Ep.15 Allowing abusive behaviour because of poor boundaries [self-awareness]

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Hello, hello,

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and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm your host

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Aurora. And I'm very happy to be spending some time with you

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today.

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This Friday, outdoors sunny,

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very windy, I hope the wind is not going to disturb you. So,

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today I want to talk about abusive nurses. Yeah, what made

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me come up with that title? First of all, I want to tell you

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that if I have lots of respect for one job that there is out

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there, then it is nursing being a registered nurse, every nurse

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on this planet deserves way more applaud and tapping on the

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shoulder than they can receive. They're doing such tremendous

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work. They're rescuing people, they're saving people's lives

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and they comfort you they make you feel good. And yeah, what

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would we do? Where would this planet Earth? Where would

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humanity be if it wasn't for nurses, I've had really good

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experiences with nurses being a patient being a client. But

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today, I want to talk about abusive nurses or the phenomenon

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of strong givers. People who constantly give and nurture and

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take care of other people. And them now burning out. It is

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usually people with a big heart, lots of compassion, lots of

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empathy, who become nurses, they're very well organized,

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they're very hard working. And they can take on a lot. But what

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if it gets too much what the person who prides him or herself

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to rescue other people, when war is going on outside, if they

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reach a limit, I feel and to some degree, I think we can all

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identify a little bit. As nurses wanting to help wanting to

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nurture we can reach a limit, and then have difficulties

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communicating our limits our boundaries. And instead of

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communicating instead of stepping back instead of

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radically taking care of ourselves, we then turn into

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little bitter, abusive personalities. And I've noticed

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that I've worked in the hospital, and there was nurses

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who were really nasty to clients. And I was just a

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newbie, physiotherapist taking care of freshly injured people,

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people coming out of how do you say that surgery? And yeah,

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doing my job. And of course, the nurses had to do the heavy

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lifting. And I feel the system is not really built to support

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nurses like they have to constantly give they constantly

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have to be switched on. But they haven't really hard to take care

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of themselves. I mean, there's statistics out there that the

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nurses got hit hard with COVID and not only because they will

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working closely with COVID patients but because their

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immune system is not really strong, they work shifts. They

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some of them smoke lots, some of them eat a little bit too much

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or not enough and they just have a very stressful environment and

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are more susceptible and catching viruses and and

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illnesses. And to then having to cater to other people to every

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single need that patients have. is so extremely exhausting, and

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I feel nurses don't get enough paid and they don't get enough

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breaks They don't get enough holidays. And I really wonder

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why if we know that the health of a society is built on really

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good doctors and really good, nurses, right, our society here,

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our health system is all about get sick first, and we make you

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fit after we rescued you after. It's not like an East, in India,

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where people are more focused on prevention. Here, it is heavily

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based on how good your doctor is how good your nurses, that's how

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well you're going to do. And it's tough. Like I feel we need

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to take way more responsibility when it comes to our health. We

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think way too often that the little pill is going to rescue

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us or the doctor or the nurse, and think that our health is

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none of our business. It is other people's business. And,

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yeah, that's something I have a really tough time to understand

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that nurses are so important in our society, yet they're not

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given the ideal circumstances in order to have a healthy

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lifestyle. And so the abusive nurse here is just a metaphor.

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But yes, I experienced nurses that got abusive with patients,

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because they were just totally burned out. They just couldn't

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give in any more, they just couldn't listen anymore. Because

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it reached a point where it was too much. And have you maybe

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noticed that with yourself, at some point in your life where

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someone all of a sudden was heavily dependent on you. And

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you had to focus on balancing out your life and maybe your

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children's life, and now all of a sudden that other person's

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life, be it a spouse or a parent, whatever you can imagine

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being Yeah, dependent on you. And then for the first little

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bit, it works while you manage to balance it out. And you are a

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little bit stressed, but it's going to be alright. But then

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the stress builds up. And lastly, maybe worse eating than

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ever, and the friendliness, the kindness, the empathy, slowly

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but surely starts to Tirico writing. And I noticed that with

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children with youngsters, who feel overwhelmed with their

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parents, youngsters who want to get out there and conquer the

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world. And all of a sudden, one of the parent parents is sick at

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home and they have to take care of them. And yeah, there goes

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the dreaming they go there goes the goals and then the

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resentment builds up. So yeah, this episode is to remind

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ourselves that you're not a bad person. If you feel resentful

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towards somebody who's dependent on you. It is totally okay, it

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is totally normal. But we have to be aware of not becoming

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abusive, and to learn to set boundaries before we burn out.

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And it is so tough because you will feel selfish at first or

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worse, even people from the outside will call you selfish,

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because they don't know your real boundaries. They don't

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really know you because you always said yes in the past. And

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now all of a sudden you set a boundary and people don't really

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know. What's the benefit in for me. Why are we doing this? Well

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the benefit is that you can be yourself you can be authentic,

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you can be calm and as friendly, empathetic, empathetic, not

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pathetic, empathetic as you can be when you set the right

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boundaries. And when we don't set the right boundaries, we can

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become very unpleasant nasty beings, who then push people

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away and are being aggressive with other people. And what we

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really need though, is closeness and acceptance and the approval

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that okay that we can rest. So okay that we can sit in the

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corner and read for an hour if we please to do this.

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So if you ever noticed somebody being the very kind and giving

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person. And all of a sudden, they become very unpleasant,

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they become short fuse, they become really nasty to be

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around, ask yourself if they have a problem with setting

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boundaries. And then the only thing you can do is encourage

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them to set boundaries, even better. So, giving them space

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and demanding less from them relying more on yourself again.

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Because yeah, it is toughest when you are in a relationship

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with somebody who has poor boundaries, but you can both

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learn or all parties involved, to give people space to take

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care of themselves. You know, look at the guy who's the

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provider, the breadwinner, and he comes home and is just

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totally exhausted and just wants to have peace and just wants to

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deflate, decompress. We have to give space or ask what we can do

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to support and same goes with us. When we feel like we're

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reaching an end we are becoming unpleasant, short fused, it is a

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strong sign that we need a rest we need a break. We need to

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radically take care of ourselves, but very gently

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communicated to the people around us. So I hope this tile

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was not confusing. I hope I was able to make the loop back to

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you back to us on how important it is to take care of yourself

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because if you don't, some people, not all people but some

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people can become very abusive, very nasty, not only self

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abusive, self destructive, but destructive for relationships,

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destructive for other people. Thank you so much for listening.

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