Ep.31 Marital conflicts pt.1 conflict resolution [relationship, society]

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Hello, and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm

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your host Aurora. And I'm very happy to be spending some time

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with you today. This episode is requested by a dear lesson. I'm

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very excited to address this marital conflicts. Because I

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feel a lot of people struggle in their relationships. And in

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talking about it and reflecting about it, and seeing how we can

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change ourselves. And in doing so, positively influencing our

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relationships, we can become stronger individuals, stronger,

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couples, a stronger society. If you like this podcast, make sure

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to subscribe. I welcome everybody who is new to my

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podcast here. so wonderful to have you. And I'm so grateful

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for all the listeners who have been here since the beginning.

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If you want to give back, if you want to show appreciation, hop

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onto Apple podcast and leave me a five star review. This will

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make it easy for people to find me and is a big thumbs up to my

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work, which I would appreciate greatly. Thank you so much. All

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right, let's dive into this. I'm assuming that you married a

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person that you love and respect that you are attracted to. And

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that you see potential in your relationship you want to build

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and create. You got to know them a little bit beforehand, you

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feel comfortable with them. Maybe they are a friend to you,

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also a lover, a respected partner. But sometimes after a

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couple years, things go astray and things change and

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relationships change. And I want to explore a little bit why this

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happens. I feel that a lot of times we take our partner for

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granted. And we start slacking off. We make assumptions about

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how they think and who they are. And we kind of dive off into our

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world and maybe work on ourselves or focus on ourselves.

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And then all of a sudden you wake up next to your partner one

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day, and you don't even really know who this is anymore. You

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live in the same house sleep in the same bed. But he don't

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really have the strong bond between you guys anymore. And

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there's many, many things you can do in order to refresh a

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relationship in order to fix relationship issues. And this is

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what I want to talk about with you today. The number one thing

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that is very important to keep track of is how much time do you

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spend together? And is this time? spend wisely? Do you just

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sit on top of each other and he is on his phone and she is on

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her iPad? Or in front of the TV? What are the things that you do

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when you spend time together? Is it fulfilling? Or is it just

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boring routine? Do you give each other full presence? When your

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partner wants to tell you something? Do you actually put

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your phone away and any other distractions you newspaper or

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whatever it could be and fully listen to your partner? And then

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what is really the art of listening? Do they talk and you

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think of your response already and how you want to get back to

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them? Or do you just listen and read body language and read what

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the main messages here? And after they've done talking he

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just wait and see a little bit? Do they want to vent? Do they

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want advice? Your opinion? Do they want to express to you how

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they feel. Being able to truly listen is a life changer in

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relationships. And I didn't want to wait till the end of the

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episode because I wanted you

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to know right away that it is a very easy task to do. And so

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powerful and important in order to nurture intimate

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relationships, but also friendships. So when you listen

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to somebody, what's yourself from now on? Do you want to jump

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in and interrupt them? Do you want to jump in and throw your

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opinion on the table and how you feel? Or can you let them speak

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out. And for me, when I started doing that, I noticed how

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impatient I was getting, I wanted to get my opinion out

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there, I wanted to get my advice out there because I wanted to

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help them right away. But when we do that, we oftentimes miss

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out on critical information, we pressure the other person, and

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we don't make them feel heard. And, you know, so many times I,

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I see, like women, or even men who are like, Oh, my partner

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cheated on me. And I don't even know what happened. And why is

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this and stuff what the side person was usually a good

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listener, was able to feel the emotions of the other and add

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and respond adequately. So I feel if we learn to listen to a

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partner again, then we can create that sweet intimacy to

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each other, which will reduce the likelihood

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of cheating. Now, we have listening. The next point I want

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to address is the assumptions.

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Oftentimes, we see our partner if we've been together with them

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for a couple years. And we just think, yeah, we know exactly how

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they think we know exactly what they do what they want in life.

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And, yeah, this is just how it is. But if you could change this

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a little bit, if you could see that your partner is allowed to

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change over time. And it makes it even very excited, exciting

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for you, if they change because they can open you up to a

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complete new world. So you have to energetically and emotionally

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give them that space, and that curiosity, to evolve and to

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become someone new every day. And to not assume just because

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they cheered for the Italians, Italian soccer players, that

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they love spaghetti, and that they love to go to Rome for the

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next trip of vacation. If you know what I mean here, we have

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to sometimes kind of force ourselves to be curious about

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people that we know for a long time, because it will give the

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other person an opportunity to grow an opportunity to see that

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you are genuinely interested. And that you give them the space

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and you allow them to grow and evolve. And this is such a

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precious gift to start new hobbies together to Yeah, maybe

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you guys were both not sporty and physically active in the

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past, but maybe you want to try something new. So to allow

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novelty and to maybe even schedule it that once a month,

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you do something new, you go to a place that you guys have never

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been before you try a hobby that you've never tried before. And

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to just be playful again, I feel a lot of times we forget about

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the importance of playfulness. When it comes to physical

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attraction. Remember how attracted you were at the

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beginning of your relationship to your partner and how it is

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nowadays is still very attracted and curious. Do you still

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explore new things or do you deeply appreciate your partner's

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body with all the flaws with with everything that it has to

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offer? partner massage is a very good thing to get intimate again

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and asking questions that she it's very scary territory to

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you. To walk on at the beginning, but it is so

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incredibly important to also there. Stay curious, what do you

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need? What do you want? am I touching you the way that it is

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good for you? Or am I only doing what I think is good for you.

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So, also, they're becoming curious. Again, asking questions

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can sometimes unlock potential that you guys didn't know, was

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even there to express your needs. And to tell the other

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person, what you really want not only makes you feel good about

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yourself, but also makes the other person see that you trust

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them, and that you want a strong bond with them. And that in and

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of itself, is very strengthening for a relationship. You know,

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you guys are married, you want to stay together for life, you

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have to be able to fully open up, because you don't want to

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die one day and know that you had to hide this part of

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yourself because you were scared to feeling judged. You have to

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be able to trust your partner fully, and allow yourself to

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grow and express yourself and be a trustworthy partner and do the

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same for your partner. So I feel that wasn't the last episode

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that I put out

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here for marital conflict. But the first we covered here was

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the lessening the undivided attention, the curiosity for

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your partner, playfulness, and then intimacy, how to be

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intimate with your partner again, because most of the time,

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it is your one and only person that you want to be intimate

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with. But let's not allow it to become shallow and routine.

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Let's dive a little deeper again and create deep, satisfying

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relationships. Thank you so much for listening today. I will be

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out there very soon again. And if this topic is of interest to

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you, please shoot me a message and I'll put out there more

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content about it. Until next time,