EP.20 Embracing all emotions without judgement [self-acceptance]

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Oh hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your host Aurora, life coach and companion

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on this beautiful journey called life, I hope you feel good, I

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hope you feel good and your skin good mentally, I hope you feel

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good Emotionally, I hope you feel safe

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and expansive. And if you're having an off day, or if you're

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going through a rough patch, a rough phase in your life, I hope

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I can bring you value and comfort and make you feel less

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lonely. Today I want to talk about feeling and allowing,

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welcoming all your emotions. All too often I hear people say that

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they struggle with their emotions being you know, up and

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down swings and unpredictable and not pleasant. And that they

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wish that they could only have the good juicy feelings in their

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lives. And yeah, that inspired me to talk about it today.

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Because for the longest time, I also struggled with, you know,

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not allowing my emotions to come up and harshly judging them. And

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by judging your emotions, by not allowing them to come up by even

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suppressing them, you can create huge discomfort within yourself,

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even to a point that you become physically sick. So I'm not

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making any claims, you know, I'm not a doctor, I'm not a

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professional, all I want to do is to support your journey back

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home to yourself. But there is studies out there you can do

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your own research that say that when you are emotionally

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suppressed, when you live and resentful mode, a suppressed

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mode, then you are more likely to become sick. And I find that

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very beautiful that there's more and more research coming out and

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more people are becoming aware of how important it is to live

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an expressed life where you are not fearful of the feelings that

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you feel. Excuse me. So first, we want to distinguish between

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emotions that are you know, fully valid, and have to be

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there and have to be have to have a certain degree of

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attention. And then we want to distinguish or on the other

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side, reflect on emotions that are old wounds that still need

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to heal. And we can question them, we can acknowledge them,

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but then also not give too much importance to them and kind of,

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you know, taught turn the volume down on those kinds of emotions.

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But let's first dive in a little deeper on the emotions that are

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there and that want to be felt. Let's take an example of a guy

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who's attending a party and he knows that his ex girlfriend is

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going to be there with her new partner. And he still has

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feelings for her. He, you know, got over the relationship. But

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it is really hard for him to suppress the emotions of love

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and joy, that when he sees her, he literally wants to jump into

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her arms and just, you know, be present with her like it used to

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be back then this guy is going to attend that party now. And

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it's going to try to put our mask, try to suppress his

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feelings, try to not have her see him suppressing his

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feelings, and it's going to be a whole mess. Because he feels he

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has to suppress his feelings and he cannot allow them to be

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there. He's going to feel miserable, he's going to act

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weirdly behave in a way that is unusual to him. And it's just

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going to be an experience of extreme dissonance and non

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harmony. If on the other side, he would just admit to himself

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that he is a human being that he has feelings and that he totally

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accepts himself in that space with these feelings. He could be

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more himself, and he would certainly probably come across

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as less awkwardly because of not suppressing these feelings,

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right, he could see his ex and just smile and love and

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gratitude, and maybe walk over to her, maybe give her a hug if

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it's accepted and want it and consent for, and maybe even tell

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her, Hey, you know, this is, this is hard for me to see you.

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And at the same time, so incredibly happy to see you and

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to connect with you, maybe over a chat. And this way, he was

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able to allow, allow the feelings to be fully there, and

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even express them and it takes all that pressure and

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awkwardness out of the game. And he behaves in a natural way that

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is totally acceptable and not awkward at all. And he doesn't

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drive home with this feeling of, oh, this is not cool. And I

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feel, you know, slight constipation, or a slight

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overwhelm, because I have suppressed my feelings. So this

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is one example of where feelings come up that are, you know,

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good. But at the same time, we want to suppress them, because

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we don't want other people to see how we feel. And it usually

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always fires backwards, because emotions are meant to be

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expressed are meant to be there in a way that is healthy for us

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and others. And suppressing is never a solution at putting on a

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mask is never a solution because you're totally exhausting

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yourself. And it's just not fun for anybody involved in this way

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you can be transparent, you can be honest with yourself and the

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person with you. And you just create a healthy balance with

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the outside world and your beautiful inside world. Another

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example would be that you receive a message from a parent.

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And it is, you know, another post another link or YouTube

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video that is about a topic that deeply triggers you and that you

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don't want to hear about. And that person has the intention to

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you know, educate you support you protect you. But you are

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receiving this message, and you really don't like to relate to

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that person in this way. So, in short, you receive a message and

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it triggers you. You become fearful you become resentful,

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you become angry, you become really upset in that moment. And

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you choose to just delete that message and to cook or wash your

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clothing or to go on a walk. But you're not able to process these

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emotions because they are so intense, you feel so triggered.

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And it's just all so painful. So you're being sucked into that

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little rabbit hole of pain and misery. And you're having a hard

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time to get out of it again, you start maybe distracting

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yourself, or you start talking with people about this and

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blaming the other person for making you feel that way. And

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it's just a whole mess of blame and shame and pointing the

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finger at the other people. Because it was an outside

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trigger. Of course it is easy then to point the finger at

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other people outside of you, but the trigger is within you. The

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trigger the wound everything is within you because if it was a

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huge external triggers, and everybody would be running

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around screaming. But if you were to show this message to a

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friend, for instance, or your spouse and not see any reaction

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and they are just saying well, that's just another message.

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That's the proof that you could see that it is a wound with the

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new is a trigger that sets you off because there's something

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within you that needs healing. So in this case, all the emotion

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ones that come up, seem very valid to your mind and your ego

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because you truly feel this feelings. But your association

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with the trigger or better to say your association with this

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feeling is wrong. So you feel anger, you feel fear, and

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frustration because of an old trigger, but not because of

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something happening in front of you to really validate a

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reaction like this. It is your nervous system that is tied to

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an old story that reacts. And it is not you being confronted with

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a situation that can truly make you feel angry and upset, and

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frustrated. Please reach out if I'm not making sense here or if

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it is difficult to follow. And I will make sure to clarify. So

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the first example was a guy that is trying to suppress emotions

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that are there in the present moment, and probably also in the

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past, and probably also in the future. But he can learn to

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express these feelings instead of suppressing them. And maybe,

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yeah, he also feels triggered to some degree when he sees his ex.

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And the second example is a person who is triggered by an

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outside circumstance. And the trigger is so intense the

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feelings that are so real that the person thinks that it is

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absolutely valid to feel that way. But this person forgets

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that it is an old trigger an old wound that hasn't healed yet

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that allows these feelings to come up. So in this situation,

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then we would ask ourselves, wow, I'm feeling really angry

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and feeling extremely frustrated right now. By receiving that

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text message, what is it within myself that I still need to

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heal? Or I feel abandoned back then when I was six years old, I

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got abandoned by my dad. And it was very scary and fearful for

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me to go through. And now I'm receiving this message, and it

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brings up this old pain. And I'm frustrated and scared? Well, it

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has nothing to do with the message that you just received

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from your dad or from that parent. It has everything to do

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with you now having to heal that wound and finding out what is it

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that you need to nurture the child that was wounded back

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then.

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I know this is all a little bit complex.

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And again, I apologize if it is difficult to follow, I'm doing

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my best to make it making it very clear. So in that second

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scenario, your nervous system is reacting to something old. And

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in that moment, if you feel triggered, you need to find out

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what it is exactly, that you need to nurture yourself back

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into balance, to come back into a state of harmony and love, and

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peace. So yeah, those are the emotions that we usually don't

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want to fear, right? We don't want to feel emotions of trigger

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a fear of anxiety. We don't want anything to trigger us. But a

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life without trigger is never ever going to exist. What we can

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learn to do is to make sense of our emotions, and to really see

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if we are reacting from a place of deep wound itself from the

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past. Or if we are feeling these feelings and then express these

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feelings in a way that people want and can listen to us, for

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people to understand us and learn about us. And then when it

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is the scenario number two, to not blame the other person to

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make you feel that way but to take ownership over that. And if

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it is a person that deeply loves you and wants to understand you,

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you can tell them, hey, this message triggered an old wound

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that I'm trying to, you know own up to and why Look through, it

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is absolutely not your fault, but I'm still sensitive in that

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area. And this is how it makes me feel. I'm not blaming you,

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I'm not shaming you. I'm owning up to it. I'm trying to make

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sense of it, I'm healing this, and it is all good. So,

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regulating your own nervous system, making sense of your

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emotions, being emotionally attuned to other people, to your

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environment, but most especially to yourself, is a tool that will

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allow you to enjoy life, on such a deeper level will make you

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feel so much more connected to yourself, but also to the other

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people around you. And you will just feel more alive and more

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yourself because now you don't have to sit and shame, guilt and

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anger for all the feelings of you know, passion, sensuality,

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pleasure. Attraction. What else do we have? joy, anger,

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jealousy, right? The whole spectrum of feelings that we

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usually want to hide have in front of people to have that

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expressed, takes away the charge and the load. And we'll release

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intense, like tensions within your body and your soul. And it

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can free you and liberate you. Sorry, I just lost my thought

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here for a second because this huge, rainy clouds rolling into

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our beautiful valley here and it's just so awesome to watch

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nature, do her thing. All right, my love. I'm gonna leave you

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with that. As always, if there's any questions, if there's any

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feedback, don't hold back and I will be out there very soon

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again. And if you feel like engaging in a coaching session

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with me, a coaching journey, where I walk beside you, and

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support your past back home to your heart. I'd be more than

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honored to work with you and to have you in my beautiful yard.

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I'm very excited to having a physical location now where I

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can receive people and work with people together on their

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journey. All right, take really good care of yourself. And until

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next time, bye bye