Ep.42 How to deal with difficult people. [relations]

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Hello, and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm

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your host Aurora, life coach, physiotherapist, yoga teacher,

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animal lover.

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How else would I describe myself? podcaster? Maybe? Yeah.

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Very happy to be here with you and to spend some time with you.

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Today we reached episode 40. From season five, I'm so excited

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to Yeah, have you on board and for the people who have been

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here ever since the start, thank you so much for being there for

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your ongoing support. And for your reviews and ratings on

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Apple podcast, it really helps to spread the word. My work here

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is for free for you. I'm investing money. And I'm

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creating this content for you to Yeah, have a space where you can

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rest and relax and recharge your batteries. If ever you feel like

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you want to give back or sent me some appreciation, please don't

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hold back, hop on to the link in my show notes and buy me a

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coffee. I would totally appreciate your feedback. And

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yeah, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here. I want to make

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this podcast as accessible as possible for people around the

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world because the world is going through a big transition right

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now. It's very stressful for so many people.

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And the feedback I'm receiving as Yeah, very positive. And

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people tell me I'm helping them to get through these stressful

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times. So I love to find people that yeah, are not seeing any

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light right now and feel left alone. And just Yeah, wanting to

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give some hope and light to them and make them feel less lonely.

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So you can play a big part in this. Thank you so much. So

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today, last episode of the season.

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Next week, I will be kickstarting launching season

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six,

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where I will focus in on the feminine. And what that means is

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that I'm going to have a couple of interviews with ladies, I

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will talk more about the feminine side of of people on

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the world. And it is really important for you to understand

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that I'm supporting mental health for everybody. For now, I

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was focusing in on mental health for men.

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And I just have lots to share about Yeah, the feminine side of

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things. And I have lots of female friends who want to share

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their story. Come season six.

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And I find it very interesting too. Yeah. See,

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and hear about different perspectives, and especially

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when it comes to heterosexual relationships to see okay, what

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can we do better? Where can we do our part? And where do men

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need our support?

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So it is going to be extremely interesting for men to listen to

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what the ladies have to say. And please trust me that I will

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always play it fair.

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Think he will get to know a new side of me.

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And I'm very excited to share this with you. I'm in this with

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you together.

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We're fighting the good fight. We all want to be seen and loved

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and heard and understood.

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But yeah, I see the gap I see the gap between men and women. I

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feel it especially here in North America. And I would like to

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make that gap a little smaller and bring people closer

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together. Because the stronger our relationships are, the

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stronger our society can be and more resilient to stress.

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So today on this last episode of episode of season five, sorry, I

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want to talk about difficult people and how we can deal with

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difficult people.

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Difficult, people are inevitable.

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They are all over the place. Sometimes they're more often in

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our lives than we like it. And difficult people are people

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that, yeah, we can really

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walk around or push out of our lives. They're just in our lives

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embedded.

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They may be a boss,

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they may be a grocery clerk at our favorite store. In America,

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yeah, relative,

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maybe a person in our friend group.

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Yeah, they can be everywhere. So I'm assuming that it is a person

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in your life, when you think of someone right now who's really

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annoying and difficult to deal with, that you can really avoid?

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Because if you could, you would.

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So how can we deal with these people in order to Yeah, not

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waste too much energy on them. Because what I've noticed is

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that people who really annoy the shit out of us take up so much

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space, mental space,

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and can really burden our relationships as well. You know,

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when I have stressed with my boss, I come home, and then vent

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to my boyfriend or to my mom or to my sister, or whoever's just

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there, because in the moment, it feels good to share what's going

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on.

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But if we do that, for a longer period of time, you will see

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that you are tiring out your loved ones, the people that you

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share your struggles with. So my advice number one is that you

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find someone neutral, outside of your friend circle outside of

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your relationship, intimate relationships,

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where you can talk about it constructively, like

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productively, I think you say in English, and you protect your

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primary relationships, from the BS that you're dealing with that

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person. What I mean by that is, of course, when when your

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partner asks you, hey, like you seem a little absent or you seem

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a little bit upset, what's going on in your life, you share with

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them openly, what's going on, but you will not go into details

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and you will not unload onto them. Do you understand what I

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mean by that, like the difference between telling

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somebody what's going on and unloading emotionally and

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verbally and energetically, is really important to distinguish.

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So you take a life coach, you take a counselor, you take a

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therapist, whoever you feel like having a new life, and there you

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can work on resolving those problems. And they are you can

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totally unload because those people are trained to set

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boundaries with you and but at the same time, giving you space

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where you can, yeah, feel good afterwards.

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So protect your loved ones.

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And then learn to set boundaries with the people who are

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different and difficult in your life. You know, difficult

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sometimes means annoying, sometimes means like, painful

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attacking you.

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And you have to learn to stand up for yourself. And the tricky

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part is to stand up for yourself in a graceful way to not become

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an asshole yourself.

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So my third tip goes kind of hand in hand with the second tip

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is that you then see the person

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that you can get rid of

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not as an obstacle anymore and an energy drainer but as an

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opportunity, an opportunity for you to grow personally, until

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like intellectually, mentally, emotionally,

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maybe even spiritually.

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So you think of that personnel that is deeply annoying to you

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very difficult. And you think about

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what is that that I can learn with this person?

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and the lessons you can learn from a difficult person, like

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what I've learned in the past is patience. I am learning to count

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until 10. And not to explode, learning to tune into my breath,

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instead of exploding.

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I'm learning to stand up for to myself, no for myself, sorry. So

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a person who brings you down makes you feel shitty. You will

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in a very kind way, tell them. You know what your remark just

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made me feel terrible, and makes me feel

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worse than before I met you. And yeah, I want to talk about it.

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Why is it that you had to say this to me, or what is bugging

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you? Right? Like you open up a conversation in a very graceful

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and kind way. But at the same time, set a clear boundary, and

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it's going to make you feel fantastic, it's going to make

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you feel so good to finally address it, and to stand up for

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yourself at the same time, not to be an asshole about it. When

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you walk away afterwards, it will just feel as if you just

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yeah,

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got something really important done. And you did. You set a

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limit, you drew a line. And it is gonna affect all of your

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relationships is going to affect the relationship with the

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difficult person because they now know or shed, I was called

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called out and I can't really fight back or react to it

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because it was said in a very nice way.

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And it will cut you off from that negative energy draw and

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excuse me here to get a little bit as a Tarik. But people who

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are difficult in your life are going to suck life energy out of

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you literally.

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And you're going to want to vent to the people you love, you're

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going to want to ruminate about those situations and not be

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present with the people that you love. And that's just not fair.

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And then starting to stand up with you to for yourself, My

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God, my English today, you will have more energy, more presence

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more love, more life energy for the people that you care about,

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or for when you then spend quality time with yourself.

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Imagine yourself having a weird encounter with a difficult

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person and then going for a walk or trying to meditate or having

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a massage, it's going to be so difficult for your monkey mind

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to switch off because your monkey mind is going to want to

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fight back and I sort of said this all extend I'm going to say

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that, no, you're not going to be in the moment because you didn't

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draw a line. So difficult people will always be part of your

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life, don't just take it as a given as a constant, they will

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come in, they will come out. They can teach you valuable

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lessons about yourself about your relationships, about how

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much you want to protect your primary relationships. And

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again, it's not about sucking it up and suppressing it. It is

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about choosing neutral people to talk about your issues with that

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person, and then to resolving it and not to stay in that

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uncomfortable situation for longer than is needed. Right if

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you started venting and spreading the poison that you

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sucked up from a person that is bad for you.

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You're gonna stay longer in a situation than if you were to

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keep it to yourself and it getting worse and worse and then

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forcing you to take steps to change okay.

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So all this to say dealing with difficult people you will not be

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able to change other people you can change only yourself and how

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you react. And I always recommend you responding instead

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of reacting and breathing and thinking how can I set a gentle

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boundary here? How can I express how this person is making me

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feel right now?

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And then walking away or engaging in a conversation that

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is resolving conflict? Resolution is what we want,

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right?

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Okay. This is what I had to say about difficult people we will

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not change

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To them, we will not be able to cut them out of our lives. But

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we can learn to stand up for ourselves to communicate

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clearly. And to protect our primary relationships.

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I'm sending my love out to you. I wish I could squeeze you and

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thank you for being here. I love doing this podcast for you. And

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yeah, I hope you take really good care of yourself. Please

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never hesitate to message me with episode requests. Or just

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share with me where you're from. Where is your home base because

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I'm always curious to find out where people are listening to my

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podcast. Alright, drink lots of water. Be kind to yourself. You

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got this. I will be out there very soon again for you. Bye