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Hello, hello and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your host Aurora, life coach and companion

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on this beautiful journey called life. If you feel like you need

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support and handling stress if you want to be more resilient to

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stress, if you want to feel more focused and organized,

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productive, be it at your workplace as an entrepreneur or

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employed person, be it as a mother, a father, a family

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member, if you want to increase your attractiveness, and better

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your relationships with the people around you, but maybe

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especially the romantic relationships, don't hesitate to

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reach out to me. And I will show you what I can offer as a coach

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on how to support your growth and healing and expansion

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journey. Today, I want to call this episode anger management. I

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recorded an episode about anger quite some time ago, and I feel

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we don't talk about this emotion enough. It is. It is an emotion

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that is just anchored into our system. It is part of the human

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experience. And I feel if we know this, if we can't escape

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frustration and anger, then we can also ask ourselves, okay,

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well, how can we handle anger and frustration more gracefully,

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more in alignment with our true nature, how can we use that

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energy, so to say, to create something new, to maybe not

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destroy, but to build. And now you can say, while Aurora anger

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is always negative, anger is always counter productive when

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it comes to building relationships and being close to

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one another. But I see it differently. I learned that if I

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managed to express my anger in a way, that my counterpart, the

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person standing in front of me, wants to listen to them, then

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that huge buildup of anger and resentment inside of me

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dissolves. Because I give the person the possibility to

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understand me and then they come back to me or react, respond in

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a way that makes me calm down right away. I can only talk

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about my experience. And I have a couple of clients who talk

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about their experience. I'm not going to name my clients here,

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but I'm okay to share a couple stories. So one as a child, a

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teenager, and he's a good student, he loves to go to

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school. But he gets bullies at times he gets bullied and yeah,

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is being treated unfair. This little boy comes home and then

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lashes out at his siblings takes it out on the Pats and at the

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mother. And it's a tricky situation because you don't

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really know what's happening in this youngsters, Brain and Mind.

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So we don't really know what's happening at the source, because

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he's not really opening up about it. But what I explored with the

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mom is that once we show that we are willing to listen, once we

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express that, hey, you are being very angry right now you're

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being very frustrated. I want to help you I want to listen to

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you. I want to understand you. But I need you to come down for

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me It changes the whole situation, it helps me to

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channel my anger out. And this mother will try this with her

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teenage boy here soon.

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So, I know for myself that once a person is willing to listen,

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once a person shows interest in hearing me out, my anger

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dissolves right away, there can be an apology involved, they can

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be just a genuine, hey, I misunderstood you involved, or

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there can be, hey, I feel we are on different pages. So I'm

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curious to know, if you are on the receiving end of anger, or

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if you are the angry person in your relationships, and how you

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deal with that strong emotion, it is not possible to suppress

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it, you can suppress it for some time. But it will find its way

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out at some point. And you might be treating people unfairly,

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that don't deserve to be treated with with your frustration and

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anger, right, it might have just been bottled up inside of you,

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and then you let it all out. And it's usually the wrong person

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you let it all out on. So if you are, let's call it the angry

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person, I want you to explore next time you feel triggered

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next time you feel the anger coming up, that you have a

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sentence ready in order to stop this process to worsen. And what

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I mean by that is a simple sentence. If another person is

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involved, like, Hey, I feel you do not understand me. Let me put

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it in different words. I feel attacked. Is it your intention

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that you want to attack me? And if yes, why? If no, please, can

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you rephrase your sentence. So to have a sentence ready, and

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then also give the other person the benefit of the doubt. So to

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not make assumptions that everybody is after you to upset

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you and to make you angry? But to ask this is how I feel right

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now? Is this your intention? And if it is not, can we talk about

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it, but because it really makes me feel uncomfortable? I feel

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frustrated when you behave this way? Can you explain to me why

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you behave this way? And can we explore why it frustrates me and

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can we leave it behind at some point. So you see, we have this

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this thoughts and feelings around anger that it's a bad

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thing. And we shouldn't get angry, we'll always have to be

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nice. We have to be friendly. And we have to be kind to

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everybody who even piss us off. But that is not the truth.

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That's not how you can live because this is not authentic,

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loving, authentic loving, is when you are able to communicate

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how you feel without the other person wanting to run away from

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you or shut down. And this usually happens when you become

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aggressive when you become loud. When you get in yeah and unfair

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game behavior that people simply don't want to engage in. And it

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is your trigger. It is inside of us that this energy arises and

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you just got to own it, and express how you feel and it will

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work wonders. Now if you are on the receiving end of anger if

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you live with a person who's angry on a regular basis, of

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course, if it's too intense if you're scared for your life, if

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you feel threatened, physically, emotionally, mentally, you guys

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have to seek out counseling, see a psychologist and really

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address it at the root cause. But if it's just that you notice

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that your husband or your child or your wife comes home in a

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certain mood and then feels like they have to lash out on you.

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They have to you know dump it all on you then Feel free to

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express Hey, when you are

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that upset when you feel triggered by me and I'm not even

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doing anything, you're just bringing the stress that you

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accumulated at work home. I'm having a hard time to stay open

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and interested and close to you, I just want to run away. Here's

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the thing though. I want to listen to you, I want to

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understand you, I want to support you. And I feel if you

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say that you help the person so anomalously to drop from anger

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right into empowerment, but also vulnerability. You put the ball

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back into their court. At the same time, he says you're ready

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to listen, you're ready to receive but you clearly

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communicate how you want to be communicated with and that will

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earn you so much respect. Try it out. Share with me. share with

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me what your experiences with anger, be it you being angry or

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other people by being upset with you or life. And I'm curious to

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hear about your story. Your relation with Edgar. Thank you

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so much for being here. And so grateful for every listener who

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joined welcome here. Always feel free to shoot me a message on

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Aurora Eggert coaching or simply Aurora Eggert on Facebook and if

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you have any requests when it comes to podcast episodes, don't

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hesitate. And if you feel that you're ready for an upgrade of

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your life. Send me a message regarding coaching. I'll leave

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you on that and wish you a wonderful rest of your day. Bye