Ep. 31 Sex starved relationships. [love, dating, relationships]

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Hello, hello and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your host Aurora, life coach and companion

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on this beautiful journey called life. I'm so happy to be

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spending some time with you today. I hope you can just

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either go about your business and listen to my episode here.

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Or just take a breather and sit down, lay down on your couch,

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focus in on your breath and take in my energy, my experience my

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thoughts that I have on certain topics as the title uncovers

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already. I'll be talking about a huge taboo topic today. Erectile

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dysfunction, erectile unpredictability, sex starved

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relationships. Why do I pick these topics? Because I think

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that sex sexuality intimacy has such a huge effect on our well

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being on our sense of self. And if I was not to talk, or address

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these topics, I would feel that my podcast is not complete. I

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want my podcast to be a 360 roundhouse kick on your mental

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health. I want to shine the light on the biggest shadows of

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society. And I approach it with love curiosity, and deep

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appreciation. I don't want anybody to feel uncomfortable, I

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want people to Yeah, have a look at things and realize that this

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might be a blind spot, I might want to dig a little deeper,

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there may be a fun run away, sorry, running away from this

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topic. But it's actually the topic that requires some

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attention. So I want to be here for you to slowly guide you down

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into this little rabbit hole and you decide if it's too

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triggering, then just have your hands off. But if it feels

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right, if it feels good to be digging a little deeper than

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just keep listening. And if you ever feel like reaching out and

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going deeper, if you feel ready, trust me, you will never feel

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ready, engaging on a coaching journey. But if you feel it as

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what you need right now, then reach out to me on Facebook on

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Instagram, shoot me a message and ask me all the questions

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that we want to address, or jump on a call from me it's all for

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free. And we'll explore if we are a good match and how I could

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be helping you. Alright, let's dive into today's topic of sex

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starved relationships. First of all, I want to applaud every

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couple who has made it through the last two years, you guys are

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warriors. You guys are probably so exhausted. You guys are still

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together. But maybe you have had your troubles with each other.

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But for some reason you decided to stick together and that's

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very honorable, you know, in a time where people can just

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exchange their partners like a piece of retail on the shelf.

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It's it's really cool that some people just decide to stick

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together and maybe you would have parted. But you think that

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dating is very difficult during a pandemic and so you decide to

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stay with your partner. That's valid too. But I want you to see

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soon enough that you are lying to yourself and lying to

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yourself when it comes to your relationships, your partnership.

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your romantic life is detrimental If you decided to

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stick together, then I am almost 100% certain that your sex life

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has suffered under the pressure, the mental ups and downs that

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the pandemic was bringing with? And is it a surprise? No, I

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don't think so. You know, our nervous system, our brain is

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deeply connected to our sexual desires and drive. Some even say

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that the brain is the biggest sex organ. So now, if you

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inhaled a couple of these news, during the pandemic, if you were

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affected in any way, then it is very, very likely that your sex

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drive was affected as well. Maybe at the beginning, you

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were, you know, happy to be staying home and you Netflix

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around you Amazon around and you let your hair down, you'll let

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your hair grow and you had wild sex, to keep your mind and a

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beautiful, juicy space. But slowly and surely that weaned

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off. And the anxiety kicked in, you know, the uncertainty, the

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financial troubles. And if you were not struggling, then

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certainly some people around you, and that affects you as

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well. We're very, very sensitive beings, we're all connected to

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each other. And even if we are doing great, if we know that

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another person in our life is suffering, then it also may

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affect your sex drive. Now, unfortunately, I think that no

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man will come onto my show, and talk about erectile

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unpredictability, or dysfunction. It's a pity, we're

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not there yet. I get it. It's way too tough to talk about it.

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But if you feel called to, sorry, open up about this.

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Please don't hold back, you would be helping so many men out

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there. And also women. This podcast is here to reveal things

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that are supposed to be revealed that connect us, you know, more

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deeply if we share with each other. And I'm sure if I was to

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talk to my girlfriends about this topic, I would meet lots of

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resistance first. But then I would meet maybe, like huge

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connection and vulnerability and a heart opening conversation

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that could bring healing into their relationship. The very

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tricky part about erectile dysfunction and unpredictability

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is that it is totally terrifying for the guy. It's totally

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terrifying for the girl. I'm only you know navigating through

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hetero sexuality ever since I got interested in sex, so I

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can't speak on other like relationship styles and sexual

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orientations. I'd love to learn more about it. I'd love to learn

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how sexuality was affected and different styles of sexuality

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and sexual orientation. But I only speak on what what I have

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experienced a little bit. I'm always open to learn new things.

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So it's terrifying for the girl terrifying for the guy. But I

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would say that the guy is under way more pressure. Because the

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guy is in a position of having to perform. The woman is in a

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position of receiving and of course that can switch always

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but I think in general, I'm generalizing heavily now I know.

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You the guy is under way more pressure. I feel that a girl can

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always you know, take a little bit of lube and fake an orgasm

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And you know, not be in the mood, but Okay, let's do it

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then. But if a man is not able to have an erection, then

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penetration coming together to have intercourse is going to be

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extremely difficult. And that makes it really hard for both,

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of course, but more for the guy. I want you to create unity, and

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I want to create compassion and empathy between both. And I hope

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that we can open up this conversation and have a listen

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to what men have to say to this, at some point in humanity's

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evolution, and also women open up, you know, as women, we might

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have gone through a situation where the guy tells the other

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guy, and she overhear that, hey, I was just not into her. And

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this is why nothing happened. But deep down inside, he was

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very, you know, emotionally involved, he was very insecure

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all of a sudden, but the woman only gets the message of, yeah,

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I'm not attractive, or not worthy of good sex. So there's a

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whole mess around this situation. And nobody really

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talks about it not even, you know, best friends, I feel

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because it's such a sensitive topic. But on the other side,

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it's weighing so heavily on on most people's chest. So that's

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why I want to talk about it, it's gonna affect you and your

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day and your thoughts, your self worth, and your relationships,

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you might be building up resentment towards the other

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person towards your partner, you might build up resentment and

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hatred towards yourself. And that's so scary. That's so sad.

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Our nervous system, like I said, at the beginning, is deeply

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engaged with our sex drive. And if we consume news that are

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scary, if we feel insecure, uncertain about our future, your

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body, like the last thing your body is going to want and think

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of is creating offsprings. And that's what sex is originally

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for, right? So we can cut that out. Even if you don't want to

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have babies and have all the measures in place to not create

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a new human being. That is the root. So desires and openness,

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hard to hurt, feelings, and conversations are being shut

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down when we are in a stressful situation. And we have been in a

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very stressful situation for the past two years. And maybe before

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that already. It is so important as a couple, to reconnect and to

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be curious and to talk about it as hard as it may seem at the

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beginning. If you open up to your partner and tell him or her

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Hey, I miss us, I'd love to be close again. And I know what's

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going to be tough at the beginning. I know you don't feel

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sensual or pretty. But let's have some sensual sexy times

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again, in a very slow sex kind of manner. lets us be gentle

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again. Let's let our guard down again. And you will notice that

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something deep inside of you is going to relax. You'll be doing

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something really courageous and trying to find that

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conversation. And it's gonna make you stronger no matter

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what. It's going to make you stronger as an individual is

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going to make us stronger as a couple. And dear listeners if

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there is singles among us today, please know that I want you

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deeply involved in this too because I'm sure that self

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pleasure has been on a very

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very Low priority list. Right? We don't feel like player

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pleasuring ourselves. If we feel stressed and anxious, has

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nothing to do with your worse

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has everything to do with your nervous system, having to adjust

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again to relax and to be open and vulnerable, courageous. So

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if we can all start a conversation with our partners

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and share how we have felt not ignoring this anymore and living

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in denial this because we know very well that both parties

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involved are aware of what's going on and not talking about

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it. And escaping from it is not going to make you stronger and

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more resilient for the future. You know, a lot of people escape

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into their work into their raising kids into creating a

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business or whatnot, and justify by Yaba, we have to make money

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but we have to pay bills. But if the foundation is, you know,

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crippled from this intense pandemic, then your relationship

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is going to be on a shaky, shaky base, and no one wants, that.

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insecurities are going to be on arise, you'll be insecure, as

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soon as a woman or man enters the room that feels comfortable

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in their skin. We feel threatened. When those people

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around you who feel in tune with themselves, you will feel weak.

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And that's the last thing I wish for you. I want you to feel

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strong. I want you to feel courageous. I want you to

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express what you feel from a very genuine, loving place. Be

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open and seek out that conversation and know that it's

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gonna feel awkward at the beginning. But as a whole, it's

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gonna make you feel more attuned to your soul's calling. You're

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so worthy and you're not your penis, you're not your vagina.

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You're so much more open up to sensuality again, very slowly.

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At first, open up about the feeling of being shut down

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closed down. anxious, nervous. And usually you need compassion.

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Alright, if ever you feel like reaching out and asking

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questions, if you liked that episode, please rate or review

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my podcast. Subscribe to it if you haven't already, to not miss

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out on future episodes. And I will be out there for you very

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soon again. Thank you for listening