Ep. 25 Your blind spots are your real enemy [self-awareness]

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Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your host Aurora, life coach and companion

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on this beautiful journey called life, I'm very happy. I'm very

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excited to be spending some time with you today. I hope you are

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relaxed. I hope you feel safe. I hope you feel good and your

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skin. And if you don't feel good at the moment, if you feel

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stuck, if you feel sad if you feel

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I don't know without a big mission

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without any purpose, then I hope I can provide you with tools

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that bring you value and purpose and contentment.

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I'm very excited and so pumped because I just launched my

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coaching offer my four week coaching

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program. And I had the first person signing up and I'm

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expecting many more people to sign up and to jump on this

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opportunity to discover themselves to know who they are

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what they are made of.

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And yeah, I'm just so incredibly happy to be getting to know

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people from all over the world on a deeper level and helping

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them out and sharing time and space with them. So if you feel

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you're ready,

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don't hesitate, jump on that opportunity and shoot me a

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message on Facebook, Aurora Eggert on Facebook or the

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Borealis experience on Instagram. Or you can also

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message the Aurora Eggert coaching page on Facebook. And

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let me know that you're interested to dive a little

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deeper to make sense out of your mistakes to make sense of

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yourself.

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The better we know ourselves, the stronger and the videos we

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can be and the better we can serve the people around us and

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just live a more content life.

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If you listened to my podcast, you have a growth growth

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mindset, there is no doubt that you are okay with

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having the mirror shown to you. You are okay to rest and reflect

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you're not a person who's trying to run away and escape anymore.

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You want to get to the juicy parts of life. And I'm so

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incredibly proud to be serving people like that I always dreamt

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about this I always wanted to be surrounded by warriors and

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goddesses who want to grow who want to learn from their

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mistakes and who are not living alive in victimhood victim

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mentality. I just saw that my laptop needs juice.

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And in order for this episode to not be cut off, I'm just going

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to grab my charging cable here and plug my laptop

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into the power source. All right, let's begin. Today I want

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to talk about your blind spots, what our blind spots

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blind spots I would describe as behaviors beliefs.

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The way that we show up in life

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but are not aware of

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and those blind spots, if we start becoming aware of them.

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It's a very, let's say humbling journey to be on. Because you

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had a certain image about yourself you saw yourself a

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certain way.

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Most people want to see themselves as a good person, as

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an intelligent person as a beautiful person as a person who

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serves other people and as a yeah valuable contribution to

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society. And in order to fit into that believe that we have

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created ourselves or that society has kind of made us

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create. We are not showing up authentically as ourselves and

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the less we are aware of these blind spots

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the harder it's going to be to relate to people on deeper

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levels. Of course, if you meet a person who has just as many

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blind spots, as you have, they're just playing the very

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same game, then you can be killing each other for the rest

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of your life. And you'll be holding yourself in that space.

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And everybody is going to be happy and content. But if you

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keep meeting people that, that say, reject you move away from

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you leave you don't want to have any business with you.

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If you keep having the same conflicts all over again,

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if if you see your life as a circle of failures, and you're

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just surviving instead of thriving like other people are

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doing, then there might be a big chance that you are not aware of

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how you behave.

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And the art is, I want to say that right away is to not beat

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yourself up once you realize that you're doing this. Because

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you had to, it was a way to survive, it was a way to feel

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good. It was a way to belong. And belonging is absolutely

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critical when we are born, when we are children when we are

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teenagers, and even into adulthood. Although some people

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might claim that they are lone wolves. Yeah, deer person out

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there who claims to be a lone wolf. That was mean for the

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longest time. But we all need each other. Look at your plate

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when you have lunch, or dinner tonight. And see how many people

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made it possible for you to have fork and spoon and your hand, a

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glass of water or wine in front of you a plate and food. This is

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1000s of people who made it possible for you to enjoy that

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meal. So we're all together in this, we all want to be

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dependent and independent to some degree.

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But what I want to talk about today is the areas in our lives,

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the areas in ourselves that we don't quite want to see. But

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that make it impossible for us to succeed in life. If you don't

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address these blind spots. Of course, you can force yourself

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to the top, you can read books, you can start becoming a new

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persona and new identity. But that will not be sustainable,

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you will fail and crash when time comes when when it will be

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too hard for you to maintain that false persona that you

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created.

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So why do we have blind spots? Why do we do this to ourselves?

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Why don't we just be authentic and truthful with ourselves and

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with everybody around us? I strongly believe that we do this

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because from early on, we are being taught

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that who we are, what we express is not perfectly in alignment

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with society, maybe you were the child who's a little bit too

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loud, a little bit too excited, a little bit too.

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physically active, or while that child probably has ADHD and

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let's cram some pills into their body because they have to be

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quiet and sit on a chair at school. You can see in my voice

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already how agitated I am. Because children are meant to be

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moving around. They are meant to run around and climb trees and

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discover nature and ask questions as much as they want

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to. They're not a cop that we need to fill. They're not a

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little body that we have to force into sitting six to eight

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hours on a little chair that is uncomfortable as fuck. They're

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not made for that.

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They need to express themselves. They need to be free. They need

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to be encouraged by what we do, how the system is still running

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nowadays. You got to fit and you gotta shut up and you got to

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stop dreaming

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and just follow rules. Don't get me wrong here rules are there to

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protect

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helped us to keep us in check, I get it. But when it comes to a

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child when it comes to you and expressing yourself, and you're

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not harming threatening anybody,

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then for God's sakes, let children express themselves. And

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let them be okay with that empower them.

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But we're not doing that as a society. We are suppressing, we

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are punishing, we are

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isolating people look at the prison system, horrific how it's

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being dealt with here in the Northern American culture.

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So from an early age on, we learn that you have to behave a

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certain way, you have to have certain attributes to be wanted

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by people, be it the teachers attention, your parents

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attention, and later on your intimate partners attention. Now

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let's stay with the romantic relationship. Because that's the

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easiest example we as women were being taught that you got to

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look pretty, you got to have curves, but not too many you got

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to fit into certain clothing, you got to talk a certain way

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you got to flatter your

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your eyes a certain way, and then you will be wanted.

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So this guy over there is looking at you and wants you, he

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sees what you're offering.

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What he doesn't know though, is that you picked yourself up that

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you made yourself look want it.

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But it is not reflecting who you are.

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And you'll be able if you get into a relationship with that

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guy, you will be able to sustain it for a little bit. Right he

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will comment on your beauty He will be excited, you will be

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excited you'll have wonderful sex. Awesome.

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Once relationship reality hits you though, and you realize

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effect to wear makeup to wear heels all day long is not really

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my type are more the baggy pants, nor makeup, messy hair

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kind of person. And I love to be seen for my sense of humor in my

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intelligence, my ability to make money. Well, shit.

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Your partner picked you for your beauty and your grace, and not

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for your intelligence and your money making abilities. He

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doesn't give a shit about those attributes. Now, the big

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awakening comes after a couple of weeks, sometimes only a

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couple months or years, when you decide to be yourself, and then

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your partner fields duped.

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He doesn't know who you really are, you're not really

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trustworthy, because you were somebody else at the beginning.

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And now you feel like you can't be yourself. Now how can you be

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in that relationship now comfortable? If you know that

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you have to put up that mask again that you were wearing at

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the beginning.

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That sounds like backwards. That sounds like stuck. That sounds

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like totally uninteresting. not interesting at all.

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Same goes for man. Let's say the man

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is

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very good looking, has a great job is making lots of money.

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And when he goes out, he always invites people he has beautiful

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suits on.

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And

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yeah, that is him.

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He gets to know that lady who's very attracted to him. He's very

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attracted to her. And after a little while he realized us.

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I made lots of time for that woman now for that relationship.

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I'm actually yeah, very interested in pushing forward

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with my careers. So I want to focus more on my career again,

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and still be in the relationship but maybe a little less

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time consuming. All right, he removes himself a little bit

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from the relationship. Instead of seeing her five days a week

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he can only see her once a week or twice a week at and

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yeah, conflicts start to arise. And all this because at the

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beginning we decided to only show our pretty little face on

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one side.

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But we didn't show up as ourselves because we were taught

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we are not enough we're not good how we are and if you show up as

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yourself on a first date, you

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You might as well

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go on a hike by yourself. Like, you're not going to be asked on

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a date. Again, if you show up as yourself. I know so many women,

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women who were told this by their mother that yeah, oh my

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God, how you got to lose a couple pounds, you got to read

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up on a couple of books to be more intelligent. Otherwise,

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you'll never find a man. And those women learn to put on a

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mask. And same goes for men, I'm certain 100% certain that same

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thing goes for men.

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Now, there's other blind spots out there. So for instance, if

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your mother were was more absent than others, if you felt that

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she was focusing too much on work, or on the other siblings,

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you create a certain image about yourself, you make conclusions

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about that behavior, about your mother's behavior. This is what

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children do, they don't make assumptions about other people.

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Because other people, especially the ones that they depend on,

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they're going to put on a pedestal.

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And they're going to criticize themselves. I'm not enough, I

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don't get the attention from my mom, because I'm, whatever

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conclusion you made.

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All right, fast forward into adulthood, now, you start a

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relationship, and you picked a partner who is just as absent as

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your mom, emotionally totally unavailable, because that's what

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you're used to your mom is your first source of love your

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caregiver, if you were adopted, or didn't grow up with parents,

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the person who is closest to you when you grow up, and cares for

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you.

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Now you're stuck with a person who's unavailable, who's kind of

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distant, and you don't really like it yet, on the same side,

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you kind of are attracted to that, because this is how you

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learned what love is.

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Now what we're going to do in our coaching sessions, is that

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we're going to discover where did you start make assumptions

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about yourself? Which assumptions? Are we going to

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question? Is this true? That you are a little worthless piece of

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meat? Is this really true? How you saw yourself when you were

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little? Especially if you saw yourself? Yes, small and

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meaningless? Well, let's question those believes. And

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let's reframe them. Let's forgive our parents, who made

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mistakes, who were not given a manual on how to raise us. And

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let's move on. And let's finally connect with people that are so

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deserving of our love. And then also treat us how we deserve to

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be treated. But first of all, you got to dig a little deeper,

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and find out what are the beliefs that you are making up,

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or that you made up in the past that you are still holding on

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to, but that way that we can start questioning, because

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they're holding your back, they're keeping you stuck.

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They're keeping

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you in a little box, and you will keep attracting people that

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are a match to these beliefs and not to your true nature. You are

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not your beliefs, you just acquired them to survive. But

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now it's time to thrive and to be in a position of power and

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not a victimhood anymore.

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All right. I hope this episode was triggering to some degree,

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and makes you think and makes you reflect about what you

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bullshitting yourself about. And I will be out there very soon

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again, latest on thirsty. Thank you so much for listening. Thank

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you so much for subscribing. If you're a new listener, thank you

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so much for reaching out giving me feedback, especially on Apple

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podcasts. If you give me a five star rating there. Ah, it would

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mean the world to me. And if you are interested in my four week

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program, or eight week, week program, then reach out to me

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and I'll find out with you.

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What is best for you what you need and what you want to work

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on. Thank you so much. Bye bye