Ep. 20 Do not fail to see this when dating. [dating]

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Hello, and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm

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your host Aurora. And I'm very happy to be spending some time

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with you today.

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I really hope from the bottom of my heart that you're doing well,

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there's so much anxiety, and depression and aggression out

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there going on right now.

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It's

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really, really tough times for all of us. And help you can take

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time aside and really take good care of yourself.

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Maybe every day, maybe a couple days a week,

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to come back to your peaceful state, maybe even joy as core.

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And remember how light and easy life can feel

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in those tough times.

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If you're driving right now,

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maybe you should listen to that episode, because it's gonna be a

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very relaxing one.

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If you are walking, that's fine. But don't be operating machinery

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or driving a car.

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Today I want to talk about

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every relationship advice that I've was never given and that I

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was so grateful to, yeah, receive or to learn to observe

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when it comes to dating. And yeah, romantic relationships.

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We all talk about attractiveness, about

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the intellect. So intellectually, it has to be a

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match spiritually, it'd be good. If you guys are a match.

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Physically, I mentioned already. And then sense of humor is very

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important too.

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But how about stress, I feel we all go through stressful

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situations at times. And it is very interesting to observe how

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different people react to stress.

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And once we find out how the person is reacting to stress, we

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know a lot more about them already. And we know how we can

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cope together, how we can function together in a stressful

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situation.

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So I didn't make it a huge build up. Now I come out with my

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number one relationship advice that I've never received, right

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out the door.

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Because I feel it is so important to see how a person is

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relating to you. When there is stress. There's people who

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completely shut down and don't want anything to do with anybody

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else. They want to focus on that problem. And by themselves

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through until they have resolved it.

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There's people who

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explode. So the first example I would say they implode. Second

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examples, they explode, they run around like a chicken with his

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head chopped off and panic and don't know what to do and need

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other people to rescue them. And yeah, in some situations, we

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need help from the outside. But there's people out there who

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always search for a solution and the outside and they never

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figure out for themselves as if they could find a solution

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themselves.

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And then there's people who are awesome, add communicating how

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they feel, and at communicating

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what they need from you as their partner. And then you guys are

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in the same boat and you can support each other and be a very

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strong team. But to be that very strong team, you first have to

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know how that person is functioning. How do they

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function on a daily basis? Are they totally OCD do they have to

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have everything controlled?

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Everything has to go their way. Otherwise they're unhappy or

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irritated with you or with themselves, or are they pretty

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easy going, and they can allow a little bit of chaos, they have a

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good sense of humor. And you can kind of sense that if stress

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comes up, they are reliable partners, I find this so, so

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important to talk about because most of the time when we start

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dating, we only focus on the exterior, on the appearance on

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likes and dislikes, hobbies, food preferences, maybe music.

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And then sex, of course, is a very important topic too.

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But, and that it's tricky. In the beginnings, we always show

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our best sides, and maybe on a day where you feel shitty about

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yourself, you would cancel and not meet up with your date, not

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meet up with your potential partner, because you feel not

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good about yourself. Well, here is the news, they have to know

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how you behave in your not so good situations, when you don't

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feel good. And vice versa, you have to know how they behave

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when they feel shitty about themselves or a certain

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situation.

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So of course, it takes some time until you get to know a person

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on that level. But this is the time I beg you to absolutely

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take because there's a lot of us out there who enter

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relationships, because we don't like to be alone because our

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biological clock is ticking.

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Because of all sorts of

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reasons. And then

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we put these reasons, we make those reasons out very main

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important priority, and enter the relationship. And the first

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crisis comes around and you think Holy shit, who's that

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person on dating, I didn't even know that person was capable of

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getting so angry or so depressed. And, yeah, I'm trying

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to make you guys and girls more aware of things that we have to

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look at, when we look at dating, to then enter relationships with

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more confidence, and to be more at ease with ourselves and make

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better choices when it comes to our partners. So if you are in a

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partnership now, and if you see, oh my god, whenever we have a

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crisis, it's very crazy difficult for me to relate to my

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partner, then I would say, talk about this and be open about

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this. Because people can change and you have to believe that

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people can adapt. And when you currently dating someone, and

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you're totally lovey dovey, and excited, and sex is awesome, and

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he probably likes your parents, or your parents like him or her.

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Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. But try to get to know that

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person, on every level, that there is, before you fully

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commit. Committing is a wonderful thing. I'm all for it.

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But committing to the wrong person. Committing for the wrong

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reasons, is a mistake that you will regret for a long, long

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time.

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And then

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another art and this is also not to dissect the relationship

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we're into to over analyze, but to live that relationship and to

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go from the heart and to feel, hey, is that something I can

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deal with? When my partner explodes when there is a

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stressful situation? And vice versa for them? Can they handle

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your worst you? Are they okay? The way you behave when you are

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stressed out? Sometimes we also have to look at ourselves and

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see that Yeah, when we were single, we were able to totally

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lash out and be mad and sad for as long as we wanted. But now

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you are in a relationship and you are responsible for your

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well being. And you're responsible to bring goodness

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into the relationship and to not poison your relationship. So you

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have to deal with your stuff. You cannot use your partner to

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have every solution at hand and you have to

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Be independent in that way a little bit. I'm all for

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interdependency. And depending on each other to some degree,

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but when it comes to problematic situations, we have to show

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ownership.

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So, I think that's the main message I want to send out here

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today. It's not about religion, it's not about attractiveness.

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It's not about spirituality, or financial health. Those are

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very, very interesting topics to talk about. But

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bag baggage that the people bring into a relationship should

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be analyzed a little bit, see what the person is bringing from

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the past, into the present. And if that's something you can deal

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with, and it goes so deep, that sexual preferences, for

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instance, are deeply rooted in your past, maybe sometimes in

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your childhood. So, experiment, explore, see if that person is a

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good match for you. And be curious about your partner. Ask

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them what makes them sad, ask them what makes them really mad.

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And ask them questions about their childhood and hope that

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they're open to it, to talk about it, to understand them,

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because understanding a person is loving a person, because it

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is Zen that we can show empathy. And it is then that they can

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open up more and more. And we can see better and better if

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that person is good for us. If we are good for that. Thank you

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so much from the bottom of my heart to listen to this episode

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today. You're listening to the Borealis experience. I'm your

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host Aurora. And I really hope you're doing well. I really

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asked you to send me requests and to tell me what you would

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love me to talk about.

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Because I want to serve you the best I can. I'm out here to lift

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you up, to shift your attitude and to bring some goodness into

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this world. take really good care of yourself. And I will be

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out there for you tomorrow again. Bye bye.