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Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your host Aurora, life coach and companion

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on this beautiful journey called life. I'm so happy to be

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spending some time with you. And so happy to reflect about the

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Yeah, more juicy topics with you. And when it comes to

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relationships, having a growth mindset, wanting to move on

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wanting to heal, and just trying to be a detective. When it comes

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to your purpose, when it comes to all the big questions, hey,

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what am I meant to do here on planet Earth? Who am I meant to

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be with? What job am I meant to engage in? What lessons am I

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supposed to learn, if you have that little itch inside of you,

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and you want to move on, you want to heal. You want to

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improve your relationships, you want to be more productive, you

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want to be a more successful entrepreneur, but you feel

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you're lacking resources you're lacking tools, then, please

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don't hesitate to reach out to me. And we can figure out how I

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could help you on your journey to get you on a path where you

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can get closer to your dreams and to your goals where you can

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improve your relationships and feel more fulfilled. Overall,

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checkout arrived@coaching.com and find what suits you or just

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jump on a call with me. And we can explore together how I could

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help you. Today, I want to talk to you about abandonment issues.

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And I chose to tell you a little story to not just Yeah, talk

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about what abandonment issues are and how they could look

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like. But this is a real, real life story that happened

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approximately seven years ago. And I feel the need to share

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this with you because maybe you are not aware of your patterns,

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maybe you are not aware that you tend to slip into a pattern that

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is really not healthy for you and for the people around you.

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Or maybe you experienced that. Similar, like a similar story

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that I'm about to share with you with a personal and your life

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before or right now in this moment. And I'm hoping to raise

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awareness when it comes to abandonment issues and to have

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people more clear about their patterns, once they slide into

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victim mentality once they start to behave from a place of pain

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and stead of love. Because it is very important to observe these

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patterns. When you feel the need to improve your relationships.

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You will look at yourself and realize, hmm, I'm actually doing

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something similar and I tend to feel like a victim then it is

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time for you to grow. If you realize that you have struggled

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with abandonment issues in the past and still to this day.

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There is ways for you to get out of this misery of the vicious

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circle of being a victim attacking others manipulating

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situations and then again being a victim. It's not a pleasant

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state to be in. And when I realized that I was doing that I

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just I felt really horrible about myself because it's, it's

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not a good place to be in but to be unaware of it. And doing this

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to yourself and the people around you is even worse. All

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right Long Story Short. I'm going to dive right into it. It

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is As I said, seven years ago, I

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had moved to a new country, Canada, and was living in a new

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city. I started going to acquire. So every week, we were

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getting together and singing together with a group of people.

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And I really started enjoying this practice. My mom came for a

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visit. My mom at that time, I had a new boyfriend. And I

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didn't really know him yet, but I could sense that they get

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along well, and she's happy. I go to the choir. And shortly

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before practice, I tell my mom that it would mean a lot to me

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if she was to join and see us sing. So practice goes until

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seven, why don't you come at 645 or 630, even and then you can

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listen to the beautiful music. So I go to my practice, there

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was a o'clock in the in that split in a place where we

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practice singing. And I see the clock hitting 645 nobody shows

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up. Seven o'clock. All right. I was so disappointed. I had a

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weird day already. And I just said, Hey, it is not much that I

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asked for. I just want my mom to be there for the practice, and

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she can't even show up. I look I'm on my phone and see that

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there is a message from her boyfriend. And I open it up and

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it says all good. We're having fun. So what I made of this was

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that my mom choose to spend time with her boyfriend over choosing

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to spend time with me listening to my music. It doesn't really

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matter. I felt abandoned. She didn't show up for me. She made

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another person more important than me. I drove home. And as I

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came home I had five missed calls from my mom on my phone.

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And I thought she, she's probably you know, she wants to

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apologize. She wants to make it up to me. Maybe she wants to

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take me out for dinner. But fuck this. I don't want anything to

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do with her. I'm so incredibly mad. I don't want to hear any of

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these weird excuses. And yeah, I'm done with it. So I got home

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when to my bedroom, locked myself into my bedroom and was

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just hoping to fall asleep. And to wake up the next morning very

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early to then having to go back to college. In the meantime,

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it's 1030 at night, and I hear the door opening of the

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apartment. And clearly it's my mom and her boyfriend. And I was

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not asleep. So I was kind of trying to listen what they were

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saying and then it knocks on my door and I don't react and then

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she opens my door and and says Hey, like you didn't answer my

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cause. Are you okay? And I just looked at her and I was like

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yeah, I guess I'm okay. I mean I'm here I'm in my bed and I'm

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alright. What's what's going on with You. And then she tells me

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that on her way to come see me singing. Her car broke down. No,

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actually,

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it was not her car breaking. Breaking down, she hit a deer.

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So she had an accident with a deer. And her boyfriend

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messaging me, hey, everything is okay, we're having fun was to in

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a weird way appease me. So he said, Oh, okay, your mom is not

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going to show up at your practice, I'm going to shoot

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your message so that you don't worry, what I made of it,

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because I saw it from a perspective of pain is that she

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is choosing me, him over me. What happened and reality is

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that my mother had an accident, they were trying to reach me, I

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could have helped. But I chose to sit in my pain and to

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completely shut myself off from the world, and to keep sitting

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in my pain. Now, thank God, nothing happened to my mom, the

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car was severely damaged. And it was a whole shitshow of her

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trying to come back home. She was relying on other people,

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like strangers to help her out. And she was very, very lucky in

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a shady situation. And all along, I was sitting at home in

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pain. not reacting to her calls. And I tell you here, I mean, you

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could have guessed it maybe already. But this is one of the

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stories that I'm most ashamed of. I'm so ashamed. And I'm so

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glad. And I'm so lucky that nothing happened to my mom,

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because the regrets I would have, up until today and into my

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future of not being there for my mom when she had an accident

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would have eat me up from the inside. So what happened is that

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somewhere in my childhood, I must have felt similar. So I

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have a younger brother. And maybe when he was born, and then

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this cute little boy. Growing up, I felt replaced, I felt I

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needed to share my mom with him now. He became a successful

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hockey player. I played hockey as well, but not as good. So

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everybody was always interested in his career and his goals and

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successes. And when it came to my hockey practice, practice, of

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course, nobody was really interested because we were not

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successful. And I was engaging in a sport and a hobby that was

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not in alignment with my soul callings. So to say, right, and

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my brother was successful with his hockey because he pursued

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something that made him a better person that gave him joy. So I

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felt I was in the shadow of my brother, I felt that my mom

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picked him over me when it comes to activities. Fast forward into

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the future, a similar situation arises, right? I'm engaging in a

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new hobby. And now I'm hoping my mom is going to be there for me

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and proud of me and am I doing the right thing to go to the

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choir and I can get to be proud of me now. Please don't forget I

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was 29 years old. It doesn't matter how old you are. There

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will always be a little wounded child inside of you. And this

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little wounded child that is sitting in pain will make you do

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things that are weird and sometimes even dangerous. And

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that's what my point is here today that we need to become

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brutally aware of these patterns because in my case, again, I was

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so lucky that nothing worse happened. And I'm working on

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letting go of this shame. I'm working on letting go of my

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abandonment issues. And

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I'm, I'm slowly getting there, I'm getting better. I'm giving

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people the benefit of the doubt I asked questions. I'm curious.

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I don't make assumptions anymore. But back then I didn't

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know better, but to crawl back into my pain, and to lay in

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fetal position and pity myself at home. And that's just so, so

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horrible. So I'm gonna let that sink in my dear friend and

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listener. And, yeah, if there's any feedback, if you want to

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open up to me about abandonment issues that you can, you know,

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put a finger on, it's very tough because sometimes you can't

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really put a finger on because you don't know what happened in

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people's past. But if you feel that you have struggled with

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abandonment issues, or you know, somebody, make sure to share

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this episode and to make them feel less alone and to let them

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know that there is a way out. You can feel empowered, again.

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People are more forgiving than we usually expect. You can open

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up that can of worms and talk to people and apologize to people.

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And then work on yourself and rid yourself of this extremely

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dangerous victim mentality. All right, I'm gonna leave you with

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that with lots of love and care and deep respect for your growth

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mindset. Because chances are if you listen to my podcast, that

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you are a warrior, a goddess that you want to become your

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best version, and that you want to rise above the pain that you

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went through instead of living as a victim and hurting other

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people. So thank you so much for being here. I deeply appreciate

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each one of you. And I will be out there very soon again.