Ep.2 Abusing yourself into feeling happy and healthy [selfabuse]

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Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your host Aurora. And I'm really happy to

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be spending some time with you today. I hope you're doing well.

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It is December 8, no, it's actually December 9, some people

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are getting really anxious about Christmas already. I hope you

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can take it. And yeah, very relaxed way. And that you don't

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get too stressed out and that you just, yeah, enjoy some time

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with family or friends or people that you care about. And I truly

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hope that you're not going to be too lonely, especially now with

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COVID. It can be very difficult logistically and everything. So

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in these times, it is even more important, then ever, to be able

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to count on yourself to know that you have tools that anchor

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you down that center you they ground you and make you feel

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good, no matter what is happening outside of you. It is

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truly important for me, to help people be more themselves more

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centered, more grounded, because of what's going on at the

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moment. And please know that I'm the kind of person who is right

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among you, beautiful people.

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I'm not hovering above you and got it all figured out. I have

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my deep struggles. I have my depression, my constant

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friends, friend, that I need to embrace, sometimes harder than

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other times. And, yeah, I'm with you in this. And I share what

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has helped me in the past and what helps me in the moment. So

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everything I share here is just my experience my opinions. And,

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yeah, I'm not a medical doctor. But I still feel I could bring

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value into your life. If you want to support the show, please

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don't hesitate and hop over to Apple podcast and leave me a

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review there. It would mean the world to me, because that's kind

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of the podcasters currencies. That's how we compete with each

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other. And that's how I can Yeah, receive honest feedback

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from you as well. And when other people can read this, they can

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kind of see what my show is about and what you were learning

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and feeling while listening. And then they can decide for

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themselves if it's a value to them or not. So let's hop into

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today's episode. I'm a little bit nervous about this episode,

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because I care so much about this topic. And I'm very

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vulnerable when it comes to that topic. So yeah, just a heads up.

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I'm super excited to post this today on December 9 2021. So

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let's go abusing yourself into health, abusing yourself into

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happiness. What do I really mean by that? What I mean by that is

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that sometimes we have experienced something in our

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lives. That was very uncomfortable, that we don't

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want to experience again. And we've learned back then that

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changing our lifestyle. Eating healthy exercising on a regular

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basis can make you feel better. But some of us Me included we do

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this we engage in exercising and food change habits or whatever

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you call it to the nth degree. And what I mean by that is that

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exercising becomes so important in your life that you start

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neglecting your Real well being, and your relationships,

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especially, but you're starting to engage in exercising, because

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you've learned, okay, that's gonna make you feel good. I want

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more of this. So if I exaggerate, it's going to make

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me the happiest healthiest person in the world, right?

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While that's not how it goes, and that's what I've learned

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proximately, 10 years ago, that if you do engage in exercising

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with the wrong intentions, so wanting to belong, wanting to,

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yeah, be independent, wanting to be strong and resilient, wanting

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to be healthy, then you start losing other very valuable

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things in your life. And don't get me wrong, it is super cool

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to have a constant, a consistent practice. But what I want to

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encourage you to look at today is that we need a balance you

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need days off, you can be too rigid about your routine,

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because then that, again, is going to feel like a chore like

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a duty. And you're going to make people feel neglected, as well.

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Maybe you've had to work or lived through a lot of

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loneliness. And the gym exercising, gave you a sense of

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belonging. And you met a couple of really good friends there.

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And that's an awesome thing. But I also want you to look at your

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relationship outside of your gym, and how you take care of

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those. And how you got engaged with strangers on the street?

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Are you open hearted? Or are you very narrow minded, and you just

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want to get from A to B as fast as possible. I think you get

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what I mean, if we get too narrow minded with our focus, we

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are actually harming ourselves instead of doing ourselves a

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favor. Same goes with emotional health with happiness, it is a

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little bit different there. Because there it has more to do

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with how we feel internally, and then how we show up to other

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people. But it is really important that when we don't

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feel good, that we validate that when you're sad, when you're

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angry, when you frustrated that you find a way to express

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yourself in the most mature way possible. But at the same time,

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it is important to not how do I put it into words? To not think

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that, okay, this is how it is now, and you're going to be

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depressed for the rest of your life. And this is who you are.

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So you totally identify with your pain. And you kind of sit

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in that pain longer than necessary. That is not what I

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mean by that. What I mean by that is truly expressing

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yourself. And honoring how you feel validating how you feel.

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And then knowing that you will reach out for help if necessary.

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And you will not put on a mask until then. Because there might

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be people in your life that have a difficult time when you're not

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feeling well. Because maybe you are their provider, maybe you

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are their constant support and cheerleader, their rock. And

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now, if you decide to be sitting with your pain for a little

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longer than they feel like is good. They're going to try and

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get you out of that. And also because they care for you and

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because they don't want to suffer but also because they

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want you to see strong that they can't see you in a situation

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where they can't 100% depend on you. Do you understand what I

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mean? Like it's it's a really tricky situation. So that on one

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side, you need to honor and validate that you are in pain.

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Second part is to not over indulge in secondary gain,

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right, because all of a sudden, you can lean back, maybe people

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call more often, or really take care of you physically. And it

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starts to feel nice to be in that position, and then you see

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no point in getting any better. So to find a balance there, I

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want to honor it. But I also want to help myself. And when it

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comes to other people, to express how you feel. And then

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to not wait and see if they validate how you feel. Because

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some people will not, and the people who will, the people that

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you can keep very close, and they can help you get better.

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But the people who are impatient for you to get better, and are

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not trusting you to get better anytime soon. You just keep them

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at a gentle distance, and you don't, yeah, let them bully you

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out of your situation, you have to heal at your own pace. I'm an

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expert in putting these feelings away and wanting to be the

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strong shoulder. And I've done it so many times that I've

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burned myself out, literally. And it was not fun, because then

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it takes even longer to get back onto your feet. Right? I always

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let people distract me and entertain me. And then I thought

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Yeah, it's not that important. Anyways, my pain and I'm gonna

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go with them and let them distract me. But it was not the

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right thing to do for me. So I want to talk about it. Because I

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feel it is really important to honor your feelings, and to know

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that it is okay to feel really shitty at times, and it will get

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better and you will you fight your way, you will fight your

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way out of it. But it has to be your own journey. Right? One

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day, you're going to look back and be so proud of yourself and

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you will be able to share your story and help other people. If

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you let other people distract you, if you distract yourself,

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then it will just be longer suffering. So yeah, when it

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comes to abusing yourself and to being healthy and happy. I feel

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it's important to I don't know how to say it or not call people

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out on it, but to cut through people's bullshit and to next

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time when you feel that someone is overdoing it, like

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overcompensating. So they're actually not feeling good. And

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they want to show up as a strong person in front of you. You just

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cut through the bullshit and you ask them, hey, what's really

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going on? Are you okay? And some people might totally reject you,

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because it's painful, that now people can see that you're not

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actually happy. But I think it is important for you, my dear

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listener to be equipped with these tools. Because sometimes

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we do this unconsciously. And sometimes other people do it

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unconsciously. And it is your choice if you call them out on

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it or not. I want as a society that we become more transparent

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and more resilient to stress in being more transparent, because

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it is incredibly liberating. If you find people around you where

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you can just say, Hey, I'm having a shit phase. I will be

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back soon. Don't worry. And if you choose to wait for me, wait

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for me. If not, that's okay as well. Like, I think now that the

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whole mental health stigma is shifting and more and more

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people are coming out and talking about their depression

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about the eating disorders or whatever problem they have. We

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become more honest, and honesty results in more resilience. I'm

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very, very convinced about that. So yeah, I think that's it for

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today. That is my little message for you. If bullshitted my,

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myself for many, many years, and now I'm happy to know that I can

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be more and more honest with myself and with the people

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around me. And when people do not validate how I feel, then

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I'm still there for myself. And that feels incredibly

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empowering. And I want everybody who's listening to experience

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the same. I would burn to know what, what your thoughts are

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like, I would love this to be a dialogue more than a monologue.

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So if you have any thoughts and feelings coming up, please share

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them with me on Facebook, underneath my post here

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regarding the episode and or shoot me a message. Let me know

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that you are a listener and that you want to comment on my latest

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episode, and I will make sure that I get back to you because

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yeah, I'm very curious to know how you experienced this. Or

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maybe you know, somebody who is suffering and they keep abusing

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themselves and they think that our healthy, beautiful body is

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all that it takes to be happy. But that is not the truth. We

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can be totally dead inside and close to a heart attack. Even

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though we exercise all the time and run around all the time and

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drink our juices and eat our broccoli. Right. It's emotional

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health. It is deep connection to other people that we also need

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to be healthy. Hmm, I'm getting really emotional here towards

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the end. I don't know why No, I know why it is because it is

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such a dear topic to me. And, yeah, I'm just going to let you

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go now. Feel free to reach out to post and to let other people

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learn about you. And I will be out there very soon again. Thank

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you so much for listening. I appreciate you and Leslie. Bye

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bye