Ep. 29 Arguments with loved ones.How to deal with it. [ real life ]

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Hello, and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm

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your host Aurora. And I'm very happy to be spending some time

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with you today. It is Monday. And yeah, Monday and Thursdays

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are the days I publish my episodes. And I usually only

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record my episodes shortly before except when it's

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interviews. And because I love what I do so much, it doesn't

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feel like now I have to do this, I have to go into my room and

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record something for you. It is something that truly brings me

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joy. And to receive your feedback is so incredibly

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precious to hear your comments out. To connect with you is

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just, yeah, such a blessing. And this is why it doesn't really

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feel like work. Of course, there's days where I feel not as

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motivated and creative as others. But I feel it's a

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beautiful way to connect with people from all around the world

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and to share my thoughts, my feelings, my tips and tricks

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with people who might need them is is a source of deep

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satisfaction. If you ever feel ready to engage on a coaching,

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journey with me, please don't hold back. It's an incredible

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journey that can be very fun and revealing. And can be a little

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bit uncomfortable at times. But all in all, the people I've

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coached so far experienced a beautiful shift in their reality

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in their life and their way they perceive life and their

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relationships, were able to go deeper. They were more clear

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about what they wanted in life. And it's just so beautiful to

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see a person blossom and get unstuck. It's just like when a

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truck gets stuck in the heavy mud, or in this deep sand. And

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you get to empower people and provide people with tools that

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can help them, help them get unstuck. You can always reach

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out to me on Facebook, and I'll be excited to hear you out and

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see if we are a match. Today I want to talk about silly little

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arguments. I thought about what I was going to talk about today

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and I was like, shit, there's so much going on in this world. And

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chances are that you watch the news. And you know that yeah, we

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as humanity are going through a deep circle, times of darkness,

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despair and confusion. There's also people who will thrive and

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are very happy and in a good place. But the majority of

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people it's like suffering right now. And so I thought about our

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daily lives, even though there is you know, big stuff going on

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in the world. We still have our daily lives, we still have our

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little conflicts that need resolution. And sometimes you

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can't find resolution right away. And sometimes you want to

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was that argument even necessary. So that is what I

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want to talk about today. Sometimes, there's energy

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building up inside of ourselves, you know, we consume content.

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That irritates us, that scares us that annoys us. And we have

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kind of that build up or negativity inside of ourselves.

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And then we meet with a partner with a friend with a stranger.

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And they say something that deeply triggers us and now all

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of a sudden all that shit that has been accumulated inside of

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us is being unloaded into that little argument into that

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situation into that, you know, person thing that triggered us.

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And sometimes it's not fair because that person has nothing

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to do with our build up from previous stuff. But they just

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said that wrong thing, they just did that wrong thing. And it

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just, yeah gave us an opportunity to let it all out.

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Another thing I want to talk about is that sometimes our

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perception is so different, we perceive life so differently,

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and we have a totally different interpretation. When it comes to

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certain situations, for example, tech a, person A, and person B,

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watching an accident, a traffic accident happening. And you'll

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ask these people separately on what they saw. And sometimes you

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think that those people have been in different parts of the

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world, but certainly not at a similar location watching the

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same accident. And why is that I believe that this is genetically

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a genetic disposition on how we perceive life, the experiences

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we have made, and so many more things play into how we perceive

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life. There has been reached research done, for example, on

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children, because a couple of people noticed that there's some

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children and playgrounds that are very brave, and they just

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climb around everything and, you know, balance over chords, or,

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you know, shaky bridges. And then there's the other kids who

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prefer to play in the sand and don't want to engage in any kind

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of adventure. And if those kids who play in the sand and don't

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want to engage in an adventure, are being placed on a bridge,

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they suddenly freak out and, and, you know, cry and want to

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crawl off that bridge. And it's a very, you know, dramatic

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situation for them compared to the little guys who were

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balancing on the bridge all along and swinging as high as

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possible. And they noticed that children are wired very

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differently. And it doesn't matter if you're a boy or girl,

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it has nothing to do with gender, it has everything to do

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with your nervous system, and how you process thing and how

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you perceive something as dangerous. We all have a

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threshold when it comes to danger when fear kicks in when

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our nervous system feels triggered to fight or flight or

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freeze. But it is all very very different when that state is

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being ignited. And same goes with silly little arguments at

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times with our spouse, with our partners with our siblings with

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parents. We perceive a situation very differently than they do.

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We express how we feel and for some reason, they might not

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validate how we feel because they perceive the situation very

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differently. And it can go the other way around as well that

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you are in an argument where you cannot make sense why the other

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person is feeling attacked or triggered or you know scared

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because you perceive a certain situation very differently. I

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want to share with you a quick little story here years ago, it

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was around daylight savings time. And there was person a

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feeling very affected about the time change. Person A got up in

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the morning and felt drained. Person A went through the day

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and come 3pm was not done with half of the to do list that he

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or she wants to get done and meets with his partner

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and the partner as well. How are you feeling? What's going on in

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your life today? And personaje just says, Hey, like that

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daylight savings is just throwing me totally off. I'm so

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tired, I feel rushed. It's, it's a little bit of a mess today.

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and person B, just nearly falls of her chair. And can like can't

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make sense of why Daylight Saving can affect you, as no

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effect on her. So why would it have an effect on the other

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person? And so they start arguing and 15 minutes go by and

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after 15 minutes, they both come to conclusion and say, Yeah, but

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what the heck are we actually arguing about? What is it all

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about, you have this view, this is how you feel about the

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situation, I have this view, is how I feel about the situation.

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So there's absolutely no point why we should argue about this,

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because our perception is just so incredibly different. I hope

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you can follow me, I hope it's not all too confusing what I'm

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sharing with you today. But I feel peace of mind. Peace in

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general, starts with us. We don't need to call on poutine or

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Ukraine or Russia or China or whatever is going on in the

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world right now. How are you dealing with your little micro

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conflicts on a daily basis, if not on a daily basis, in your

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daily life. And this will show how resilient you are, how at

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peace you are with yourself and the people around you and how

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much you have insights about the other people around you and how

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much you're open to see that. You can watch the same movie

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with five friends of yours, and you will all see a different

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movie. We all operate on a different level. And this is

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what makes life so incredibly juicy, especially romantic

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relationships when two people come together and are completely

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open with each other. Because that is when you learn from

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another person that is when you truly learn. What makes the

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other person tick. Who's the other person? What, what am I

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made of? What can I share with this other person and I explore

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this in my program that I'm just setting up for you guys and

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girls out there on how to Yeah, explore your past, present or

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future romantic relationships and how to become a better

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lover, how to connect more deeply with the people around

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you. And the better we know how another person is perceiving the

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world, the better we get along with them. Because then we don't

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need to argue them. We don't need to try and make a point

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because we know okay, that person is wired differently. And

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it's totally valid, because in the long run, I'm going to learn

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from them and maybe adapt or not, it's totally fine. But I'm

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going to accept them for who they are. And I'm going to make

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them feel validated on how they feel. And that is so extremely

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important. Does that mean that we have to overly compromise and

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that we're always going to be on the same page that we are never

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going to dis agree again? Certainly not my dear conflict

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is always going to be part of human relations. And it's

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healthy, it is good. A person who tries to avoid conflict at

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all cost is missing out on a lot of good information there

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because the way people argue with each other tells a lot

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about their relationship. Can they keep it calm? Can they you

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know, keep it civil? Or is it very passionate, but they are

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not harming each other? Is it very destructive and violent?

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Then you need to get help from the outside. But arguments

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conflicts are always going to be there and it's a good thing. You

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can't avoid them. You shouldn't avoid them. But what you can

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learn is to enter a conflict with a little bit more of an

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open mind and strong tools on how to To get your point across

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at the same time being open to listen to the other person, but

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being firm with how you feel. And then again, open about to

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hear the other person on how they feel. This is what you'll

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be learning. If you enter my coaching program about

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relationships. I'm very excited to create it for you right now.

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And to make you a better partner, lover, friend, sibling,

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father, mother, whatever relationship you want to be

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working on. All right, I'll leave you with this. For now.

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take really good care of yourself. I will have a shower

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and a big glass of water. And if you haven't drank enough water

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today, I encourage you to do that and take a deep breath. And

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know that creating peace inside of you is easier than you might

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think. And it is so incredibly critical. And these crazy times

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that we live in, I'm so grateful to be able to serve you. I'm so

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grateful to be able to hear you out. And if ever you have a

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request when it comes to topics, please let me know and I'll make

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it happen. Take care. Until next time, bye bye, Aurora.