Ep.24 How to not fall back into bad habits. w/ James Olsen

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Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

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experience podcast. With me today, James Olsen, we had a

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wonderful conversation last week, and he shared how the 12

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step program helped him to get out of addiction. Today, we want

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to talk about how he stays pain and the little life hacks or

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habits that he wants to share with us when he feels triggered

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when he gets reminded, or when he has the choice, okay, now I

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can go into the future, the positive direction, or I fall

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back into my habits that I wanted to get rid of, but there

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still may be present for some of our listeners hear. So, James,

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welcome here on the Borealis experience, podcast, and so

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happy that you take the time and share your experience here. And

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yeah, feel free to share whatever is of benefit for our

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listeners here.

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Thanks, Aurora. Yeah, yeah that's a great topic. S

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they're, they're definitely, don't think as addicts, we wer

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the only ones that experience those things. What, what cause

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hardship or causes? I guess i addiction, we kind of coined th

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phrase, trigger, you know, um because for for addicts, I am

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firm believer, you know, tha life is a trigger, it's not s

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much, you know, what will se you off because in when I'm i

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my addiction needs just my whol day, it's whether I'm happy

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whether I'm sad, whether I' good, bad, it's everything, jus

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it, I guess that's part o addiction is is all part al

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parts of life, kind of my min tells me that it would be bette

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with drugs, or alcohol, whateve that looks like. So, but that's

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you know, I think the huma experience allows people, it'

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very relatable and say, yo know, that I'm in a hard tim

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I'm struggling, I just need som relief, you know, and for, fo

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me in a long time, that was tha was turning to drugs or alcohol

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Now, what do I do nowadays, t cope with that? There's really

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gamut of, of, you know, thing that that I do to kind of get m

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through those hard times Because like I talked about las

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last last time was life o life's terms and that kind o

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idea that that's reall fundamental, I guess it's, it's

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it's kind of the essence to t anybody, overcoming substanc

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abuse, is accepting that tha life is going to be hard, Mr

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Chips gonna happen. You know, think that that's, that's jus

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part of the human experience is, what do we do to get throug

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day to day occurrences, becaus it's a great, great idea t

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think that we can do somethin to make life beautiful. But

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don't know about you, but fo me, life can be beautiful, bu

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part of it is that there's goin to be hard times, no matter ho

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great or how planned out, or ho much you've worked on bein

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healthy, or, you know, kind o put things in their place i

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their proper place and organize Your life is part of that. Par

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of part of life is that life' hard. I read a lot of philosoph

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and there's one common statemen is that suffering is part o

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life. I think there's, if yo look into religions, that's kin

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of the commonality that ever religion holds is, you know

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Buddha is enlightenment was tha life is suffering. You know, i

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his What we do in tha suffering? Yeah, so so that'

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kind of it. What What do we d when things get hard? Or whe

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you know, the phrase when shi hits the fan? Because sit

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that's that's just that's jus how it is. That's the reality i

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that sooner or later, somethin bad's gonna happen? Yeah. And I

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I personally have found tha consistency is is is good i

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those those? What are your dail habits? What do you what do yo

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like to do? For me personally it involves prayer, it involve

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meditation and involves thing that I do on the daily to kin

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of create positive energy i they you know, and positiv

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energy isn't, you know, for m isn't so much

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You know, I don't know what you would call it. I've seen I've

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seen others words, I'm looking to create positive vibrations

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and looking minds not so much that mine is what is going to

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make me feel good about me. And part of that is humility. We

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really need to work on that. Because on the opposite the

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reason, most of the things that I talk about, and the things

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that I know, personally, are through failure. So I've gone to

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extremes the other way and failed. And so then then I will

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Okay, now I have to come back. I have to, you know, really look

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at you know what, what I did? What do I think? Why were? How

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do I think I went wrong there? What caused that? And then I try

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again.

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Yeah, and I mean, if you hadn't had these very dark experiences,

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you wouldn't appreciate the good times. Now, the way you do.

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Like, I feel sometimes people just live a very moderate life

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with no real ups and downs and they become depressed because

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they they stop feeling at some point. And you've been through

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so much trouble and pain and you've lived through so much

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misery that I can imagine now, like you've really enjoying your

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children, and you really appreciate what you have. And

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then you meditate or pray and those little, yeah, it's like an

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anchor that you can go home to every time you feel, oh, it's

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getting a little too rough, your life is a little bit too painful

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right now. You know, you have that place inside of you. Where

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you can anchor yourself and feel solid and good again. Because a

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lot of the times when we encounter suffering, I think our

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self worth is attacked right away. And we feel like life is

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unfair. And we fall into kind of a victim mentality. And if you

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know you have prayer and meditation in your back pocket,

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and you can pull it out whenever you want, and can then you know

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you you have that safe place.

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Yeah.

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I think I understood what you meant there. Yeah, it's, it's

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critical for everybody to find out what is best for them to,

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like, it looks different for every person. But a lot of times

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I feel meditation and prayer is part of a person strive to stay

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sane and anchored.

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I do I can definitely I definitely agree with that.

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What, what I would argue or suggest is that those are

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beneficial in a very organized life or conditioned life where

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you have routines where you have structure, where you've there's

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there's some sort of feeling of safety or stability, meditation

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and prayer is like I said, it's a it's a it's consistency that

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creates those. So you have to create some sort of structure.

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They don't work in chaos is my point.

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Mm hmm.

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You can you can meditate all you want, but when you don't have

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food in your stomach or money for rent, or the vital things,

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ain't doing shit. And that's the honest truth of it. Those aren't

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going to solve your problems. Like they might have, I don't

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know, if they I don't even know if they'll help. There's and so

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what what I truly believe, though, you know this for, you

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know the people in those those times that are that in the chaos

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and in the, in the trenches of life, let's say is that I heard

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a saying by Matt and it changed my life and it was no man can no

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peace without knowing himself first. And no man can know

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themselves without going to war with themselves. And what that

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means for me is like I, you know, the, yes, my addiction was

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war with myself, but I haven't do well. I have good and bad. I

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have my desires for to do good and help the world. And then I

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have desires to I want this and I want it now and at any cost,

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just give it to. And they are polar opposites. And for me is I

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need ballots, I need to control these things. I still have, you

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know, wants and desires and they add that aren't great, but I

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just I'm I'm still that 14 year old kid that just wants to give

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it to me, you know. But what it? What it does is when you when

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you go like for me when I go to my ward, am I with myself?

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Here's a prime example. snooze in the morning when you're

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supposed to getting up, you know, at 530 in the morning, I

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think everybody can relate to that is, you know, sometimes I

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have a lot it can hit it four times. But the reality of of it

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is, can I get out of bed the first time it happens? Well,

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everybody can. Will I let myself that's a war that will establish

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who you are. Who are you? I am someone that can control the in

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sleep deprivation or with every call that morning, where you're

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just like, I don't want to start yet. I'm like I'm having a great

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game. I feel good and warm, and cozy. give that up because you

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there's an advantage to controlling that part of

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yourself that says no, this feels good. I just want this.

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Nope, you need to get up. You don't need to be stressed, start

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your day under stress. You get your lunch going get get

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organized, it's going to create time, it's going to times a

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buffer, you're not going to feel stressed, you're not going to

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you know, create those things that where you're you're late

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right off the bat, it kind of ruins your day, it just starts

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your day, right? It allows you to get everything you need to do

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in your morning routine. And that, in return creates peace.

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Because you went to war with that part of yourself. That's

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telling me No, just stay in bed, you know. And those little

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things create, strengthen the ability that I can go through

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hardships, I can go through struggles, I can go through

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things that don't feel good in order. And I know that my

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ability and it's that's not going to you know, say you know,

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just because you go jumped out of bed at first, you know wake

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woke up right away and got your day started isn't going to solve

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all your problems, but it's going to reaffirm that you have

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self control, you know, and that's a hell of a place to

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start. You know, and it really makes a statement for the rest

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of your day. You know, and things of that nature. Really,

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you know, if I can go back to my recovery, you know, I early on

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in my recovery. I went through some really bad breakups, I got

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involved with so many in a program, a 12 step program and

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thought I met my soulmate. And it just didn't work out. And it

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crushed it. It really did. And it lasts me you know, like

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questioning, you know, really crushing life and male, you

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know, referring to to

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self value and stuff like that man that really shook my

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foundation. You know, I thought I was doing everything right and

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then couldn't figure out why this person didn't want to be

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with me. And, but I got through it. You know, there's tons of

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experiences like that, that I didn't think I could get

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through, but I got through, and I didn't drink, and I didn't

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use. And last year, my son passed away. He was 22 years old

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and ended up passing away. And I had always had that as a

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reservation in my brain that that if I ever lost a child,

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hell yeah, I'm getting wasted. That is a hell of a reason for

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me. Pocket all i'm just going off the deep end. Like, you

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know, it's kind of, I didn't say it or any, but I knew it in my

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soul. I didn't really play with that idea. But that was, that

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was definitely a reservation for me to screw sobriety, like, I'm

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getting, like, I, I can't deal with that. But I dealt with it.

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He was in the hospital for a month before he passed. And in

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Lethbridge, the meeting house that I have my meetings and my

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12 step meetings was right across the street from the

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hospital, and thank God. So every day at noon, I would go

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over there and you know, after sitting with him, and you know,

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the ICU, and I would go over there noon, and for an hour to

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have a meeting with my fellow alcoholics. And, and I didn't

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even talk about what was going on, you know, like, I people

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knew, but I do, you know, I didn't even talk, it was just an

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hour to myself that I got it kept with these people and laugh

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and be positive. And I made it through, I didn't drink and I

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and I, I actually that experience, I grew from that

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experience as a person. And then in that, you know, I surprised

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the shit out of it really did I, I didn't know I had it in me.

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And I, I carried myself Well, I made good choices, I made

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healthy choices. I I was helpful to people that that were really

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struggling through that time, I was supportive, the people that

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needed help, and you know, I was there with him. And if I was

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drinking, I wouldn't have been would have been, you know, a

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friend said to me, she's like, you know, if you were drinking,

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you would be in a bar right? Now, looking for sympathy from

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others. Exactly. playing the victim, playing the victim

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making this of you. And, and I didn't, I didn't do that. And

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that was so powerful. And that's so that's what I mean when when

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they say no magic, no, no magic, no peace without knowing himself

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first, and no man to know himself until he goes to war

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with themselves. And that's the such a proof that statement. You

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know, I'd had these little wars. And then I didn't know my

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ability, but I proved without knowing I proved him, like, just

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the results of that situation. Prove to me that that what I was

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capable up. And yeah, what it also what it did was establish,

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man, if I can go to that I can go to anything. Really, yeah,

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really took away a lot of years, and prove to me, you know, what

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I'm capable of going through, you know? And that was after,

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you know, four and a half years of sobriety, you know, so like,

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I wasn't doing anything to call on, you know, that was, that was

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me, living my best life. You know, me working really hard. So

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bad things don't always happen to bad people. You know, like, I

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used to think that all my chaos in my life was caused by my bad

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actions. But even when I'm doing good and good things, hard

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things happen. That's just part of life. And we really have to

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just remember that, that it's not our fault, then that that's

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just that's what life looks like sometimes, and we just have to

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accept it. You know, and yeah, and, and sometimes out of out of

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the chaos or or the, the hardship. There's, there's,

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there's good days and there's sunlight and there's rainbows

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and lessons and life lessons and gifts, you know, It's not all,

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you might not be able to see it at the moment. But, you know,

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hindsight will definitely show it to you. You know, there's

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that saying, you know, we can't rarely do we see the trees when

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we're in the forest, you know? And it's hard, right? There's

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too close,

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but you give yourself some distance and you can, you can,

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you know, find whatever it is you need to learn and grow from.

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So, yeah, it sometimes it's it's learning how to what you're

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capable, what triggers you're capable of going through. And

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when you overcome those triggers, it just establishes

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your true inner strength. And then that's more of a energize

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energizing power to me nowadays is I know what I'm capable of

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going through. I know, my, my inner self. I know my strengths.

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I know my weaknesses. And I'm aware of them and I build builds

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confidence. And, yeah, it. Yeah, it's it's tricky, though. And it

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takes time and it takes effort. And, you know, someone that I

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listened to says, Well, you know, why not do some? Why not

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try? You're here anyways, what else? What do you have to lose?

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You

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know, like, and that's the silver, I can't do it. Like, how

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many times do we say that to myself, you know, ourselves is I

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don't, I just don't think it's possible. Well, not, why not

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give it a shot? It's what else you doing? You got something

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better? Give it a shot, you know, what's the worst that can

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happen? You know, fairly, well get up and dust yourself off and

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get back at it, you know, even adjust something to you know,

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try to figure out what you what didn't work out and adjust

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something and try to get and if you know, if you know, the

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definition of a winner is someone that doesn't let losing

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stop them. So that that's, you know, do you have the tenacity

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to keep getting up? Or are you know, a one and done? I tried it

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didn't work out for me. life's gonna that's a sad existence.

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You're missing out on everything that didn't work out the first

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time. You know, it's there's so much more to life. I didn't

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know. I'm, I'm stubborn. But I'll keep kicking at a door

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until I can get in, you know, sometimes to a fault, sometimes

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to a fault. A, there's times where I definitely should have

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just pulled back to that. It definitely isn't for me, I got

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to quit beating a dead horse and focus somewhere else being over

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the times the greatest, the great teacher, right, you know?

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Yeah, it kind of shows you everything. You just have to be

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patient to see it. Yeah.

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Yeah, it takes a lot of patience and believe and being willing to

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cut through limiting beliefs. Like you said, I can't do this,

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or, oh, I failed. So I'm a failure. I'm gonna make it about

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me now. And I'm a victim, to to cut through those thought

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patterns is so so hard. But you're the prime example. To say

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that it's possible even in the worst circumstances, I mean, to

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lose a child is the worst thing that a person can go through. I

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feel on this planet Earth. You had the strength to be there for

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yourself to not let yourself down and to be there for your

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son, and your family. Wow, like, I had goosebumps all over here

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for 10 minutes. I had no idea you had to go through this. And

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that's

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Yeah, it was it was. It was it was tough. And it's still tough

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at times. And it's sometimes it's like I could I've only been

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able to start talking about it, you know, the last couple

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months, usually, you know, I get choked up and I can't even I

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just can't even talk. You know, and I couldn't even say his name

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for a while. But you know, it's a careful kind of walking in

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bash, that I'm capable of doing this or that, you know, Like I

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have a higher power, you know, that was part of my, you know,

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what I learned in my recovery is that there's something out there

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in the universe that, that loves me and wants good for me. And so

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that's where I, I return When, when, when I have struggles, and

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that's where I also have to give a lot of credit for my strength.

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It's not self generated. I was actually, you know, I was

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surprised as everybody else how well I handled that situation.

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And I just turned it over to my higher priority not through

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that, through my praying through my meditation, he provided the

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strength that I needed at that time. And, and what it does is

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it creates a safe area, almost an IP of protection. And, you

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know, I it's very, psychologically it's, it's, it's

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almost, kind of childlike or like or ignorance. You know,

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like, I read, like I said, I read a lot of philosophy, and

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they they really struggle, like, a lot of the great thinkers

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really have a hard time with, with the idea of a god or higher

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power or energy that is caring and needed. They a lot of those

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things, are they, the intellect tells you? No, it's just not

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logically. So it's not it doesn't allow for that. And that

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that's a cold, scary thought. For me. It's, it's a hard thing

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to wrap around my, you know, for myself, I, I, I don't believe

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that personally, but I am what I would believe, you know, have

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that, that that idea. And so my dad is my duality is because of

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a very logical, rational person, but I also have some

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spirituality to me. And they don't they, they they really

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don't work together. What is the best way I can explain it is

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what is experience? And the other is my brain, my logic, my

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rational ideas. And, and I have I use both. And so it's, it's,

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like I said, it's, it's a duality of myself, I understand

Unknown: 00:27:39

that I accept that about myself, is that part of me, wants to

Unknown: 00:27:44

rationalize everything. And part of me with CAD and has the

Unknown: 00:27:49

ability to accept things I don't understand, or doesn't make

Unknown: 00:27:52

sense to me. And I can just accept it as is. Leave it alone.

Unknown: 00:27:58

I don't have to break myself on things, ideas, or questions that

Unknown: 00:28:04

I can't figure out or get an answer to. And I don't have to

Unknown: 00:28:08

smash myself on rocks like that. I can just let it go. And just

Unknown: 00:28:13

accept that that's something that I don't understand right

Unknown: 00:28:16

now, or in the future or ever. And I just move on to what I do

Unknown: 00:28:22

and where I do excel in where where what I can and can't do.

Unknown: 00:28:26

So it's it's a it's tricky, but it's it's a growing experience.

Unknown: 00:28:32

You know, and I, I didn't understand that five years ago.

Unknown: 00:28:35

I didn't understand that 10 years ago, but today, I

Unknown: 00:28:39

definitely have that as a self knowledge. It's through that

Unknown: 00:28:43

word that I've fought with myself.

Unknown: 00:28:46

Yeah. No, I feel like this was so critical to talk about it

Unknown: 00:28:53

because I hear we talk about addiction and and how people are

Unknown: 00:28:59

suffering. And then on the other side, we see people who went

Unknown: 00:29:02

through the 12 step program, for instance, and are doing awesome

Unknown: 00:29:06

now. But what is happening in between, as is so important to

Unknown: 00:29:12

talk about because it seems so far away and so hard to get

Unknown: 00:29:17

there. For the people who are still suffering and what you

Unknown: 00:29:21

share today, I mean, what you had to go through, you share

Unknown: 00:29:26

that it is possible and you share that we have to learn to

Unknown: 00:29:31

see that life is suffering, life can be pretty awesome and

Unknown: 00:29:34

rainbows and sunshine, but the whole experience is suffering

Unknown: 00:29:40

and then feeling better again and just walking through the

Unknown: 00:29:44

painful experiences and not make it like paint the picture all

Unknown: 00:29:50

dark darkness as part of it. But it's not all dark and to accept

Unknown: 00:29:56

both sides. And like you said here at the end that The

Unknown: 00:30:00

rational side is very important for us to get things done. But

Unknown: 00:30:04

the spiritual side, the side that is open for for magic and

Unknown: 00:30:10

wonders is just as important and you have to balance it out and

Unknown: 00:30:15

accept both. Yeah, thank you so much for listening to this

Unknown: 00:30:22

interview here with James Olsen. Feel free to reach out to us if

Unknown: 00:30:26

you have any questions on Facebook, take really good care

Unknown: 00:30:32

of yourself. And we will be out there soon again for you.