

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offer you is not just a short term solution. It is a long term

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solution that they a good coach offers to you, which is life

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changing. And he provides you with tools that you will have

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for the rest of your life so that you can handle stressful

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situations more gracefully. So intimacy is extremely important.

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We are all sensual beings. I know there's women out there,

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maybe men out there who said they don't need that. It's not

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important. But I feel we need to talk about it more because we

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all need it. But sometimes we just don't want to allow it.

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It's a nuisance. It's it's tough to open up your heart once you

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were bullying yourself for so long, and abusing yourself

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through stressful situations. And then you also don't feel

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like connecting with your partner when you are in a

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relationship. Because you feel it's kind of dragging you into

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the opposite direction of where you want to go. And I'm here to

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remind you that this is wrong to do. You need to focus on staying

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relaxed and being able to be intimate with yourself. And you

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will not only serve yourself but the people around you as well.

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When it comes to peace of mind, then it is really important to

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find out how you can bring your nervous system down.

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Not you know down low and to the pressure but to bring it back to

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center so to say and to To be in a state of mind that is good to

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be in, to not need Netflix or you know, all kinds of

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entertainments porn to distract you, but to genuinely coming

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back to center, again, meditation can help you. And if

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you go through my season 123. And I think for maybe as well, I

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have a couple meditations recorded for you. And also for

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people who don't want to meditate, I was, for the longest

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time, a very restless person. And I know what it feels like to

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sit down and to do nothing. And I want to say, or I got the

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feedback that I do it in a very entertaining and fun way to help

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people calm their minds down. And if you have a question if

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you want to, if you need more than don't hesitate to reach out

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to me and I'll, I'll send you a personal meditation if you

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wanted to, to help you come back to center to your peace and to

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know that things will evolve, things will come back to normal

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soon, but you got to do your part and keeping your cool. And

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sometimes, from childhood on. We are used to throwing tantrums

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and to become abusive with ourselves and with others. And

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we think that's the only way we can rewire these neural pathways

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and learn new ways to handle stress in a more graceful way in

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a more productive way even where it still feels good. And I'll

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centac But you will get more done. So I think I'm going to

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leave you with that for now. If there's any add ons, additions,

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questions, please never hold back. Contact me on Aurora

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Eggert, Aurora coaching my two How do you say profiles I have

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on Facebook and I'm going to connect with you gladly. I'm

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going to leave you with that you are appreciated. You are loved.

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If you listen to my podcast, I know you have a growth mindset.

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I know you're there to change for the better. You want to heal

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and move on and be your most authentic self so I got so much

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respect for you. take really good care of yourself and I will