Ep. 16 Regret, Beating yourself up [self punishment deluxe]

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Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your host Aurora, life coach and companion

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here on this beautiful journey called life.

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I hope you're doing well. I hope you feel safe and good and your

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skin. I hope you feel hopeful. I hope you feel creative. I hope

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you feel loved.

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Isn't that what it's all about.

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And if you don't feel that way, at the moment, don't beat

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yourself up.

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And I hope that was my episode, I can uplift your mood, I can

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give you inspiration, I can make you feel less weird and alone.

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And I can help you

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feel better in the future.

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First of all, I want to apologize. D deeply. Oh my god.

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I forgot to post my episode yesterday. For some reason I was

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on my old schedule of uploading and first record in my episode

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on Fridays, and then it was 7pm in the evening. And some of you

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know that I don't have Wi Fi or a telephone where I live in my

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little house.

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And I realized I did not produce an episode for you yesterday. So

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I knew at that point that it's too late. It's the point of no

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return.

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And I just have to face it that I messed up.

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So I deeply apologize to you for

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not uploading an episode yesterday. And I made sure that

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today I aligned everything so that I can upload it as soon as

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possible. So one day later.

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And what I realized last night when I knew okay, there's no

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turning back, there's it's done. Mistake is made, I forgot

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that back in my days where I felt really unstable, I would

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have beaten myself up

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to the point that I would have had a sleepless night

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I would have felt so much shame so much regret

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that

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from an outside perspective, you would just think, oh my God,

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that's pathetic. I mean, that's not a big deal. Yet you totally

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beat yourself up and you lose sleep over it and you become

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grumpy and nasty with the people around you. Because you feel so

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much guilt and shame.

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But yet, that was my experience. And you maybe know from your

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experience that sometimes

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you beat yourself up.

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And the people around you don't really get it. Or they make it

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even worse and make you feel even worse.

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But some people might totally not be able to relate to your

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pain in that moment. And this is when you have to learn to kind

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of rein the demon in and to talk sense to yourself.

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And to instead of focusing on what you messed up what what you

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Yeah, did.

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Maybe you hurt another person even.

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Maybe, yeah, you let other people down. You're

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disappointed. So not only you were involved in the mistake,

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but other people around you.

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But do you really serve other people that you disappointed by

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beating yourself up?

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And what I've learned in recent years is that no. It doesn't

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help the other person who feels hurt or disappointed if you or

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me. In this case, I'm beating myself up. Yes, a genuine

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apology an apology from the heart

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Start showing regret.

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That's totally appropriate.

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But everything that comes after that is self punishment.

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And people take it to the nth degree, people accumulate so

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much pain, suffering, shame, guilt,

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that they become sick from that, that they totally withdraw from

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society.

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And all because they made one mistake. And again, if you are

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in a situation,

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you might feel that shame, that resentment towards yourself, and

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you might think that it's a huge deal. And for other people, it

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might be very difficult to see your pain or to understand your

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pain, they see your pain, but they don't see.

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Like for how long you carry that pain inside of yourself.

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So I want to help you today in releasing that pain and letting

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that pain go. And it doesn't matter what it is, like some

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people more than other, really cling to the past and cling to

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mistakes, where

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they if you were to talk to the person who was disappointed at

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you back then

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most of the time, they would think and say what, like, that's

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something that yeah, it was annoying at that time. But

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that's over now. Like, I don't even think about this anymore.

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And you're still

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carrying pain around because of that mistake that you made

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decades ago.

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Yeah.

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Some people are really built that way. They're so sensitive,

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they're so worried to upset people. And they're not

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forgiving with themselves. Because they feel that forgiving

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mistakes that they've made in the past would mean that it

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makes the mistake, okay?

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And isn't that such bullshit.

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To suffer longer, because you don't want to make the mistake

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feel okay.

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That's

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such a waste of energy and time and feeling resourceful and

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creative and loving, you really shut your heart out and down to

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other people, by punishing yourself in that manner.

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And I talk that assertively right now, because

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this is who I was, this is who I still am. To some degree, I

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don't forgive myself mistakes that I've made. And I'm still in

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the process of learning that, okay, it's in the past. And in

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the future, I'm going to do it differently. I'm going to

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encounter a similar situation for sure, in the future, because

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this is how the universe functions. Because it wants to

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test you in a good way.

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And I'm going to react differently, respond

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differently. And this is where I was able to create a shift in my

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mind, and this is what I want to share with you because all I

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want to achieve with my podcast here with my stuff on Facebook

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and Instagram is to reduce the suffering

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especially the self induced suffering and people.

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I want people to feel light and loved and, and good about

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themselves. And yes, we make mistakes. And yes, you can feel

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shitty about some mistakes that you've made. But then you also

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have to move on and focus on the present. And know that by doing

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that, you will positively influence the future

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you make a mistake, you beat yourself up.

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But then please know that you have to get yourself out of that

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dynamic as soon as possible.

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and focus on what is it that I want to do differently next

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time?

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Why did I make this mistake and not ponder too long and over

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analyze too much, overthink too much. Like, don't focus on what

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you don't want in the future, also in the present, but focus

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on what you want.

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Next time,

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I want to respond in a calm way.

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Next time, I want to take a couple of breaths before I

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react.

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Next time, I'm going to ask questions to clarify, before I

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make assumptions.

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Next time, I'm not going to multitask, I'm going to focus on

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one task at a time and be really focused.

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This kind of assertive, but uplifting talk

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will help you to pull yourself out of that weird funk of

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beating yourself up.

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Because you know another phenomenon that happens when we

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beat ourselves up. We're kind of stuck inside of ourselves. We're

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stuck with our mind. We're stuck with.

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Yeah, I don't know, trying to change trying to influence.

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And all along we forget about the people around us that either

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have nothing to do with the incidents, or everything to do

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with the incidents. And we get so caught up with our mind that

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we forget to ask, Hey, like, what's going on on your side of

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the game?

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How are you processing this? Can we move on from this?

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Sometimes we beat ourselves up and don't really, really, yeah,

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realize that we're becoming a hermit.

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We don't want to engage with people as much anymore. Because

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we still cling on to that past pain, that past mistakes that

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we've made. We feel so much shame. And we don't trust

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ourselves. We don't want to go out there again, and have other

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people trust us and then know that we are very, very careful

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to hurt people to disappoint people to let people down.

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And it is that self trust that that I want to build on you

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because you're so endlessly precious, you're so endlessly

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worthy. And the people around you need you.

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And you must ask authentic and loving way.

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And it is okay to be a little bit different. We're all

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different. And then embracing difference. We help people to

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feel okay with their difference as well.

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But in shutting down and beating ourselves up,

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we create watts.

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We keep energy stuck inside of ourselves. That energy needs to

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be flowing and needs to get out.

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We need to trust again. We need to connect again we need to talk

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about our pain with the intention to move on to know

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that yes, this is the pain that I was carrying for so long and I

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want to let it go now. I want mother earth to swallow it down

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to suck it up. And to process it and to turn beautiful flowers or

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whatever creation to decides to do with with our mess.

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Hope I'm not getting too spiritual here. But you get my

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point you get my point. There's no way that you can live a happy

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content life. If you're still beating yourself up for past

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mistakes.

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Let go of it. Forgive yourself. Know that you are most of the

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time forgiven.

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But most importantly, you have to forgive yourself

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and know that you are inherently good and know that you have all

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the resources, all the tools to be a decent person out there.

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Thank you so much for listening to this episode. And again, I

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apologize for not posting yesterday, it was not a bad

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intention.

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I deeply care about you.

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And if I'm able to bring you value,

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then I'd love to hear from you. I'd love to receive feedback,

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honest feedback.

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And to know what I can get better at what I can change or

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if I'm on the right track. Sometimes I record my episodes

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and you have to imagine it's just me and my record ng

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equipment here. And I come up with a topic that I'm passionate

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about to share with you.

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But it's just me sitting here and talking and I hope ya find

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the right words. I hope I

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have value to you.

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I'm wishing you a good rest of your day. Take really good carry

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yourself.

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And I will be out there on Monday again for you.

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Bye bye