Ep. 26 Expressing your needs in a mature way [relationships] - The Borealis Experience

Episode 26

Ep. 26 Expressing your needs in a mature way [relationships]

Published on: 14th September, 2023

Expressing your needs in a mature way is an essential skill for effective communication and maintaining healthy relationships.

Before you can express your needs, you must be aware of what they are. Take time to reflect on your feelings and identify your needs. Are you seeking emotional support, understanding, help with a task, or something else?

Remember that mature communication is a skill that can be developed with practice. It's about fostering understanding and collaboration rather than conflict and blame. By expressing your needs in a mature way, you can enhance your relationships and create a more positive and respectful communication environment.

With much love

A.

  • Self-awareness, needs, and personal growth. 1:00
  • Unlocking potential through self-awareness and meeting needs leads to happiness and positive impact.
  • Self-awareness and emotional intelligence in relationships. 3:46
  • Identify values and needs to navigate life purposefully, avoiding aimless experiences and toxic relationships.
  • Understanding your values and needs is key to a fulfilling life.
  • Childhood experiences shaping adult needs and communication. 7:34
  • Childhood experiences shape adult needs, even if not consciously recognized.
  • Expressing needs in relationships. 10:24
  • Speaker emphasizes importance of identifying and expressing needs in relationships.

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Transcript
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Hello Hello and welcome to the Borealis experience on

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host of The Life Coach and companion on this beautiful

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journey called life. LPC good. Love to end inspired and safe.

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And if you're not feeling quite well at the moment, I hope I can

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bring you some light, some lightness and love and yeah,

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alleviating feelings of loneliness. Last time I talked

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about the importance of acknowledging your feelings,

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knowing what your feelings mean, how they get triggered, how

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something or someone can evoke feelings within you is so

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incredibly important. Because when you know yourself, when you

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know what you know, upsets you, or lights you up, or turns you

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off, or turns you on, it's just so much easier to make

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decisions. You will pick people and choose friends. People, you

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want to be in contact with people you want to be working

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with more consciously. And in doing that, you will just enjoy

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life so much more. Once you know what you want, who you are, you

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make better decisions that are in alignment with your values,

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you are a happier person. And a happier person is a loving

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person, a compassionate person, a curious and open minded

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person. And the more we are curious and open minded, the

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more we affect the people around us, the community in an a

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powerful, positive way. And that's my mission here. To help

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you unlock your potential to help you heal from past stuff

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that you still might be carrying around and to become more self

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aware. Self awareness is really the key to success. Because once

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you become aware of your blind spots, once you realize the

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mistakes that you've made in the past and learn from them, right

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not to live in regret, but to learn from mistakes, you are

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moving forward in a very empowered and conscious way. And

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that's just so beautiful to witness. And, yeah, that is what

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I'm doing with my podcast here with my coaching with my

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retreats that I'm hosting with my classes that I'm teaching,

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and I'm just so incredibly grateful for all the beautiful

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people I'm attracting into my physical space, called the year

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experience. If you haven't checked it out yet, please check

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it out. You can see and learn everything about it online,

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Aurora, Eggert coaching.com or pay me a visit. And we'll spend

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some time in the forest by the ute by the fire and the year I

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meant. So today I want to talk about your needs and having your

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needs met. If if you don't know what your needs are, if you

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don't know what your values are, it will be very, very hard for

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you to navigate through life. You can navigate through life

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but you will bounce from one experience to another aimlessly

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like traveling and meet people that might serve you but also

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meet people that might harm you. You need to find out what your

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values are. What are the five let's say five values that you

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want to adhere to no matter what. And then making decisions

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based on that picking people you want to spend time with based on

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that. And learning to express your needs because people cannot

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guess them. People need to know what makes you tick, what sets

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you off. And most importantly, you need to know what your needs

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are people who don't know what their needs are and still enter

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relationships Usually past the lovey dovey phase, the big chaos

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and drama sets in, because especially romantic

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relationships, will bring out your shadows, like your blind

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spots, your stuff that you haven't worked on, and your

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partner will turn from a lover, that is exciting to meet into a

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trigger monster, want to call it and set you off on a regular

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basis, and you will do the same with him or her as well. So if

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you don't know what you need, from yourself from the world,

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from your job from your relationships, then life is

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incredibly hard because it's so unpredictable. And very chaotic.

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The better you know your values and your needs, the more clear

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your path is. And the more enjoyable life is. And like I

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said earlier, to learn to express your needs in a way that

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people can understand you and want to listen to you to express

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and set boundaries in a way that people want to listen to, is

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extremely valuable. That's when emotional intelligence also

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comes into play, to regulate your nervous system and your

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emotions. And to express yourself in a way that people

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understand who you are, and what you're made of, and what you

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need and what you don't need in your life. Excuse me, the more

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we live a life that is unconscious, right, where we're

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just drift from one side of the shore to the other. And we're

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kind of flowing with the river, but don't know where the journey

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is taking us. The more it's going to be difficult for you to

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have relationships, and relationships that are nurturing

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and supporting. Because people don't know who you are. They're

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just going to go about their life and love you the way they

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think is good for you to be loved. But that might not be

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what you need and want. So you then wake up in a relationship

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and you realize, oh my god, like what have I done all these

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years? Why am I stuck in this? And where was I was I asleep for

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so many years and now I'm you know in my 70s or 80s.

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So, to know how to express yourself in a way that people

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can adapt to you or work around you or work with you is

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extremely

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crucial. And your needs are sometimes how do I say this

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best. Your very like genuine genuine core needs are formed in

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your childhood. And if you had a very, you know smooth childhood,

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you're very easy going and you know how to feel loved and give

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love and everything is smooth. But if your childhood has been

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somewhat dysfunctional, and difficult, you might still base

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your adult needs on childhood pain and trauma that happened.

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Let me give you an example. A child who feels abandoned

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because the mother has to take care of the sibling more often

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than she used to because the sibling is sick now. The child

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feels abandoned and doesn't really know how to express their

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discomfort and pain is feeling so it starts to throw tantrums

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and starts to become loud it starts to break things at starts

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to behave in a way that is very difficult to understand as an

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outsider but for the child it's just a desperate way to

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communicate to the Mother Hey, I need to I want to spend time

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with you. And can we find ways to make make this happen? Right,

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this is how an adult would express a need for connection.

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But a child doesn't do that a child doesn't know how to

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communicate effectively, quite yet, but still expresses the

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pain in a way that it is very clear that something is off. But

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oftentimes, we don't know what the child really means. And as

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an adult, you have to learn that throwing a tantrum and breaking

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things and screaming around and being aggressive is not going to

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get you anywhere and are accepted to jail, or have people

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file divorce, you have to learn to identify what's rubbing you

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the wrong way. And then express it in a way that people have an

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easy to understand you and you have to trust that people who

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love you want to understand you, and then will, you know,

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accommodate the need or find a solution or compromise. A person

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who has no interest but you being a nice, you know, little

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trophy as a relationship partner. You can identify then

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if you express your needs on it in a very honest and vulnerable

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and genuine manner, then this needs should be met if that

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person loves you. But yeah, knowing your needs, knowing how

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to express them and not expressing them from a place of

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wounded childhood wound, a teenager, wounded person who

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went through heartbreak is extremely crucial. And I'm gonna

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go into more depth in the next couple of episodes here because

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I feel there's a lot of people who showed interest, especially

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in my intimacy classes that I host for individuals and

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couples. How do we create intimacy? Once that spark is

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gone? How do we break down the walls that were built around our

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hearts because we feel our needs are not met. We need to feel

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heard. We need to feel understood. We need to feel

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loved. And we can only do that when we feel that people

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understand what our needs are. Yeah, I think I'm going to leave

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you with this. I'm going to send you out with so much love and I

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promise I will keep talking about this topic that is very

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dear to me and take really good care of yourself. Until next

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time, bye bye

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About the Podcast

The Borealis Experience
Reconnect to yourself and enjoy life on a deeper level
Hello there,
In this podcast I want to create a space for you where you can recharge your batteries, expand, grow and feel at home with yourself. I will take you on a journey that will get you with ease and effortlessness to a more peaceful state of being. Genuine, raw and transparent - always.
Meditations included
Enjoy it, cause you’re so worth it !
Love Aurora
Also..
A little bit about me
Trust me I’m far from feeling, behaving or being perfect.
Perfection is nothing I’m thriving for yet I can say I’m proud of my path/ life journey.

I'm no longer enslaved to my #depression
I'm no longer a #rapevictim
I no longer struggle with #eatingdisorder
I no longer feel the need to hold on to fear, anger and resentment towards men.
I #create podcast episodes and videos several times a week to support and inspire others even on days I feel poorly.
I push through hard times while being gentle on myself.

I'm able to be consistent without feeling drained for the first time in my life because I found something that brings me joy and excitement and stills my hunger to support people out there.

I try my best to understand people’s harsh opinions that are not in alignment with my values .

I learn every day on how to express myself better in a foreign language

I no longer use being bullied back then in school as an excuse in life to not show up for myself or others.

I ask questions, really annoying questions, in order to experience my environment and to find out what is best for me and my people around me ..
Yes, I still feel triggered in many situations.
Yes, I feel depressed and discouraged at times but I embrace it and don’t let it define me anymore.

Doing all this allows me to meet incredible people along the way.

People who:
- inspire me
- encourage me and ignite my deep compassion

I'm grateful for all of you and I’m so happy that I can learn from you and grow together with you .

We are all together in this beautiful mess called life
Thank you for being here

Lots of love and respect
A.
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About your host

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Aurora Eggert

Hello there,
Born and raised in Germany under the influence of French culture I got a taste of how people perceive life and situations totally differently depending on how and where they grew up. this ignited my deepest curiosity for human behaviour at a very young age.

Being always more of an introvert and observant child I absorbed a lot of stuff that to this day weigh heavy on my soul but on the bright side I can say that these experiences make me relate so much deeper and better to the people around me.

I understand pain. I know suffering. I know how it feels to feel misunderstood.
People say I have a warm, soothing vibe and I enjoyed many years working as a physiotherapist in Germany.

Today I’m more venturing towards bringing healing through podcasting/ Life coaching and yoga. I also encourage people to spend more time out in nature and have a Yurt set up in our forest where I host regular relaxation classes.

I would like to call myself a perception shifter because this is what helped me on my path of (ongoing) healing - I’d love to offer perception shifting thoughts/views in order to make people feel more real and their life easier and their relationships deeper.

I’m also passionate about bringing awareness to locally grown food to people’s table as I’m certain that feeling empowered and real starts with what you nurture your body with and what you absorb with all senses from your environment on a daily basis .

I live in the Rocky Mountains
Raise a couple chickens Free range for eggs and grow a beautiful vegetable garden with my grandmother, fiance and mother in summer.

Podcasting became my passion because I can reach people all over the world- Give hope, make people feel less lonely and self-empowered. Furthermore the interviews with people from around the world expand my horizon and help me heal my soul.
Bonnie my pitbull is always at my side.
connect with me and share your story on my show .

Love ❤️
A.