Ep.2 Focussing on the broken and your past instead of your desires and future w/ Gunther Mueller

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Hello, hello and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your host Aurora, and I'm very happy to

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have Gunther Muller with us today. He is very excited to be

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sharing more about the five step magnetic mind method. And we

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will discuss this in another episode. Today we focused on

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yeah, getting to know what Gunther is all about. And his

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vision when it comes to the self help and healer community. All

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too often we focus on the broken, the things that need to

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be fixed on the past on regrets, and he has a very fascinating

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way to approach healing and self help. And you will see here in a

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second, when we start our conversation, that concert is

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all about forward movement, without living in denial, living

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authentically helping yourself and in helping yourself you

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become a stronger, more reliable, individual. And, and

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becoming that person, we can create stronger and more

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resilient communities around the globe. Thank you so much for

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listening. Enjoy this interview with Gunther Mueller. And

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myself.

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All right, Aurora, thank you so much for having me here.

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Pleasure to be on the Borealis experience today. Super excited

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to share the five step magnetic mine method with your listeners.

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But first, you know, I am a typical man that grew up in New

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York City, left there when I was about 18 years old. And you

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know, did all the things that society and parents would expect

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of a man, you know, I was born in 1966. So I'm about 55 years

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old right now. And went to Colorado lived there for about

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30 years, kind of following my passion of skiing the big

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mountains and went to college got good grades did things after

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that. I've always had this bug for being free freedom is

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probably my highest value. So I went to Alaska did some

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commercial fishing up there, spent my winters skiing. And

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then about 1992 I created my entrepreneurial experience over

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the last 30 years, took my experience from seafood and

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meats and created food distribution businesses. I've

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been in the restaurant business for about 14 years sold that got

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out of that. I've been in the solar business, I've been in the

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coffee business. last decade, I've been in the medical field,

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really helping people as an optimal health strategist and

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training medical professionals on hormone optimization,

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nutritional optimization. And my latest passion really is in that

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mental health space or becoming a super conscious creator, to

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really have the life that you love. And I look back on my life

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and I say, you know, there's not much I haven't experienced, I've

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experienced divorce, I was married for 25 years experienced

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infidelity on my ex wife's Park, I do have three amazing children

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that are super successful. And so just really having to manage

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all of that, you know, I found a new love of my life now in this

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part of life. And, you know, I look at life very much as the

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first half of life and the second half of life sometimes.

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And sometimes we have to have just some experiences to learn

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things, even though they may be painful and traumatic and

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unwelcomed at times. But then if you choose to learn from those

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experiences, or start to just view them as experiences, then

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you get into a better place to choosing what you would love to

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experience now. So you know, in our short conversation, I really

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understand the audience here as being, you know, men that may

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struggle with, you know, depression or addiction or

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having had issues in relationships and stuff like

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that.

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And I just initially want to put out a word of confidence that no

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matter where

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no matter where you find yourself right now,

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you can create a life that you love.

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So that is the stance that I'd like to come into. So and I

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think the confusion that you referenced is I do think that

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men in particular and the women need to know and understand this

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is that men have been given so many different signals is what

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it even means to be a man these days. You know is is it the

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spectrum of being the real manly, macho, masculine type

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man, some women find that attractive some people women you

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know

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don't like that kind of thing? Or is it the, you know, the

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other end of the spectrum of being kind of an emasculated,

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soft man and not really being that manly expression, you know,

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of the masculine identity. So there's this huge field, where

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men find themselves in today, and not really knowing where to

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plant their feet. And so what happens a lot of times is men

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just kind of default, and they, you know, not making a choice is

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still a choice.

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And so when you default to the non choice, you basically start

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living your life in a reactive mode, and your choices start

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becoming ones of consensus, you know, do the people around me

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approve of me, or, you know, it's not about what I want from

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my life, or what I saw myself doing or what I would love to

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experience, it's more about is who I am and what I'm doing

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acceptable to those around me? Or am I choosing from a place of

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limited choices, and not really looking, as you know, the

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opportunity and an infinite field of possibilities. So

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that's, that's where I really would love the audience to, for

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us to explore that in a conversation. And really just,

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you know, dive into that a little bit.

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This is exactly what I wanted to attract onto this platform. I

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love the way you speak, like, it's very easy to understand and

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follow. And it's very clear, and I feel you really see the

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situation,

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how it is like there's a lot of tension also between men and

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women and power games. You described earlier that when you

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hold the door for a woman, you have very different reactions.

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So there has to happen. A lot of healing on the women's side, but

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also on the men's side. And

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yeah, thank you so much for being here. And for sharing

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about your,

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your path, it hasn't been an easy one, but you chose to see

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painful situations as a lesson or as a incentive to change

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something in your life and to focus on something new. Like

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you're not in a job that bores you. You're not in a job that

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sucks energy of you. You learn to say goodbye, and and move on

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to something new. And this is like incredible. This is

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Yeah, is strong character. And I'm very pleased to have you

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here.

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Just before we dive into the five steps, your program, I

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would like to ask you,

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when you see like the different roles that men can take on and

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women to, for the future, what would you like to see? How can

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you imagine that they come back? How can they come back together,

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form strong relationships, and in doing so creating stronger,

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more resilient societies.

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So you bring up a great point in my work today, there's really

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three main buckets, okay, the main buckets are usually finance

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and abundance. The second bucket would be love and relationships.

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And the third bucket would be health and vitality. And most

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human call them problems could fall into one of those buckets,

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maybe we'd have a fourth bucket called miscellaneous or

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something doesn't fit into those. But really, when you look

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at the human condition, we are seeking less pain and more

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pleasure in our life. And sometimes we're not even looking

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for pleasure, we will accept mediocrity, or just greater

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satisfaction to just minimize or suppress any pain that might

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happen. And so the context I want to lay out for our

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listeners is that look, our thoughts, and our emotions in

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the quantum physical reality are not real. They feel real as

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hell, okay, they feel like they are really real and they come

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and they come at us. And a lot of times to avoid pain, we try

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to suppress that what is we try to put a wet blanket over it and

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just, you know, push it down. So we don't have to feel the

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feeling when we when we get into the science of the personal

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development movement. And I think what I'm going to share

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with you today is really a revolution in the personal

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development movement, because I've been part of it for 30

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years and I've spent hundreds of 1000s of dollars in that

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movement and I work with some of the great names in that

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movement.

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What I'm here to share with you today is the actual quantum

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physics.

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ality the science that we know now over the last 4050 years,

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and how it relates to our mental well being, how it relates to

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our physical well being, the biology, the DNA, the

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neuroplasticity of the brain, auto suggestion, hypnosis, all

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these different things. And finally getting to a practical

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way to craft and create a life that we love. And so it has to

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happen on the female perspective as well. Women need to make

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conscious choices about what it is they would love to experience

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in a relationship, and also deal with their fears and their

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emotions, and the pain that maybe they have had in previous

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relationships just like men need to do, right. And and the

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reality is that men and women are wired differently. Let's

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face that, I mean, I think in our cultural world that we live

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in, we're trying to blend those boundaries, we're trying to make

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everything the same and equal. And, and I think just an obvious

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observation of the way it is, you said that earlier, just you

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know, this is the way it is, look, men and women are

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different. And I don't think it's ever going to be other than

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that, if you want to tell the truth about it, right? There's

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all this political correctness going on, there's all of this

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trying to create equality. And I want to back it up a little bit

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and just say, look, women have two choices that they would love

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to experience in their life around love and relationships,

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and intimacy, all of those things, right. And men have the

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same thing. But men really in our cultures have not been able

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to really speak to that haven't been taught to really speak to

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that don't really think that it's maybe manly to even be in

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that space that's reflective or contemplative, meditative, maybe

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you know that. Men really have been put in a position of doing

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one thing, mainly provider roles, right. And there's a

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certain nature to it, let's say maybe it is biological, maybe it

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is passed through the DNA, maybe things are evolving, and things

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are changing. And then there's more of a balance between the

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masculine and the feminine. I mean, it takes a long time for

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these things to play out. And so you know, whose list the people

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that are listening to us right now need a real life solution

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right now. And they can't wait decades, you know, to feel

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better, or wait decades to get the results that they want in

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life. So everything really starts with a first step

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of really choosing from a place of what would you love to

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experience on both the female side and the male side. And

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since we're talking primarily to men, I'm going to speak to the

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men and just be very clear that we need to spend some time

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really choosing not in the problem solving reality.

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Because when we try to solve problems, we're focused on the

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problem. And we're trying to put together action steps or ideas

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that will solve the problem. So maybe there's a man that wants

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to have a new relationship or a better relationship and when

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they had before, and it's like, okay, how do I solve that

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problem of getting into a relationship that I want, and

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not a lot of time is really spent on actually creating or

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visualizing or seeing that with beginning with the end in mind,

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you see in the quantum physical reality, if you don't really

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know what you want.

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And you just say, in your own mind that you just want

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something better than what you had.

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The old saying is, be careful what you wish for.

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Because it may be slightly better, but it's still really

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not going to be what you love. And unless we recognize some of

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the self sabotaging patterns that every human being has, we

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have crafted our identity over a lifetime of experience. So this

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begins from zero to seven years old. You know, we had to figure

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out what it's like here. We had to figure out how to get food,

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how to get a safe place to sleep, how to get attention, how

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to get love, how to do whatever there was, you know, as soon as

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you pop out of the womb into this life, you're figuring out

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what it's like here, and how do I get what I want. And so we

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make decisions based on decreasing pain, and increasing

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satisfaction. And then when we get into adulthood, some of the

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decisions that we made maybe from abusive situations or

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traumatic situations or less than optimal situations, we made

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choices about how things were and how to survive and how to

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get through. And those patterns now exist in

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The subconscious program, and I'd like everybody think about

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their subconscious is kind of like Windows 10. Running your

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computer. When you turn on your computer, you have no idea that

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machine works, all you know is that it boots up and fires up

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and you start using it for some productive purpose. But you have

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no idea how that machine really runs. And every once in a while,

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Windows 10 pushes an update or iOS pushes an update to your

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device, you say, Okay, I'll accept the update. And then you

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restart, and then the machine runs on a new program. Our

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subconscious program has been crafted through our lifetime and

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the sabotaging identities that I'm talking about. Sounds like

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this, it sounds like I'm not good enough, I'm not good enough

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to be in a real, satisfying, intimate loving relationship. Or

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I'm not worthy of that. Look, I know my character traits, and I

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can't bullshit myself, I know who I am, I know how I've

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behaved and I've done things. So I'm really not worthy of having

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that kind of thing. So I'm not going to worry about it, or I'm

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not capable, I don't know how to do those things, I need to go to

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a class, I need to go to a retreat, I need to get some

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education before I can do that I need, I need to gain some

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capability, or things like I'm insignificant, I'm never going

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to have the relationship that I want. Because I play small or

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I'm not big enough, or I don't I'm not courageous enough, I'm

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not out there enough. Or the idea of perfection, I'm not

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perfect, I can't have what I want until I perfect my

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personality, I can't have what I want, until something gets

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changed or adjusted. And then another big one is I don't

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belong.

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A lot of people and other people have a lot of people have

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thought that, you know, they don't even belong to their own

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family. They feel like a black sheep or they feel like they

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don't belong, where they find themselves. And all of those

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sabotaging identities are running in the subconscious

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program. And the identity needs to maintain congruence with the

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experience that we're having. The only way the experience will

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change is if the identity shifts, because the identity is

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always congruent with the active experience. And there's only

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three places we can really be, we can be stuck, meaning

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nothing's changing, no matter what I do, I'm just stuck. It's

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the same thing every day, nothing's moving. The second

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place is a place called oscillation. Oscillation feels

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like three steps forward two steps back one step forward,

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half step back, and you just feel like you're going back and

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forth and not really getting where you want to go. The third

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state is a place called flow. This is kind of being in the

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zone where we can turn our thoughts and desires and dreams

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and what we want into reality. And we've all experienced that

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from time to time we've been in states of flow or in the zone

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where it just feels like whatever I want to create, it's

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just happening, it happens exactly the way I want it. And

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things show up the way I want them to show up. And this is a

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quantum physical reality. Right. So that's kind of the context

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that we find ourselves in is that we need to step out of the

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problem solving reality, to get what we want. We need to come

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into the Creator stance and really spend some time gaining

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the clarity, and truly from a place of loving what we want,

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choose what we want. And and you know what you're in a true

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choice. If I were to ask someone say, Why do you want that? And

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the answer is I want it just because I want it, I want it

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just because I would love to experience that. And it's not a

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stepping stone onto something else. So many times we make

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choices in our life that are stepping stones to get somewhere

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else and therefore they're not true choices. And it's it's a

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total quantum shift mindset to really choose the reality that

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you love. And this is I'm gonna say foreign to a lot of men, men

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have not been taught this, I had to learn it the hard way. Okay,

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through many ups and downs and reinventing myself both in

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business and as I already shared and, you know, long term

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committed relationship that did not work out as long as I

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intended it to work out. And all kinds of various reasons. And

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you mentioned it earlier, that it's just what is now we're just

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observing what is we're looking at past experiences not in a way

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to label them as bad

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or I hate them. I can't believe that happened to me if I'm you

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know, responsible for my life and everything that I've

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created, there's no way I would have created those things. And

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so there's a there's a skepticism that is in the mind

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also that many men may have to deal with to actually even allow

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this kind of information into their conscious

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SNESs to even get to the place of contemplating that it's even

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possible to manifest and have what they would love to

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experience. Because sometimes we're as men, we're not even

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able to contemplate that reality, we have not been taught

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or allowed to remain in that dream state for very long. And

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to really, you know, fathom the possibility of what could be.

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Hope that makes sense? Oh, yeah, it makes so much sense. And you

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can apply this in all areas of life, not only romantic

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relationships, but friendships and family members or your

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career. And it's really impressive how a lot of people

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now start questioning the old system, and the way their

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parents and grandparents used to approach things. And now this

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generation,

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or it's not really generational, but a lot of people start waking

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up and see No, I want I want to follow my, my passion and my

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heart, instead of being forced into something that is not going

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to serve me

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in the long run. Thank you so much for sharing, this isn't all

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the right language, right? Does it serve me? Yeah, so I want to

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throw the suggestion out there, the the future is not going to

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be better than the present, the future is just going to be

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different. Yes, it's just going to be a different and different

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experience than what is now the way it is now. And if we can

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hold that in the mind, we take the emotional energy out of the

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current reality, we don't have to describe the current

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situation or the current reality as bad or in some negative

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context. But as soon as we find ourselves saying that the future

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is going to be better, when I have a certain amount of money

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in the bank, I'll be able to or I'll get to do whatever, when I

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find that spouse of my dreams, or a new relationship that I

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would just love, then I can be a certain way, when I finally

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let's say, lose 30 pounds or something, I can become healthy

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or have that healthful experience.

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The truth in the quantum physical reality is that we need

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to be it now we need to act as if that desired result actually

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already exists. And we actually have to do it in our

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imagination. First, everything that has ever been created has

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been created twice, once in the imagination. And once in the

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physical, three dimensional reality, think of a car or a

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building, or anything, look at any example, it was first

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created, in the mind of someone before it actually manifested in

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the three dimensional experience. Yeah, well, and as

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soon as you say, it's gonna get better in the future, you're

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actually saying that right now, it's bad, and you have

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resistance, and you don't want this. And it's a lot of energy

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going into the don't want. And if you cannot imagine the

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goodness already in your life, if the universe just throws you

Unknown: 00:23:31

that partner,

Unknown: 00:23:34

you know, in front of your feet, you will not believe that you

Unknown: 00:23:37

deserve this. If you haven't imagined that before. If you

Unknown: 00:23:41

haven't been in that energy of receiving before you will reject

Unknown: 00:23:47

it, even though it's right in front of you. So there's a lot

Unknown: 00:23:51

of things that we can do already with ourselves in meditation, or

Unknown: 00:23:57

however you choose to, to visualize your future.

Unknown: 00:24:03

And that's very empowering to know like, this is incredible

Unknown: 00:24:08

that, yeah, you can read tons of books, you can attend lots of

Unknown: 00:24:12

lectures, but you can also start imagining things and

Unknown: 00:24:17

visualizing. And that's the first big step already.

Unknown: 00:24:23

So I'd like to I'd like to share just the four creator stances

Unknown: 00:24:28

right, because a lot of people listening might not know what a

Unknown: 00:24:31

creator stance sounds like. There's so in the problem

Unknown: 00:24:36

solving reality and if I say back out of the problems Onra

Unknown: 00:24:39

and take the creative stance, what does that even mean? What

Unknown: 00:24:43

does that even sound like? So it sounds like this. I choose to

Unknown: 00:24:47

live my true nature and purpose. Wherever you find yourself

Unknown: 00:24:51

whatever past experience you've had whatever has been traumatic

Unknown: 00:24:54

or abusive or whatever. From this moment.

Unknown: 00:24:59

You're

Unknown: 00:25:00

power rests in your choice.

Unknown: 00:25:04

That is the only power that we have in the human experience.

Unknown: 00:25:08

When you think about it from the moment you wake up to the moment

Unknown: 00:25:10

you go to sleep at night, it is one choice after another, it's

Unknown: 00:25:13

one decision after another and all decisions have a call it a

Unknown: 00:25:16

consequence or an outcome. Choices produce results. So when

Unknown: 00:25:21

you choose, I choose to live my true nature and purpose. I

Unknown: 00:25:26

choose to be the predominant creative force in my life. What

Unknown: 00:25:29

does that mean? I'm not so reactive. I'm not responding all

Unknown: 00:25:33

the time, I choose to be the predominant creative force in my

Unknown: 00:25:37

life by focusing on what I want, not on what I don't want. Write

Unknown: 00:25:44

a simple choice of I choose to live the life I love. If I ask

Unknown: 00:25:49

most people, what would the life that you love look like? They're

Unknown: 00:25:54

like, I don't know. It's because you haven't any. You have not

Unknown: 00:25:57

spent any time even contemplating what a life that

Unknown: 00:26:03

you would absolutely love. And I like to think of my average

Unknown: 00:26:06

perfect week. What am I doing on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,

Unknown: 00:26:09

Thursday, Friday? And what are those days comprised of? What

Unknown: 00:26:13

does my work look like? What does my family life look like?

Unknown: 00:26:15

What does my love life look like? What does my health look

Unknown: 00:26:18

like in those aspects? What does my average perfect week look

Unknown: 00:26:23

like? Feel like tests taste like smell like what am I doing in

Unknown: 00:26:29

this thing called a life that I love? Right? Another one,

Unknown: 00:26:32

because a lot of people are challenged with health issues,

Unknown: 00:26:36

you know, choosing just to be healthy and vital. And you be

Unknown: 00:26:40

you may be suffering from cardiovascular disease, or

Unknown: 00:26:43

diabetes, or obesity, or, you know, bone loss or dementia or

Unknown: 00:26:48

any I mean, there's so many things that are affecting our

Unknown: 00:26:51

physiology. The choice cannot be Oh, I'm going to fix that. Or

Unknown: 00:26:56

I'm going to beat that. Or I'm, let's say I'm going to beat

Unknown: 00:26:58

cancer or something. It needs to step out of the problem solving

Unknown: 00:27:02

reality and mentally visualizing infinite health, infinite

Unknown: 00:27:08

vitality, focusing on what you do want the experience that you

Unknown: 00:27:12

would just love to experience for no other reason than you

Unknown: 00:27:17

want, you would love to experience that. And when we

Unknown: 00:27:20

focus that energy on what we want, not on fixing the problem

Unknown: 00:27:24

that we find ourselves, we just kind of look at the problem and

Unknown: 00:27:27

say, Okay, that's just what is now we become kind of a little

Unknown: 00:27:30

bit emotionally unattached from that, because we know we create

Unknown: 00:27:33

our emotions, we create our thoughts. Ultimately, they are

Unknown: 00:27:36

illusions, and they're not real, although they feel real.

Unknown: 00:27:41

Through our power of choice, and choosing what we love choosing

Unknown: 00:27:44

what we want, we shift that focus in that direction. And we

Unknown: 00:27:48

allow we allow the quantum physical reality of the

Unknown: 00:27:51

universe, to change what we experience, and what what really

Unknown: 00:27:57

shifts, it is the changing of the identity. It's really, you

Unknown: 00:28:00

know, I choose to live my true nature and purpose, which is to

Unknown: 00:28:04

I am living my true nature and purpose, right, I choose to

Unknown: 00:28:08

create the life that I love, I am living the life that I love.

Unknown: 00:28:13

And it's like you have this field of infinite possibilities.

Unknown: 00:28:17

And your focus is choosing one of those possibilities to be

Unknown: 00:28:22

drawn into your present moment. And as soon as that possibility

Unknown: 00:28:26

comes into the present moment, and it moves into the past, the

Unknown: 00:28:30

past becomes evidence. And that's where the I am statement

Unknown: 00:28:34

comes in, right. So most of the personal development movement

Unknown: 00:28:38

has always been trying to change the subconscious programming

Unknown: 00:28:42

from the conscious mind, meaning positive mental attitude,

Unknown: 00:28:47

affirmations, the law of attraction, the secret, all

Unknown: 00:28:50

these different things. They're trying to approach the dilemma

Unknown: 00:28:55

of less pain and more satisfaction or getting the

Unknown: 00:28:57

results that I want from the conscious mind. And what I'm

Unknown: 00:29:01

going to share with you is if we go to the superconscious mind,

Unknown: 00:29:04

and we come into the subconscious program from the

Unknown: 00:29:06

superconscious aspect, we don't need to know the details of

Unknown: 00:29:10

what's wrong. We don't need to know the what for the How come,

Unknown: 00:29:15

we just focus and ask for what we want. And we ask for this

Unknown: 00:29:19

update to the subconscious program. And that shifts the

Unknown: 00:29:23

identity and when the identity shifts from I'm not good enough

Unknown: 00:29:26

to I am good enough. Like you said earlier, I will recognize

Unknown: 00:29:30

that person standing in front of me as the fulfillment of the

Unknown: 00:29:35

relationship that I've been desiring. But if the identity

Unknown: 00:29:38

never shifts, you won't even recognize it. If it's standing

Unknown: 00:29:43

right in front of you. The possibility will not even have

Unknown: 00:29:46

been drawn into that present moment. This is why it's so

Unknown: 00:29:50

important to really get a little bit contemplative here or

Unknown: 00:29:55

reflective and really understanding what is it that

Unknown: 00:29:58

you truly desire

Unknown: 00:30:00

In your life, what is it what you truly want, and not based on

Unknown: 00:30:05

what other people want for you? This is the dilemma with social

Unknown: 00:30:08

media right now. We, many people live their life on likes and

Unknown: 00:30:14

shares, and they live vicariously through other

Unknown: 00:30:18

people's posts. And, you know, they see the best of someone

Unknown: 00:30:23

else's life. And they don't know what to choose. This creates the

Unknown: 00:30:28

confusion, I think in the male perspective, sometimes what does

Unknown: 00:30:31

it even mean to be a man?

Unknown: 00:30:34

I'm here to tell you that it doesn't mean it doesn't matter

Unknown: 00:30:37

what society the culture is telling you about what it means

Unknown: 00:30:40

to be a man, I want men to get into their own being and decide

Unknown: 00:30:46

for themselves. Who are you? Who actually are you? And who were

Unknown: 00:30:51

you created to be? And we have to answer that question for

Unknown: 00:30:55

ourselves individually, and then choose from that place as to

Unknown: 00:31:01

what we want what we would love to have in our life. Because we

Unknown: 00:31:06

cannot make decisions based on consensus, or process of

Unknown: 00:31:10

elimination, or choose by default. Those are not effective

Unknown: 00:31:15

ways to choose the reality that we would love to experience.

Unknown: 00:31:19

Yeah, yeah, no, this, this is

Unknown: 00:31:24

incredible to hear this from you and to, to really see how men

Unknown: 00:31:32

must be struggling just as much as women and, and then there's

Unknown: 00:31:36

another thing, when you think about the person realizing,

Unknown: 00:31:40

okay, this is who I am.

Unknown: 00:31:42

But my family is not going to accept me, you know, the

Unknown: 00:31:45

belonging, all of a sudden is being threatened, because now

Unknown: 00:31:50

you're not in the equality suit anymore. You are a person with a

Unknown: 00:31:56

heart, a passion, a desire, and you have to still go for it,

Unknown: 00:32:01

even though you will feel lonely at times, and having to walk

Unknown: 00:32:06

alone and

Unknown: 00:32:08

trust that you will connect with people on that path with the

Unknown: 00:32:12

same mission with same values. But I feel it's not only the the

Unknown: 00:32:18

pressure from society, it's also that feeling or but I want to be

Unknown: 00:32:22

long. And if I follow my passion, I will be rejected

Unknown: 00:32:26

maybe. And

Unknown: 00:32:28

it's very scary, but like you say, it's so worth it. And it's

Unknown: 00:32:31

so necessary in order to create strong societies again,

Unknown: 00:32:39

when it comes to, like fears, like I mean, you told us that

Unknown: 00:32:45

you went through divorce, and it was because of infidelity for

Unknown: 00:32:49

you to go back out there after you healed and to trust again,

Unknown: 00:32:56

and to not approach your new partner with Oh my God, I don't

Unknown: 00:33:00

want this to happen.

Unknown: 00:33:02

To me one more time, like, were you like very conscious about

Unknown: 00:33:09

that? Like, did that fear come up? And then how did you manage

Unknown: 00:33:16

to approach the situation with your heart and not with your

Unknown: 00:33:20

fear driven ego? Let's say?

Unknown: 00:33:24

Yeah, so when I was in the midst of marriage, you know, I was

Unknown: 00:33:26

completely faithful and loyal, and everything was walled off,

Unknown: 00:33:31

there were no other options, except for the relationship that

Unknown: 00:33:34

I was in. And the family that I had. And, you know, I was in the

Unknown: 00:33:37

role of provider for that family unit, right and doing everything

Unknown: 00:33:43

that I was, quote unquote, supposed to do, when new

Unknown: 00:33:47

information came to light. And you know, I had these issues in

Unknown: 00:33:51

year three of our marriage and sort of kind of fix that got

Unknown: 00:33:56

over it for gave it because I truly made a commitment to that

Unknown: 00:33:59

one person. And for me, it was a choice of forever, right? And

Unknown: 00:34:05

you know, it takes two to tango, right? Two people have to be in

Unknown: 00:34:08

that same mindset. And when your partner is not in that mindset,

Unknown: 00:34:13

or they have other things that they're trying to resolve, at

Unknown: 00:34:16

some point, you have to make a decision, you know, because at

Unknown: 00:34:21

25 years into our relationship, it was like, Okay, I got another

Unknown: 00:34:24

whole half a life to go, and am I going to live that life, kind

Unknown: 00:34:30

of sacrificing myself not having the experience of intimacy that

Unknown: 00:34:35

I choose? Or being in that

Unknown: 00:34:39

loving relationship, you know, that I truly know what it's

Unknown: 00:34:43

supposed to look like, I know what it's supposed to feel like

Unknown: 00:34:45

or not even supposed to, but I know what I want. I know what I

Unknown: 00:34:49

wanted it to be. And it wasn't. So you're right. I mean, you can

Unknown: 00:34:54

make the decision that point of not risking it again, not going

Unknown: 00:34:58

out there again.

Unknown: 00:35:00

I'm shutting down, and just hey, it's safer to play it in a pain

Unknown: 00:35:05

free zone. But it was an opening to, you know, I might get hurt

Unknown: 00:35:10

again, I may not initially have the experience that I want. And

Unknown: 00:35:16

I'm okay with that, because I've experienced pain before. And

Unknown: 00:35:20

when you look at emotions, like fear, or pain, or anxiety, or

Unknown: 00:35:24

depression, or any of these things, I would like you to

Unknown: 00:35:28

notice what they are, they have a beginning, a middle and an

Unknown: 00:35:32

end. And they kind of flow up and they have a peak, and they

Unknown: 00:35:37

kind of go down. And if we can practice being an observer of

Unknown: 00:35:41

our emotions, kind of take that 3040 50,000 foot level on our

Unknown: 00:35:46

life, and the circumstances that are in our life. And we we

Unknown: 00:35:51

detach from the labeling of what is, and we'd become just the

Unknown: 00:35:55

observer of what it is, we basically just see it for what

Unknown: 00:35:59

it is. But we don't attach the judgment, the heaviness of the

Unknown: 00:36:04

judgment to it. And that is the I should statements or should

Unknown: 00:36:08

have, or should have been a different way, or I could have

Unknown: 00:36:13

done this or I could have done that. And we are really good at

Unknown: 00:36:16

picking up a stick and beating ourselves over our own head of

Unknown: 00:36:20

things that we could have done.

Unknown: 00:36:23

And that's focusing on the problem.

Unknown: 00:36:26

And many times when we do that, we're focused on a problem that

Unknown: 00:36:29

we cannot solve, because it's in the past.

Unknown: 00:36:33

It's just not gonna happen, right. And so if we can

Unknown: 00:36:38

practice, like everything is like a muscle imaginations, like

Unknown: 00:36:41

a muscle, you have to practice a little bit you have to desire

Unknown: 00:36:44

and have the intention, to be able to imagine to be able to

Unknown: 00:36:48

visualize to be able to feel in your imagination, right, because

Unknown: 00:36:52

the mind does not know the difference between reality and

Unknown: 00:36:56

imagination. And we're recording this right now in Olympic

Unknown: 00:37:00

season. And I think of the athletes of how much time they

Unknown: 00:37:03

spend, in their mind, visualizing breaking a new world

Unknown: 00:37:08

record winning the gold medal, beating their competition by

Unknown: 00:37:11

1/100 of a second. And just the mental exercise is more than the

Unknown: 00:37:18

physical exercise of the time spent in the pool or the time

Unknown: 00:37:21

spent on the track or all the physical activity, they spend

Unknown: 00:37:25

more time imagining, winning in their mind. Seeing seeing the

Unknown: 00:37:32

finish line, seeing the audience erupt, seeing themselves

Unknown: 00:37:36

standing on the metal podium, visualizing themselves in that

Unknown: 00:37:40

end result of what they work so hard for right for years of work

Unknown: 00:37:45

to get to an Olympic game. And in every day, that

Unknown: 00:37:48

visualization, that passion, that that longing for winning,

Unknown: 00:37:53

and being that gold medalist right.

Unknown: 00:37:56

Well, why don't we do that in our own personal lives? Why

Unknown: 00:37:59

don't we do that, in imagining an amazing relationship with a

Unknown: 00:38:04

partner? That is everything you want that partner to be? Right?

Unknown: 00:38:09

Why do we not imagine an experience of abundance and

Unknown: 00:38:13

having more than enough in our financial situations? Why do we

Unknown: 00:38:19

not imagine ourselves as the epitome of health and vitality?

Unknown: 00:38:23

And do it in our mind first, because we need to become it in

Unknown: 00:38:27

order to see it? Right? So we do that first step is to take that

Unknown: 00:38:32

high altitude view on our life and just see what is and take

Unknown: 00:38:38

the responsibility that everything that is, has been a

Unknown: 00:38:42

creation of our own identity. And it's not bad wrong, right or

Unknown: 00:38:48

anything like that, that what is is what is what is is just what

Unknown: 00:38:52

is what has happened is just what has happened. And it's from

Unknown: 00:38:57

this moment of choice, to choose something different. To choose

Unknown: 00:39:04

something from a place where we choose from what we really love,

Unknown: 00:39:08

not what we have to not where we should have not well my parents

Unknown: 00:39:11

are going to pray with my friends are going to approve all

Unknown: 00:39:13

this stuff that's so regular in our choosing reality, but to

Unknown: 00:39:19

really back up and say this is what is

Unknown: 00:39:25

not broken. There's nothing for me to fix. Spring from this

Unknown: 00:39:30

moment forward. Just as I've chosen in the past, I get to

Unknown: 00:39:35

choose now.

Unknown: 00:39:37

And I really have to get clear on what it is I would love to

Unknown: 00:39:42

experience.

Unknown: 00:39:44

And as you can feel it already that takes the emotion out of it

Unknown: 00:39:47

right. Imagine just sitting along the banks of a river and

Unknown: 00:39:51

you watch the water go down the river and maybe there's some

Unknown: 00:39:54

debris in the water. There's a branch floating down there's a

Unknown: 00:39:58

raft maybe floating down there.

Unknown: 00:40:00

Some things that could attract your attention, things that you

Unknown: 00:40:03

could investigate. But when you have that observer stance,

Unknown: 00:40:07

you're just watching what is and you see it floating by and it

Unknown: 00:40:11

may make you feel a certain way certain emotions might erupt

Unknown: 00:40:15

could be a past experience that's floating down the river,

Unknown: 00:40:18

and you just observe it for what it is, we don't have to get

Unknown: 00:40:21

attached, we don't have to follow the emotion that comes

Unknown: 00:40:25

up, we just see it for what it is, let the emotion come full

Unknown: 00:40:29

on, let it let it immerse yourself if you're angry, feel

Unknown: 00:40:32

the anger. If you're sad, feel the sadness, if you're anxious,

Unknown: 00:40:36

feel that anxiousness and let it pass through you because the

Unknown: 00:40:39

more energy that we push on it to keep it away, the more it

Unknown: 00:40:44

grows, the bigger it gets, the more serious it gets. And I'd

Unknown: 00:40:47

like everyone to just try this strategy. The next time you're

Unknown: 00:40:50

in a situation of intense emotion, I'm gonna say feel it

Unknown: 00:40:54

fully. Allow yourself to just be immersed in that emotion, you'll

Unknown: 00:41:00

see that it has a beginning, a middle and an end, it will

Unknown: 00:41:03

dissipate, it will go through you, you will feel it in your

Unknown: 00:41:08

body, you will feel the emotion. But when you don't resist it,

Unknown: 00:41:12

and you just let it go, you'll see that it dissipates and falls

Unknown: 00:41:16

off and it goes away. And then you can be that observer again.

Unknown: 00:41:20

And just notice what is notice the way it is now. And the more

Unknown: 00:41:26

you ground yourself and you practice being in that place,

Unknown: 00:41:29

the more you're in a place of choosing that which you would

Unknown: 00:41:33

really love to experience.

Unknown: 00:41:37

This is so beautiful. I'm so grateful that we connected and

Unknown: 00:41:43

that you share this with our audience today. It is

Unknown: 00:41:49

lovely how you say going into high altitude, I love to say go

Unknown: 00:41:54

into birds perspective, it's exactly the same. And we have to

Unknown: 00:42:00

Yeah, observe ourselves a little more and take our emotions

Unknown: 00:42:05

seriously, but don't engage and attached just like you said, to

Unknown: 00:42:11

an nth degree because this is when you get Yeah, reactive and

Unknown: 00:42:16

confused and lost and frustrated. And yeah, man, this

Unknown: 00:42:21

is so wonderful. I feel the time is totally running away. We are

Unknown: 00:42:27

at minute 43 already. And we still haven't talked about the

Unknown: 00:42:31

five steps of the magnetic run, I can run those through you real

Unknown: 00:42:37

fast. Right? And I was I was just I was gonna suggest we end

Unknown: 00:42:42

here. And we have another episode about that to really

Unknown: 00:42:46

elaborate if you are open to this if your schedule allows.

Unknown: 00:42:53

But for today, for people who are

Unknown: 00:42:59

in the COVID mess, financial distress,

Unknown: 00:43:03

a lot of negative emotions. Social media consumption is at a

Unknown: 00:43:10

peak right now I feel and the comparisons. What would be two

Unknown: 00:43:16

things that you would like people to know, like in a

Unknown: 00:43:20

nutshell, to take away from today's episode to feel better

Unknown: 00:43:26

to feel more empowered. And just yeah, a calmer one is Yeah,

Unknown: 00:43:33

number one is we need to quiet the noise. Yes, this is step

Unknown: 00:43:37

number one, you need to create some quiet time where you can

Unknown: 00:43:42

actually listen to your own voice. Many people have trouble

Unknown: 00:43:47

being in themselves. I mean, in some sense of silence. We do a

Unknown: 00:43:51

lot of talking, but we don't do a lot of listening. And that

Unknown: 00:43:55

superconscious side of yourself,

Unknown: 00:44:00

you know has information for you specifically. But if we never

Unknown: 00:44:05

listen, we never, you know, delve into an ask what's right

Unknown: 00:44:09

for us. And we're always in the confusion of the noise. We can't

Unknown: 00:44:14

hear that message.

Unknown: 00:44:17

So that's step number one is to really have some personal quiet

Unknown: 00:44:21

time. And the benefit of that is no matter what the chaos is in

Unknown: 00:44:25

the world, no matter what is going on in the world. You can

Unknown: 00:44:29

create the reality that you love, you can create the reality

Unknown: 00:44:33

that you desire. So you can actually walk through the midst

Unknown: 00:44:37

of chaos and be unaffected. What if that was possible? What if

Unknown: 00:44:41

that was a reality that you could experience? would you love

Unknown: 00:44:44

to experience that? And so everybody has to answer that for

Unknown: 00:44:47

themselves. But if you never contemplate it, you're never

Unknown: 00:44:50

going to have an answer. You're never going to explore that

Unknown: 00:44:53

field of possibilities in what you would love what you could so

Unknown: 00:44:57

some quiet time is the first

Unknown: 00:45:00

thing. The second thing is to create a habit of truly valuing

Unknown: 00:45:06

yourself.

Unknown: 00:45:09

Because it's the oxygen mask thing on a airplane, right, you

Unknown: 00:45:13

put your oxygen mask on first, before you put it on whoever

Unknown: 00:45:18

you're traveling with kids or whatever it is, we have to take

Unknown: 00:45:22

a stance in that our mental health, our well being, you

Unknown: 00:45:28

know, our optimization and who we are, is a priority. And you

Unknown: 00:45:34

have to put your physical, spiritual, emotional well being

Unknown: 00:45:41

in a priority position, it is not a waste of time, it is not

Unknown: 00:45:46

subservient to other things in your life, it is primary.

Unknown: 00:45:52

And don't feel guilty for it. And no for taking time for

Unknown: 00:45:57

yourself. If if you're not good in your own being and you're not

Unknown: 00:46:02

clear, what what good are you really to anyone else.

Unknown: 00:46:07

You have to shore up your own foundation, you have to be built

Unknown: 00:46:11

on a solid ground in order for you to do and be that which

Unknown: 00:46:17

would you would love to be in this three dimensional

Unknown: 00:46:20

experience this holographic movie that we live in, right so

Unknown: 00:46:24

that when you take the world and you look at what's going on,

Unknown: 00:46:29

you can get depressed very quickly. You can get emotionally

Unknown: 00:46:33

upset very quickly.

Unknown: 00:46:35

And unless you take the time to ground yourself in becoming

Unknown: 00:46:40

consciously aware of who you are, and what you want,

Unknown: 00:46:45

you're going to have pain. And so in order to minimize the pain

Unknown: 00:46:50

and to have more satisfaction and go from satisfaction, even

Unknown: 00:46:53

to mediocrity and from mediocrity to complete pleasure,

Unknown: 00:46:56

right? It's a progression. You have to do the basics. And you

Unknown: 00:47:00

have to do some of the basics consistently. And I'm not

Unknown: 00:47:02

purporting a certain let's say form of meditation or a certain

Unknown: 00:47:06

thing. You need to find what resonates with you.

Unknown: 00:47:12

Such a beautiful closing of this episode, like from the bottom of

Unknown: 00:47:19

my heart. I'm, I'm so grateful for connecting with you and for

Unknown: 00:47:24

everything you shared here. I know we brought a lot of value

Unknown: 00:47:28

to our listeners here. And I'm excited to have you back on the

Unknown: 00:47:33

show and talk more about the five steps of the magnetic mind.

Unknown: 00:47:39

Thank you so much.

Unknown: 00:47:41

Thank you. Thank you