Ep.4 Anger management- And all of a sudden your hands become fists [self-awareness]

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Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your host Aurora. And I'm very happy to be

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spending some time with you today.

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It is Sunday. And it is raining all day long. And I feel so

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happy about that. Because for the last couple of weeks, we

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were really suffering from the drought here. And yeah,

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struggling with not enough water for the plants and animals. And

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now it's just raining and everything is good again.

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Today, I want to talk about a phone call that I

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had today

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with one of my warriors, he will be on the show he is soon. And

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I'm just very excited to be able to share his story. It was the

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first phone call that we had. And

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yeah, he was part of a school shooting in the 90s. And

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explained how after years and years, maybe 10 years after the

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incidents,

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he started slowly but surely changing. He felt triggered more

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and more.

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And it was like a big black wave that was trying to catch up with

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him.

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And he says Aurora,

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I didn't have hands anymore. I had fists.

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And the way he said that

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touched me so deeply.

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I can deeply relate to these very dark feelings of anger,

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anxiety.

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So I want to talk about these feelings today and how we can

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deal with them at times or if you have a loved one in your

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family. And you feel they're dealing with exactly that and

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you don't know how to behave.

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Please know that I'm not a psychotherapist, psychologist, a

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counselor, just a girl who went through some stuff. And

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when COVID started.

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I just couldn't see myself not doing anything, contributing

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anything, sharing the tools that have helped me in the past and

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just help other people sharing their stories. So just know that

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as a disclaimer.

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Sometimes we go through stuff and just think, no, that's

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pretty bad. That's pretty intense shit, but I'll get over

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it.

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And then you move on with life and slowly but surely you start

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engaging in

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behaviors that help you cope with that stress that you

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initially went through.

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And those behaviors can look like like extreme workouts,

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extreme eating.

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Like too much eating or very controlled eating that leads to

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eating disorders or obesity or anorexia.

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Drugs like alcohol, weed, cocaine,

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crack, all that jazz.

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And on an emotional level, not everybody but most of us

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are starting to feel less and less empathy.

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We're starting to feel less in general. We're not feeling sad

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anymore. We're not feeling anger anymore.

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We're just a shell of a person all of a sudden.

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And the tricky part is the main part is that it happens

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gradually.

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It doesn't happen like for some people from one event to the

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other leg one day to the other. It happens gradually that you

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don't feel like really socializing anymore, or that you

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use socializing, to overcompensate and everybody

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His story is different, everybody's compensation

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mechanisms are different.

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And today I want to talk about that extreme anger and sadness

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that we can feel at times, desperation, powerlessness,

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and wanting to distract us from that was very strong substances

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are very, very strong.

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Like ways, it can even be people, you know, people who

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jump from one relationship to the other people who can only

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relate through sex to other people.

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It can really take all shapes and forms.

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And we numb, we numb ourselves, because we don't want to feel

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these feelings, we want to run away from them.

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And we have a hard time to relate to other people because

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we ourselves are disconnected from our emotions.

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And it is so very tough when people reach out to you and want

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to help you because there's something inside of you, that

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cries for that

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positive attention and the help.

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But the big shell, like a huge, thick glass

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that is molded around you, prevents you from accepting the

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help that has been provided.

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And sometimes it even makes you push away people that you want

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to have closest, that really could help you.

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It is such a tough situation to be in. I know it all too well.

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And with this episode, I just want to share with you that

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you're not alone in this. And if you recognize yourself now then

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don't feel bad, don't feel regret, you're just doing your

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best to cope.

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And if you're dealing with a person who keeps rejecting you,

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you know, not a person that you're done with them, they're

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done with you, and you shouldn't move on. But a person that

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really looks like they need your help.

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And they keep being nasty with you, they keep pushing you away.

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And you can sense that something inside of them cries out for you

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and wants help.

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But the face the body language, everything about them tells you

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to fuck off.

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A very important thing that I've learned there as an outsider

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outs like person from an outside perspective, and how to behave

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as to giving that person space.

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And at the same time letting them know that you're still

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there, whenever they need you.

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So it's not a goodbye, I'm gonna avoid you and get better. And

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then we can talk again, it's, Hey, I'm still here. But I'm

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gonna let you come towards me. If you start feeling you need

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support, if you start feeling like opening up, then I'm here.

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And it is very, very important for these people to not get into

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an abusive circle, where they allow that person who's sitting

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in pain to treat them in a shitty way for all too long,

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because what you're basically doing is enabling them to stay

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in that very destructive,

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shitty place.

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If you can relate to this, because you've been through it,

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or maybe you're going through it,

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then please know that

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there's people out there that can make you feel incredibly

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safe.

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There's people out there who can show you baby steps on how to

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get better. And there's always hope. There's always

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opportunities.

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Sometimes life looks so dark and hopeless.

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And it's part of the human experience. I think.

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Most people I know had to go through that phase in order to

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truly find out who they are.

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Some people say look at a potato.

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You plant them in the soil and they have to kind of dig

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themselves out with me

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roots and leaves and everything and

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they have to fight through the

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process of germination.

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And they struggle in the dirt. But one day soon they will see

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the light and then they can blossom.

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And another image I love to use is that there is trees out there

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and some pine cones that have to go through fire in order to

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germinate in order to truly know who is on their side who is

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there for them. And what do they really want in life.

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Sometimes when we are in a dark, hopeless space,

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we think there is no way out.

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But it is actually necessary to go through that phase in order

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to afterwards deeply appreciate every step you're going to make.

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He might become more mindful of your steps, you might become

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more intuitive and sensitive with other people and find out

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who's good for you and who's not so good for you.

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Maybe you were running around before that crisis, and just

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soaking up everything that was out there, regardless if it's

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good for you or not. And it just accumulated inside of your

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chest.

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And then

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the darkness came because too much darkness was swallowed and

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consumed.

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And you have to shed it again. You have to let go of everything

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that doesn't serve you anymore. Declutter throw stuff out, that

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doesn't give you joy.

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Throw stuff out that gives you weird feelings of nostalgia and

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not good feelings and that are just catching Dustin

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taking up space that you should be using for different things.

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Know that the dark phase will be over and know that there's light

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coming,

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lightness and joy, deep appreciation,

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blessings.

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Those phases really show us who's sticking to us, and who's

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maybe busy with other things. And it is not to judge people.

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But to see a little bit their true character and what they're

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made of. And especially to see your character and what you're

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made of. It is okay to feel weak and powerless. It is okay to

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feel lost and confused. But it is not okay.

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To not search for tools that could help you to get out of

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that

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dark hole a little faster.

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You can open up to people you can come onto my show here

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anonymously, and share your stuff and know that it will

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serve so many people who are feeling the same or even worse,

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feel more lonely than you.

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You can read books on how to

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improve and be okay with those dark feelings.

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You can go see a counselor.

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You can declutter, you can start exercising, you can start eating

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foods that deeply nourish you and drink fresh water.

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Reduce your sugar and flour and take

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which reduces inflammation in your body which in turn affects

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your mind and your thinking.

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There's so many things that I've learned that you can do in order

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to feel better. And if you're stuck, if you don't know where

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to go, please reach out because I know tons of people on next to

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me in front of me behind me

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that can help you.

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Thank you so much for listening to this more dark of an episode.

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Darkness is part of our life.

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There is no darkness there is no real light. And some people

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claim to say that there is no darkness. There's just light,

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different shades of light. And I really like that concept too.

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There's very bright

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red light and this very dark light.

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If you liked this episode, please make sure to connect on

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Facebook with me and share your thoughts. I always post videos

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very engaging and most of the 10 fun videos on Facebook. So I'd

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love you to check them out because they might make you feel

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really good.

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And if you want to leave me a review on Apple podcast, it

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would mean the world to me. This is how more people can find my

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podcast and how you can leave me a wonderful feedback.

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Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for being

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here. I will be back out there very soon. Bye bye Elora