Ep.11 Valentines Day. [not everybody's favorite day]

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Hello,

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and welcome to

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the Borealis experience. I'm your host Aurora. Hope you can

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find peace and relaxation here. And yeah, maybe even recharge

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your batteries. It is February 13. Tomorrow's Valentine's day,

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a day that is a very Yeah, loaded I feel and West Western

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world. It might bring up a lot of memories and might bring up

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weird feelings when we are single, and it might bring up a

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lot of pressure and expectations if we find ourselves in a

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relationship. So I don't know where you at today or tomorrow

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in which relational situation you are, at the moment. But I

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want to speak to everybody. As usual, I don't care which

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preferences you have. When it comes to your choice of partner,

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I want to speak to your heart. When you find yourself being a

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single and desperately looking for a partner, then I really

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hope that you know that you are so precious, and you don't need

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a partner to make you feel whole and good. You need to find a way

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to feel good about yourself without a partner first. And it

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took me years and years and years and I might still not be

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there today. But this is something I learned along my

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journey is that if you don't appreciate yourself, then people

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will not appreciate you. And second, Lee, people who want to

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love you will not know how to love you. If you don't know

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yourself How can you express and really show the other person

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what you need and what you want and what you made of you need to

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know yourself first. So if you find yourself being sad about

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Valentine's Day and feeling lonely, and please know you are

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precious, you are needed out there, and you will find the

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partner that suits you. You just have to fend for everybody, it's

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individual. But what helped me was being honest with myself,

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did I do all the work needed before entering a relationship?

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Am I at peace with my past, to some degree, at least that I

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started the work and know where I still have to clean up? Do I

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know that I need to make space for the person I want to have at

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my side. So if you are at home, and going to bed at night with

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one pillow in your bed, well, here's the good news. Get

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yourself a second pillow and create a world around you where

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a person actually has space. There's so many people out there

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following a career or being a passionate daughter or father or

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whatever role you're playing. And you're craving to have a

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partner but if you look at the time you spend playing that

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role, how much space could you really make for your partner?

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Are you being honest with yourself their if you go out

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dating? Or can they actually sense that there is not much

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space you want them in your life but there's not enough space for

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them to survive

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in your daily life. And if you are in a relationship, I really

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hope

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you can feel appreciated and good about yourself and you can

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make your partner feel the same and if you guys are into

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celebrating Valentine's Day then awesome, love it and enjoy it

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and party and spoil each other. If you find yourself in a

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relationship where you know your partner's totally into

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valentine's day and you are absolutely not you hate it it's

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just another day where you need to spend money on the other

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person well then here's the news you guys have to find some

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common ground and he or she has to understand that it is very

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new to you or different to you to express your love and you

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don't like to express it in a monetary way but also make a

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little effort and know that it is exciting and awesome at times

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to do something out of the norm for yourself for your partner

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and if he or she knows that you're doing that to make her or

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him happy then and you do it from a genuine place of course

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you're not going to resent afterwards then they're going to

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appreciate it so much and really see that you did a big effort

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here if you are the person who is totally into valentine's day

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and you are with a person who absolutely hate that hates it

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then yeah it is a tough place to be but you also need to

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understand that the state comes with a lot of pressure and a lot

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of expectations and sometimes when people avoid those

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occasions it is because they're scared it is because bad

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memories come up and they don't want them to be repeated so we

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can have compassion with them people who don't like

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valentine's day if we are in a relationship with them and maybe

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ask questions or maybe not and maybe just see all the 1000

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different ways they show us how much they love us just not on

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that day the way other couples do and there's rebels out there

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to those rebels who get you flowers on every day of the year

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but not valentine's day because they want to do it their way and

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not society's way and isn't that beautiful too so again let's go

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back to single ladies and single guys out there if you feel very

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lonely today please know that you love that you're seeing that

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you're appreciated by so many people around you you just got

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to allow them to and you can't expect that your partner is

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going to fulfill every single need of yours and you can let

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other people fulfill your needs already and then your partner

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will roll around like the little cherry on top of the whipped

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cream on top of the ice cream i would love to know that you

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really spoil yourself today and give yourself a foot massage or

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a hot bath or buy yourself flowers and really celebrate

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yourself look back just to see how far you came maybe you've

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been listening to my podcast for a little while now and you

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started to meditate and tried out some new thought patterns

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and got curious about new ways to see the world and then really

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deeply appreciate yourself and know that you're doing great and

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you're doing awesome and that person will come who can reflect

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that about yourself that you know about yourself already

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right a lot of people who have been single for a while and then

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enter a relationship and that person is all over them and all

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excited about them and wants to love them and appreciate them

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and the person who wanted that relationship for so long now is

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finding herself in a position of oh my god like do i even deserve

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that like that person is way too good for me and what do i have

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to do in return so if you don't want to find yourself in a

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situation like that do the work already know that you're worth

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already and make the space and the time

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i know it sounds very silly but pretend to go on a date and cook

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for your partner and make your house beautiful buy flowers and

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make like a beautiful candlelight dinner and imagine

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the awesome conversation you could have and instead of Yeah,

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making popcorn and binge watching Netflix. I mean, you

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can do that too as a couple, but certainly not in the first

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couple of dates. So, I really hope you don't feel lonely

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today. Because if there's nobody out there who appreciates you,

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and respects you, I do, because I knew know what I put out there

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is pretty challenging at times. And chances are it is not the

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first episode you are listening to. You are appreciated, you are

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loved, we need you out there. And the right partner is going

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to come. And as I said, in my Facebook, live video today,

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maybe you are not ready yet, to have a partner, maybe you do

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have to do more clean up and work on yourself. Maybe you have

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unrealistic expectations. But maybe you're perfectly fine. And

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maybe you can just celebrate yourself and be good with

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yourself. And your partner out there who's meant for you still

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has to clean up some stuff. And you just got to trust that the

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timing is going to be right. When you meet your person, it's

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going to be perfect and it's going to run smoothly and

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everything is going to unfold naturally. You got to trust the

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process. And you get to know yourself. Know what you need, in

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a very healthy way. Don't lie to yourself and think that your

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manipulative ways your distorted ways on reality are how the

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world rules. be brutally honest with yourself and see what has

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come has to come up to to light out of the darkness and has to

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be looked at and then sorted out. And when you've done the

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work, work when you're all Yeah, ready and happy with yourself,

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tend with yourself, then the right partner is going to show

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up. And it doesn't mean that you have to be all positive and

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awesome every day. No, certainly not. just means that you're

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being real with yourself and that you express yourself,

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honestly, and that people get to know you and see who you really

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are. Because that's when you're going to attract the person you

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need in your life. So from the bottom of my heart, if you love

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Valentine's Day, I'm wishing you a happy Valentine's Day. If you

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absolutely hate Valentine's Day, you probably didn't listen to my

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episode today. If you did sharpell I respect you and I

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love you. You were listening to the Borealis experience. I'm

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your host Aurora and I will be out there very soon again for

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you. Take good care of yourself.