Ep.25 Conditional love is not a bad thing.

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Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I mean, Mr. Aurora, and I'm very happy to be

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spending some time with you today, it's just going to be 10

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minutes, 11 minutes that you can use to rest and relax, unwind

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from a busy day from an busy mind. And just come back to

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yourself.

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Today I want to talk about conditional love. I

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think we all know what unconditional love is. And we

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also know what conditional love is not because of reading about

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it, but because of loving it.

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Especially the ladies out there. But of course, the gentleman

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listening here can maybe relate or maybe you're not aware of it

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yet, that you have

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a lot of conditions, a lot of expectations, a lot of harsh

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thoughts, when it comes to you. And the way you live the way you

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look the way you feel.

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Let's take an example.

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A girl who wants to lose weight,

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and she looks into the mirror and just sees that her pants are

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not fitting anymore. And in her mind, she compares herself to

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the other ladies out there

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and decides to start a diet. And she started said with a harsh

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comment, like you look fat, you will never be successful.

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You are a failure. You have no discipline, blah, blah, blah,

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and she will use that to lose weight. Why is she going to be

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exist? Sorry. So you're going to be successful?

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Chances are if she beats herself up on a regular, she can be

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successful was it is that sustainable and healthy and? And

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good the way she approaches it? Well, from an outsider's

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perspective, of course not if she was to approach it from a

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self love point of view, and just seeing that she could lose

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a little more weight, but to be healthier to live

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in a more healthier space, then approaching her diet in the

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future would come from a place of love instead of guilt and

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punishment and shame. Because if we approach something with

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conditional love, what happens if we fail? What happens if the

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other person disappoints us, while we are only left with huge

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disappointment and having to punish or regret or anything, if

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we approach it with the heart, then we can be more forgiving.

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And if we are more forgiving, things are long lasting and

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meant for us in the future.

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Have a look at the guy who looks into the mirror and sees

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perfection. His hair is awesome. He is reaching all the goals

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that he's setting himself.

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And

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he can be described as a very successful man.

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But is he happy? Most of those men are not happy. They focus so

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much on being perfect and accomplishing that they have a

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hard time relating to their partners and being compassionate

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and loving them unconditionally. And why is that? Because they

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don't love themselves unconditionally. And if you

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don't love and accept yourself unconditionally, well, how can

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you do that for another person? And isn't not what we're all

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craving. We're all craving to be accepted and seen as who we are.

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We don't want to be with a partner who as soon as we gain a

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little bit of weight or as soon as we lose our job looks down on

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us and makes us feel like a failure. If we feel like a

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failure

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Already, we want a partner who can see that, we will dig

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ourselves out of that dirty hole and just continue being awesome.

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We want our partner to have faith. But if that partner if

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that person is looking into the mirror in the morning and just

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sees perfection, doesn't

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look into his eyes and can see pain and regret, and mistakes,

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and happiness and contentment and appreciation, if he doesn't

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see all that, if all he sees is perfection, then he will surely

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expect that from the outside world. And he will just live in

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huge disappointment because life love especially is not perfect.

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There is no perfection anywhere on planet Earth, except if we

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created artificially, and then it's very hard to maintain and

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very exhausting for all participants.

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Let's look at the guy who wants to stop smoking.

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You

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deeply reflect about yourself, and you find out that you're

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smoking and you're not really doing it anymore. out of passion

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for the taste.

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You do it out of a habit and you're kind of in that habit and

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you hate yourself. Every time you let that cigarette?

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Well, resentment is not going to bring you far. And to say that

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you're only going to start loving and accepting yourself

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once you stop smoking, it's also not gonna help you further in

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that quest. So how can you approach it if you want to stop

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smoking? That guy wants to give up that habit that is so costly?

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And also, yeah, not good for a south? What? First of all, he

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can maybe dig a little deeper and find out why he needs that

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habit. What does it that he would miss

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if he was to stop that habit.

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And then he can see that he's awesome the way he is. But his

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body would be so much healthier in a better place and

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all that jazz if he was to quit. So if he reaches a point where

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he can have compassion for his body, again, and he can see that

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he's not doing it out of

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enjoyment,

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the cigarette smoking, but because of laziness and habit,

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then you can

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move yourself out of that addiction way easier than if you

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approach it with contempt, and harshness and punishment.

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Because you might fall back and then you shouldn't just fall

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back and say, Well, I'm just a failure anyways, you can fall

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back and say, hey, yeah, it is hard to quit. But I want to do

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this for myself, I want to show up for myself and stop that

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habit that is harming myself. So those three little stories are

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just a few examples of conditional love. And I hope you

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can see that. As soon as we give up. Being conditional with

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ourselves, we're also more forgiving and loving with

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others. And some people are very good at being loving and

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accepting of others, but are very harsh on themselves. While

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that episode is for you, and the people who try to live in

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perfection, and can only see

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themselves lovable, if they are perfect if they are

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accomplishing at least one goal every day, say look perfect, say

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eat the perfect food, say exercise the perfect, awesome

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sport. Then I lost my train of thought.

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But I know you followed and you know exactly what I mean. All

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those people that I described has to start loving and

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accepting themselves. And then they will also feel richer in

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their relationships and

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expect less from their past partners and be more

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compassionate and understanding. And if it comes to change, you

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can help your partner as well.

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to approach it from a space of love instead of harsh, mind

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driven approaches.

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Thank you so much for listening to this episode about

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conditional love. Maybe you have a conditional lover and your

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life and you can make them aware of it. Maybe not. And maybe it

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is yourself who can become a little more aware that you don't

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need to be harsh with yourself and beat yourself up in order to

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be good out there in order to love yourself. Thank you so much

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for listening to the Borealis experience. I'm your host

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Aurora, and I'll be out there for you tomorrow again. Thank

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you