Ep. 27 Why making changes so freakin hard [self-improvement]

Unknown: 00:00:08

hello and welcome to the borealis experience. I'm

Unknown: 00:00:12

your host Aurora, and I'm very happy to be spending some time

Unknown: 00:00:16

with you today. I hope you're doing well. As many of you know,

Unknown: 00:00:24

I launched my coaching business. I am currently scheduling people

Unknown: 00:00:32

in for my 30 to 60 minute, initial call that is for free.

Unknown: 00:00:41

So, if you feel like you want to meet with me and we explore a

Unknown: 00:00:49

little bit, yeah, where you feel stuck where you want to grow

Unknown: 00:00:52

where you want to change, feel free to contact me on Facebook

Unknown: 00:00:58

Aurora Eggert, just add me there, shoot me a message. And

Unknown: 00:01:03

then I will send you a link to my calendar. I will also leave

Unknown: 00:01:08

it here in the show notes if you just want to. Yeah, book

Unknown: 00:01:13

yourself in feel free. And at the same time, I want to say

Unknown: 00:01:19

thank you to everybody who is listening to my podcast. So

Unknown: 00:01:24

consistently, you guys are incredible. I feel so honored to

Unknown: 00:01:30

be serving you. I help I bring you lots of value. And yeah, I

Unknown: 00:01:36

love being on this journey. love connecting with you. And same

Unknown: 00:01:41

here, contact me on Facebook or Instagram the Borealis

Unknown: 00:01:45

experience. And yeah, we can connect. I would love that so

Unknown: 00:01:52

much. Alright, today's episode is about change. And why it is

Unknown: 00:01:58

so incredibly difficult to embrace, change. COVID has been

Unknown: 00:02:07

with us now with over one and a half years, maybe two years,

Unknown: 00:02:12

even for some people. And abroad, a lot of changes with

Unknown: 00:02:17

it. Lots of regulations, lots of pain, lots of suffering, lots of

Unknown: 00:02:23

novelty. And many, many, many, many people suffered and were

Unknown: 00:02:29

frustrated and angry and depressed. And some people were

Unknown: 00:02:37

able to see it as an opportunity. And I find it so

Unknown: 00:02:41

fascinating because some of these people you would think as

Unknown: 00:02:45

an outsider, oh my god, that person is gonna be so

Unknown: 00:02:51

devastated. Because he or she had to leave their job or had to

Unknown: 00:02:59

move somewhere else, or whatever pain and change COVID broad with

Unknown: 00:03:05

it. And they did awesomely, they took it and embraced did change

Unknown: 00:03:15

and just were able to make something even better out of it.

Unknown: 00:03:22

You thought they had it all and would lose it all. And instead

Unknown: 00:03:26

they lost it all. Yes, they had it all. But they were able to

Unknown: 00:03:31

create something new. And I find that so incredibly fascinating

Unknown: 00:03:37

and inspiring to see and what is the mindset that these people

Unknown: 00:03:42

have, in order to see challenges and obstacles as opportunities

Unknown: 00:03:50

to grow opportunities to laugh and just embrace it. I think it

Unknown: 00:03:57

is really, really cool. And for those of us who suffered and

Unknown: 00:04:03

were frustrated and depressed, that is part of it, too. And

Unknown: 00:04:10

it's horrible. I hate to see how many people are suffering and

Unknown: 00:04:15

how much pain there is right now. Not self inflicted. But

Unknown: 00:04:20

yeah, just outside circumstances that make it so very hard to

Unknown: 00:04:26

live a happy and peaceful life. Now let's assume though, I know

Unknown: 00:04:34

it is hard, but let's imagine COVID was over and we will all

Unknown: 00:04:38

free again. And COVID brought these changes COVID made us

Unknown: 00:04:45

aware of stuff that we could have a closer look at maybe

Unknown: 00:04:52

embrace change in the future because it would do us well. Why

Unknown: 00:04:59

even if We know that the change would bring good.

Unknown: 00:05:06

Why is it still so hard for most of us to embrace change, and to

Unknown: 00:05:16

have sustainable change? Because Don't get me wrong, a lot of

Unknown: 00:05:21

people embrace change and change habits, start a diet, start

Unknown: 00:05:28

exercising excessively all of a sudden, but not in a sustainable

Unknown: 00:05:33

way. That after one month, you can meet with that person. And

Unknown: 00:05:37

they will tell you, I Yeah, well, life happens. I injured

Unknown: 00:05:44

myself. Yeah, it's not really fitting my schedule anymore. And

Unknown: 00:05:51

yeah, people will fall out of their beautiful new habits

Unknown: 00:05:55

again. And why is that? Why is it so incredibly tough. And what

Unknown: 00:06:03

I'm learning as being a coach right now is that we all have a

Unknown: 00:06:13

different view, on life, a different view, on reality, we

Unknown: 00:06:16

all have a different lifestyle. We all have different thinking

Unknown: 00:06:20

patterns, we all have a different sense of humor, right?

Unknown: 00:06:24

That's pretty obvious. But we also embrace change very

Unknown: 00:06:32

differently. For some people, it is really, really, really

Unknown: 00:06:35

painful to let go of a habit, because that little habit is so

Unknown: 00:06:41

deeply ingrained in their life. Not only like to keep themselves

Unknown: 00:06:50

occupied to have something to do, but emotionally on an

Unknown: 00:06:55

emotional level. There is habits that are obviously shitty to

Unknown: 00:07:03

pursue. But our behavior goes back. So far, our little habit

Unknown: 00:07:12

has started back when we maybe went through a heartbreak, or

Unknown: 00:07:18

through the divorce of our parents, or something traumatic

Unknown: 00:07:24

that has happened. And we embrace that habit now because

Unknown: 00:07:29

it was helping us to sooth it was helping us to cope with

Unknown: 00:07:33

life. And we keep engaging in that habit, because nobody ever

Unknown: 00:07:39

challenges us, or we never question our habits. So we

Unknown: 00:07:44

continue doing what we're doing for years and years and years.

Unknown: 00:07:48

It makes us feel good, because it used to sue us. And it is

Unknown: 00:07:54

still awesome now. And now we sit there with these habits, and

Unknown: 00:08:02

have kind of the mirror pointed at us. We look into our eyes and

Unknown: 00:08:10

we realize shit. I don't want that habit anymore. I don't like

Unknown: 00:08:14

it. And I'm just gonna stop doing it. Cold Turkey. Happy

Unknown: 00:08:21

Thanksgiving, by the way, here in Canada. Speaking of turkeys,

Unknown: 00:08:26

alright. So with willingness and discipline, that person now

Unknown: 00:08:32

decides to drop that habit. Well guess what? Is that going to be

Unknown: 00:08:38

sustainable? Is that going to be a long term change? It's tough

Unknown: 00:08:43

to say, yeah, you can approach it with toughness and discipline

Unknown: 00:08:49

and really hate yourself through the process of getting rid of

Unknown: 00:08:55

that habit. But as I just pronounce it here, it will be a

Unknown: 00:09:03

tough journey. And it might not even be sustainable. So all that

Unknown: 00:09:07

toughness, all that pain that you're going through the

Unknown: 00:09:10

withdrawal systems and stuff might be for nothing. Because

Unknown: 00:09:16

you might be falling back here all too soon because you didn't

Unknown: 00:09:20

address your emotions, your unconscious outcome that you

Unknown: 00:09:29

want from that habit. So let's take an example because that

Unknown: 00:09:34

makes it always way easier. Let's say your parents divorced.

Unknown: 00:09:40

It was a painful divorce. You were six.

Unknown: 00:09:45

It really has a deep impact on your baby's baby brain and your

Unknown: 00:09:49

heart and everything. And your dad moves away. And your mom now

Unknown: 00:09:55

has to work full time. You never get to see her. You're busy with

Unknown: 00:09:58

your schooling stuff and struggle at school. And on the

Unknown: 00:10:04

weekend, your mom has some time off, and she decides to spend

Unknown: 00:10:09

time with you. And you guys like to watch TVs you just love

Unknown: 00:10:16

watching movies together. And you love to eat chips and

Unknown: 00:10:21

chocolate with these movies, and you really enjoy these moments,

Unknown: 00:10:26

because you feel your mommy is giving you all the attention you

Unknown: 00:10:29

need all the attention that you probably needed the whole week.

Unknown: 00:10:35

And now Yeah, you get it once a week, and you're going to make

Unknown: 00:10:38

the best of it. So you're bonding with your mom having a

Unknown: 00:10:42

good experience, you can relax, you can laugh a little bit. And

Unknown: 00:10:47

chocolate and chips are involved. They usually never in

Unknown: 00:10:52

your life. But now your mom wants to spoil you too. And you

Unknown: 00:10:56

indulgent chips and chocolate. Now, on a physical level. On a

Unknown: 00:11:04

chemical level, and mental emotional level, these chips and

Unknown: 00:11:12

chocolates are going to tack to themselves into your system.

Unknown: 00:11:19

Like you cannot even imagine how deep Fast Forward 30 years

Unknown: 00:11:26

later, you are overweight, you hate exercising, you feel

Unknown: 00:11:31

lonely. And chips and chocolate are still in your life. Because

Unknown: 00:11:39

those two things remind you of bonding, belonging, relaxation,

Unknown: 00:11:45

laughter, love. And you are not even conscious of it. Now

Unknown: 00:11:53

imagine cutting out chocolate and chips. And if you have it

Unknown: 00:11:57

sitting on your counter right now you look at it and just

Unknown: 00:12:00

think Yeah, well, I'm just not going to buy it anymore. But

Unknown: 00:12:05

what is gonna miss, like what is going to be missed out of your

Unknown: 00:12:13

life? At the same time you cut as these two things. Yeah, that

Unknown: 00:12:18

little bit of sense of belonging, love laughter

Unknown: 00:12:21

relaxation. Okay, now that we know that, what are we going to

Unknown: 00:12:27

do about it? logical consequence, I think would be,

Unknown: 00:12:35

let's replace it. Alright, so you're not going to buy that

Unknown: 00:12:41

chocolate and those chips anymore. But instead, every time

Unknown: 00:12:47

you crave those two things, you're going to call your best

Unknown: 00:12:52

friend. Or you're going to spend time with your dog, you're going

Unknown: 00:12:56

to go do something socializing, where you will get laughter,

Unknown: 00:13:02

relaxation, belonging, bonding out of it, right, because this

Unknown: 00:13:08

is what your system originally wanted. And those stupid chips

Unknown: 00:13:14

and chocolate, were just a replacement. So replacing is the

Unknown: 00:13:23

key and not only taking away, this is just a very, very easy

Unknown: 00:13:29

little example that I put out here for you today. Same goes

Unknown: 00:13:33

for, you know, drug addictions, cigarettes, sugar, overly

Unknown: 00:13:41

exercising, like people can be addicted and have shitty habits

Unknown: 00:13:46

you don't believe it? What what some of us really come up with.

Unknown: 00:13:52

And we have so many excuses to hang on to these habits. But

Unknown: 00:13:56

there will be a point where we want to let go. And then it's

Unknown: 00:14:03

not only a matter of discipline and willingness, but also self

Unknown: 00:14:11

image. Yeah. Do you believe that you deserve a better life? a

Unknown: 00:14:18

higher level a higher?

Unknown: 00:14:23

How do you say quality of life? Because you're gonna let go of

Unknown: 00:14:26

these habits. You're gonna step up, right? You're not going to

Unknown: 00:14:30

step down? Is your system calibrated for a better quality

Unknown: 00:14:37

of life? Or were you engaging in these habits because you don't

Unknown: 00:14:42

feel deserving. And that is going to be one of my next

Unknown: 00:14:48

episodes here. Because this is another point. Some of us are

Unknown: 00:14:52

very, like clear as day that their habits are being

Unknown: 00:14:57

destructive for them. But They will not let go of them because

Unknown: 00:15:01

they don't feel deserving of a healthy and good life, they are

Unknown: 00:15:06

still punishing themselves for something that happened back

Unknown: 00:15:11

then. And this is why they're still going to hang on to those

Unknown: 00:15:14

habits. And this is why changes, making changes is so frickin

Unknown: 00:15:22

difficult. So with this episode today, I want you to be very

Unknown: 00:15:30

aware now of what are the things that you would like to change?

Unknown: 00:15:36

And what is it that makes it difficult for you to not make

Unknown: 00:15:40

these changes, and to be 10,000 times more forgiving, and kind

Unknown: 00:15:48

with yourself, when it doesn't work right away. Because lots of

Unknown: 00:15:53

us, we get so impatient, we believe we are, well, it's so

Unknown: 00:15:58

hard, and we're so weak, and we're not going to make it

Unknown: 00:16:01

anyways. And then they give up because they're being so hard on

Unknown: 00:16:05

themselves at first. And then they feel depressed because it

Unknown: 00:16:11

didn't lead anywhere. Or if you have somebody in your

Unknown: 00:16:15

surroundings, who is struggling with giving up a habit, I want

Unknown: 00:16:20

you to have 10,000 times more compassion now than you had

Unknown: 00:16:26

before listening to my episode here. Because making changes is

Unknown: 00:16:31

not for everybody. You got to have the frickin discipline,

Unknown: 00:16:36

willingness. And not only that, but the sense of deserving, and

Unknown: 00:16:42

self love and stepping behind these habits and finding out

Unknown: 00:16:48

what is the outcome that I'm craving? And how can I replace

Unknown: 00:16:53

it with a habit that is slightly better for myself. Alright, I'm

Unknown: 00:16:58

gonna leave you with that. I love you so much. I appreciate

Unknown: 00:17:03

you so much. Thank you so much for subscribing to my podcast

Unknown: 00:17:07

here for leaving me a review. It is the best feedback that I can

Unknown: 00:17:12

receive on Apple podcasts. And if ever you want to buy me a

Unknown: 00:17:17

coffee and say thank you don't hold back. I have the link in my

Unknown: 00:17:22

show notes. Thank you so much for being there. Until next

Unknown: 00:17:26

time, bye bye