EP. 30 How stress changes who you are [self-reflection]

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Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your host Aurora, life coach and companion

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on this beautiful journey called life. I hope you feel good, I

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hope you feel safe, maybe even joyous, I hope all your needs

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are met. I hope you feel seen and heard. I really hope that

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you get to express yourself fully and that you feel alive.

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blood running through your veins and eyes lit up brain and mind

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in a good place. And your heart's beating steadily and

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strong and joyously. If it's not the case, if you're not in total

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distress and panic, but in slight discomfort if you feel

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stuck. If you feel dissatisfied, I really hope that I can bring

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you value and create a space for you here where you can rest and

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reflect and recharge your batteries. to then go out into

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the world and express yourself fully and live the life that you

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were meant to live here. Today, I want to talk about stress, and

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how stress changes you. It not only changes the way you think

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and feel about the world around you. But also it changes how you

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feel and think about yourself, your body, your soul, your

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purpose. Everything has been questioned when we are exposed

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to stress. And needless to say, we've all been exposed to

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extreme stress over the last couple of years. And what has it

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done to you? How did it change you? Is there very clear before

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and after? Right, we were crammed into sometimes little

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apartments or houses with our spouses or partners or

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roommates, family members, whoever you chose to live with

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before the pandemic, and now all of a sudden, who the air is

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getting sick. Maybe you're still licking your wounds from a

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breakup, because you were with your partner going into the

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pandemic, but you found out that it's not working, you're not

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good on a small space. Maybe you came out of the pandemic and

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thought you were well and resilient. But now that

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everything is going back to pretty much normal. You can see

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that a lot of damage has been done. How does stress affect

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you? Do you hide and shut down? Did you get frustrated and

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angry? Do people avoid you when you're stressed? Or do they come

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to support you and help you? Are you open to receive support from

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the outside world when you are stressed? Stress is different

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for for everybody. Right? There's the one person who can

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go without food for eight hours and they're still functioning

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well and then there's a person like me, I need my food every

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five to six hours otherwise, I'm not a good person. There's that

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person who likes high intensity sports. And this is how they can

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release stress. And then there's people who need yoga and

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meditation to release stress. So I invite you to explore how you

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release stress. And if the way your release figured it's is

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beneficial to you. And with who out there who started

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drinking or smoking. Sex is another nice release for stress

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watching porn. High Intensity sports, food, sleep, there's

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people out there who just, they just go to sleep, they just fall

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asleep on the couch or go to their bedroom and sleep hoping

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that when they get up, that stress is gone. So also, be

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brutally honest here in this space during this time you have

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spent with me? Like how, how good is the tools that you use

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it? Do they really release your stress? Or is it just a

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temporary fix, and then afterwards, there's a build up

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right away. Again, it's really important to know your stress

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resilience and to find out what stresses you out, especially

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when you are in relation with others, because like I said,

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before, everybody is different. And if you can very clearly

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communicate what stresses you out. You can find out pretty

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quickly if that person you're with is listening and willing to

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understand you. And you make the relationship way easier on

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everybody. Right? If people know that you need alone time, when

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you're stressed out. And it has nothing to do with them. It's

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just everything about you and having to recalibrate, and

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recenter, then they're not going to stress out and worry. And a

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lot of people choose to not communicate, especially when

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it's when it's the beginning of the dating phase. They're just

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going to, you know, avoid people ghost people in the hopes that

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they will understand. But not many people would understand if

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you don't clearly communicate, hey, I need some time off. I'll

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be back, I need to figure things out. And please don't worry. And

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it makes you feel as if you value your feelings and your

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stress levels as well. And that's my main thing here. To be

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honest, my main thing is that we all learn to be more okay with

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who we are, and how we feel how we perceive things. And then to

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gently express it to the outside world for them to either be

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invited in or invited out. Right, the more authentic you

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are, the more likely you're going to attract people that are

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good for you. And the better chances you have, that the

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people that are not really interested in you not have same

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values belief systems will keep out of your life. And that's

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very awesome when you don't want drama. So what is the last thing

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that really stressed you out? Frustrated you? And I really

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don't care how silly it is? And how did you deal with it? And

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are you happy with how you dealt with it?

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Or do you know deep down inside? Shit? That was not awesome. I'll

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try better next time. But do you know how to deal with your

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stress differently next

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time? Do you need to practice maybe a little bit before a

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stressful situation happens again? Or are you going to be

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able to regulate your strong emotions in the moment? I tell

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you what, not many people are capable of doing that. When it

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comes to me, I'm not gonna go too much into detail but I need

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a couple fixed sentences that I can like a tape record. And then

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once I feel these feelings coming up, I just say that 10

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sentence that I've memorized before. And from there, I go

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into full on raw expression. And people appreciate that because I

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used to shut down hideaway or full on explode in people's

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people's faces. And I learned that it's not serving anybody,

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especially not myself, not me. So I have these couple sentences

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ready to go whenever I feel strong feelings come up, and

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then I just use them. And it doesn't matter. If I sound like

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a robot at first, I'm building a new pathway, right? My brain is

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learning a new way of dealing with a situation. And of course,

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I'm going to suck at the beginning, it will feel awkward

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because I'm stepping out of my old way of dealing with a

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situation. But that doesn't matter. For me, it's more

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important to have myself expressed and understood than to

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make the other person feel the same way. I feel. That's a very

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childish way of dealing with strong emotions. Especially when

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it comes to aggression, frustration, and stress

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management. Sometimes we just blurt it out, we lash out,

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because we just express how we feel. And then the other

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person's soaks up that energy, and then we're not, we're all

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not being served. But if in those moments, I learned to put

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my frustration into words, and make it very clear what's going

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on, then everybody is being helped. And then there can be

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solutions found. And you will see that as soon as you express

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yourself. those strong emotions and energies will dissolve.

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Because they want to be expressed. It's it's very

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interesting and fascinating. So stress will change you over

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time. And not necessarily for the better, it can even affect

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your physical body. I know a lot of women who when they're

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stressed out, they don't want anything to do with sex and

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intimacy. And then there's guys out there who desperately need

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sex, when they are stressed out because they kind of conditioned

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their body and taught themselves that sex can be used as a

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release. Now, I don't want to judge either of these two

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scenarios. But is that sustainable in a relationship?

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Like are you going to use your partner to release stress? Or

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are you just going to masturbate away and then that's it. And for

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the people out there who don't want to have stress when they're

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stressed out? Sex when they're stressed out? How does that make

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your partner feel? Like probably makes them feel shitty? Because

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yeah, they see that stress is affecting your whole being and

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you can't function properly when you're stressed out so we both

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have to find ways to to manage our stress a little bit better

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and then those guys out there who struggle with erectile

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dysfunction because of too much stress because of their monkey

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mind overtaking the whole being and then all of a sudden the

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brain signals to the body that no no pleasure no baby making

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nothing should happen here because you're so stressed out.

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You're not supposed to have fun. You're not supposed to procreate

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and stress if you don't deal with it, if you don't learn to

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express it and channel it out side of you can also lead to

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high blood pressure or diabetes or depression. Right if it's if

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it's prolonged, if it's too long in your body it is going to

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change your whole chemistry your hormones and we all learn to to

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deal with our stress levels and to be okay with where we at and

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to become more resilient from where we at and to not judge us

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ourselves harshly but to just admit, okay, this is what I'm

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at. And this is where I want to be. Let's make a plan. And the

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beautiful thing about that is, as soon as you work on your

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stress management, your anger management, frustration

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management, no matter where your physical health is at, you will

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feel physically better. Because imagine stress being like a

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poison that you keep drinking. It affects your whole being, and

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especially your body, your body is always the last, you know,

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last piece of the chain. And it's, it always has to suck up

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what our conscious and subconscious mind decides to do.

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So you Yeah, I think that was what I wanted to desperately

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share with you today. Again, thank you for letting me show up

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as it used to be, I will go back to a regular and more strict

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because we're all animals. And you would sense right away if I

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would show up. Not fully being there. And that's not what I

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