Ep.11 When your children have different values [parenting, society, relationship]

Unknown: 00:00:07

Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

Unknown: 00:00:10

experience. I'm your host Aurora. And I'm very happy to be

Unknown: 00:00:14

spending some time with you today. I hope you're doing well.

Unknown: 00:00:19

If you're not doing well, I hope I can bring love and joy,

Unknown: 00:00:24

resolution, peace into your life. If you haven't yet,

Unknown: 00:00:33

subscribe to this podcast. And if you have, thank you so much,

Unknown: 00:00:39

it means so much to know that you are a listener who keeps

Unknown: 00:00:46

coming back to listen to my podcast. And if you really enjoy

Unknown: 00:00:51

it, maybe leave me a review on Apple podcast. Five stars would

Unknown: 00:00:56

be sweet. Or a review. Today I want to talk about parenting.

Unknown: 00:01:07

Parenting a row is talking about parenting while does she have

Unknown: 00:01:12

children? No, she doesn't have children. So why the EFF? Does

Unknown: 00:01:20

she think she can talk about parenting? Well, well, well, my

Unknown: 00:01:24

dear listeners, I'm a daughter. And I also happen to have

Unknown: 00:01:30

empathy. So I love to put myself into other people's shoes. I

Unknown: 00:01:40

realized something profoundly today, I realized that as a

Unknown: 00:01:46

parent, you do your very best at all times. And we all know that

Unknown: 00:01:55

we don't succeed at all times. But still, we're doing our best.

Unknown: 00:02:04

Right? We don't wake up in the morning and say to ourselves,

Unknown: 00:02:09

today I'm going to be a shitty person. Today I'm going to be a

Unknown: 00:02:12

shitty parent know, when something slips when something

Unknown: 00:02:17

doesn't go the way it should be going. It is in the moment, it

Unknown: 00:02:22

is impulsively it's an accident, it is not meant to be and this

Unknown: 00:02:28

is okay, you are forgiven. Kids are not being born with a

Unknown: 00:02:36

manual, right? You can look into astrology, you can visit

Unknown: 00:02:42

astrologers and find out as much as you want about your baby and

Unknown: 00:02:47

where it was born, when it was born. And what it's going to

Unknown: 00:02:51

grow up to be like when you look into the stars. But chances are

Unknown: 00:02:56

the environment is going to influence the baby and the

Unknown: 00:03:01

outside world society. Things that are totally out of our

Unknown: 00:03:05

control, and the baby will grow into what it wants to grow. And

Unknown: 00:03:11

what I realized today is that when we do our very best when

Unknown: 00:03:15

we're parenting when we help a little human being to grow into

Unknown: 00:03:21

a healthy, responsible member of society. It must be very

Unknown: 00:03:30

painful. When all of a sudden that child that teenager, that

Unknown: 00:03:36

young adult decides to do something that you reject it

Unknown: 00:03:43

with all your mighty emotional and mental force. You rejected

Unknown: 00:03:49

that one thing that your child wants to engage in, and now your

Unknown: 00:03:53

child is engaging into it. And it is scary. It is scary because

Unknown: 00:04:01

you're worried that your baby is gonna get hurt. You're worried

Unknown: 00:04:06

that your baby is not going to get acceptance from society,

Unknown: 00:04:13

that your baby is not going to be long that your baby is going

Unknown: 00:04:16

to struggle. Now look at the vaccine. Look at the parents who

Unknown: 00:04:23

got the vaccine and the children who decide not to get a vaccine.

Unknown: 00:04:28

They must be so worried and scared because for themselves

Unknown: 00:04:34

it's very clear what is best. And why is it different for our

Unknown: 00:04:39

own child, the child that we fed we shelter we closed we put all

Unknown: 00:04:46

our lovin why? Why is that child doing something so erratic and

Unknown: 00:04:54

different? Same goes if you look at tattoos I'm the only person

Unknown: 00:05:01

in my family who has tattoos. And it must have been extremely

Unknown: 00:05:06

weird for my family to find out. And it was like, I only know my

Unknown: 00:05:12

side, I know my side, because that's the perspective I had, I

Unknown: 00:05:19

got those tattoos, I had my reasons, and I enjoy them every

Unknown: 00:05:23

day. And when I received the reaction from my parents, I was

Unknown: 00:05:34

I felt a little bit rejected, although I know, when they

Unknown: 00:05:40

reacted, they did it in a very loving way. And they wanted to

Unknown: 00:05:44

understand and they wanted to ask me questions, and we had

Unknown: 00:05:49

discussions, like, very friendly conversations about it. And it

Unknown: 00:05:54

was just very lovely. But today, I realized it must have been so

Unknown: 00:06:00

scary and weird, scary is maybe a little bit too extreme, but

Unknown: 00:06:05

weird for them to see what I was doing with my body. Same goes

Unknown: 00:06:14

with academics, you and your husband, you're very clear that

Unknown: 00:06:22

your bankers, your intellectuals, your doctors,

Unknown: 00:06:25

maybe your lawyers, and your child decides to become a

Unknown: 00:06:31

musician. Your child is an artist, and wants to express him

Unknown: 00:06:39

or herself. very artistically. Now, for some parents, this is

Unknown: 00:06:46

refreshing, this is awesome. Like this is the best addition

Unknown: 00:06:51

to our life that we can imagine. Because now we we got it all. We

Unknown: 00:06:55

got the academics and we got the artistic side and our family.

Unknown: 00:07:02

But for a lot of parents and grandparents, it is so

Unknown: 00:07:06

uncomfortable to see that you suck at math that you don't care

Unknown: 00:07:12

about history, that all you care about, is socializing, and arts.

Unknown: 00:07:19

You love music, you love painting, you love being messy.

Unknown: 00:07:23

You love expressing yourself in a very extravagant way. And if

Unknown: 00:07:29

that child now feels shit, I can't belong to my family. I

Unknown: 00:07:36

feel rejected if I pursue my passion, my true calling. That's

Unknown: 00:07:43

a very, very painful realization, reality to sit in

Unknown: 00:07:48

for that chat. But what I realized today, for those

Unknown: 00:07:52

parents, it's also very scary to see their child go off into a

Unknown: 00:07:58

new direction, because they don't know it is uncertainty.

Unknown: 00:08:03

The tide is being a pioneer. And you have to let it walk off. And

Unknown: 00:08:09

you don't know if it's going to make it or not. This is scary. I

Unknown: 00:08:15

get it. I understand it. And the other day, I had a conversation

Unknown: 00:08:21

with my partner and I said, Well, my child is going to

Unknown: 00:08:25

become this and that and learn all these language and languages

Unknown: 00:08:30

and is going to be passionate about traveling. I can't have a

Unknown: 00:08:34

child who doesn't like traveling, because that's my

Unknown: 00:08:37

passion. And we laughed so hard because at the same time, I

Unknown: 00:08:42

realized no, this is not how it goes. The child enters the world

Unknown: 00:08:49

as a complete new creation and being with its own thoughts and

Unknown: 00:08:57

desires. And we as parents, we have to nurture it, she'll

Unknown: 00:09:03

shelter it and give it whatever it needs, give it guidance and

Unknown: 00:09:11

also encourage the path that it wants to be on. As soon as we

Unknown: 00:09:17

give it the impression that it is not okay to be gay. It is not

Unknown: 00:09:24

okay to be overly excited about Vanguard and, Ludovico I know

Unknown: 00:09:30

the and Mozart and Beethoven. This is just leisure time. You

Unknown: 00:09:35

cannot make a profession out of it. But when you do and saying

Unknown: 00:09:40

those things, feeling those things, is cutting your child

Unknown: 00:09:45

off from unconditional love and twisting it into conditional

Unknown: 00:09:53

love. And this is when children start acting out because they

Unknown: 00:09:57

feel on a very subtle level. The They're being excluded, that

Unknown: 00:10:02

they're not

Unknown: 00:10:04

made to feel enough that they're not meeting expectations. And

Unknown: 00:10:09

this is crazy crippling for the growth of a child. But I

Unknown: 00:10:16

understood today how scary it must be to let your child walk

Unknown: 00:10:20

off into a direction that you had rejected for your own path a

Unknown: 00:10:28

long time ago, maybe.

Unknown: 00:10:35

Parenting is tough, I get it. Being a daughter, being a son,

Unknown: 00:10:40

is very tough too. And I hope you will never forget how it

Unknown: 00:10:44

felt the first time that you expressed a desire. And your

Unknown: 00:10:49

parents said, You were not allowed to go down that path.

Unknown: 00:10:54

Maybe you were in love with someone of a different cost of a

Unknown: 00:10:59

different, you know, part of society. And your parents didn't

Unknown: 00:11:04

want you to be together. Maybe you were interested in arts and

Unknown: 00:11:08

music, and your parents forced you to become an academic. This

Unknown: 00:11:14

is when sickness arises and depression. And we have to stop,

Unknown: 00:11:20

we wonder why so many people are sick and tired and break out or

Unknown: 00:11:27

commit suicide, we have to become more sensitive with what

Unknown: 00:11:33

a child's path may look like. And if we feel resistance, if we

Unknown: 00:11:40

feel scared, we have to check in when without ego, we have to ask

Unknown: 00:11:45

ourselves questions, and then ask the child specific questions

Unknown: 00:11:52

and approach him or her with curiosity. I'm very proud of my

Unknown: 00:11:59

parents of how they dealt with my tattoos, for instance, but

Unknown: 00:12:03

also many other instances. I'm very grateful. On a subtle

Unknown: 00:12:08

level, I still felt rejected. But that's okay. It's part of

Unknown: 00:12:13

life. It's part of growing up and making your own way in this

Unknown: 00:12:18

world. But today, I wanted to make sure that parents feel

Unknown: 00:12:23

understood as well. And that I can see that it is

Unknown: 00:12:29

uncomfortable. It is uncertainty. And it is scary.

Unknown: 00:12:35

But we need to trust that what we the way we raised our child

Unknown: 00:12:43

was the very best that we have done. And if they make a

Unknown: 00:12:48

different conclusion out of it than what we thought initially,

Unknown: 00:12:53

then it is okay. And we have to put trust in them. Love and

Unknown: 00:12:57

them. And again, trust. We have to trust that all babies that we

Unknown: 00:13:04

send out into the world are taking care of themselves and

Unknown: 00:13:09

love themselves so much have so much healthy confidence in

Unknown: 00:13:13

themselves, that they will make the right decisions. And if they

Unknown: 00:13:18

didn't make a right decision, they know they can come back to

Unknown: 00:13:24

you. They know they can come talk to you recharge their

Unknown: 00:13:29

batteries, recalibrate their compass, and then start out a

Unknown: 00:13:35

new path without you judging them. I'm sending my love out to

Unknown: 00:13:42

you to all the parents out there to all the daughters and sons

Unknown: 00:13:46

and creatures that are listening. I love you so much. I

Unknown: 00:13:50

appreciate you so much. And if you have any comments, join me

Unknown: 00:13:57

on my Facebook page Aurora Eggert. Add me there or comment

Unknown: 00:14:02

below this episode that I will be posting here in a couple of

Unknown: 00:14:07

minutes. Thank you so much. Take good care of yourself. Bye bye