Ep. 29 How to take criticism more gracefully [self-awareness]

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Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your host Aurora, life coach and companion

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on this beautiful journey called life now that I'm not scheduling

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in my recording of my podcasts anymore, I'm I don't know, I

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feel that strong urge to be there to show up for you right

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before it was Monday and Thursday, I know I need to show

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up. And you need to have a topic that's of interest, or

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addressing a topic that somebody requested. And now that it's

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more easygoing, flowing, I can feel that this energy that wants

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to come out my, my mission, my vision is way stronger again.

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And I'm just so excited to be able to do this and to have you

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here. So please know that I appreciate you so much. And that

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I respect you so much. Because I know my content is, you know,

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sometimes very uncomfortable and challenging, yet you decide to

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keep coming back and you learn with me together, you grow with

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me together. And I find that so, so crazy good. So nurturing, so

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connecting, and so powerful. So a big, thank you for everybody

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here listening, and showing up. It's just amazing. Today, I want

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to talk about criticism, and how to gracefully risk received

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criticism, I want to give you a little bit of an insight here.

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My whole podcast is kind of, it's a build up. So if you're

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just tuning in freshly I invite you to go back to season one and

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to work your way through because you will learn gradually and

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grow and progress with me together. And not all of the

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topics. But most of the topics I choose to talk about because it

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is stuff that I used to struggle with, or I'm still struggling

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with today. But I've learned to deal with things differently to

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approach certain problems, situations, from a different

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angle. And I'm in the process of growth and evolution, so to say.

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And I decided to talk about these topics, because maybe it's

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new to you, or maybe have great value. And maybe you're

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struggling with the exact same things as I do. And I can make

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you feel less alone. And I can create a space for you where you

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feel safe to ask questions where you feel safe to go to those

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vulnerable places, and where you feel good about letting go of

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old habits that don't serve you anymore. So receiving criticism

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is a big topic for me still today. But back in the day, in

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my 20s it was a shitshow it was so horrible, especially in my

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intimate relationships. It was very difficult for my partner to

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signal or to communicate to me that something was off,

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something was not going the right way. And they need a

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change. Because the problem was, I can see that now that I highly

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identify with being an empathic person, a person who cares about

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others, a person who's compassionate, and all that

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jazz. So I don't allow myself to make mistakes. I always want

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people to feel good and comfortable. I always want to

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make sure that everybody is having fun and can be honest and

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can be open. Right? So I'm doing my best really when it comes to

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connections and relationships. So when I receive criticism I

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push back I not only push back but I explode. I implode right I

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shut down or I attack because I feel so embarrassed. I feel so

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yeah, embarrassed and angry and I can't believe what I'm just

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hearing And of course, that's highly uncomfortable for the

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person usually they don't expect that because here's the role are

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super chill super relaxed, super social and, you know, enjoyable

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to be around. Of course you can shoot shoot some, like criticism

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at her and she's going to take it gracefully. But no,

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she doesn't. She does not she has learned that she fights

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back. And it's a huge shitshow. And I've learned along my

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journey that if I allow the other person, be it in a nice

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way they criticize me or in a little bit weird way and maybe

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even passive aggressive. That if I can take it in for a second

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and think about what was just said, and see that the other

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person wants to stay connected with me, they want to be in a

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relationship with me, be it a coworker, or boss or an intimate

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partner. I'm receiving criticism because they want to stay in a

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relationship with me, but they need things to go differently.

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They need me to change or to adapt. Right? Because the first

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thing I always thought is, when somebody criticizes me, I'm

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taking it. Like my whole personality is being criticized.

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And I'm being rejected and being, you know, thrown out of a

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community. I'm being faced with deep pain, but that's my

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trigger. That's my problem. The other person might have just

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said, Aurora, you've been really messy lately, again. Can we make

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sure that the house is a little bit more orderly? It doesn't

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have to be sanitized? But can we have it a little bit more

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orderly? And then I can just sit there and be like, yeah,

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actually, you're right. Actually, I didn't care of

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myself as much and the last couple of weeks, and it's gotten

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really messy. And of course, I'm gonna clean up. You're right.

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I'm not wrong. But you're right. And maybe I'm wrong, too. And

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that's cool, too. Right to be okay. With somebody telling you.

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Hmm, can we do things differently? Or you fucked up

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here? Can we rectify this? Because it makes me feel

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horrible. So I invite you to look at yourself, and to see

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what you what your first thoughts are, when you're being

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criticized? Do you feel attacked? Do you feel that the

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person is kind of a stick in your wheel? Do you feel you want

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to, you know, shut that person out of your life? Is it so

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uncomfortable? Or can you let your guard down and see that

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there's some truth to their comment. And that if you decide

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to look into it a little bit further without feeling

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attacked, and maybe even by asking questions, to further

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understand where the other person's criticism is coming to

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coming from sorry, then you can even deepen your relationship.

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And here's some bonus points, girl. Right? Sometimes, we feel

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like different people from from all walks of life, react

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weirdly, in the same way, or criticize in the same way. Maybe

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there's some truth to it. Right? There is something that they all

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have in common. And it is you. Maybe you can start look at

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yourself and see if there's choose to what these people say.

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And again, sometimes they might be able to communicate very

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calmly and kindly. What makes them feel uncomfortable or what

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they need to see changing. But sometimes they might not find

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the right words, and then I invite you to go even further.

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And to jump over your feelings, your little ego feeling

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attacked, and trying to see like cut through the bullshit and try

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to see what is it that the person actually wants to

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communicate to me? She's constantly nagging she's

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constantly criticizing me. What is it just turn that volume

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down. It's so annoying. But maybe you can help that person

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to express themselves in a way that you want to receive Give it

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that you want to change and understand. Right? So it's a

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tricky one. I was very open with you at the beginning of this

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episode, I'm still struggling with that. But I recently

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realize that delivery comes from people who want to be working

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with you who want to be connected with you. And you're

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not perfect,

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you're not supposed to be perfect, you're a human being

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who makes mistakes. So it's okay to admit that you make mistakes.

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It's okay to also stand up for yourself and to kind of, you

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know, justify a little bit why you do certain things certain

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ways. But not in a way that attacks the person back or, you

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know, allows you to keep engaging and shitty behavior,

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that's not okay. Just know that we all have our coping

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mechanisms from back then when we needed to protect ourselves.

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Maybe you were in survival mode for way too long. And now your

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coping mechanisms are kind of your guard your shield that

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protects you from being too vulnerable. But if people are

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genuine with you, and if they want to connect with you, and

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stay connected with you in the future, then give them the

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benefit of the doubt. This is what I've learned. And it really

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helps to create deeper connections. And that's what I

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wish for all of us. I wish for all of us that we know 100% who

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we are what we need, what we are standing for what we want in

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life. You don't have to find out right away, but bit by bit,

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right having that direction you go towards that that little bit

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of a goal pass, let's say and to have deep, meaningful

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connections that are honest and genuine. And Don't pamper us.

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But show us where we can still grow, especially intimate

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relationships are going to show either what you still need to

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work on or what you're really good at already. And the stuff

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that you're not really good at already. You can have a look at

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it and you can learn and grow and evolve, expand. Alright, I'm

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gonna leave you with this. I'm going to wish you a good rest of

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your day. I really care about you. I care about connecting

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with you. Join me on facebook Aurora Eggert on Instagram

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Aurora Eggert coaching and yeah, I'm always happy to connect and

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receive episode topic requests. If there's any topics that you

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want me to talk about in the future, please do not hold back.

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And if you feel the time is right to address your growth,

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your Evie evolution. Then have a look at my coaching side, Aurora

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eggert.com or contact me and we'll talk about how I can

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support you on your journey towards yourself. All right.