Ep.16 Forcing things. Are you a constantly in victim mentality ?

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Oh

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hello, you absolutely lovely people from all over the world.

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I'm so excited to see that we have people from South Korea,

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Finland, UK, USA, Canada, Germany, France, and more. It

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really makes me feel very good and motivated to post this

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podcast and today's

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episode. Today was a day where I think I hesitated for a couple

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minutes if I was going to post something today or not,

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you're listening to the Borealis experience. I'm your host

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Aurora. And of course, I will not let you down on a more

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chaotic day than others. Today, I want to talk about what you

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can expect when you choose to grow when you choose to get rid

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of old habits that don't serve you anymore. When you choose to

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walk a path that maybe no one else in your family decided to

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walk before you. In the last episode, I said I wanted to talk

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about relationships today and if you are a good friend, but I'm

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going to postpone this to the next episode. Today, I want to

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talk about something just as important because today, it

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really came up strongly in my life, that growth is a difficult

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rocky path at times and might've made you make you feel strong,

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independent, and yeah, liberate you from from all dust. But

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there's a downside to it that you really have to be aware of.

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Today, for instance, I tried to log in to my bank account

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online, and suddenly said, Well, you have to change your password

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and long story short, it was a back and forth between me and my

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cell phone and passwords that didn't want it to be reset and

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phone calls and just a huge mess for basically nothing. And I got

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really caught up in it. At some point I had to just sit back and

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think about the meditation I posted this morning about

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effortlessness and how ridiculous it was, to feel so

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caught up and something really minor. And I had to remind

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myself that sometimes we just have to let go, sometimes we

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have to go to bed with unresolved issues. So all this

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to say when you choose to grow, when you choose to liberate

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yourself doesn't mean that you will never ever encounter

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problems again, that you will never ever feel strong emotions

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again, or have the perfect tools to then in the perfect moment.

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Take that tool out and feel totally Zen compared to other

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people. This is just nothing could be further from the truth.

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What I really hate seeing is when spiritual teachers out

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there, give you all these advise all this advice and and at some

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point really make you feel weird and maybe small even because

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they come across as so perfect and flawless. And as if they

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could always react perfectly in every moment. And this is not

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the truth. So that's why I decided right away than to post

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an episode today because I can't forget that you don't really

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know me yet. And you have to know that I struggle on many

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levels. I just learned along my journey and want to share those

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experiences those lessons I learned to help other peoples

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too. Yeah, cut short and maybe to not waste as much time as I

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did and in some areas of my life. So I got really We caught

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up today and came to a point where I just had to drop

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everything and know that tomorrow I'm going to take my

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truck and just drive into town and solve it with a person and

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not with a computer, and that will be way better. If you have

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the possibility, always choose human interaction over phone

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conversations. That is one of my little messages today. Because

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with people we can talk people can not all of them of course,

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but really good customer service sees your struggle, your problem

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and then helps you out as much as they can. And that's a very

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positive human interaction that when you go to bed at night, you

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can feel like you did something good for yourself. So to dive in

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a little deeper when it comes to relationships is in this

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situation today, what happened I focused I was really like a

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pitbull. Talking about Pitbull,

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she just comes in, hey, Bonnie, do you want to be part of it?

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Come here. No, she just doesn't like closed doors. I was biting

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onto that problem like a pitbull and really wanted to get it

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done. I was fixated.

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And everything around me was was not there anymore. I couldn't

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see my, my friend, I couldn't see my grandma. Nothing was

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important anymore, except that problem. And that mode is never

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good. Because that means you're, I'm in this case, operating from

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the mind only. And I'm trying to force something that can be done

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right away. And it is very, very harmful to the relationships

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around you. And then ultimately to yourself. So if I had chosen

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to drop it earlier, and just say I'm driving to town right now

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and solve the problem, awesome. Or if I had chosen to not take

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it as serious and maybe make fun with about it with my people

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around it, or maybe ask for help, then the whole day would

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have gone in a very different direction. So what I want to

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learn in the future and can only recommend to other people, too,

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who get really intense at times is you got to force yourself and

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see the big picture and see how ridiculous it is to get worked

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out about something minor, something that doesn't harm

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anybody and is not going to have bad consequences. You have to

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force yourself to go into birds perspective and see how

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ridiculously you're just behaving and wasting precious

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energy. That's my one little lesson I want to learn today.

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And it might come up again, and then I will try and force myself

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to think about it. So then, when we keep discussing relationships

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and how we show up and relationships is really

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important, especially when we are in a place where we tend to

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play the victim I know sounds mean, but a lot of people do

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that and blame others, then you are in a state of helplessness

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and hopelessness and kind of stuck in a hole where you can

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really help yourself out again, easily. The moment we take

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charge the moment we can see what was my part in this weird

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situation in a relationship now what did I do wrong? What can I

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do better? Where can I ask for forgiveness is the point where

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you will actually change a whole situation and can totally flip

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around a relationship because that other person will then feel

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that you truly care first of all, and most of them it works

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like Wonder will also look at themselves. and open up what

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they think they did wrong. And this is the point in a

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relationship where you then can talk and have a real

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conversation again, instead of nagging, blaming, distract,

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distracting, running away from it, avoiding it. Maybe you

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experience a conflict right now. And then I really, really want

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to emphasize this that if you can sit down and write out or

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think about, what was your part? And even if you think you're the

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biggest victim, and that person was so mean and unjust with you,

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what was your part? Just focus on yourself? Did you allow that

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person to treat you like a piece of? I'm not gonna say it.

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But you know what I mean? Did you trigger something in that

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other person? Is there something that you don't know about the

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other person that might have upset them. So really go back

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from that intense Pitbull mode like I was today with my

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computer and approach it with more curiosity. And as you are

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not dealing with a computer, you will get a response. And that

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response will surprise you. Because most of the time, people

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didn't mean it that way, or exactly meant it that way. And

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then you know, better. You have kind of a resolution, then when

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you start looking at yourself, start asking questions from a

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place that is warm and genuine and not aggressive. And it will

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work wonders. So today, I think my main message is as often as

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you can, not only while you meditate. But while you react

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while you get really worked up and caught up in your emotions.

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While you are maybe sitting for some time now in victim mode and

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blaming others, go into verse perspective, and check in with

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yourself. Don't be too harsh. It's not about punishing

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yourself, and being mean to yourself. It is all about seeing

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what happened. reflect about what was your part, and then

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correct in the future. And before doing that, you can go

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and apologize, you can go and explain yourself. And everything

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is good again, because you are at peace with yourself again.

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I'm gonna do that with myself tonight. I might have to sit

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down one more time and let everything flowed out of my

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soul. Again, everything I was angry and frustrated about

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today. Because I want to have a good night's sleep. And not

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think about it tomorrow. Tomorrow, I'll solve my problem.

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And everything is going to be fine. Again. Thank you so much

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for listening to the Borealis experience. I'm your host

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Aurora. And I think today was good because you learned a

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little bit more about myself. And I really shouldn't forget

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that. We're only getting to know each other here on that this

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podcast yet and I will be more open in the future and keep

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giving you tools to help you out with growth with mental

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struggles that you had over a period of time now especially

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during COVID and be there for you through meditations through

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my inspirational talks here. And I'm very, very thankful to have

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you on board. Thank you very much. Despite Aurora