Ep.8 What story are you telling yourself?

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Hello, hello,

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and welcome to the next episode of the Borealis experience. I'm

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your host Aurora. And I'm so grateful to be spending some

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time with you today. I'm in Canada, I live pretty much off

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grid in the Rocky Mountains, it's very cold outside. And I

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just took care of the chickens this morning. And now I decided

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to record my next episode a little earlier than usual. So

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today, I will be covering history, your history, the story

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you tell yourself about yourself and your past that is

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influencing your well being. The last couple of episodes, we

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covered the body, the mind, our relationships, our emotions,

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everything that influences our well being. And I feel that our

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history also plays a lot into how we feel about ourselves

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today. What is the story you tell yourself? And how can you

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free yourself from it, if it is not serving you anymore, I will

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share a very vulnerable part of my story in this episode later

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on, and will also tell you how I was able to free myself it

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really changed a lot, if not everything in my life, ever

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since I was able to do that. And this is why this is so precious

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for me to send this out to you, because maybe you can shortcut

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maybe you can get fostered to that point, then it took me. So

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the way you perceive yourself, is the way you will actually

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show up in the world. It is really interesting. When you

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observe yourself, when alone. When you spend time just with

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yourself. Do you notice that you feel different? You act

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different? As soon as you are with others? Do you enjoy being

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with other people? And how much? Do you compare yourself to

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others? And then which story is running? In the background? Do

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you feel inferior? Do you feel superior? Do you feel equal most

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of the time? And in conversations? How much does the

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other person talk? How much do you talk?

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Is

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the talk you receive from other people more of a noise? Or is

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there an actual content? We probably all know people that

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fill the room that talk a lot. But when you boil it down to

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what the actual messages and is not a lot, it is just Yeah, they

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have their own motifs, we say in German, they have their own

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intentions of why they talk a lot and don't share lots of

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content. How is it with you? When you open your mouth? And

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share yourself to another person? Can you actually open up

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and share yourself? Or are you the person who is more secretive

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and doesn't really like to share much about about yourself? So

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how much does the other person disclose? How much do you

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disclose? And as you can see now already your history ties

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tightly and to your relationships. What you learned

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in the past about yourself, the conclusions you made defines how

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you relate to people today. And then when we go back to a

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conversation here, how much does the other person listen? Yeah,

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do they actually listen? Or do they just wait until you finish

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talking? And then they keep talking about what they think is

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important. And how much are you able to listen? That's a very

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critical point in bonding and nurturing healthy relationships

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as the listening abilities that we bring to the table. Now what

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is the story you tell you And you keep repeating. There's so

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many, so many stories that we all have, we might not have all

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of them, but some of them. So for people who struggle with

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weight loss, I can't lose weight I tried so often, and I'm just

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not made for this. I don't have the discipline. Or I always make

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the same mistake when something goes wrong. When it comes to

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other people, what is the story you tell? They're like, people

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always let you down. people reject you, people don't

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understand you. People are dumb. People don't get you. I will

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never find a partner. All men suck all women suck. What have

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you closed your doors to? Because of your story that

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happened in the past? What is it that you tell yourself? I want

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you to take a couple seconds now. I want to be quiet. And

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maybe think back? And school? How was it in school that you

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feel good and school? First interactions, first experience

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of group dynamics?

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What is it that defines you, but you would love to get rid of

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because you know, it won't make you a more content and happier

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and successful person. So I will share my story with you. I was

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six when I moved from the very north part of Germany to the

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very south. And in Germany, there's different accents. I can

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every country, I would say wherever you live you as a

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child, especially adapt to an accent a way of living. And then

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when you move to a different part of the same country, you

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are sometimes met with hostility. And so we moved from

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Hamburg to Munich, and I enter school, primary school and the

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teacher was very Catholic very, doesn't actually matter which

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religion, very religious. And she knew I was from up north

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where there's many people from the Protestant believe. And they

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talk differently. Up north, so I talked differently. So she could

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point me on right away and ridicule me in front of other

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people in front of my classmates. And she was a very

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aggressive teacher, I will never understand why she became a

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teacher for grade one and two, six to eight years old,

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approximately. And she made me feel very anxious because she is

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was a very old lady and was used to train people through

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punishment and aggression. And it really harmed me a lot. It

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turned me into a very anxious person. So that's the first two

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years of my life at school. I had okay grades, I had good

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grades because I fought for it. And I didn't let her get to me

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but my self esteem really suffered. And then I entered

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High School. And there my anxiety continued my anxiety of

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learning making mistakes, speaking in public just got

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worse and worse. And I don't know. If you know that

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experienced that before. And when you're in fear mode, then

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you are your mind your brain is stupid. Let's put it that way.

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You can really make good decisions. You can really answer

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questions rationally. You're just caught in that fear mode.

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And it really is debilitating and crippling. So in high

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school. Oh, my voice is cracking. I got bullied so many

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years because of that. Yeah, people just made fun of me

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because I asked stupid questions. But I fought. I

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fought I fought in America. True and I had good grades and yeah,

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then started like finish school left everything pretty much

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behind physically but emotionally Of course not. And

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then I became a physiotherapist and there, it all changed like I

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was able to learn something that I was actually passionate about.

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I can make new friends and it was okay but the learning

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anxiety the anxiety from a teacher there again, I had a

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very aggressive nasty teacher and one of my my classes and it

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all got triggered again and I feel so I felt so dumb again and

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so yeah vulnerable and not able to succeed and even something I

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was passionate about. So that went over to is fought my way

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through it. And then life, I don't know continued I became a

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physiotherapist was very happy and

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somewhat successful with that. And long story short, I was

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still very insecure about myself and my learning abilities and

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feeling stupid in group dynamics. And when people knew a

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little more than me, I just threw the towel in and thought,

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Well, I'm stupid anyway. So what's the point? And then I

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moved to Canada. And to immigrate, I had to go back to

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college. Because that made the process just so much easier. And

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at that time, I was so broken because of an heartbreak. And I

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decided to study something else agriculture. I said that in the

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introduction already, like I'm a physiotherapist with an

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agriculture degree and yoga teacher. So I learned

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agriculture plant major. And let me tell you Canadian culture is

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so much more considerate. I'm sure there's assholes here too.

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But in the school, I went to the teachers who are so kind hearted

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and so like, awesome, and telling me when I was doing

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something wrong. Yeah, they had a very nice way of telling you

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that you screwed up. But it gave me confidence. It told me Okay,

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I can do better. He believes in me. She believes in Me and I

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I'll do better next time because they give me the tools to

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succeed as well. They take the time to talk to you and don't

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just make you feel like a piece of shit. So two years. I was in

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Lethbridge at the college. I was a really, really good student. I

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enjoyed learning again, I completely was able to find my

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self esteem again. And yeah, I left college and ever since I

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allow myself to learn new things to fail at the beginning and

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know that I will get better with time and I don't feel I'm

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crippled anymore by my anxiety to learn and fail i i get over

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it. So sorry for getting so emotional about this. I have my

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voice back now. But I hope you understand my message here. It

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does not avoid leaving your home country and having to discover

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new worlds. But in your hometown in your little city you live in

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or a big city you can always find a new niche where you can

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find new people that will see your light and appreciate you

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for the person you are and especially the things that you

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have most resistance to so in my case it was learning new things

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being open for criticism, constructive criticism and

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allowing people to tell me Hey, like, try it this way and might

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help you and you might get better at it. As soon as I made

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that positive experience and allowed it was open for it. It

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changed the whole way I saw myself so when it comes to your

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story know, if you had a really nasty experience in the past

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with someone or something, I beg you to look back and revisit

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that situation and make peace with it. I know that this

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teacher was just not the perfect fit for me, every child is

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different, and learns differently. And she just had

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her one way to teach people and it happened to be the wrong way

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for me. But I have to give forgive her now and give myself

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the chance to keep being open and not judge and just

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experience new things. So this is just the intro season. Season

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One is just about all the things I want to touch on in the

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future. teasers so to say. And today is about the history. Us

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story. You tell yourself.

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Maybe you had a car accident a couple years back and no, you

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don't put a foot into a car anymore, maybe you have a huge

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heartbreak that you're pushing through and happens to be with a

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person that has blonde hair, and now you're avoiding persons with

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blonde hair. Go deep down inside of yourself today and search for

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that story that you keep telling yourself where you have most

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resistance to. And then try to make peace with it and try to

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see that you might be not allowing yourself to see the

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full picture nowadays. It's like the horses that you know, go

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through the city and have these blinders to not get scared.

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Maybe your blinders are way too big than necessary. And if

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there's any way you could change that and open your life and your

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heart and your mind again to second life fully and to trust

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that Yeah, you've been hurt in the past. But you are a

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different person today you have all the tools to protect

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yourself today without having to hide and without having to live

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in fear. So I'm sending out my love to you today. Thank you so

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much for listening to my story here. I felt very vulnerable at

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times, but I don't care at this point. It's more important to me

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to help others and to make others feel less lonely with

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their pain then if people judge me, I just couldn't care less

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about that. So yeah, let this soak in for sink in. I mean for

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a second. And we will talk more about it in the future. Awesome

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for spending time with you today. He listened to the

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Borealis experience. I'm your host Aurora. And if he liked

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this episode, please leave me a review or rate and it would help

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me greatly to continue my hard work