Ep.26 Boys are inherently bad. [Trigger alert/ society]

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Hello, hello,

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and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm your host

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Aurora, and I'm very happy to be spending some time with you

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today.

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I hope you're doing well, hope you're in a good place. And if

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you're not in a good place, I hope I can make you feel better

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make you feel understood and learn more.

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Okay.

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about the situation you are in right now. Yeah, today's episode

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is about masculine energy, male role models. I don't know, I

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feel like talking about this topic a lot. And I'm just not

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going to hold back anymore. A lot of people go through divorce

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nowadays. And most of the time, it is the mother who gets the

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custody of the children. It is the mother who yet takes care of

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the children and goes to work receives support financial

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support from her ex husband. And, yeah, this is how it is

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being organized. Some guys out there, manage and want to take

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care of their kids. And it is only I feel when the woman is

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struggling with mental health or other issues that the guy gets

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to take care of the children and go to work. And really, in every

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family is different. There's some divorce cases that are

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super nasty, and it's wars. And it's struggle over years and

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lots of pain. And then there's some people who just decide to

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separate and they have a beautiful, harmonious life,

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where they organize themselves and everything is going well.

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What I want to point out today, though, is that most of the time

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it is the mother, who raises the children and goes to work makes

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sure that everything is being provided.

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For the girls that are born or who live in a situation like

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that they grew up with a mom, they see their dad from time to

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time. Okay. For the little boys, they grew up with their siblings

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and their mom,

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and they see their dad from time to time. I feel that the

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presence of a father of a male role model in a boy's childhood

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is so incredibly important. It's very important for a daughter to

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grow up with her dad. But she grows up with her mom, she can

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copy and paste behavior from her mom. And it's kind of Yeah, more

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natural for a girl to be growing up with her mom and her brother

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maybe. But for the little brother, he needs his dad, he

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needs to Yeah, learn from a role model from the same gender, how

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to go about life. And I feel the women who are trying to do both

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are usually overwhelmed. There's women out there who do an

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amazing job. And they have a good relationship with their ex

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husband and make it very easy and possible for the children to

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see their dad on a regular basis. But for those where it's

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not the case, I see it's very difficult for the little boys to

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grow up and not having a positive masculine role model.

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They pick and choose maybe from movies from action heroes, comic

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books, maybe Yeah, they have friends that they can see as

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role models, but the dad is really missing here and

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Sometimes the women who went through a nasty divorce are

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angry at their husband or their exes. And it's on a very subtle

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level, that the anger against the x husband is being taken out

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on the boy. And don't get me wrong here, you don't always

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have to go through divorce to have that hatred or fear of man,

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you can have been maybe raped or mistreated in your past as a

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woman, and still have that subtle fear and hatred against

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men. And you will, on a very subtle way, take it out on your

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male offspring, you will try and turn them into the perfect man

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who's a bidding who's submissive. But if he goes out

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there into the world, he will quickly realize that Oh shit,

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like, this is not how I'm going to get things done. I cannot be

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timid and submissive. I cannot be like I was raised and

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expected to behave from my mother. I heard this comment

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once, and it just made me like started, like, I was so shocked.

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It was a guy who said, boys are inherently bad, you have to

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break them, you have to break their character, you have to

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split open their brain and force goodness into them, because

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they're inherently bad. And I can be open with you. At that

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time, it was my boyfriend's dad.

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And

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I was so shocked to know that my boyfriend grew up with a dad,

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who thought he was inherently bad. And when people think that

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when people say such things, then of course, they behave that

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way too. And they will always, like overly control the little

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boy overly, like shut him down. And when he's maybe angry and

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throwing a tantrum just because, yeah, he's angry, and he wants

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to express himself. They will be beaten down, they will be, as he

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said, split open and goodness has to be poured into their

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little brains. Like this is so violent, this is so wrong.

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Because no matter which gender you have, you will grow up

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thinking that you are a bad person, you will grow up and

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believe those things about yourself and be shy and not

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trust people. Because you think people think you are a bad

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person. Isn't that so? so horrible? And now you can say

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all this, what does that have to do with divorce and mothers who

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raise their children on their own? Maybe not so much. But I

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want to point out that if a woman is fear driven, if a woman

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is inherently angry at men, then she will take it out on the

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little boy. And it will be in a way that is invisible. For an

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outsider, it is just the child that will receive that anger and

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that fear driven behavior and will not know that it is not

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inherently bad. It is just the mom who has not healed from her

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wounds and is taking this out on her children. A woman who has

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been hurt is not going to become violent. There's the odd case

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Yeah, there's violent women out there, no doubt and they have to

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go to therapy and have to be treated and be corrected. But

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the standard woman, me included when hurt will start to play

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mental games, emotional games manipulation, seduction and will

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draw you into a mental space where you don't know where there

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is left, or where there is right? You will be so confused,

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you will completely lose yourself in the process. Because

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it is so subtle. It creeps up into your brain, it manipulates

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you, and makes you think that you are a weak, useless,

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unworthy person. And it has to be talked about. And I feel me

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as a woman, I'm the only one who can talk about it. Because I've

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experienced this one on one. I know I'm capable of their

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behavior. And I know that behavior has been done to me if

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you can say that in English.

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And the reason I feel we need to talk about it is because it is

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so subtle, and no one really puts a finger on it and points

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it out. And for men, it is so confusing, because they get so

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scared, they get so confused. There's so much violence and

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anger coming up, that the only way that can see they can react

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as either run away and shut down or become violent. And the

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violence, of course, is not a solution, because you will end

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up in jail. And to run away. And to shut down most of the time is

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not a solution. Because you keep paying those that money that you

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have to pay to your ex. Right. So it is very, very difficult

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situation to be in, because you can't really put a finger on it.

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But what I'm trying to do here with my podcast is to disclose

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it and talk about it. And know not all women are bad. And not

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all women are capable of this behavior. But some are, and we

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have to find ways to call them out, and to go to therapy, or

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help them otherwise. But as men, you have to know that you are

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allowed to

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totally

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shut down and set boundaries and ask for help. Sometimes, going

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through a counseling session where you can truly like trust,

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your counselor is very beneficial. There's wonderful

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counselors out there and sometimes even on the phone,

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they can help you. But you need to talk to guy friends to maybe

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platonic girlfriends, you know, girlfriends that you don't want

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to be physical with romantic with, and speak out how you

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feel. Because this is the only way out. I know men and women,

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heterosexual men, heterosexual women, those relationships are

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in such a big Limbo and mess right now. And I fear if we

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don't start talking about this kind of behavior, then we're not

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gonna get out of this mess anytime soon.

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So

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if you can resonate with my content here, if you feel like

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this is what I need to talk about, then please feel free to

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reach out to me on Facebook, or on Instagram. And I have a lot

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of good guy friends out there who can be there for you and

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listen to you and I will be listening to you too. never

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hesitate to give me feedback. Tell me how you feel. If you

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think Araya, you went too far, this is no good what you're

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doing here. Or if you feel Aurora, this was awesome. I

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needed to hear this I finally feel understood, then please

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also reach out to me. So again, I want to raise awareness for

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behavior that is not being called out upon in the moment.

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And I also want to raise awareness that little boys that

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are being raised by a single mom, have a good, right I trust

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that the mom is giving everything to her child what it

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needs, but it is missing a strong like confident that say

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masculine role model. And this is another reason why I bring

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guys on To my show, because I want to show to the world that

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there's so many good men out there who deserve women's

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attention. They deserve to be listened to. and understood.

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This was a little bit of an intense episode here, I needed

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to get this out to you. So again, I hope I didn't trigger

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anything.

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I hope you

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reach out to me if it resonated with you, I will continue doing

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my work here because the feedback I received so far was

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very positive and very good. I will be out there tomorrow

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again, with a different episode called the inner critic, and how

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you can tackle your inner critic and be proud to be on a new path

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when you decide to close with things that are not good for you

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anymore. All so it is the weekend. So I hope you can have

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like some relaxed days where you can just go out in nature and go

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for a walk and yeah, let everything sink in. Thank you so

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much for listening. This was the Borealis experience. I'm your

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host Aurora. And I'll be out there tomorrow again.