Ep. 19 Stress is for free they say. Do you create your own stress ?

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Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your host Aurora life coach and companion on this

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beautiful journey called life. I hope you feel good, I hope you

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feel relaxed, I hope life is flowing nicely. I hope that you

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can feel good and comfortable in your skin and evidence is not

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the case, then I hope that I can bring you some value and help

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you you know, bring down that stress level of yours and and

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make you feel okay, a little bit. Yeah, more okay with where

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you're at if you don't like it right now. And create a space

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for you where you can relax and simply recharge your batteries.

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It is June 21. Summer Solstice. And, yeah, it's been quite the

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ride this year has been quite an interesting year for me. But

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yeah, I think we all we all have stuff to work through and

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situations that are being thrown at us that are not easy to deal

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with. And then there's other people who are thriving and very

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inspiring. So it's a constant change constant up and down. And

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today, I want to talk about the obstacles that we put in our own

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way. In which way do we stress not only each other out, but do

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we stress ourselves out. It is very interesting to observe and

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to be you know, a little detective when it comes to

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articles online. And I don't really have the source of where

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I heard this the other day, but it was not for me. It was

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somebody who had done the research that there is people

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out there. And he even said 50% of the people out there that's

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create stress for themselves, that is not necessary. And he

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said there they're going back to the childhood of the people that

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were the you know, addicted to the stress the stressors, so to

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say in society, and they found out that those people usually

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had a very tensed situations at home, it was you know, sometimes

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good, sometimes not so good, but overall, there was always a

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slight tension within the family. So, the nervous system

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of the child adapts to that tension and makes it normal. And

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a person that grows up and attends to household that learns

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that as specific tension in the nervous system is normal goes

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out into the world now unconsciously seeking this

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normal this behavior those situations, everything really

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that can get that nervous system into that state of how it was

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back then and the tensed dysregulated household will make

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this people these people feel normal and somewhat good, even

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though it is stress, even though it is not comfortable, they will

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find that it is familiar and what the brain always seeks and

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us as little habit animals will find comfort in great discomfort

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because that is what we learned at a young age. So a person like

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that will seem scattered all over the place. An organized as

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sometimes it is a mixture of a people pleaser. So people who

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keep see saying yes to projects to tasks to things that have to

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get done, because they also learned maybe at home that you

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have to be of service to others. So now if you have the

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combination of both a people pleaser and a person who feels

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at home when the nerve Our system is running crazy. What a

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bombastic combination of chemic chemicals do you then have? It's

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a very interesting one, I want to say, and maybe you can

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reflect about yourself right now. Or you can think of a

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person and maybe you thought of the person already, while I was

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saying this, because every second person struggles with

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being somewhat addicted to stress. I find that so, so crazy

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interesting. And they not only labeled it stress, they only

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they also label the drama. So people who label love and

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relationship as messy or love as dramatic or love as

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unpredictable. People will seek out these relationships and

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these people that match this belief system. Isn't that so

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fascinating? Right? Even though we can read books and study and

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go to coaching and go to psychotherapists and take a

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little pills, if we don't go all the way down to the root cause

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on how we were calibrated, how we were conditioned, when we

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were young, and what are normal is, we will not be able to

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change this. And we will keep running into problems because

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people are constantly burning out now after COVID More than

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ever, because we are out and about again. And there's not

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only the work, life balance that is making life difficult for

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people, but also the leisure time stress, that it's really a

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thing, leisure time stress, that people have so many positive

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activities scheduled in that sometimes it gets so much that

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it ends up being stressful. And that's totally fascinating with

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me. So if you didn't learn to have boundaries with yourself,

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boundary boundaries with others, you will keep running into

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problems, you will keep burning yourself out, you will not be

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able to keep your household clean and tidy, you will not be

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able to keep your body healthy and in some way tidy, because it

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will all feel like a to do. And it's just too much. Right when

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the two dues get too much. We usually throw out the window and

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Tennessee kindness self care. And it's it's crazy how how it

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can change the character of a person to a point that you

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really cannot recognize them anymore. So all this to say is I

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invite you to reflect about your life. How do you organize your

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life? To what do you say? Yes? To which behavior do you like?

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Which behavior do you tolerate from other people? Where do you

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set boundaries with yourself? And where can you confidently

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say no? Because if you say yes, you know, you will end up in a

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in a weird situation of exhaust moment of resentment. Where is

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it that you are avoiding uncomfortable conversations?

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Really? conversations that make you cringe when you think of

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them? cringe? No, I don't know. It's another word that I'm

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looking for. Not crunchy cringe. You know what I mean?

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uncomfortable, an uncomfortable conversation that will, you

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know, maybe expose a person, maybe make another person feel

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uncomfortable and you're scared of the reaction. By not setting

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your boundaries by not engaging in these conversations. You are

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pushing things underneath a rug. Where then there is being

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resentment built resentment and anger and sadness, which can

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lead to depression if you don't address it.

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So the more a person knows themselves. And you know, that

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is something that I keep repeating on and on in my

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podcast and my yoga studio and my coaching classes. The more

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you know yourself, the better you're going to be at setting

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boundaries, the better you know where your limits are, you will

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know how much can I take on when do I have to start to say no.

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And you will know how to express yourself in those uncomfortable

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conversations. Because the more you avoid those, the more you

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will realize that your relationships are going to be

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tough, avoidant, inauthentic, exhausting. And you might end up

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hurting and labeling yourself as an introvert. But not because

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you are a genuine introvert but because you don't know how to

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handle your own emotions and your expression in the world,

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and how you can relate to people in a healthy way. That is where

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the nitty gritty is, this is where the dog is buried, like we

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say, in German. And it is really, really important to

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notice, hey, I'm exhausted, I'm burned out, I'm sad, I'm tired,

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I'm angry, I'm irritated, I'm agitated. Let's start and think

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about where you can reduce your stress, where you can teach your

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nervous system that being in a calm state is not a weakness,

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being an accomp state, even if it feels uncomfortable at first,

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even if your mind will kick in and give you 10,000 excuses to

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not be in a calm state right now. Try it out just a couple

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minutes a day. After waking up in the morning, set your alarm

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clock tomorrow morning, just two minutes earlier. And once you

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wake up, take those two minutes, to just sit on your bed, and to

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feel your body to embrace the new day to be grateful for who

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you are, and the mission you're on. And you can start from

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there. It doesn't have to be big jumps. And if you need to talk

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to somebody about your stress and how you handle stress and

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how you possibly create all the stress that you have in your

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life and want to start to take accountability for that. seek

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out a mentor, a coach, a therapist, whatever you can

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think of to help you out and feeling more grounded and

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stable, feeling more like yourself, and not constantly

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overwhelmed and burned out. So I think I'm gonna go deeper with

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this topic in future episodes, because I realized that there is

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a lot of people out there, including me, that suffer from

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you know, having to be busy, otherwise, we feel worthless.

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And also from like, suffer from unhealthy relationship dynamics

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where things are not being expressed, that are difficult to

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express. And, in doing so, and not expressing, we make our life

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hard and miserable, and we become toxic in our

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relationships. So stay tuned, with so much love I sent you out

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into the day or into the night, wherever you are listening from.

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and I will be out there very soon again. Bye bye