Ep. 32 it is not your past that messed you up [self-empowerment]

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Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your host Aurora, life coach and companion

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on this beautiful journey called life. I hope you feel good, I

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hope you feel safe. Have you feel loved? If you're not

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feeling well, at the moment, I hope you get the help that you

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need. And yeah, especially hope that my episode here can help

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you on your path to feeling better. Today is the first day

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I'm recreating outdoors again, and Suze, I'm so excited. And

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you might be hearing squirrels and birds out there, or maybe my

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dogs sniffing around. It's winter still, if you say that in

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English, which is very uncommon here in southern Alberta. And

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yeah, it's just a fabulous day. And I'm very excited to be

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sharing some of that energy with you. Today, I want to talk about

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your interpretation of your story, situations your past. You

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see when it comes to coaching, I love to listen to people's

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stories, I love to get to know people on a deeper level. But

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what is most important for me is to find out what my client is

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making out of the story. What are the conclusions, the

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assumptions that he or she made about him or herself? Is it a

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positive conclusion and empowering one? Or is it one

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that is making the person feel small, unimportant? worthless,

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B, C, let's look at two people. Person A Person B, they both

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live on different continents, they have nothing to do with

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each other. Person A goes through traumatic heartbreak

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feels shattered fields, totally worthless. And yeah, it's really

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really cornered, feels depressed and doesn't know what to do with

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her life anymore. Person B is also going through a heartbreak.

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And it's also very miserable and sad. But Person B is given tools

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that help her to make different conclusions, then Person A. And

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even if Person B wasn't getting a coaching, it can very well be

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that she makes a very different conclusion about herself because

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of the heartbreak. You know, some people can go to a job

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interview and get rejected and might just think, Oh, well, it

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was just not meant for me. And I will knock at the next door

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tomorrow. And another person goes through the very same

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interview with the same boss the same vibe, the same reasons for

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rejection, and they are just totally shattered. Why is that?

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Why are people so different because we perceive life very,

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very differently. And we make conclusions about our past that

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are not similar. Most of the time was people that we have

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around us, but all very unique, that are very special. But it is

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really important to to look at your interpretation and to see

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how this is secretly guiding you through your life. Let's say

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that you are dating and you keep Yeah, not meeting people that

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are really in alignment with your values. How do you approach

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dating? Do you approach dating as if that's something what I

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have to do because my parents want me to have children and get

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married? Or I have to be dating because I hate being alone. We

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all have different motivations, why we want to date why we want

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to be out there. And sometimes our inner world is On a very

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unconscious level, manipulating our outcomes, we can't really

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make sense of why this person doesn't want to go out with us

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anymore. Well, maybe they sensed this vibe that you don't really

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want to be dating, that you're doing it for the wrong reasons.

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And that's what they are replying to. So, with coaching,

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you can make a lot of sense out of yourself, you know, blind

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spots, I had an episode about blind spots that I would suggest

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you listen to, if you're interested in this. Because if

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we are not being made aware of what our blind spots are of what

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our beliefs are about ourselves about life in general, then we

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will keep running against a wall. Do you know like these car

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toys that you can charge up and then they drive on their own.

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But if it gets stuck against a wall, then it doesn't know how

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to reverse or turn or it just keeps banging against the same

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wall. And, you know, I've done that for 10 years. Trust me, I'm

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not proud of this. And it took me a long time to not really

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feel regret for being stuck for so long. But I was given tools

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after 10 years, after opening up to several coaches, that helped

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me to get unstuck again, and now, I feel the deep urge to

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providing these tools for the world for people out there to

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have shortcuts to not struggle as long as I did, to not regret

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that they wasted time. Another thing I want to talk about today

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is your comfort zone. Sometimes your comfort zone is actually

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your worst enemy, enemy. Because you are in a position that is

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comfortable that you can exhibit your little habits, your little

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addictions, maybe even a no one is going to challenge you. But

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at the same time, it's going to keep you in that little comfort

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zone. And maybe that comfort zone is not even what your soul

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desires. So then we become sick, we become depressed. And we

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wonder, well, what is going on? I got my comfort zone and I

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should be happy. But you're not. And why is that? It is because

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you don't quite know yourself? Good enough. You don't know what

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truly brings you joy, you know, what is comfort, you know what

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is discomfort, maybe even. But you're not seeking out

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adventures that could connect you to yourself again, because

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it's outside of your comfort zone. It is really important to

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notice what truly makes you happy. When was the happiest

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time in your life? Was it a short moment? Was it an extended

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time? And where are you at right now? How can you go back? Well,

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how can you find new happiness? You see, sometimes when we feel

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stuck, it is not necessarily the fault of our circumstances and

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the people around us, although we love to blame it on them. It

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is all about you and your perceptions and the conclusions,

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that interpretation that you have made. It is so important to

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be on this quest to be a little bit of a detective and find out

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okay, I believe this believe a strongly about myself. So let's

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pick a negative one. I suck at math. This is what I believed

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for the longest time until I moved to Canada and was exposed

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to teachers that are teaching very different styles. And were

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motivating, inspiring me in very different ways. And all of a

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sudden, I was super good at math, because it changed the

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environment because I was open enough to get out of my little

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bubble my comfort zone of telling myself that I suck at

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math. And this is what I'm wishing for you is that whenever

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you have a belief whenever you feel like yeah, you're not

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enough. Yeah, you don't got it. You you. Yeah, are going to be

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stuck in this situation forever. Is this thought really true? Is

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that belief true? Why is it true? What would happen if that

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belief would just drop and I encourage you to look at Byron

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Katie, because her work is just incredible. She walks you

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through these four steps of questioning your beliefs, and

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asking yourself again, really,

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this is your software, maybe even the hardware that your

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brain was running on for the last decade. But is it really

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true? Is that really something I want to keep pursuing, you're

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going to have the same outcome. Every time you approach a new

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project, if you don't change your mindset, again, it is not

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your circumstances. It is not the people around you. It's how

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you see the world as what you believe you deserve, is what you

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feel is an alignment with your identity. But if we go back and

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find out who are you, what are you made of, you will will very

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quickly see that those beliefs are working against you, they're

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holding you back. They're preventing you from meeting your

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desired partner. You see, when we start dating, and we've still

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feel that we're not worthy for love that love is a mess. Love

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is something dangerous, you will never fully open up to your

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partner. Because those beliefs are going to be running in the

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background in the back of your mind. And they're going to, you

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know, hold the the strength strings. And you being a little

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puppet, I don't want you to be a puppet anymore and a victim of

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your beliefs. I want you to be self empowered, I want you to

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exactly know who you are. What is good for you, what do you

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desire to see in your life? What is it you want? Instead of

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focusing of what you do not want to see life as a cab driver?

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Whenever you sit in a taxi and a cap? What are you going to tell

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the driver, you're going to tell the driver? I don't want to go

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to be I also don't want to go to see also don't drop me off at D.

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At E I had a really shitty experience. Do you say that to

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your cab driver? I sure hope not. I'm very positive that

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whenever you enter a cab, you're going to tell them I want to go

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to this destination here. Maybe even point on the map. And this

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is what I want you to do in your life as well. I want you to be

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crystal clear on what you want. And then inquire every day if

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not every week, are you making steps even if it is baby steps

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towards that goal. If not, don't come crying on my shoulder. If

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you are not willing, wanting to achieve your goals, if your

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belief system is so strongly working against you, then we

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have to go a step back. Not focus on what you want. But

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focus on what the heck is it that you believe about yourself?

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itself? Sorry, the assumptions and interpretation. Alright, I'm

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gonna leave you with this. take really good care of yourself.

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And if you feel called to start a journey with me, please

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contact me on Facebook. If you haven't already, subscribe to my

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podcast here. And you would do me a huge favor if you would

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leave me a five star review and a rating on Apple podcast for

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people to find my podcast a little bit faster. Alright, take

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care. I'll drink a big cup of water now. And I'll be out there

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for you on monday again. Bye bye