EP. 26 How to deal with your grief / weight loss / weight gain [self-care]

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Hello, and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm

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your host Aurora, life coach and accountability buddy companion

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on this journey called life. Thank you so much for being

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here. I appreciate you so much.

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Whatever you're doing right now, if you're working, if you're

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just laying on your bed, your couch, if you're driving, I

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really hope you feel good. I hope you feel good about

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yourself. I hope you feel safe, understood and loved. And if you

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don't feel all these beautiful supportive feelings, then I hope

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you feel that you can reach out to me and ask for help. And if

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it is not me, maybe a friend maybe an acquaintance even

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sometimes a stranger can be more help helpful than a person that

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you know already maybe a family member, just know that you're

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not alone. Today, I want to talk about grief, grief, and maybe

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even weight loss weight gain. Maybe you have noticed that I

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haven't posted an episode. Last week, I went through intense

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emotional stuff. I was really on a roller coaster, it felt like

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being in a washing machine. And I felt that the stuff I was

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going through, I couldn't really share with anybody because I

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felt so much shame for my grief. And that's a very deadly combo.

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Because once you feel shame for how you feel, you will suppress

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it and you will not be able to channel it out you will keep it

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in your system in your body. And it's just going to feel like a

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pressure cooker. That's gonna make you feel worse and worse

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and worse. And even though I know that me wreck recreating

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podcast episodes are it's therapeutic for me because

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sardick For me, I was in such a deep dark hole that I couldn't

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even pull myself together. So I apologize for that to some

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degree, but I also value and acknowledge how I felt last week

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and I'm still recovering from that. But yeah, let's let's talk

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about grief because I feel we don't talk about it enough

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because it's so incredibly tough. And that makes it a topic

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for me that is extremely juicy, because I address all the stuff

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that is too intimate, too much too sensitive, too fragile,

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because I feel our society deeply needs that and one said.

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So grief is a feeling of deep loss. Combined with regret. You

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might be feeling responsible for the pain that you inflicted on

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others or your self. You're missing something in your life

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or you lost something in your life that was deeply meaningful.

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If a person is involved for relationship and is involved in

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that's even more intense because we are herd animals we are

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deeply connected to each other's energies and physical physical

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connection but also mental connection. So when you go

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through something traumatic, or you have gone through something

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traumatic and something triggers it and the pain comes back,

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sometimes we feel immobile, paralyzed. We feel we can

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function anymore, right Monday. We were going to work and

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accomplishing all tasks happily and then the other we feel

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triggered and from one second to the other. We are falling back

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into that deep hole of pain and it is a tough place to be in.

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Because sometimes you don't find your words, sometimes you can't

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even make sense of why you're feeling this intense pain

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because maybe the trauma

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is long gone long process do you thought. But now you realize,

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no, it's not. So that's even scary. So it is not only the

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pain that comes on, contact you again. But it is also scary that

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we can't seem to get rid of certain pains, they will always

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be around. So what I've learned to do in the last couple of

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years of, you know, working as a coach and being there for other

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people, and working on myself as well, is to fully embrace that

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pain and to sit with that pain. And as awkward and weird that

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may sound to also take accountability for that pain,

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right to, to know that, yes, we are allowing this pain to come

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up, we're not suppressing it, we're not trying to run away

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from it. We're fully allowing it, to come up, and to look at

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it, to sit with it. And then even more important is to try

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and gently find out. What is this pain, trying to communicate

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to me?

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What is this pain, wanting to show me wanting to make peace

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with? If it is a person that you're missing? It is very good

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practice to ask yourself? What was that person standing for in

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your life? Did it have a symbolic position in your life?

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Was it? Was that person filling a void? Was that person somebody

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that you wish you could be? Be curious. So sit with a pain. Ask

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questions. And I highly recommend that you do that by

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yourself and that you allow the emotions to flow out of you.

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Yeah, you cry or you write a journal, you start writing

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everything down that you feel and think of. But sometimes it's

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also good practice to have someone with you, someone who

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can hold that space for you. And it can be a professional, it can

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be a friend that you ask, Hey, can you hear me out for a

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moment? Can I talk to you about something, are you in a place

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where I can open up about some of my pain. So if you're not

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addressing talking to a professional coach or counselor

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or psychologist, ask a person directly if they are ready to

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hold space for you. And then they can decide for themselves

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and then really be there for you. Or you might have to find

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somebody else. So to make that clear, before you open up to

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somebody about your pin is very, very important. Because if you

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are in pain already, and then feel rejected by a person

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because they were not ready to listen to you adds more pain to

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the pain which you don't need. Another thing I want to talk

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about is that sometimes our pain is so physical, so visceral,

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that we feel the need to either starve that pain or to suffocate

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the pain with food. And this is when weight gain and weight loss

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comes into play. Because sometimes we lose lots of

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weight. While we're grieving. Sometimes we gain lots of weight

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because we're very differently wired and handle our emotions

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differently. And to be and stay in a place of non resistance,

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but also non judgement, right? Not judging yourself for feeling

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that pain still is so incredibly important. And then to go

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further and to notice Hey, Am I taking care of my basic needs?

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Or am I falling back into old coping mechanisms where I feel

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the need to starve. Physical hygiene is becoming difficult,

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or I feel the need to eat so much because my brain made a

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positive connection to food way back. And now I want lots of

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positivity because I want to overcompensate for the

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negativity and the pain I feel. And to notice, when these

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patterns come up to notice when these swords come up of self

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punishment, or over indulgence is so important on your path of

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healing. It is very important to acknowledge your pain, and to

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trust that by doing that, you're not going to go and more intense

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pain and it's going to take longer, and you'll never get

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over it, but to address it, to sit with it, to embrace it, to

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ask the right questions, and then to not fall into coping

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mechanisms that are not healthy, right, as some people over

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exercise when they are in pain, which is also not good. From the

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outside, they will look healthy and strong. But internally,

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they're totally broken. So what's the point? Because you

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won't see your own beauty Anyways,

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if you feel broken inside. So grieve is really a tricky one

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because it comes haunting you out of nowhere, at times, and

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then you feel overwhelmed. You don't want to be a burden to

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other people you shut down and close up. And when people ask

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you how you are you answer with fine, I'm fine. I'm good and

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busy. But you're not you're not busy. And you're not fine,

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because you're struggling so much that you don't even know

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how to function. You don't even know how to get out of bed in

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the morning you don't know how to cover your basic needs. And

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know you don't have to open up to every stranger to cross your

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path and overwhelm them with your stuff. You need to find

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somebody who is trustworthy and who can hold space, a person

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that is neutral would be best choice. And then you can

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engage in a big step in your healing journey. And this is

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what I did over the last couple of days.

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I opened up to people, I allowed myself to cry and to sit there.

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I allowed myself to socialize and just be in company of good

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people good energy, right? Sometimes we feel we have to

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hide and shut ourselves out of the world. And I noticed that I

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was doing that in the past. And now when I feel sick from the

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inside and so sad, I will still say yes to a social gathering.

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If I know I will be surrounded by people that make me feel good

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and safe. So self compassion, gentleness, curiosity. Making

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space allowing yourself to be is what I want to inspire you to

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do. And I want to create the space for you were you can feel

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all this where you can feel safe and good and your strongest self

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and your weaker self and all those feelings that are hard to

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process. I'm very, very excited to be meeting with people and

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personnel after COVID is over. I'm going to host a circle I'm

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going to call them the human circle in the future and people

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pick a topic a week before we need and then I'll work on the

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topic and then we meet in a good place high energy space. And

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I'll be talking for half an hour and then we have a q&a for the

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second half an hour and I'm very Excited to engage and to be an

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exchange with people to learn from you and to grow with you

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together. So if you feel that that would help you on your

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journey, please don't hesitate to reach out and you can always

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request episodes here as well. And shoot me a question if you

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have on Facebook Aurora Eggert and I'll be happy to serve you.

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Brainstorm for you, and help ways for you to become your

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strongest self. Alright, I'm gonna leave you with that. Nuts

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of love. Feel a big warm hug. Until next time, bye bye