ep. 20 Humble warrior interview w/ Ryan Matthew

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Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your host Aurora. And I'm very excited to

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have Ryan, Matthew with me today. He is a healer, a healer

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of some sort, like I follow him on Facebook, I read his posts,

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and he's not the kind of healer who's going to pamper you who's

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going to make you feel good all the time. He's the kind of

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healer who shakes you and wakes you up and makes you aware of

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your bs that you're living and wants you to break free from

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victim mentality and playing small. He is a hell of a person,

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I can tell already, we only had a 15 minute talk here last week.

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But I'm very excited to be collaborating with Ryan, and to

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have a conversation today a conversation about masculine,

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feminine, about being a complex human being, and not only one

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sided, and narrow minded. Welcome to the show, Ryan,

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Matthew, thank you so much for making the time. And thank you

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so much for inviting us a little bit into your world, and how you

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approach healing, and all the content you put out there, we

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want to know everything about you.

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Well, thank you for that awesome introduction, that was

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incredible. I really appreciate the work that you're doing as

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well. And I love what we're able to do as humans and how dynamic

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we can be and all the very different ways we can help each

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other heal. And I love what you said about me not being able, or

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me not being afraid of pointing out the Bs, I think there's a

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way to do that sometimes you kind of have to circle around it

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a little bit and create some awareness and allow the person

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to see it themselves. And sometimes I think it's

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beneficial to, you know, speak to it very directly. And I think

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that's kind of what you want to talk about today is that, that

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balance of things like we're not I'm not just going to go at

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everything very direct very hard all the time, it's about

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creating an awareness of the situation, seeing what the

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situation needs, and then responding appropriately, you

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know, so I love that. So some of the some of the things that are

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going on in my life right now. So I install currently install

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lightning protection systems on commercial buildings,

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skyscrapers, things like that, across the northeast of the

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United States. I am writing a chapter for a book called The

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Divine union. It's wisdom from leaders who honor the divine

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masculine and feminine. I have a music project called full shine,

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it's fo l shine because we're just a couple fools but we're

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still shining, we're having fun. And and then I'm also a couple

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months away from getting my coaching certification from

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AIPAC, which is the Institute for professional excellence in

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coaching. And I'll be starting that business at some point as

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well. And it's really all all of it is really centered on

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creating space for people supporting people while they do

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their own healing, you know, I i'm not i don't think that I'm

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better than anyone or above anyone or I need to help anyone.

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Everybody needs to help themselves, right? And so that's

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what it's about is creating a safe container where people feel

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like they can do that without fear. Without you know, well

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just the fear in general but fear of judgments fear,

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criticisms, fear of other people's fear. And so I feel

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like you know, my mission right now is to help create that

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space. stand firmly in the middle, create unity. And you

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know, stand for truth stand first back stand for

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sovereignty.

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Hmm, this is sweet music in my ears. And I love Yeah, like I

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said earlier, how complex you approach living and how you

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approach healing from all different kinds of angles like

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music is so healing and creating a safe space is so healing and

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then receiving advice from you as healing but also having the

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space to realize on like at your own time, where you want to heal

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and grow. And I feel one thing that we really have in common

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too is that we notice the gap between the feminine and the

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masculine and how we want to unite again And how was it? on

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your journey? my listeners know quite well, why I'm doing what

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I'm doing. But how, what was it for you like, what did you have

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to go through in order to want to heal this in society?

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Well, I had to go through it in myself first, right? So

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everything that every every issue that we see in the world

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today is inside of us somewhere. And I realized when I went

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through my divorce, that my part of the divorce and my

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relationship ending was that I didn't have a healthy

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relationship with my own feminine energy. I could not

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hold space for my ex wife, when she was in turmoil, when she was

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going through something emotionally, I couldn't hold

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space for her, because I couldn't hold space for myself.

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And so ultimately, what we're talking about is the divine,

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like the divine union that we're talking about that needs to

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happen in society, so that society can come together, and

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its wholeness as a collective needs to happen in us first,

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we're not going to be able to unite anyone if we're divided

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within ourselves, right. And so that's really why I'm so

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passionate about people taking responsibility is because I know

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that I, I can't change anybody, the only thing I can do is

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change myself. And when I do so, so over the last three years,

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there's been a ton of stuff, and we can dive into it more, I'm

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sure. But over the last three years, my world, what I see in

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the world has changed completely. I mean, I am a

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totally different person than I was today. And so the world

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around me looks completely different. Because we see the

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world as we are not as you know, what we believe the world to be

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so. So it really just starts by, you know, one thing that was so

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powerful for me was, I think it was Byron, Katie, she said

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something like, whenever I judge someone else, I turn it back on

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myself. And so if I'm criticizing someone else, I say,

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do I do that? Like ever? Do I ever do when I'm criticizing

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this person for maybe not in this very particular situation

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that I'm witnessing in front of me right now. But, you know, say

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somebody is being very selfish. And you're saying, am I ever

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selfish? And if you really look at it, and you are really honest

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with yourself, everybody's selfish at some point, right?

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And so it creates this space of like, I'm selfish. Why am I

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selfish? So maybe why is that person being selfish in this

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moment, it allows you to have empathy for people, you know,

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when you're able to put it back on yourself, and you say, you

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know, okay, everything that I'm experiencing, right, or

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everything they're experiencing right now, I also experience

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Well, now you just realize that we're all the same, we're all

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dealing with the same stuff. The problem is, is that we don't

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admit it to ourselves, you know, we, and we stay in our shadow

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about it. And and when we don't admit things to ourself, there's

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I mean, that's the gateway to everything right? That they say

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that with addiction. First, you have to admit that you're

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addicted to something. It's the same thing, like healing our

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traumas and saying, you know, okay, I have an abandonment

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wound. How do I address this, if you if you're not admitting that

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you have an abandonment wound, and I have had one, believe me,

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I probably still do and still buried in there somewhere. But

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if you're not admitting that to yourself, you can never really

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start to work on it, because you're just in denial. And so

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I'm very passionate about every individual taking responsibility

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for themselves so that we as a collective can take

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responsibility together. And that, you know, if that happens,

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if every person takes responsibility, and we come

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together as a united collective, there is no limit to what we

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could do to change this world. You know,

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yes, yes. Oh, this makes so much sense. And what I'm learning

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while I'm listening to you right now is that when we are in

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denial of our shadows, it also gives us a false sense of power,

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right? We look at the other person and say he or she is

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being selfish, because I'm never selfish that she is being

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selfish and now I'm gonna make her feel bad about it. I will

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guilt trip, I will punish. And all we're doing is punishing

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ourselves but we think we're doing it to the other person,

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and not knowing that we're poisoning our own environment

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like our head, our body Everything in in not seeing

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where we still can grow. And it's it's really tough. You

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know, like, you can probably agree that when you start

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started out on this journey, you were like holy shit, like I was

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responsible for all this all the time and I blamed it on somebody

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else, oh, I'm such a horrible person like that Not drift into

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self hate and regret and, and you know to numb this out with

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alcohol or drugs now like it's it's such a courageous path to

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be on and people have to know that waking up and realizing

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things is not always nice it's tough but it is so worth to walk

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that path and to be lonely for a certain time. How about

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loneliness? Do you feel loneliness at times when you

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when you started out on that path? Or still to this day, and

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the importance of alone time and allowing to feel lonely?

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Yeah, so I can't say I really experienced loneliness any more.

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But I definitely did when I started this, when basically

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when I cracked open and when I decided that I didn't know

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everything. And I was willing to learn from other people who had

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more experience than me who had done more work than me. And put

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put aside my dogmatic thinking, you know, because I think we all

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kind of get conditioned by the world. And then we're like,

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Okay, this is how the world is, I'm right, everybody else is

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wrong, right? This is an unhealthy growing of the ego.

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And so then we have all these unhealthy egos, which are really

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just a bunch of hurt children running around hurting

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everybody. And, and so when I put that aside, and I said, You

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know what? I am one person out of what, 7.8 billion people on

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the planet right now, how arrogant is it of me to think

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that I have it all figured out, and that everybody else is

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wrong. And there is a wealth of knowledge in every single

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person, right? We all go through life so differently, we've all

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been brought up through so many different experiences and

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cultures and all this stuff. And so when we allow ourselves to be

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open to different ideas, different perceptions, different

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ways of doing things. It's not saying that everybody else has

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it figured out either. So there's a matter of trust that

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needs to be built between your own intuition and yourself. But

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when we allow ourselves to be open, you know, I went to some

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retreats, I hired a coach, I invested in myself, right, I

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spent a lot of money on this. So over the last three years, but

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ultimately, it was because I was so miserable, with thinking that

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I was right, and everybody was wrong. That's where the real

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loneliness came in was I had separated myself from everyone,

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because my ego was like, No, this is the right way. Right?

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And, and it was so lonely there. And, and basically, all that I

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had was were superficial attachments to people that

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really had no depth at all. And so when I allowed myself to open

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up and start to connect with different people, and a lot of

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amazing, unconditionally loving people held so much beautiful

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space for me, and allowed me to play around with childlike

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innocence in all these new realms of things that I was

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exploring. And they were like, yeah, you're doing great, and I

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was like, a freaking mess, you know, but they weren't judging

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me. And that was so important. And so you feel that from

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certain people. And, and that just helped me to keep going,

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you know, and then these people, you know, as you start to shift

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out of this dogmatic way of thinking, right, you're

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separating from other people that may agree with you. And

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they're very firm in their beliefs, and they're very stuck

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in their dogma, you start breaking away from those people,

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and that scares them. And so they kind of try to like claw

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back at you. And then you learn to set healthy boundaries for

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yourself, and like, no, my time and energy is worth it, and I

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deserve to be respected. And so you start to set healthy

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boundaries, you start to see people fall away when you do

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that. And so there was a period of loneliness, you know, before

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I started this work, and then and that was the worst of it.

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And then also after I got into it, because people from what I

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call my old life, because it's so foreign to me now people from

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my old life started to fall away. And there was a time where

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there really wasn't a whole lot of people on the other side that

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were in my life, and so for Little while I felt very

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unsupported. I felt like the support that was coming my way

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was just another form of dogma. And they were like, We love and

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support you. But, you know, you basically have to believe what

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we believe, which was basically what I came from right. And so,

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but then, through the work, and through speaking my truth and

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sharing my story, you start to

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people that resonate with that start to come into your life.

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And I have two, dear, dear friends that came into my life.

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And I haven't even met them in person yet, which is the funny

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part, we met over zoom, we still communicate over zoom and over

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the phone, but I consider them to be two of my best friends.

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They're just unconditionally loving, non judgmental. We

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challenge each other all the time, we don't have

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conversations about superficial stuff. I mean, it's all deep, I

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get on the phone with my buddy, Jim. And it's like, Hey, man,

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how you doing? And he's like, I'm good. I feel like what's

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going on in the world right now. I mean, we just jumped right in

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some really deep topic. And so those are the relationships

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where when you're accessing a depth in your communication with

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each other, and the conversations that you're having

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the conversations that we're having right now, that is like,

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that's where we actually all want to be, I feel like is that

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depth, like, we are so dynamic as human beings, and we've lost

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that. And so you start to feel that again, and it is like, the

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warmest sensation out there. And, and what there is a period

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of loneliness that I feel like is inevitable, and anybody that

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I've talked to, that's done this work will say the same thing.

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Loneliness is part of it. And I've had to face that wound of

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not wanting to be alone, you know, because, because I had to,

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I had to be alone for a little while. And and, you know, I

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would go back to the people from my old life, seeking their

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approval, things like that, because I didn't want to be

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alone. And then I eventually had to be honest with myself about

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that, too, and say, why am I seeking approval from people

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that I've really don't agree with in any capacity anymore? I

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love them. And you know, I cherish their freedom to think

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what they think but it really doesn't resonate with me

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anymore. Why am I still seeking their approval? Well, because I

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didn't want to be alone. And so that was a wound that I had to

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heal, and now I'll be alone all the time. And I still don't feel

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lonely, I still feel so connected to everything. I mean,

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I just spent four days and four nights out in the woods with no

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food and no water and Native American ceremony. And I felt

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more connected to life than I've ever felt before. And so you

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know, but that all comes from healing those wounds But anyway,

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I'm kind of getting off on a rant here or a tangent there

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there is loneliness that has to be faced and I have absolutely

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faced that for sure.

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Yeah, yeah. Wow, that is so beautiful. Like especially when

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you talk about your last four days It sounds like you are able

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to source love and energy from nature and from the good people

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that are around you and food is our primary like thing to

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restore our energy but for some reason you you manage to tap in

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a different into a different like, I don't know dimension How

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do you call this? Where you were you fill your your energy tank

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off? Or in with with nature is that Did I get that right? No

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water and no food for four days?

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Yeah, so so the ceremony is four days and four nights long. I

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came down after three days and three nights, because I felt

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called to come down off the hill. But yeah, no food, water

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for four days, four nights, you're sitting in a little six

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foot by eight foot rectangle. And, you know, part of what I

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experienced out there was you know, I'm looking at all these

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ants crawling on the ground around me, you know, I don't

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have a bed or anything, you're just sleeping on the ground and.

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And I'm looking at all these ants. And these birds up in the

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trees and all these little creatures, right? And I'm

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watching these ants just go back and forth between wherever they

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were coming from back to their home, with these little twigs in

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their mouth, or leaves in their mouth or, you know, another dead

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end in their mouth or whatever. And I'm like, these ants are

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just like me, they're fulfilling their purpose. They're just

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doing their thing. They're surviving. They're building a

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home, they're eating. I was like, and they have everything

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they need, right on the ground right in front of them, the

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leaves, the twigs, whatever they need for their home. It's right

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there and there's a huge colony of ants. That's thriving.

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Underground somewhere, I don't know where they're home,

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actually. But, you know, and so I realized that the same is for

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us. And something that was in the Bible came back to me. I

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think Jesus said, you know, it's the birds of the trees and the

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insects of the forests. You know, the smallest creatures

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that are in existence are important enough to God to have

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their needs met, what makes you think your needs aren't going to

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be met. And that came back to me in a different way after this

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experience of, if I'm doing what I feel like I'm supposed to be

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doing healing myself, supporting others, while they do their own

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healing, living into the purpose of why I feel like I'm here, all

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my needs will always be met. And so I got an immense amount of

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peace after that experience of, Okay, I'm on my path, I'm not

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worried about anything. And I mean, I've just been in a flow

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state for, you know, a couple months now. But it's, it really

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is very powerful. And so when we can see that, you know, a big

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problem in our society today is people are not living their

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purpose, people are feeling unfulfilled, they're feeling

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like their lives don't matter. And that comes from a place

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inside of not feeling whole, not feeling loved, not feeling

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important for like, they're, they have anything to

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contribute. And all that stems from, you know, the way we were

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raised our conditioning, all that stuff, and so, but when we

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do this work, and we heal inside and we become whole, we live

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life so much lighter, it's it's like, you just go through life,

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knowing that everything is going to be provided for you. Even

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even the bad, you know, what we would judge as bad experiences,

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right? Even that is for us. I mean, I broke my ankle. This is

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this is kind of one of the catalystic events that happened

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for me recently is I broke my ankle at work. And it was like

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the dumbest thing like I was just like, stepping over this

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little fence, and my foot got caught and I snapped my ankle.

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And, you know, for about 15 minutes, I was laying on the

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ground in agonizing pain, causing way more pain on top of

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it by thinking about Oh shit, how am I going to pay my bills,

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I know this is gonna put me out of work for a few months, all

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these other anxieties came in and layered on top. And then I

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remembered what Dr. David Hawkins said in his book, one of

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his books, he has a lot that I read. But one of his books, he

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said, when you focus when you bring all your attention to the

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pain, it eventually runs out. And so I did that with my ankle,

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and the pain ran out after about 10 or 15 minutes, and I was able

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to get to a place of peace where I said, Okay, what opportunities

Unknown: 00:23:03

are going to be opened up because of this. And my boss

Unknown: 00:23:07

called me like five or 10 minutes later and was like, Hey,

Unknown: 00:23:10

we don't want to put this through workman's comp. I just

Unknown: 00:23:12

want to pay you your full salary. And we'll cover all your

Unknown: 00:23:15

medical bills for however long that you're out. And I was like,

Unknown: 00:23:19

okay, that's amazing. So there goes, all my needs being

Unknown: 00:23:23

provided for right. What I didn't know at the time was that

Unknown: 00:23:27

was going to lead into

Unknown: 00:23:31

the darkest, darkest depths of my shadow that I could have ever

Unknown: 00:23:36

experienced. I mean, I worked full time, you know, 6070 hours

Unknown: 00:23:40

a week, I was going through coaching school, I was building

Unknown: 00:23:43

an HR program for the company that I work for now, before I

Unknown: 00:23:47

broke my ankle. And so I went from doing things 90 hours a

Unknown: 00:23:51

week to sitting on my couch or the leg cast on not really being

Unknown: 00:23:55

able to to anything, and I was in a very toxic relationship at

Unknown: 00:23:59

the time. That relationship ended up ending. I fell down my

Unknown: 00:24:04

stairs on my crutches, I broke my leg cast, I put a giant hole

Unknown: 00:24:07

in the wall at the bottom of my staircase. And, and that was

Unknown: 00:24:12

when that was when I broke open. So I'd cracked open before that

Unknown: 00:24:16

right I started introducing these things and try on new

Unknown: 00:24:19

concepts and learning. That was when I had the biggest release

Unknown: 00:24:23

of energy out of my body that I've ever had grief rage. I

Unknown: 00:24:27

mean, I sat at the bottom of my stairs and I cried for hours and

Unknown: 00:24:31

later that week, I raged for hours in my living room, I

Unknown: 00:24:34

screaming at the top of my lungs, flailing my arms, I

Unknown: 00:24:37

probably looked like a lunatic. If you had walked in on me, you

Unknown: 00:24:40

would have wanted to run the hell out of there. But that it

Unknown: 00:24:44

was all that stuff that was locked up in my emotional body.

Unknown: 00:24:48

And it wasn't just from my ankle. It wasn't just from

Unknown: 00:24:52

falling down the stairs. It wasn't just from my relationship

Unknown: 00:24:55

ending. It was those old wounds those generational patterns

Unknown: 00:25:00

conditioning of my life and the lives of my parents and their

Unknown: 00:25:04

parents that was coming through and so it was so much pain you

Unknown: 00:25:08

know you cry when a relationship ends it's hard this was so

Unknown: 00:25:13

different for me it was like I was crying because of all the

Unknown: 00:25:17

relationships my mom went through that ended that caused

Unknown: 00:25:21

her to be in such pain that she couldn't show up the way that

Unknown: 00:25:23

she was supposed to show up for us when she was raising us as

Unknown: 00:25:26

children's and so it led to this whole other cycle of pain for me

Unknown: 00:25:31

that I had to work through and then I became angry at the world

Unknown: 00:25:35

you know, I think we're all angry at the world to a certain

Unknown: 00:25:38

degree because of our conditioning but I had gone into

Unknown: 00:25:40

that rage I went in there with all of my attention and I and

Unknown: 00:25:44

that's what made me so passionate about doing this work

Unknown: 00:25:47

and becoming a healer and supporting people while they do

Unknown: 00:25:50

their healing is because all that pain that I felt in that

Unknown: 00:25:54

moment at the bottom of my staircase when I was raging on

Unknown: 00:25:57

my couch in my living room all of that stemmed from other

Unknown: 00:26:01

people not doing their work and hurting everybody else because

Unknown: 00:26:05

of it and and I'm not angry at those people at all I'm not

Unknown: 00:26:10

saying that but what I am saying is that when we do our work we

Unknown: 00:26:19

we can cure generational curses we can you know you can call

Unknown: 00:26:25

them whatever you want but there's a timeline things that

Unknown: 00:26:30

happened right and and you know, my mother was very hurt by her

Unknown: 00:26:35

mother I was very hurt by my mother and if I don't address

Unknown: 00:26:39

that I'm going to hurt my children as well when I go into

Unknown: 00:26:43

those wounds and I release that rage and that grief First of

Unknown: 00:26:47

all, I mean my body feels better than it ever has because all

Unknown: 00:26:50

that junk is out of there but second of all I'm able to look

Unknown: 00:26:54

at people with compassion and say wow, she is really treating

Unknown: 00:26:59

her child like crap right now and I feel so sorry for her

Unknown: 00:27:04

instead of getting angry again stepping in you know I mean

Unknown: 00:27:09

sometimes you have to step in if there's abuse but you know being

Unknown: 00:27:12

angry judging that person now you're just adding to the pain

Unknown: 00:27:16

that they're putting out into the world instead of having

Unknown: 00:27:18

compassion for somebody and so we're able to get into that

Unknown: 00:27:23

compassionate place that heart centered empathetic place when

Unknown: 00:27:27

we look at the wounds that we have in our own lives and and

Unknown: 00:27:32

were able to heal stuff that would have just continued

Unknown: 00:27:36

forever right like another little child as a 30 year old

Unknown: 00:27:40

man hurting somebody else because he hasn't dealt with his

Unknown: 00:27:42

stuff and I feel like I again I kind of went on a tangent here I

Unknown: 00:27:49

don't even remember what your original question was but I'm

Unknown: 00:27:51

not sure if it matters

Unknown: 00:27:54

so that's that's what made me so passionate about doing this

Unknown: 00:27:57

healing was going into those dark dark places and then seeing

Unknown: 00:28:00

what life looks like on the other side walking a little tall

Unknown: 00:28:05

you know feeling a little lighter feeling like I can hold

Unknown: 00:28:09

so much more and I don't feel like a victim and I don't feel

Unknown: 00:28:12

like you know the world is out to get me or against me I feel

Unknown: 00:28:17

like everything in the world is happening for me and I've been

Unknown: 00:28:19

shown that so many times in my life that and I want everybody

Unknown: 00:28:25

to feel that you know even the bat even a broken ankles even

Unknown: 00:28:29

the ended relationships even the holes in your drywall you know

Unknown: 00:28:33

it's all happening for us and yeah that's why I'm here is help

Unknown: 00:28:40

people find that you know,

Unknown: 00:28:42

oh man that's so powerful and I listened to you and then I

Unknown: 00:28:47

started thinking now like how can I because I feel that build

Unknown: 00:28:50

up inside of me I can feel the pain from my mom and my grandpa

Unknown: 00:28:55

and my dad and grandma. I feel I want to explode and get rid of

Unknown: 00:29:03

all that pain but how can I do it without breaking my ankle?

Unknown: 00:29:06

That's my question right now. Well I need to roll my ankle

Unknown: 00:29:12

class but but yeah, you describe it so vividly and I can see it

Unknown: 00:29:18

you're breaking a vicious cycles. So to say an emotional,

Unknown: 00:29:23

vicious cycle and you were able to break out because you choose

Unknown: 00:29:27

to not see yourself as a victim. You choose to see this as an

Unknown: 00:29:31

opportunity to create your own sense of masculinity and

Unknown: 00:29:37

femininity and I'm so excited right now you can see it all on

Unknown: 00:29:43

the wire. Love it. And I want to ask you like the time is

Unknown: 00:29:48

running, but I feel we need to meet up again. I want to ask

Unknown: 00:29:53

you, you went through all this and you were able to release

Unknown: 00:29:58

this pain years. sense of masculinity must have changed

Unknown: 00:30:05

like when you look at yourself when you first got engaged or or

Unknown: 00:30:10

married your your ex wife and now you look at at Ryan today

Unknown: 00:30:17

like the shift that you have done and and how would you

Unknown: 00:30:22

describe that feeling and how do you observe the interaction with

Unknown: 00:30:28

women like how it changed from back then to now How has your

Unknown: 00:30:33

relation changed with women ever since?

Unknown: 00:30:40

Yeah so back then I was very emasculated. I don't even know

Unknown: 00:30:45

if I want to call myself masculine at that point,

Unknown: 00:30:47

masculine shadow for sure. But it was very, I was very much a

Unknown: 00:30:53

people pleaser, I've always been a good provider. I've you know,

Unknown: 00:30:57

financially, security, things like that, that's always come

Unknown: 00:31:01

naturally to me. But as far as being able to hold space for

Unknown: 00:31:05

women, I was terrible at that, because I couldn't manage my own

Unknown: 00:31:09

emotions, right. And, and I was very much a people pleaser, like

Unknown: 00:31:13

I said, I had an abandonment wound, I didn't want people to

Unknown: 00:31:16

leave, I became a doormat, in certain situations, where women

Unknown: 00:31:20

just kind of walked all over me, I was very irritated, very angry

Unknown: 00:31:24

all the time, there was a subtle layer of frustration that I

Unknown: 00:31:27

lived with for so long before that, before all this stuff

Unknown: 00:31:31

happened. And, you know, it would it would come to a head

Unknown: 00:31:35

very often and you know, I'd be working on you know, I had a

Unknown: 00:31:38

landscaping business for a while I'd be working on a lawn mower

Unknown: 00:31:40

or something, and I something wouldn't go my way. And I

Unknown: 00:31:42

chucked my wrench across the wall, you know, we see this all

Unknown: 00:31:45

the time with men, they're just throwing things. I mean, this

Unknown: 00:31:48

was me, you know, this was me. And, and that anger, I mean, oh,

Unknown: 00:31:54

you're just angry at everything. And, and there are plenty of

Unknown: 00:31:58

things that that kind of, we need to be angry about in the in

Unknown: 00:32:02

the world today. But that subtle layer of anger was really just

Unknown: 00:32:06

covering up all the hurt that was inside of me from my mother

Unknown: 00:32:09

controlling me when I was younger, for my parents, not

Unknown: 00:32:14

accepting me for who I was, and trying to get me to fit into

Unknown: 00:32:18

this box of who they thought I should be. And, you know, always

Unknown: 00:32:22

saying, oh, Ryan, that's so great. But you could do it

Unknown: 00:32:25

better this way next time or something, you know, and that

Unknown: 00:32:28

really develops this whole thing of, well, I'm not good enough.

Unknown: 00:32:31

Because I, it's great, but it could be better, right? And so

Unknown: 00:32:36

when I work through all that stuff, it's, you know, when you

Unknown: 00:32:39

think you're not good enough, you have no confidence, who the

Unknown: 00:32:42

hell would when they're thinking that. And when I realized that I

Unknown: 00:32:46

was enough, just as I am, and every flaw and positive thing

Unknown: 00:32:51

all thrown in there I am everything right? I'm still

Unknown: 00:32:54

insecure, I still work through wounds every day. And so I'm not

Unknown: 00:33:00

going to deny that. And I think that's the key is your own in

Unknown: 00:33:05

your shit. You're just saying, like, yeah, it wasn't really

Unknown: 00:33:08

fair that my parents did that for me. But it happened to me.

Unknown: 00:33:11

And it's my responsibility to deal with it now. And so I have

Unknown: 00:33:14

this very strong sense of confidence, knowing that I'm

Unknown: 00:33:17

strong enough to deal with that stuff now. And I'm definitely

Unknown: 00:33:23

not a doormat anymore. And I very much hold space for women.

Unknown: 00:33:27

And they feel that there's many women that reach out to me and

Unknown: 00:33:31

tell me their stories. Because they can feel that my energy is

Unknown: 00:33:35

pure, and that I don't want anything from them. I don't need

Unknown: 00:33:37

anything from them, I stand true. And myself, I have a good

Unknown: 00:33:40

balance in my own psyche, my own body of my masculine and

Unknown: 00:33:45

feminine polarities, and they are married inside of me. And

Unknown: 00:33:49

that's the thing is, we need to marry our own polarities inside

Unknown: 00:33:54

ourselves before we can ever marry with a divine feminine

Unknown: 00:33:59

woman, you know, who stands in her power, a man who isn't

Unknown: 00:34:03

married within himself is never gonna be able to maintain a

Unknown: 00:34:06

marriage with a woman who is firm and herself, he'll be

Unknown: 00:34:10

insecure as hell the whole time. Because he knows that

Unknown: 00:34:14

something's off. And so I'm very confident in myself now. And,

Unknown: 00:34:20

and women feel that and, and so it's a power that can very

Unknown: 00:34:25

easily be abused. And I'm aware of that. And I'm very keen to

Unknown: 00:34:30

recognize that it is a responsibility to live here, and

Unknown: 00:34:35

to hold space for women so that they, I mean, and I'll just be

Unknown: 00:34:39

honest, without women, I wouldn't be here right now,

Unknown: 00:34:41

standing in this energy embodying what I embody. I mean,

Unknown: 00:34:45

it is the women in my life that were hold within themselves that

Unknown: 00:34:48

nurtured everything that I was going through, you know, I

Unknown: 00:34:51

called my friend Sarah, at two o'clock in the morning when I

Unknown: 00:34:54

was needed to rage in my living room and she told me, Ryan, you

Unknown: 00:34:58

have to get yourself a rational let yourself feel your body it's

Unknown: 00:35:02

not your you know, get out of your head, you're not going to

Unknown: 00:35:04

rationalize any of this, just scream, just let yourself do it.

Unknown: 00:35:08

And without her support, I wouldn't have felt, you know,

Unknown: 00:35:11

work through that rage. And so

Unknown: 00:35:15

I forget where I was going with this. But yeah, I mean, the

Unknown: 00:35:21

marriage inside comes first. And then when you unite with other

Unknown: 00:35:25

divine masculine men, divine women, and you respect each

Unknown: 00:35:29

other sovereignty, I mean, it is just a beautiful, beautiful

Unknown: 00:35:32

place to live. It's it's harmonious. It is respectful is

Unknown: 00:35:37

love in the deepest form. And it's, it's magic, really. And

Unknown: 00:35:42

that's the difference between where I was before, and where I

Unknown: 00:35:45

was today, no magic, absolute magic, absolute passion, love

Unknown: 00:35:51

for life, love for everything, every experience, that's that's

Unknown: 00:35:55

a difference.

Unknown: 00:35:57

Oh, my goodness, that's, I love when you say like, the masculine

Unknown: 00:36:03

and feminine has to get married inside of you first. Because

Unknown: 00:36:09

otherwise, in the outside world, we see separation, and we act

Unknown: 00:36:16

separately from each other. And so deeply inspiring. Like, I

Unknown: 00:36:21

love the words that you use, and I love to really picture your

Unknown: 00:36:27

pain and everything you've gone through to see you now happy and

Unknown: 00:36:32

and, like, resolved so to say and standing your truth standing

Unknown: 00:36:39

your man and it's so incredibly attractive, like super magnetic.

Unknown: 00:36:46

And yeah, I've just feel so blessed to have met you and to

Unknown: 00:36:52

have you on my show. And now, incredible, thank you so much. I

Unknown: 00:37:00

will make sure to let people know how they can contact you as

Unknown: 00:37:04

a Facebook, that is the easiest.

Unknown: 00:37:08

Yeah, Facebook, I'm just on there. As Ryan, Matthew, I have

Unknown: 00:37:11

a couple other pages full shine as a page on Facebook, you can

Unknown: 00:37:15

search full shine on Spotify, or Apple Music or whatever and

Unknown: 00:37:18

check out our music. We have a new album coming out in the

Unknown: 00:37:20

fall. You know, and thank you for the work that you're doing.

Unknown: 00:37:24

You know, I really honor and respect to you. And you know,

Unknown: 00:37:28

what you're doing is very magnetic as well the

Unknown: 00:37:30

conversations that you're having with other men and women is

Unknown: 00:37:34

super inspiring. I've listened to a couple other episodes that

Unknown: 00:37:36

have been on here, very similar things to what we talked about

Unknown: 00:37:39

today. And this is very much in line with with that divine union

Unknown: 00:37:44

within ourselves. And I love the work that you're doing and I

Unknown: 00:37:46

really respect you.

Unknown: 00:37:48

Thank you so much. Yeah, make sure to check out Ryan Matthew

Unknown: 00:37:53

on Facebook, and full shine on Spotify, Spotify, or on

Unknown: 00:38:00

Facebook. This music is incredible. Like very, very good

Unknown: 00:38:05

for your heart and your soul. Yeah, that was it. Thanks for

Unknown: 00:38:12

listening. If you haven't yet, please subscribe. And if you

Unknown: 00:38:16

want to leave me a tap on the shoulder. Make sure to leave a

Unknown: 00:38:23

review on Apple podcast, it wouldn't mean the world to me.

Unknown: 00:38:27

Thank you so much for listening. Until next time, bye bye