Ep.26 Your identity, Your believes [self image]

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Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your host, Aurora,

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it is Sunday afternoon. And I'm very happy to be spending some

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time with you today. I hope you're doing well have you get

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some time to rest and relax, reflect and connect? Today I

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want to talk about identity, how attached are you to your

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identity, I'm just reading this awesome book that I will post in

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the show notes. It's called the wisdom of the toltecs have four

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attachments, four levels of attachments. And it really made

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me think and reflect about my behavior and but the behavior

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some people out there. And yeah, that's why I'm going to talk

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about this with you today. How attached are you, to your

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habits, to who you think you

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are.

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Maybe you are a smoker, and you strongly identify as a smoker,

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this is who you are, this is who you were in the last couple of

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years, and you will be in the next decade as well. Maybe you

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are a vegan, just recently you decided to not eat animal

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products anymore. So not every time you dream about a sandwich

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with ham or a juicy steak, you feel extreme guilt and rage

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against you. And the same with people who live around you and

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are eating whatever they want. You feel resentful towards them.

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And you don't want to have anything to do with them because

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they don't know what they're doing. They're being careless,

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and so on. Maybe you are a person who is very successful in

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life when it comes to their career, and you are just a goal

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getter and accomplishing one thing after the other. And on

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days, doesn't have to be a Sunday, but on some days where

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you don't feel like you can really bring it to the table.

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You feel guilt and shame and off about yourself. And maybe you

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binge eat then or punish yourself in the gym. Because you

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have to be that person, you have to play that role. And maybe you

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hear in the voice of my tone already that I'm being not

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sarcastic. But I just want to show you how some people get

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really ingrained in something. And then they only see black and

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white. Same goes for religion and politics, as people who are

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very lean back and open minded and are very curious and

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interested in hearing what other people think, especially from

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opposite angles. But then there's people out there who are

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very, very judgmental and opinionated. And they really

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close themselves up to the beauty and juice of life. If

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they become so narrow minded because of one little aspect of

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their lives, make it such a big deal. And become very selective,

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very harsh. And it is really very, very important to think

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about it. What identifies you do you identify as a very sporty

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person and you look down on people who are more artistic and

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not very sporty. Or are you are musician and you just can't wrap

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your head around soccer player who's only about his soccer.

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Maybe you can see already how it can deeply separate people if

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they are too attached to a habit and too attached to some beliefs

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that they have. So maybe you want to think about a girl who

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was always skinny and sporty. And now she just became a mom

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and she put on a little bit of weight. And as therefore her

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children as a wonderful wife of one to four person in the

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community, but she just can't get over herself that she's not

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that high strung sports woman anymore and fields shame and

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guilt towards her body and is very closed up when it comes to

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sensuality and sex because of that was not such a sad story.

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And it is only because she is so attached to the body she wants

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had the body that brought her success, and maybe even approval

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from others. So, it is very important that we become aware

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of what we are strongly attached to. and soften the lines, if we

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find out that we are very attached to something, it is

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really very important, especially nowadays, to see that

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there's always the opposite. What I mean by that is, maybe

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your brain is wired to think of worst case scenarios all the

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time. While you also have to know that the best case could

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happen. And the same thing is with opinions that a person who

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is part of a Conservative Party has the same motifs the same

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intentions as the person from the Democrats, they both have

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families they want to feed. And they might have grown up in very

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different ways. So that they have these ingrained beliefs now

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that separate them from other people. And to mention, politics

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is very weak. I know. And it's, it's just something that came up

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in my brain. But the one example I like best is the person who

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became a vegan and is now totally judgmental towards

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others and doesn't see that every person is doing their

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best. Yeah, I might be eating meat. But maybe I don't use

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plastic bags, and maybe I'm super careful with my water

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consumption. Maybe I don't drive a car and stead like you can be

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passionate about something. But you cannot run around man and

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make other people feel shitty, because they didn't make the

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exact same decision, you have to see that every person is living

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her or his own battle. And if you want to share with that, do

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you have a good experience being a vegan, and if you're super

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healthy now and you overcame sickness because of changing

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your diet, then that is inspiring. And that's when

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people are gonna listen. But you can't force other people to see

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the world the same way you see. And to create separation that

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way. Because all we do in cleaning to our attachments, and

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our identity is pushing people away that might not have the

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exact same beliefs and values. And it's sad because we are made

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of, of so many different parts. So many little mosaic stones,

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that we would terribly miss out. If we were to push people away

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who are not on the same page with us, we can learn from them,

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we can be curious about them, and then have a even better view

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on the world. And this is really something I want to achieve with

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my little podcast here is that we reflect about every little

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angle that there is when it comes to behavior and

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relationships and approach people with different beliefs

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with curiosity. And if there is a person, for instance, who is

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racist, and you think they're making racist remarks all the

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time, and you're just so annoyed by them. Well, instead of

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calling them out, or of course call them out. Yeah, it has to

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be talked about, but instead of making them feel shitty right

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away, try to understand what that person went through. Racism

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is the one number one thing where people react out of fear

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and out of uncertainty and are aggressive and shitty with each

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other. And in order to overcome that we have to bring curiosity

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and understanding to the table and then we can dissolve that

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fear that fear will not be dissolved and calling them bad

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people and yeah pushing them into one corner

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labeling them we have to go in there as ugly as it seems and

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ask questions and be curious and dissolve that fear from the

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inside instead of trying to destroy it from the outside so

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take a couple minutes now and be with yourself and think about

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all the things you might be attached to and those things you

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might have very dear and close to your heart but are pushing

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other people away and preventing you from living a juicy

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fulfilled life thank you so much for listening to the borealis

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experience and i'll be out there again bye