EP.15 External and Internal Triggers [self-awareness]

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Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your host Aurora, and I'm very happy to be

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spending some time with you today. I hope you feel good, I

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hope that you feel safe and motivated and encouraged, loved.

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And if you do not feel all these good feelings, I hope that this

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episode is gonna make you feel understood is gonna support you

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through whatever you're going through right now and just make

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you feel less alone at the same time. First of all, I want to

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thank the people who have donated to the podcast who have

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bought me a coffee, so to say, I'm so endlessly grateful for

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you. And yeah, as you know, this podcast is supposed to stay

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advertisement free, without interruptions. And the only way

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I can do this is with your support. So by just donating a

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couple bucks a month. That's huge support already. So thank

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you so much. For the people out there who have supported the

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podcast this month. This is incredible. And so very grateful

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for you. Today, I want to talk about triggers, I learned

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something really important yesterday, and I have to share

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with you right away, I just can't help but sharing with you

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here on my podcast. And this is another reason why I love

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podcasting so much because I can talk about whatever I want to.

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And yeah, it's just very liberating and therapeutic. And

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at the same time, if I can just help one person out there in

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this beautiful world, it makes me feel Yeah, very good, as if I

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can contribute something beautiful to this world. So we

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talk about triggers. And there is internal triggers. And there

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is external triggers. And the way that you can see and notice

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that your trigger is coming from within would be that the same

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trigger wouldn't trigger another person. I'm going to give you

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examples here in a moment. Don't you worry if it sounds too

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complicated, but when it comes to external trigger, it could be

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a forest fire, it could be an earthquake, all the people who

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are being affected by the earthquakes that to say, are

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triggered with an outside trigger. So they all pretty much

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behave the same yet some you know, freak out some run away,

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some are paralyzed and anxious. But they all react to one

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external trigger. Now let's zoom into this beautiful world and

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see a family at a family dinner. And there's one person who keeps

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making jokes, who keeps you know, distributing rip shots, to

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the people around them. And everybody's laughing and having

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fun except one person, one person feels triggered. Now what

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distinguishes that one person when you compare him or her to

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the other people who are not feeling traded, what is

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different in that person? And what I've learned yesterday is

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that throughout your life, from when you're being born, until

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now, you accumulate thoughts and belief systems about yourself

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and the world and the people around you. You maybe are part

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of a religion. Maybe you have, you know, a very specific

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mindset about the world. Maybe you went through experiences

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that jaded you in one way or another and in a nutshell, we

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call that you have filters and these filters you are looking

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through when you look into the outside world So it can be that

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the person who is feeling triggered at the family dinner,

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went through pain, suffering experiences that were not healed

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yet. And the other person who's making jokes and distributing

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rep shots, they're just doing their thing. They're just doing

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their thing that they always do. And they are not aware that this

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person is being triggered. And maybe they are aware and do it

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on purpose. But maybe they don't understand why the person would

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feel triggered by what you know, by the jokes that are being

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said, because everybody else is laughing. So it is very

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difficult for the people around you to understand why you are

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being triggered by certain things. And this is why it's so

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incredibly important to know yourself and to know your

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triggers. So that when the anger is being ignited, or whatever

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reaction you have, when you're feeling triggered, some people

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are angry, some people, like explode, others shut down or run

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away or become avoidant, or Stonewall. Whatever it is, that

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comes up for you, you need to know why. What is it that needs

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your attention. And the beauty in this is that you don't need

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the other person, like, trust me, the people outside of your

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bubble. In this world, they they're gonna keep triggering

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you, this is never gonna stop, you can start building a casa

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around your heart and around yourself and try to protect

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yourself. But then you get terribly lonely, but the

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triggers are never gonna be stopping. And the to be wounded

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again, because of that wound not being healed. But what you can

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do is to, once again, understand why you are feeling triggered.

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And the funny thing about Y is that you still, when you explore

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the Y are going to point the finger outside, because that

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person steps around my boundaries, because that person

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is intentionally hurting me. Because that person is just

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super insulin insensitive and an asshole. Well, guess what? Maybe

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that's right. But you're never going to change the people

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around you. It is you who has not healed yet. It is you who is

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allowing other people to step over your boundaries, and to

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hurt you. Because if you were able to set boundaries, what

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they can say or do would not even touch you. Right. But for

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some reason, you allow that common that reaction or that

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behavior to trigger you. And is it is on you to heal, so that

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you feel more at peace with yourself and the people around

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you. And so that you can express yourself with how you feel

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without blaming the other person. Because that's what we

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do. When we start expressing ourselves about our triggers. We

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make those triggers valid, when we turn them into our identity.

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I always feel triggered when this and that happens. This is

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me, I'm not going to change. I'm always going to be that way.

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Awesome if that's you. But if you want to change how you feel.

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If you want to feel more at peace and better connection with

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other people, you have to start digging deeper. You have to ask

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questions and wonder when was the first time or the last time

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that you felt triggered about that very same topic? And what

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happened inside of you what would have happened outside of

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you? What happened all around you? And how can you make sure

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that back then is not now back then you might have been a child

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and you didn't have the tools to defend for yourself or to talk

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back or to make amends to make the situation easier.

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But now you're a different person. In fact, you're dead

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From person every second of your life, and you can change your

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mindset within weeks and become a totally different person for

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the better. Not that you need to. But if you are at a point

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where you want to heal certain things in your life, you got to

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have the courage to dig deeper, and to be responsible for how

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you feel. Your triggers are within you, your root wounds are

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within you, and you are the only person who can heal it. I think

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I'm gonna leave you with that. It was a huge lesson for me to

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learn for certain and I'm still learning it. Right? I'm not

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hovering above you, or on some pedestal knowing at all. I'm

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right in there with you. And I'm learning what I just expressed

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or shared with you right now in this moment. All right. I'm

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gonna leave you with so much love. take really good care and

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if you have any episode requests or any questions, never hold

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back. You can message me over my website, Aurora Eggert

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coaching.com We're on Facebook. And yeah, I'm glad to connect.