Ep.25 Fighting fair/ communication/ what is feminism destroying interview w/ DAVID Lee

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Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your host Aurora, and I'm so happy to be

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sharing this interview with you today. I was in a conversation

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with David Lee, a friend of mine. And yeah, we talk about

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feminism, we talk about the importance of fighting fair

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importance of communicating, expressing yourself, honestly,

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and not making the assumptions that the other person knows you

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enough already or can read you enjoy this very raw and fun

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interview. And, yeah, take good care of yourself. I was trying

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to think of a good story that had a good ending. That was also

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fun for the listeners to hear. So Oh, so

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this is Valentine's Day. I'm living in Roanoke, which if you

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haven't heard of Roanoke is probably a good reason. It's a

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small town in southwestern Virginia. Yeah. And so I was in

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school at the time, I didn't have a whole lot of money. And

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the person I was dating didn't either. And so I said, Okay,

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here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna have Valentine's

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Day, but we're not going to spend more than I think it was,

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like $5 on each other. Yeah. And she goes, Okay, okay, great. And

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so, and I planned this out, I was in school at the time, and

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she was working down at the hospital. And so went to the

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dollar store, and I got like a 15 pack of red balloons, giant

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red balloons, right? Yeah. And I went out to her for work. And I

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found her car in the parking lot. And I blew up all these

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balloons, big, you know, one foot diameter balloons and taped

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them all over her car. And I'd also made a Valentine's Day card

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with pictures and cartoons of her and me and my dog, you know,

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and all that other stuff, and decorated all up and stuck it on

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her windshield, and then went home. And I just waited to see

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what was gonna happen, right.

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And then later on, I heard the story. She said she was in work,

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and all of her co workers were talking. And she was up. She's

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like, what's going on? They're like, well, I don't know what

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happened. But there's this car at the parking lot with these

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balloons all over it. And she thought that was so funny. And

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so then, end of work comes around and she goes out, and

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she's walking towards her car. And she's like, Oh, yeah,

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there's that car with the balloons. And then she's going,

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Oh,

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wait, I think that's my car.

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got there. And sure enough, she saw the balloons pasted all over

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it. And she got so embarrassed. It was so much fun, though. But

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she really appreciated that and got the card. And it was just a

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really good time. Yeah. That's such a cool, she loved it. Yes.

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Well, that's, that's absolute something that you should be

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doing in a relationship and surprise your partner, and just

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do something that comes from the heart.

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Yeah, very Yeah, that was a good time. And I didn't spend a lot

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of money, which was good, too. Not that I'm cheap. But just I

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didn't have any money at the time. I was kind of broke. Yeah,

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you don't need tons of money to impress your Valentine or the

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person you care about. Right? Like you can be creative.

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Yeah, totally. So we both read books on boundaries. You read

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two books, actually. Right? You read the boundaries book, and

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then the boundaries in relationship book.

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Well, I haven't gotten started on the boundaries and dating

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book yet, but I do.

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Okay, okay. So what have you learned in your past

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relationships? About boundaries? Are you really good with

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boundaries? Or were your partners good with it? Or both?

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Who are not good at it? What are your experiences with that?

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Well, I think there are some areas that I'm good at and

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scenarios that I'm not good at. One thing I can do is I can get

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on a certain topic, and stay on topic, especially if it's one

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that I like, like, you know, planes. And sometimes I tend to

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talk too much about them.

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And so I have to learn when the call it quits. And sometimes

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it's hard to tell if, if the person is actually interested or

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if I'm just, you know, talking about my own interests rather

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than theirs. Mm hmm. Okay. Okay. So it would be like a balance in

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the conversation

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that you have to find out okay, is is that person into it or

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not? Can I continue to talk and or not?

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Yes, totally. And I think a lot of that too, comes down to

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just conversation and clarify.

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I know after a while you learn to say, okay, so if I'm going

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too long, you let me know. Because a lot of times I find

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people say, Well, if he doesn't know that I'm not gonna tell

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him. I've heard that a lot. And the thing is, sometimes as a guy

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and me in particular, sometimes I'm just oblivious. So I would

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rather you tell me up front, hey, look, this is what I feel

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about this, or don't do this, you know, when I'm doing this,

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whatever. And just let me know.

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And we had a lot of times, it's just going to be a blunt, David,

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your story's gone too long. Let's move on, then I can say,

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Oh, good, you know, rather than dropping me hints, like kicking

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me under the table, or, you know, pinching my arm or

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whatever.

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Okay. And do you think is, like from the other person said that

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they don't trust that you weren't react? Well, or? They

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don't have that kind of? Yeah, the tools to communicate what

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they want to

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communicate to you? Like, why is it that some people are so shy

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to say when they don't like something?

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Yeah, and I've noticed that some people are and some people are

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very blunt. And I think the sinus probably comes from social

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norms. Yeah, from trying to be polite in society and not

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wanting to step on toes. Yeah. But if it goes too far, then you

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have a situation that you just described there that the person

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confronts you with a conclusion or

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just leaves? Because she or he doesn't trust that you would

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understand or they don't want, like they'd rather leave,

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instead of having a little bit of an uncomfortable

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conversation.

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Is that, is that what you experienced?

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Yeah, I think that resonates really well. And I think

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particularly in today's day and time,

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a lot of the advice given is just to give up and move on.

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Because you know, the old adage, there's more fish in the sea.

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But I mean, our parents generation, and their parents

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before them, they didn't have that choice. It was basically,

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you work it out. You fix the relationship. And I've heard

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grahamcooke talk on this. He says that, that in relationship,

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he said in anything, you don't have movement, or advancement

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unless you have tension. Like when you're lifting weights, you

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got tension in your arms, and you actually break down the

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muscles. But breaking down the muscles makes them actually

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stronger when they build back up. And it's the same in a

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relationship is that yes, you are going to have tension, but

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that tension builds the deepness of, of the relationship. Yeah.

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And so it's expected and you just work through it. That's so

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beautifully said. And I mean, what I experienced with that

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stuff, you should record this, you should totally record this.

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Well, that's, let's make sure that we put this out there

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because people will love to hear it.

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Yeah, I pressed the button on. Yeah, I totally agree.

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Yeah, I experienced that I made or observed in my parents and

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grandparents is, in that generation, a lot of people

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endured stuff. So

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my dad was always talking about what my mom was more of the

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listener, the observer. And yeah, she suppressed a lot of

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her thoughts and her feelings. And I feel my generation now is

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sick and tired of suppressing.

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And we leave situations where we feel uncomfortable. But that's

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not the solution. Either. We have to learn how to say no, and

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how to say, this is not what I like, this is not comfortable

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for me, and then wait and see what comes from the other side.

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Like we have to trust that the other person wants to adapt and

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maybe compromise a little bit. And we also have to have that

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willingness to have that little bit of uncomfortable

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conversation. But a few A lot of us, like you said, are just

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checking out. And yeah, exploring more fish in the sea.

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And that doesn't create depth that just creates a society of

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Yeah, shallowness and superficial

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relationships, and that's not good.

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Yeah, I totally I totally agree. I mean, it's creative people.

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Who are just runners? And they'll run from relationship to

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relationship until they find the one person who suits our needs

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and checks all their boxes, which honestly, they're never

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going to find, because nobody's like that. Yeah, the truth is

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you grow in relationships. I mean, I mean, I've been in

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relationships before to where, where I've just been a but

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that happens, and you'll get arguments. But that what said,

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What do you mean was I've just been a bat?

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Oh, where, where I'm just

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where I'm just headstrong. And I'm just not polite to be

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around. You know, I'm not going to get into those stories on

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this podcast, but maybe later

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if we wanted to, but what I what I learned?

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that you do. So what I've learned is that

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even when you're in an argument, the truth is that you and the

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other person are a team. And even in the midst of it, and

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after you come out of it, you're still going to be on the same

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team. So yes, there might be tension and difficulty. And you

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might get hurt and hurt the other person and cry, but but in

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the end, you're still a team, and you got to work together.

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Yes, yes. And this is what you have to trust. You have to trust

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that little bit of tension as good. That

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same, like not being on the same page all the time is okay, too.

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Because it opens up your mind and it challenges your beliefs.

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And, yeah, you have to trust that you're both on a team and

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that you're having that argument to sort things out and to then

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have a deeper and better relationship. And I think with

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me, it was always the case that I didn't trust that I didn't

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want maybe that depth.

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And I was scared of not being understood. So I'd rather run

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away or feel suppressed. And that's absolutely not the

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solution like this is when resentment builds, and the

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relationship is starting to fall apart.

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So what do you do when you feel like you're not being

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understood?

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I

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try to catch a moment where I know the other person is like,

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relaxed and a good place. And I will ask again, or reformulate

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what I was meant to say. So I had an instance here, where I

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had an interview, and I felt like I was not doing a good job.

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And afterwards I received a comment.

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Well, yeah, you were laughing hysterically. And it sounded

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pretty silly. And I just blew up.

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I just blew up a fuse, because I felt shitty already. And then a

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person tells me Oh, yeah, and by the way, it was silly. On top of

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it.

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I totally blew up. And but the person didn't understand why

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because I didn't see that I was frustrated and sad. So I'm also

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one to not really show how I feel.

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And then just made that silly comment. And then I blew up. And

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instead of blowing up, I should have just said, Hey, you know

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what, like, I felt really bad about my interview already. And

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your comment really makes me feel worse. And just to say how

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I feel, to put it into words, works wonders. And I didn't know

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that before I found to be heard. I have to be aggressive, I have

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to shut people out or avoid them and to kind of punish them with

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the silent treatment or so.

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But not to found out and to find out now that I can actually say

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no, this is how you made me feel and it felt really bad.

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And then to see the person be like, Oh, no, I'm sorry, that

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was not my intention. Like I'm you're on your team is it

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dissolves all the anger, all the sadness in seconds.

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And I don't know if you had situations like that, where you

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just simply communicate it and it dissolved a situation but I

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think we totally underestimate the power of kind words and just

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genuine expression of how

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We feel

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Yeah, totally. And I kind of grew up with that same kind of

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belief that if you want to be heard, if you get angry, you

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need to use your voice and yell and that kind of thing. But

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later on, I learned, you know, that's not really beneficial.

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And sometimes you get a lot more done with kind words I was I was

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had gone through Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective

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People. And the great habits, one of which is seek first to

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understand then to be understood. And he talks about

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how you talk in conversation about how, if there's an issue,

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you don't just go to the person and say, Look, I have a problem

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with this. And this, and I'm angry. Because of this, you

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start first saying, Okay, now, there is a problem here, I want

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to hear your view, first, tell me what's going on.

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And then once they tell you, when you start to open up and

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talk about it, then you can say, Okay,

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this is how I felt about it. And this was my response. And then I

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think that's what really gets the conversation going. But just

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to understand the other person, before you interject what your

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own personal view is on the topic, can clear up a whole lot

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of stuff right off the bat.

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Wow, yeah, and see, those are the tools that we need out

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there. This is, like, for me, such a precious conversation

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we're having because

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I was, yeah, like you, I didn't have these tools. And then you

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just need to read it sometimes in a good book, or experience it

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with a friend, that there is other ways to communicate and to

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get people to listen to you and understand you. And like you

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just said, the minute the second, the person in front of

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you knows that you want to hear them out first. That's when they

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open up and they kind of become soft and open to receive your

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message as well. And

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it's such a beautiful, yeah, way to connect, and the only way to

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rehab a romantic relationship.

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Yet we are all a little shy when it comes to expressing our

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feelings. But a few more more people want to go down that path

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and see that this is this is the way to go to connect and feel

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fulfilled.

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I agree. I mean, it's so true. Like, what you're saying is,

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people I think oftentimes are afraid to reveal the real self,

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to reveal how they truly feel because it makes you vulnerable.

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You know, and it leaves you open to I don't know, whatever you

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want to call it and judgment or

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just

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seeming to be what's the word for it?

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I guess just open and vulnerable. But the truth is

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that, I mean, I went through a period in time where I was very

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reserved. And I felt if people got to know the real me, they

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wouldn't like it. And I had a guy say to me says, Well, if you

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do that your whole life, then then how do you really connect?

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How do you tell people who you really are, he says you need to

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get that out there. And you know, it's okay to be sad or

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lonely or to cry or whatever. But in that connection, you get

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to know them on a personal basis, and they get to know you.

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And that's a lot better than just being reserved and closed

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off to people all the time. Totally. Yeah. And the moment

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you allow yourself to be open and soft.

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The other person will do the same, maybe not at the same

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pace. But they will know oh, I can actually trust that person.

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I can open up to them because they have done it already.

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So it builds trust and intimacy and, and you for your part, you

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find out pretty quickly, oh, can that person handle my true self?

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Or can they not? And if they can, yeah, then it makes you

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fall in love even more with them. And if they can't, then

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you know, but you can't

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stop doing it. Just because they don't respond well. You have to

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stay true to yourself. And just know that you're not the cup of

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tea or that other personnel, but don't change and don't start to

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suppress again and

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put a mask on right it's it's a tricky, tricky situation to be

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in. If you've been closed up for a long time. I can see how that

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was maybe hard for you at the beginning.

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But if you had a good partner and had a good experience

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You know, now that it's totally worth it?

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Yeah, absolutely.

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Yeah, it's a lot better to be known than to just be in your

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own shell. It's funny, you say cup of tea too, because I got my

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real gray right here, and so good.

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Very classy as usual, David. Awesome.

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Thank you. Thank you. Very good, very good. Is there

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other things that you've learned in the last couple of years in

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the last decade about communicating

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in a relationship that you would like to share with? My gosh,

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well, I do have an engineering background. So I do have that

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very logical mind. You know,

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sometimes that's tough for me to deal with. But one thing I've

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learned, which is very important, is how to fight fair,

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huh, because there are going to be fights. And when you have

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your first fight, you need to write it down in your journal

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right to make sure, hey, this was our first fight, and we got

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over it. But I mean, to fight fair is so important. And what

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that entails is basically,

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when you have a disagreement, you stay focused on on the topic

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at hand, you don't bring up other things outside of that,

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you know, I've often heard in the midst of our argument is and

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another thing, you know, and it's just like, Alright, if

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we're gonna argue about, say the laundry, you argue about it,

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what are the points where the good points, the bad points and,

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and just stay focused on the topic. And I think a lot of

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times to you, you need to just clearly define what it is that

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you're mad about or bothered about, as my clock, what you're

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mad or bothered about? And, and just stay, I guess, involved in

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that. And then when it's over, let it be over. and move on.

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Yes. Yeah. don't cling on to stuff and have the mindset of

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wanting to resolve instead of accusing and blaming the other

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person and, you know, lashing out with your resentment that

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you've been holding back on, holding back for, I don't know,

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the last days or weeks.

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That's very, very important to talk about. Yeah.

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Oh, yeah. That's so true. and head towards it. With a goal of

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resolution. Yes. Like, we are going to get through these

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emotions. And then at the end, it will be fixed. And I'm

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looking for her to feel good. I'm looking for me to feel good.

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And yeah, so it's really just like Steven Covey says again,

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and with Win Win

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now, and with a win win solution is what you're heading for. Yes.

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Yeah. Then you can trust and just get navigate through it.

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And know that. Yeah, it's gonna be over soon. It's just a little

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nasty right now. But we both have the same goal.

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That's,

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yeah, very practice advice. And then when it comes to

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No, yeah, sorry. I was gonna say I have a question for you. Yeah.

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Specifically for you because you are a multinational.

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Have you run into this issue? And how do you deal with it the

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the problem of being from another country so you're, you

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know, you're from Germany, and part French, but you're in

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Canada.

Unknown: 00:23:34

If you were to date an American, how do you do Is there like a

Unknown: 00:23:37

language barrier issue that you've run into or had to work

Unknown: 00:23:41

through before? It's not so much the language barrier, but it is

Unknown: 00:23:46

the way that I was expressing myself. And that goes for my

Unknown: 00:23:51

German self. Same as my French or my, my English self. If you

Unknown: 00:23:57

want to put it that way.

Unknown: 00:23:59

I was not capable to set boundaries or to tell a person

Unknown: 00:24:05

when they make me feel uncomfortable, or

Unknown: 00:24:10

I was not open. I was not trying to create common grounds.

Unknown: 00:24:20

And it has nothing to do with nationality here. I think it's

Unknown: 00:24:24

just the way I, I experienced relationships and just thought

Unknown: 00:24:29

this is how we got to live in a relationship.

Unknown: 00:24:33

What I learned though, here in North America is that people

Unknown: 00:24:37

value politeness, a lot, and non non directness, if you can put

Unknown: 00:24:45

it that way. Not being direct.

Unknown: 00:24:50

is so kind of beating around the bush.

Unknown: 00:24:56

And that's something I had to learn to address and it

Unknown: 00:25:00

It makes me a softer and kind of person, because in Germany,

Unknown: 00:25:05

we're very direct. And you can shut people down with that and

Unknown: 00:25:10

hurt people and make people feel shitty. And then they react. And

Unknown: 00:25:16

you don't understand why.

Unknown: 00:25:19

And here I learned politeness good goes first. So I learned to

Unknown: 00:25:23

be a little more polite and gentle. And to communicate

Unknown: 00:25:30

differently. Yeah.

Unknown: 00:25:33

But it has nothing to do with with my English skills, it has

Unknown: 00:25:38

all to do with how I thought relationship worked. And I must

Unknown: 00:25:45

say, like North American culture helped me to to become

Unknown: 00:25:50

a better communicator. And to know that politeness is good,

Unknown: 00:25:55

sometimes better than directness, but still be honest

Unknown: 00:26:00

and tell the person how you feel. But don't don't do it in a

Unknown: 00:26:04

hurtful way.

Unknown: 00:26:08

Right. Yeah. And I can totally see that. I mean, I lived in

Unknown: 00:26:11

Germany for 10 weeks, and they are very direct. And they'll

Unknown: 00:26:14

tell you, you know, this is how it is. And sometimes it's like,

Unknown: 00:26:18

whoa, hold on a second. But a friend of mine told me once they

Unknown: 00:26:23

said they said tact is the ability to say anything to

Unknown: 00:26:26

anyone, but not elicit negative emotions. And I think tact goes

Unknown: 00:26:31

a long way. Yeah. But from my perspective, with the language

Unknown: 00:26:36

barrier, I have a tough enough time expressing myself in

Unknown: 00:26:39

English. If I had to express myself in German, that would be

Unknown: 00:26:43

hard.

Unknown: 00:26:44

Yeah. Thank god like relationship stuff. As we said

Unknown: 00:26:50

earlier, before the interview, like a lot of things happen

Unknown: 00:26:55

in between the lines and body language.

Unknown: 00:26:59

So people were always kind of understanding what I was going

Unknown: 00:27:05

to say or what I meant. That's just the beauty of in person

Unknown: 00:27:11

interaction.

Unknown: 00:27:15

And it's,

Unknown: 00:27:17

I don't know, I didn't find it more difficult in a foreign

Unknown: 00:27:20

language. I don't know why.

Unknown: 00:27:24

Interesting. Well, you seem to have a very good grasp on the

Unknown: 00:27:27

English language and can express yourself very well. Except it

Unknown: 00:27:30

was off days when you're like, my English is not so good.

Unknown: 00:27:34

Yeah, I really have those days when I'm fishing for my words,

Unknown: 00:27:39

and they just don't want to come forward. But yeah, I don't I

Unknown: 00:27:43

don't take it as an excuse not to show up.

Unknown: 00:27:49

Yeah.

Unknown: 00:27:51

Is there

Unknown: 00:27:53

any other area like we had communication and setting

Unknown: 00:27:58

boundaries, as a man

Unknown: 00:28:02

that you would like to talk about when it comes to

Unknown: 00:28:05

relationships that you like can put a finger on it or something

Unknown: 00:28:09

you always wanted to know?

Unknown: 00:28:13

Like the answer from a woman when it comes to relationships?

Unknown: 00:28:20

Is there anything that you think are you guys don't make sense in

Unknown: 00:28:24

this area? Or why do you do this? I had a conversation about

Unknown: 00:28:28

nagging the other day.

Unknown: 00:28:32

That's more Yeah, something that women do I feel men can do that

Unknown: 00:28:37

too. But is there something you would like to ask or share

Unknown: 00:28:44

from your past or maybe present?

Unknown: 00:28:49

I'm kind of coming up blank, but the only thing I can think of is

Unknown: 00:28:53

Why do women go to the bathroom and pears?

Unknown: 00:28:59

Really good question.

Unknown: 00:29:03

So I'm just going to share from my experience other women might

Unknown: 00:29:07

answer it in a different way.

Unknown: 00:29:11

When I go to the bathroom with my

Unknown: 00:29:14

girlfriends, it's to discuss quickly what the next move is

Unknown: 00:29:20

going to be or what we want.

Unknown: 00:29:23

Do we want to stay? Do we want want to go somewhere else is the

Unknown: 00:29:26

guy who just started talking to you. Good for you. Or do you

Unknown: 00:29:31

want me to scare them off?

Unknown: 00:29:34

so seriously, you can talk about the boys right? Yeah, and then

Unknown: 00:29:40

also like, bullshit stuff like Oh, I love your makeup. What

Unknown: 00:29:44

kind of lipstick is this?

Unknown: 00:29:47

Oh, I'm on my period. Can you give me a tampon? Like, maybe

Unknown: 00:29:51

maybe this is all you guys imagine? We were talking about

Unknown: 00:29:55

and Yeah, it is. It is what we talk about.

Unknown: 00:29:59

Ah,

Unknown: 00:30:00

Ah, wonderful. All the mysteries are solved.

Unknown: 00:30:06

Yes. Yeah, I hope it was in depth enough.

Unknown: 00:30:14

So do you have a question about from a female's perspective?

Unknown: 00:30:18

What you've always wondered about guys either dating or, or

Unknown: 00:30:21

otherwise? Or what we're thinking or why sometimes we

Unknown: 00:30:24

don't think before we do something or say something. Mm

Unknown: 00:30:28

hmm. That's when I like guys most when they don't think.

Unknown: 00:30:34

Because it's

Unknown: 00:30:36

it's a natural state to be in. I would love to know what guys

Unknown: 00:30:42

think about feminism. And the me to movement if you've heard

Unknown: 00:30:47

about it. And if you think that feminism is outdated, or if you

Unknown: 00:30:54

think feminism is a good thing, and yeah, there should be more

Unknown: 00:30:58

women out there.

Unknown: 00:31:02

Being active in feminism.

Unknown: 00:31:06

Wow, we are really going deep on this podcast, are we? Well, is

Unknown: 00:31:10

that a surprise to you?

Unknown: 00:31:14

It should not be?

Unknown: 00:31:17

Well, I will This is my views speaking from a male's

Unknown: 00:31:21

perspective, and also a Christian perspective is, I

Unknown: 00:31:24

think women should be able to do practically whatever they want,

Unknown: 00:31:29

I don't think that women should be repressed. I think if

Unknown: 00:31:33

anything is available to them job wise, or career wise, you

Unknown: 00:31:36

know, go for it. It's the land of opportunity. I guess Canada

Unknown: 00:31:40

is the same way in North America, I don't know. But there

Unknown: 00:31:44

is a problem with being over feminine, to where, and this

Unknown: 00:31:50

goes back to the dating is.

Unknown: 00:31:53

If you are too focused on the feminine to be the dominant

Unknown: 00:31:57

gender, it removes the roles that the males have. And that's

Unknown: 00:32:03

what I've found in dating is that

Unknown: 00:32:06

if a woman says she can do everything, and this I see on a

Unknown: 00:32:10

lot of profiles is that they're an independent woman and they

Unknown: 00:32:13

don't need a guy. Well, the truth is, if you don't need a

Unknown: 00:32:16

guy, then I don't have a role to fall into. Exactly. You know,

Unknown: 00:32:21

you might be adept at, let's say, plumbing, or electrical

Unknown: 00:32:25

work, and you your toilet fails, you need a new toilet. So you go

Unknown: 00:32:30

to the hardware store, you buy a new toilet, you learn how to

Unknown: 00:32:32

change it, you know, whatever. And maybe in the guy who went

Unknown: 00:32:35

well, I could do that. And you're like, No, I don't need

Unknown: 00:32:37

it. But honestly, if you if you know how to do that stuff, or if

Unknown: 00:32:41

you know how to wire you in kitchen, you can but if you give

Unknown: 00:32:45

the guy in in, say, David,

Unknown: 00:32:48

I need this wiring gun in my kitchen, can you help? I can't

Unknown: 00:32:52

do it. You know, I'd be more than happy to say yes, I will do

Unknown: 00:32:56

that. I know how to do it. This is great. This is my job. Even

Unknown: 00:33:00

if you could do it, offer it to him anyway. Because that gives

Unknown: 00:33:04

him a spot to take a spot to fill. Yes. And so being

Unknown: 00:33:08

independent isn't so much a need or necessity as it is to give

Unknown: 00:33:14

that role or any role a role to the guy. So I think feminism a

Unknown: 00:33:18

lot of times takes away those roles.

Unknown: 00:33:21

That you know, men and women generally tend to fall in

Unknown: 00:33:24

certain roles. Men, women be the nurturers. Yeah. And men being

Unknown: 00:33:28

the warriors and the breadwinners. Yeah, and I think

Unknown: 00:33:31

together, we can form that image of a perfect union of a perfect

Unknown: 00:33:35

couple that no two of us no one of us can do on our own. Yes.

Unknown: 00:33:42

Yes. Oh, my God, I'm so glad we brought that up. Because this is

Unknown: 00:33:48

exactly what I feel is going on. out there right now. There's so

Unknown: 00:33:53

many women who are fighting for independency and they are fear

Unknown: 00:33:58

driven and aggressive. At the same time they want to be dating

Unknown: 00:34:02

and want to be held and you know, be given roses. But a man

Unknown: 00:34:09

is repulsed like is scared of these women and is not going to

Unknown: 00:34:15

be the masculine

Unknown: 00:34:18

part that he can and wants to be because the woman is playing

Unknown: 00:34:23

both sides. And I feel women who are too caught up in the

Unknown: 00:34:31

feminism shoot themselves in the own heel or back or however you

Unknown: 00:34:35

say that an English

Unknown: 00:34:37

foot or foot awesome. I had all my my joints here.

Unknown: 00:34:45

Because it is it is like a mass emotional mass castration that

Unknown: 00:34:53

is going on out there and men don't know Okay, which one

Unknown: 00:34:56

should we play? We want to be there for you. We want

Unknown: 00:35:00

protect you, we want to guide you. And women want to be

Unknown: 00:35:04

protected and guided. But the women that are out there right

Unknown: 00:35:09

now, not all of them, of course, but some are so aggressive and

Unknown: 00:35:16

think that they have to do it all. And men are the problem.

Unknown: 00:35:22

But they don't see that they themselves are blocking

Unknown: 00:35:27

themselves from a genuine,

Unknown: 00:35:31

happy relationship with a man. Unless the man is willing to

Unknown: 00:35:38

give his masculinity up at the door. And to, I don't know, mold

Unknown: 00:35:45

into some feminine, or non gender,

Unknown: 00:35:51

creature, it works. But if the man wants to be the man and

Unknown: 00:35:56

wants to play that role in a woman's life, it's not gonna

Unknown: 00:36:00

work. It's like two magnets of the same pole. They're not gonna

Unknown: 00:36:05

attract each other.

Unknown: 00:36:09

Yeah, and then we have a whole host of other problems. And even

Unknown: 00:36:11

even if the man does choose to be emasculated and come into

Unknown: 00:36:14

that role, where the woman still takes on the masculine roles.

Unknown: 00:36:19

Yeah, you know, it's, it's basically, there, I say it

Unknown: 00:36:23

against his nature. Yeah, because that's how we deal with

Unknown: 00:36:26

I mean, if you look at if you look at all animals, and humans

Unknown: 00:36:30

in particular, the males are bigger than the females, they're

Unknown: 00:36:34

stronger, they're taller, and you can just look around at

Unknown: 00:36:37

society and see this and look around in nature. And it's the

Unknown: 00:36:40

same way. I had a German Shepherd, you know, and he was

Unknown: 00:36:43

he was an awfully large dog and German Shepherds, the females

Unknown: 00:36:46

tend to be slightly smaller,

Unknown: 00:36:49

and the male sheperson be slightly bigger.

Unknown: 00:36:53

So yes, they do have that males are given that protective role.

Unknown: 00:36:58

But yeah, just like what you're saying is if they, they are

Unknown: 00:37:03

subservient to the female with their own roles, then they lose

Unknown: 00:37:07

their place. Yeah. And then and I think that's, that would be

Unknown: 00:37:11

trouble for, for that couple. Totally. Because the

Unknown: 00:37:15

attractiveness of attractiveness, sorry, goes out

Unknown: 00:37:19

the window at the same time to the woman is not going to be

Unknown: 00:37:23

attracted to that guy anymore. Even though she forces him into

Unknown: 00:37:27

that role.

Unknown: 00:37:29

On a chemistry level, she will not be attracted to him anymore,

Unknown: 00:37:34

if he substance submits to that. And I feel women's Yeah, and

Unknown: 00:37:38

she's not gonna be able to respect him either. Exactly. And

Unknown: 00:37:42

the guy himself is not going to respect himself, either. And

Unknown: 00:37:47

that's

Unknown: 00:37:48

where depression and everything can start. So yeah, women should

Unknown: 00:37:53

should be finding their femininity again and feel

Unknown: 00:37:58

empowered and feminine again, and not trying to take on the

Unknown: 00:38:03

man's role. And think that's the new feminine. No, because it is

Unknown: 00:38:08

not. It's just, as we said, like emasculating, and causing

Unknown: 00:38:15

troubles on so many levels. When it comes to relationships.

Unknown: 00:38:22

I feel Yeah, it's very important to talk about. And we're slowly

Unknown: 00:38:28

coming to an end here, we we hit the 40 minutes here.

Unknown: 00:38:33

Is there 40 minutes is up. I know, is there something you

Unknown: 00:38:37

would like to add? When it comes to

Unknown: 00:38:42

fighting fair? boundaries, communication,

Unknown: 00:38:47

role models?

Unknown: 00:38:51

I think one of the most important things in

Unknown: 00:38:54

relationships is to be kind.

Unknown: 00:38:58

And to know that your partner is a part of you.

Unknown: 00:39:03

You know, you wouldn't be cruel to yourself. And the truth is

Unknown: 00:39:07

that it's a joint venture, that if you were not kind to them,

Unknown: 00:39:12

it's like you're not being kind to yourself. You know, I always

Unknown: 00:39:15

always thought about rolls around the house, if, if the

Unknown: 00:39:18

dishes don't get washed, if I don't wash them, then she has

Unknown: 00:39:22

to. And if she doesn't, then I have to. So you might as well

Unknown: 00:39:26

pick up the slack because you're you're a team. And that's how

Unknown: 00:39:29

you have to work. And I think one of the other most important

Unknown: 00:39:32

things is communication. I've always said that. I don't know

Unknown: 00:39:37

how you're thinking or feeling unless you tell me. Sometimes

Unknown: 00:39:40

you gotta tell me two or three times because sometimes I'm just

Unknown: 00:39:43

oblivious or I'm watching TV or doing something else.

Unknown: 00:39:47

But to tell me, sometimes I'm just clueless. And so let me

Unknown: 00:39:53

know what you're thinking and feeling. With tact ideally, but

Unknown: 00:39:57

without you're that committed.

Unknown: 00:40:00

case in part and say, hey, look, this is how I feel right now.

Unknown: 00:40:05

I don't want you to know that and then knowing that I can

Unknown: 00:40:08

respond. But in a way if you don't communicate that

Unknown: 00:40:13

it's partly your fault.

Unknown: 00:40:15

Because unless you tell me, or somehow I, since I'm not gonna

Unknown: 00:40:19

know. So kindness and communication are both very

Unknown: 00:40:22

important in any relationship. Yes. That's, yeah, such a

Unknown: 00:40:29

beautiful wrap up of the episode. It's

Unknown: 00:40:34

very genuine and from the heart and just things that we have to

Unknown: 00:40:39

hear a times because women can maybe sense things or read in

Unknown: 00:40:45

between lines. But we can expect our partner to be doing that and

Unknown: 00:40:51

have to know and trust that if we express ourselves, we will be

Unknown: 00:40:55

heard. And we will meet

Unknown: 00:40:58

together and work things out together. Yeah. Very, very

Unknown: 00:41:04

beautiful. Absolutely. Thank you so so much, David, for being

Unknown: 00:41:08

here today. On the floor. This was great.

Unknown: 00:41:13

This was wonderful.

Unknown: 00:41:16

Yeah, there was a little bit of a delay here and between us. But

Unknown: 00:41:22

yeah, thank you so much for listening to this interview with

Unknown: 00:41:27

David Lee, it is very important to keep the balance to keep some

Unknown: 00:41:34

good positive tension in between men and women. But I think the

Unknown: 00:41:41

main message here is we got to communicate honestly, we have to

Unknown: 00:41:46

be kind with each other. And know that we both want the same.

Unknown: 00:41:52

We're on a team. We're together in this and we want to

Unknown: 00:42:00

support each other and be there for each other.

Unknown: 00:42:04

This won't be the last interview, were asked for a

Unknown: 00:42:09

man's perspective. I feel it is very important to talk about in

Unknown: 00:42:14

those times right now. So yes, stay tuned and we will be out

Unknown: 00:42:21

there very soon again for you. Bye