Ep.11 Family gatherings and graceful boundaries [relationships]

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Hello, and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm

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your host, Aurora, lash coach and companion on this beautiful

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journey called life. I hope you're doing good, I hope you

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feel safe. I hope you're in a good space mentally and

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emotionally. It is Easter weekend. Who would have thought?

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Yeah, it is April 7. And I talked to a couple people today,

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and most people were a little bit anxious nervous for this

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weekend to arrive. But also to be over with. I think I attract

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people who were fairly authentic, and usually tell me

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exactly how they feel. There's no beating around the bush. So I

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always get to hear about the nitty gritty details that of

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course, are safe, I'm not going to share them with you here and

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anything, but it's quite interesting how we put ourselves

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in position where we feel anxious and nervous, and we do

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it to please others to, you know, keep harmony to keep the

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family together. And at the same time, are we being honest with

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ourselves? Are we being authentic with our true nature,

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I feel we can do both, I feel we can be a social animal, we can

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be a family member. And at the same time be authentic as well.

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But sometimes there's members in the community or in our family,

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who make it rather difficult to be authentic and to stay kind

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and graceful. And this is what I want to talk about today and

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said it is so incredibly important wherever you go, and

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not only in family dynamics, so for family gatherings, that we

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don't take what people offer to us. And what I mean by that is

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not the Easter egg, not the little gift that they bring or

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the flowers they deliver. But the heavy emotions, the

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memories, the accusations, the expectations, that people try to

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put on us that we are supposed to take on. And then yeah,

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accommodate the other person or react to the other person. We

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can be selective and this is one of the biggest parts of coaching

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when when I work with my clients is to really become a detective

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about what brings you joy, which connections are nurturing and

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good for you. And which connections are we going to

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gently and gracefully address, clear up or even push further

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away from us without causing a big dramatic reaction or

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response in the other, which cannot always be controlled. But

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to have the intention to make changes in a smooth way and not

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dramatic way and to find out. Who are the people that are good

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for you and who are the people that you can learn from and feel

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inspired by. And who are the people that you can just keep a

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little bit at a distance. Don't get me wrong, sometimes we get

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triggered by people because we need to heal. It's not their

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fault by how they show up. It is how we react to them and how we

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can learn to heal when we feel triggered. So not to blame

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others but to look internally where we can grow and expand and

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just let go of insecurities a little bit more. But when it

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comes to people who are very unhappy with their lives and

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they just take it out on us through you know sarcasm or

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weird comments, rip shots. We don't have To take that anymore,

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we live in 2023. Where everybody may be offended for one thing or

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another another. No, I'm just, I'm just joking here, but we are

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in a time where emotional evolution is required. Let's put

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it that way. And it's a great thing. We don't have to expose

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ourselves to stupid, silly bullying anymore. Right? I was,

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I was born in the 80s. And nowadays, I'm just happy to go

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to bed at night, not being feeling bullied or harassed or

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humiliated, or attacked emotionally. Because back then,

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I don't know, we just, we just were very rough on each other.

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And now people who are rough on other people are being called

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out. And I wish I really wish that existed when I was little

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when I was at school. But I want you to claim this beautiful,

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emotional change that the world is going through right now. And

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to stand up for yourself to stand up for others who might

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not hear this episode, and you hear it and are being reminded

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next time you witness somebody bullying another and to have

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sentenced sentences. Sorry, ready? Like, how did you mean

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this? What do you mean by what you just said? I feel really

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uncomfortable with what you just said. I feel you are seeing this

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from your perspective, and don't really understand where I'm

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coming from. I feel that you are taking out your insecurities on

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me. sentences like that can totally take out the wind out of

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somebody's sails. You know, like sailboat sails. Who has weird

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intentions, mean intentions or is just full on? Unaware, so

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unaware, and they don't even know how they make you feel. And

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this is how we can teach people how to hand handle us not handle

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us, I want to find a different word, how to treat us exactly.

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You don't need to have people treat you poorly. You don't need

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to allow that. And I really don't like how there's like this

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whole talk about narcissism and paths out there. And yeah, we

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both exist. But I think all people have both sides inside of

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themselves. And depending on what they exposed to, they react

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a certain way. But really to claim their power to communicate

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how you feel in the moment to stand your ground. And to not

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take on that gift. So to say that somebody wants to place

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into your hands when they make a weird comment in that moment

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when a weird common comes when this. Yeah, awkward expectations

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from relatives and in laws are being expressed. You don't need

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to take it on, you don't need to leave it, like coming so close

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to you that you have spontaneous reaction to it. You just leave

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it laying there on the table in between you and the other person

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and you look at it and you decide if you want to take it on

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or not. And if you really feel that this person keeps bugging

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you and really doesn't understand, then just say

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something like, yeah,

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I really think we are on different pages and I really

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don't see any reasons why we should continue this

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conversation. Because you don't understand me You clearly don't

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know who I am. And to not say that in an aggressive way but

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assertive way and very clear way and In that way we can protect

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ourselves from weird mental attacks, or unawareness from

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other people. And honestly, you actually helps the other person,

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you not only show them how you want to be treated, but they

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might think about their behavior and react differently in the

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future with with other people and talk differently more kinda

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with other people. So it's basically our duty to ourselves

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to communicate boundaries like that, but also for the fellow

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people, you know, community members out there. If there is a

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bully in your community, you don't need to call them out and

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put them on a pedestal and throw rotten tomatoes at them. But you

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can be very clear with them, and then they will change with time

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or leaves. They will leave because nobody, you know, reacts

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to their attacks or hooks anymore. So I want to make sure,

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always, always, always that you feel connected, that you feel

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the love that you feel that you can reach out when something is

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bugging you. And so I encourage you to connect with me over

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Facebook and shoot me a question there or request an episode. Or

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share with me what's bugging you and then we can go from there. I

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make no claims of being a mental health practitioner or doctor.

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I'm none of that. I'm a life coach. I'm a yoga teacher. And I

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truly care about the people in my community. But if there's

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anything I can do for you to help, please don't hold back. If

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you liked this episode, make sure to press the subscribe

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button. Give me a rating of five stars if it sounds spread, or a

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review, it helps tremendously to support more people out there

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who need to hear this. And if you want to buy me a coffee of

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course I'm not going to buy coffee with your precious goods.

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But I'm gonna invest it into the year experience, which is a

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physical location where I offer relaxation classes. And I'd love

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to see you there in the future and have you recharge your

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batteries enjoy silence and forest and a beautiful fireplace

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and golian beard. Alright, without further ado, happy